Life

Sunday I went to "Charming Charlie" with my mom and grandma. I always want to add an "s" to Charlie, so I do it anyways even though I know it's wrong. :-) It's a store mostly of jewelry, but also hats, scarves, purses, and some clothes. It's huge and seperated out by colors. During my time there my friend Heather texted me and some others to see if we wanted to see a movie that night, so I said yeah! The past few months I've been overly excited when someone invites me to something because it's been years of not having many friends. Anyways, Sunday night I went to the movie, "Megamind" with 5 other people. It's a kids animated movie, but I liked it! I thought it was really funny, in my opinion. We decided to go to Chilli's after, and since I'd already had dinner I got a peice of cheesecake.

Wednesday my mom turned 50! We had a surprise lunch for her that one of her friends got together. All of them were over 50 except me. Three had grandkids or will be soon, one is a teacher that is retiring at the end of this year, etc. Although I was at the opposite end of the spectrum in life, it was still a good lunch. That afternoon my family and I went to the movie, "Gulliver's Travels" which is also a kids movie about a guy who goes through the bermuta triangle and then ends up in a world where he's a giant. Apparently there are books that tons of people have read but I've never even heard about it - what's up with that?! How did I miss these books? Anyways I liked the movie. It was somewhat predictable though - the guy (played by Jack Black) liked this girl he worked with for 5 years and at the end he tells her and she's all like, "Oh! How sweet!" and they kiss and live happily ever after. Same with the little people - the guy likes the princess but since he's not nobility he can't pursue her, until he saves the day and she likes him and they get together at the end too. News flash - life doesn't turn out in predictable ways. But what kind of movie would it be if they didn't end up together? We're so used to happy endings that maybe it makes us angry when our own lives don't turn out that way because we long for that happy ending. We went to O'Charlie's for dinner after.

Last night after bible study I played the game "Risk" for the first time. I may have heard about it, but I can't remember. Well it was a 4 hour long game! Since I didn't know how to play I partnered up with someone, so I didn't really play much, but next time I'm ready to win. :-) We played from like 9:30ish PM to 1:15ish AM. The people who live in the house we were at have a newborn so Lee Ann (the mom) was up some anyways. I got to hold their baby again and she is so cute! Last night, I'm not kidding, I dreamed about playing this game though. I've started dreaming more about things I do before bed, especially if it is a longer ordeal. It's weird. Like I've been watching "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" because I'm buying them cheap on ebay, and the other night I watched a few hours of it before bed and then dreamed about it when I slept. And another night there was just something I was thinking about a lot and dreamed about it. I know that it sounds normal, but it's not for me! It's weird because my dreams are usually so obscure, not what I"m actually doing or thining about.

Tonight is New Year's Eve. I was going to go to a lock-in about an hour away at a church with a whole  bunch of other churches as a chaperone for the middle and high schoolers because that's what I've done the past few years, and before that I baby-sat, and before that we went to my parent's friends house. But some people from my bible study invited me to a party at their apartment, and I've never been to a new year's eve party with people my age!! haha. So I'm going tonight and I think we're playing games and stuff.

I have one more week of "freedom." Next week I am going to a big meeting at my college for them to talk to us about student teaching - 9 AM to 3 PM!!! 6 hours - really? And what an awful time, it covers up all of lunch and I don't know if we'll get a lunch break or what, so I'm bringing a sack lunch and eating during the meeting if there's not really a break. Haha. But really, how could there be a meeting that long? And next Saturday I take my teacher certification test (again) called GACE  - I forget what it stands for but something to do with Georgia. I took it in July and passed half and failed half, so I'm taking the 1st part again. I've studied this time. I only failed it by 3 points!! Ugh! I'm not TOO worried, but the whole process of paying for it, driving all the way out there to take it, sitting for hours trying to concentrate in a silent room, and then waiting a month for the scores to come back is frustrating. We live in a fast paced world, can they not just stick them through scanners and get back to us in a few days?!? They're all multiple choice except the essay! I start student teaching Jan 10.

Two of my good friends are going to be student teaching at the same school I am! I'll be in 4th and they'll be in Kindergarten and 2nd grade. Who knows if I'll actually see them though! I was in 4th grade when I knew I wanted to be a teacher, so it's funny that here I am student teaching that grade. Thinking back to being that age I really thought I was older than I was. I've always wanted to grow up faster - since I was 9 I've had this goal of being an elementary teacher, a wife, and a mom. But isn't it funny how you can only have so much control over your  own life? I may become certified to be a teacher, but then not be able to get a job in teaching for years. Or I might. As for a wife and mom, that seems so distant, like I'm still 9 and hoping it will happen some day.

Well, a lot is coming up in the year 2011. A new young adults service is starting at my church that I've  been helping plan. I may sing at it, I may not. I will student teach, graduate college, and hopefully get a teaching job in August. I don't know what kind of job I'll have over the summer or what I'll be able to do (help with VBS? volunteer at Wellspring? chaperone the youth mission trip to Florida?). I want to live life to the fullest. I don't want teaching to consume me. I want to be happy. I want to have deeper friendships. I want to manage my time well and not be so busy. I want to make the best out of whatever situations I am in. I want to read books more throughout the whole years instead of just when I'm on a break. I want to eat better. I want to do new things. I don't say all these as "resolutions" because those seem to last only a month and then dissapear. I want this to be just something I do all year and check up on throughout my life. Maybe I could type up a "check on my life" list to see how all is going and what I can do to make life even better. Yep, just decided I will. :-)

Reacp of my 2010: moved home, went through TOSS this semester- 4 classes and part time student teaching, started going to a new bible study (which made 2), chaperoned a bunch of youth group trips and events, took a trip to see lots of relatives in NC and MD (and my cousin from Washington state came with me), baby-sat full time over the summer (6 AM - 6PM), baby-sat part time during the 1st half the year, and met a TON of new people through many different things.

Ready or not, here I come

I am embarking on a journey that is full of mountains and valleys – both are the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It is not a journey with many financial benefits, but the journey itself is what makes it worthwhile. On some days, as with all journeys, there will be storms of dark clouds, lightening that will strike me down, and winds that keep me from moving forward because of its strength. I will persist though. When I come up on an obstacle that looks too difficult to get around, I won’t give up. There will be days with the sun shining, birds chirping, and a celebration of achievement in my own journey as well as those around me. Imagination, creativity, and a sense of humor are keys to this journey. Although I may not see the difference I’m making on this journey until I am farther ahead and able to look back on the distance I have come thus far, it is still one that will be meaningful and possibly life changing.


This journey is called teaching. I will meet many amazing people along the way, through the other teachers I will work with, the students I will teach, and the parents I will meet. I will have the power to influence not only through education, but also in the care and attention I give students. Often people don’t remember what they learned in elementary school, but they remember the friendships they built and the way their teachers treated them. It may be that an elementary teacher inspired them to reach farther, to learn to love reading, or just cared about them in a way that they were missing out on. This is a job in which I will continue to learn, no matter how long I teach, not only through different methods of teaching, but also in discipline strategies, working with students with disabilities, working with students of great diversity, and many other ways.

Up to this point I have been watching the scenery from inside a car. I’ve been training for this journey. I’ve been collecting the tools and knowledge it takes to conquer this terrain. They occasionally let me out and test the land, seeing how well my training is going, and then I get back in the car. But I’ve now arrived to the edge of the vast land ahead of me. For a little bit I’ll have a guide that will make sure I get up when I fall down and show me where to put my footing as I climb the mountains. But then she will go on her way and I will continue on. Although I’ve been ready for this for years, the quest of the unknown is always a scary one. There is always a thought of getting injured and having to be rushed out of there by helicopter or to be injured but having to keep limping along. Although I have people cheer me on, saying that I will be great at teaching, it still seems like a huge feat that I’m just not ready for yet. But ready or not, here I come.

Christmas

For me, middle and high school youth group was a huge part of my life. The things we did, the people in it. We went to places to serve such as nursing homes, a children's home, a home for handicaped people (for a week), and mission trips. We went fun places such as theme parks, conferences, the beach, a cabin in the mountains, ski trip, and more. And we had parties for each holiday which was often at someone's house, watched movies, ate food, went to the movie theater, etc. For 7 years, through drama and breakups and arguments along with best friends, pranks, and laughing hard, that was a big part of my life. Last night at the Christmas Eve service I saw some of them agan. We usualy only see each other at Christmas and sometimes Easter as we have each gone our own way. Last night we got a picture of some of us together. Two of them have been married for 2 years and are now pregnant, the rest of us have either graduated college or are about to, and some have already started their careers. I was happy to see them, but sad at the same time.

It is snowing here in Georgia for the first time on Christmas day in about 100 years! We're only said to get 1-3 inches, but it's still cool. I love the snow. I just don't like driving on it! :-)

Two more weeks of my break until I start student teaching! I'm excited, but mostly scared.

Saying no

I am a "let's do it all!" kind of person. But lately I've been saying no more. It's not easy.

I didn't go to the kids musical at my church and someone said, "But you like kids! And you know them, and it'll be great!" I didn't do caroling with my church and someone said, "But you love to sing! Why aren't you going?" "I just don't want to." but they didn't like this answer. And I totally get it - if it's a good thing / event, why not go? Because I can't go to everything. I was asked to help with nursrey tonight for this Christmas eve service at my church but I said no because I'm going to 2 services at my home church with dinner in between, so I didn't want to add doing the nursrey to that. I wanted to, and I know they're looking for people, but again, I just can't fill up every minute of my time.

So it's Christmas Eve day! Now that I'm older, and so is my brother, we don't really DO much for Christmas. My grandparents are coming in from NC and should be here any minute. We're going to a 5:00 and 11:00 xmas eve service tonight. But as far as presents, we all got money or bigger things in the past month so we're not opening present tomorrow. So, it is like any other day really.... ?

Anyways, still a few more weeks before I go to student teaching and I'm reading, watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch on DVD, playing Nancy Drew, hanging out with friends, and helping at Wellspring still.

Christmas time is here!

In the past week I've gotten to have dinner or breakfast with my friends Kaylene H, Kelly N, Sarah W, Courtney C, and Kaley H! I am so thankful for those wonderful people! I've played some Nancy Drew computer games (because they are so much fun!), read some books, and more. I still have not studied much for my teacher certification test which is on Jan 8, but I will get there!! I've been helping out at Wellspring Treasures a lot and brougth some people along with me when I can.

My grandparents are coming from NC Friday through Tuesday. My grandma's birthday is on Christmas, and my mom's is Dec 29. She will be 50! Whoo! However, she looks much younger than that. She seriously looks exactly the same as she did in college. I know that I also look young for my age, so maybe I'll be like that when I'm 50. Other than Christmas Eve services and 1 service on Christmas day, we aren't doing much for Christmas.

As student teaching approaches ever so slowly but surely, I'm getting more and more nervous. I sometimes feel like I'm still 10 years old, hoping to be a teacher some day, but not actually there. But I AM there. I'm guessing all upcoming teachers feel like this, but it's a very scary feeling. I don't feel prepared. Besides that, I need a backup plan if I don't get a job in August. I don't want to do retail, substitute teach, or teach at a preschool/daycare. And that pretty much rules out most jobs!! But, we'll see.

When plan B is staring you in the face...

One of the books I'm reading right now is called, "Plan B" with the question on the front: "What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would?" by Pete Wilson. I'm not that far into it yet, but there are some good things that he's written so far......


There's a chapter called, "Don't Run" and it talks about how sometimes when things aren't going the way we thought it would, we run the other way. Either physically moving or trying to remove yourself from the situation, or emotionally / mentally. Jobs, relationships/friendships, location, schools, churches....or the lack of those, or not what you wanted it to be right now. As I read on, I realized that is so me. And, dealing with some of my own "Plan B's" right now (some happening right now, some coming up....), I am in the place where I want to run the other way.

"When it becomes apparent your dreams are not coming true and you feel you've been stripped of everything, this is no time to run. It's no time to take things back into your own hands. It's definitely not the time to turn your back on God. This is when you need God more than ever before. You need to lean on him instead of run away. Your dreams may not be happening, and things aren't turning out the way you expected, but that doesn't mean your life is spinning out of control. It just means you're not in control. It's in those moments you can learn to trust the only one who has ever had control in the first place."

"I know that perservering isn't easy. I know you want to run. I know you want to give up. I know you want to try to control and maintain what you cannot control or maintain. Resist the urge. Try to lean toward God instead of panicking. Try to trust him instead of running away. Let it be. And just see what God can do when you give him room to work."

Sometimes the situations I try to run from could be just the place God wants me. It could be that it looks bad at first, but ends up being way better. Or that He has something to teach me through it. But it is so hard to stay put, in a place you don't really want to be. My second reaction, if I don't "run" or I'm unable to, is to think, "Ok, what can I DO? What can I do to make this situation better, to veer it towards plan A, or to make this less frustrating?" I sometimes jump too quickly to act. Maybe sometimes my DOING something gets in the way of GOD doing something! Being "still" could be the best choice. Obviously there are situations where you have to act, but not always.

Even when I feel like the time frame is all wrong, or worry about what could be an upcoming plan B, the best thing to do is seek God. "But seek first him kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33. That means seeking him before what I think is the best plan. And oh, just when I think I'm trying to do that, Satan steps in and throws in a wrench. Sometimes even in the areas I think, "Ok, this has to be right. This is serving / loving / giving, this is what God wants me to do," I start and there are all these obstacles or distractions. Again, it makes me want to run the other way. But sometimes I've just got to stick with it.

Everybody has or will have lots of plan B's.....all the way to "Z" I'm sure.... but I hope that we can remember that doesn't mean God's out to mess up your life or doesn't listen. We may be asking for what we think is good, but God has something way better for us. Easy to say / know, but hard to feel.

Again, not sure what to put for the title since it's all random stuff

Today I received the letter telling me where I am student teaching starting January 10, and I will be in 4th grade! I'm so excited!!! The school is like 2 minutes from my house which is so nice - this semester I only went once a week for the first 10 weeks and then every day for the last 4 weeks, but it was 40 min in the morning and 30 min home. Not fun when you have to be there around 7:15 AM. Part of me is very nervous because I will be doing a LOT more teaching, but I'm also excited. Although I'm almost done with college, it doesn't seem real that I will be an elementary teacher next Aug (assuming I get a job!). It still seems so far away and not possible or something.

My break is going by kind of slow....and that is great! :-)

Today God showed me something interesting. I will be vague because I don't want to broadcast the details to everyone I know who could possibly read this. Anyways, essentially there has been something I've been wanting for a while and thought was the best thing for me. I thought, "Well how could there be anything better than this? Why is God saying no (or wait?) when this is just the best?" But today God showed me something that was better than that. Like 10 times better, and I had no idea there could be better. So, even if this way better thing is still not what God is going to give me, then I at least know that the opportunities are out there, and that God knows what he's doing even when I don't understand.

I went to blockbuster Sunday and got a wii game. I will never buy a wii game without playing it before (renting, borrowing, etc) because there are some rediculously stupid and boring wii games. I haven't even found any I REALLY like, like I did with the playstation systems, but perhaps that's because I was younger. Well I got "Epic Mickey" because it was #1 on the blockbuster most rented, and it looked fun. After taking forever to update my wii (who knew that wii's needed updates?!), I could finally play. And it's a great concept, but just not as fun as a I thought it would be. Mickey is trapped in this magical world with a magic paintbrush that creates and destroys things, and has to do different tasks in different places / worlds / lands. He has to fight off bad guys, save good guys, etc. But a majority of the game he's having to jump on different things and it's all about timing - the clouds moving, the logs in the river moving, etc - and I keep falling and dying! Over and over and over....there's no end of his lives like game over, you just keep falling. And when you finally accomplish the tasks for the area you're in, you go on to the next one where you keep jumping! So, I'm not a fan of the game.

My wrist still hurts from Friday. :-(

My side note for the day.... sometimes when you do something risky or out of the norm, you might feel like an idiot. It could end up being a good thing, or it could end up being a bad thing and you never know up front. Because if it turns out good you can look back and say, "Whew, feeling really stupid for a few days really paid off now." Sometimes staying on the safe side of things makes you regret it later. If it doesn't turn out good, then oh well, you can at least say you tried.

Whoo!

Tuesday I went to Target and Books-A-Million with my friend Kaylene and we laughed a lot. I got some christmas presents for people as well.

Wednesday and Thur nights - bible study. Wed -baby-sat and took the girl to gymnastics. Gymnastics is fascinating to me.

Yesterday, Friday - what a great day! In the morning I helped decorate at my home church for a big youth and Christmas in July families Christmas dinner / party. (Catch all that??) It took 2 mornings to do it all. I hurt my wrist because I had to lug around some heavy chairs and the only guy there WOULDN'T HELP lift the chairs! *ANGRY FACE!* :-P My wrist is still sore. But anyways, then I went to lunch with my friend Louise and that was good. After I went down to a new store opening up called "Wellspring Treasures" where everyone working there are volunteers, and all the stuff is donated. The money goes to getting young girls out of sex trade in Atlanta - Atlanta is the biggest city in the country for that!! :-( So I went down and helped them sort and hang clothes, but could only stay for an hour. At night I went to the youth/christmas in july families dinner and took pictures there as well. I left early, an hour and a half into it though, to go to a Christmas party! It was at some people's apartment that I met through a bible study at another church and I was so excited they invited me to come. We wore tacky christmas sweaters and I had a good time meeting new people as well as talking to ones I already knew. So, I ended the day with 5 events under my belt!! And oh - a nap in there too!

Today I had coffee with a woman named Meredith from my church and that was good. Then I went back to Wellspring Treasures to sort some more. The people I've met there so far are very nice. I plan on going back next week too.

My friend Lee Ann Barton just had her baby girl this morning!  9 lbs 12 oz! She was past her due date by like a week. Can't wait to see her, but I probably won't get to hold her for a while because there's a bunch of people at our bible study who will want to hold her!

Reading, people, leading vs following, and hair

So I'm flying through some books. I have so many that I've bought over the year that I haven't had time to read, so I'm wanting to get through a lot of them. I read one during this past semester, and then slowly through 3 others but didn't finish them until last week or this week. Now I'm picking up the pace and reading some by sitting down for hours instead of just reading here and there. A bad habit while I'm reading though is to want to eat something. It's especially bad because it's mindess when I do it - since I'm focusing on reading, I don't really pay attention to what I'm eating. So I just KEEP EATING! So I've got to cut that out, haha.

You know, one thing I find interesting is how you can meet someone and instantly click and like someone, or not like someone. And it may be unspoken, and subconcious really. Sometimes I think, "Hey, this person is really great." Of course other times it takes time to get to know someone and become close, and first impressions can always  be wrong.

Another thought.... some people are more leaders than followers, and some are more followers than leaders. It seems like on personality tests or if someone asks which you are that you're supposed to be one or the other. But I am most definitely BOTH! The leader part of me is in being an elementary teacher, helping/teaching the middle and high schoolers at church, was on youth counsel in high school where we got to help make decisions about things and help do things, and in group settings I take the lead sometimes. Other times I am a follower. Like when I went to Kenya I didn't want to lead anything because I didn't know what was going on! I wanted someone to tell me what to do, or to help do something but not do it on my own. Thankfully there were people with strong leaderships qualities in them anyways that would have led even if I wanted to. In other groups I follow as well. I guess I'm not a competitive leader. Meaning that some people feel like they HAVE to be in charge / lead, so I let them. Same with conversations in a group - if some people have a ton to say, I sit back and listen instead of being on the edge of my seat to throw something in. But if the group is a little quieter, or it's just averave, then I'll speak up and talk more. It's very rarely that I don't like letting someone else lead, but it definitely happens, and it's tough.

One last thing to add to this random post. A lot of people dye their hair, put highlights in it, straighten it all the time, curl it all the time, or just don't like their hair because it's too thick, too thin, too whatever. But I like my hair!! I like the color, I like how if I don't blow dry it it's wavy, how if I do blow dry it (and sometimes straighten it) then it's straight, and how it's thick, and more. Most days I just brush it and walk out the door, it doesn't take much upkeep. Now in middle school, that's a whole nother story!! It was wavy and stuck out and frizzy, and I did NOT like my hair back then, so thankfully it's tammed down since then! :-) Anyways, I'm just saying it's rare for people to actually like their hair.

This week, ladybugs, studying, and more

Monday and Tuesday were my last two days in the elementary school for this semester! I will be at a different school for full time student teaching in Jan, but I don't know where yet. I hope it is close by! I made all A's in my 4 classes that were the 1st 10 weeks of the semester, and an A for the student teaching part! Yay!

Thursday I had starbucks with my friend Kaylene. Time always flies when I'm with her and we don't get together much because of our busyness, so it's always good to catch up. Since we're trying not to spend much money, we're going on Monday to Tartget and Books-A-Million just to look around but not buy anything. :-) Bible study on Wed and Thur nights were both good. I really appreciate the people in both. Last night I had dinner with some friends from my classes this semester, 8 of us came, and it was realy good as well.

One thing I realized at dinner last night, is that I'm not the only one who gets caught up in rediculous things and wonders why I do it. For example, the computer game "The Sims." I have Sims 3 but it is not currently loaded onto my computer. It's one of those games that you play for HOURS on end. One of my friends last night, Evan, said he just bought the game. He had played Sims 1 and loved it, but is just now getting Sims 3 and was even more ecstatic. On the other side of the table I heard my friend Sarah say how she was on Facebook too much, and even when she said she wouldn't get on, she still does. Ditto. I glanced at the TV at some point during our dinner....of the million TV's at Taco Mac....and saw a commercial for some video game, and reviews from places were on there. One was saying, "So addicting, you'll love it." It seems that entertainment industries aim to get us addicted, because it means they'll make more money. And maybe some people don't mind being stuck on those things, but it is actually NOT GOOD! It's so easy to joke about being addicted to facebook because it seems like SO many people are, but it really isn't. Sometimes I am more pulled in by the fact that I'm waiting for someone to reply to a message I sent them, or waiting to see someones pictures because I know they were on a honeymoon or vacation or something, trying to catch someone on chat, or I am expecting something. Other times I'm just on. :-(

On a different note, I hate ladybugs!!! Our house has always had a lot of them that come at random times of the year. We're surrounded by trees, so that doesn't help. They're attracted to heat, so when it's a really warm day they come in, or when it's really cold outside and warm inside they come in.....I can't even figure out what time of year they come more. But right now they are. One to four a day come in my room and get up in my light, stuck up there and trying to get out, but then they die because it's too hot. Some, however, escape but fall onto my bed and it makes me mad. Stupid ladybugs.

The chocolate peppermint milkshakes at Chick-fil-a that are out at christmas are really good. :-)

I started studying for the GACE - a standardized test that teachers take to be certified in Georgia. I took it in July without studying at all, thinking I didn't need to, and I passed half and failed half. At least it's done in two sections!! So I'm taking the first half again Jan 8. I have a book to study with, but it's so hard to get down to it and study it. Especially when I feel like a lot of it is not used in the classroom. A lot of the vocabulary that is used on the test is not something teachers use in real life. Ex: Phonics, phonemes, phonological awareness, phonemic awarness, syntax, logographical phase, analytic phase, orthographical phase, semantics, contextual redefinition, morphology, base word vs root word, and alphabetic principle. Really? Ugh.

From high school, to college, to teaching

I think we all go into new situations with some sort of hopes of how it will go, or an idea of what it might be like, good or bad. In books and on TV, the media portrays college life in many ways. They often show the fun side of college - the freedoms, the parties, friends, etc. and dont' show much of the classes and hard work. Because why would you want to watch a TV show where the person sits in class all the time? There are so many factors that change your life in college - living at home vs living with roomates, living on campus vs living off campus, the major you go into, the size college you go to, how invovled in other activities outside of school, what job (or lack thereof) you have, and more.

My thoughts before college:
As I finished my senior year of high school, of course it was a mix of emotions. I literally remember a time in 10th grade math class, talking to two of my friend Kesley and Maggie, and saying, "We only have 2 and a half more years of high school!!" because it was nearing Christmas break. All the way through high school you build up to graduation. You talk about getting out of high school and doing great things with your life, whether it's college or working. In my mind, I was going to go away to college, but when the time came, I didn't make it into the college I wanted, so I went to a nearby college. Not my first choice, but oh well.

So at the end of my senior year of high school, I was both excited and sad. I had a close group of friends that I treasured, and knew we were going to different colleges in the state, as well as one of our friends was moving across the country to California to go to college! I had several teachers I was close to as well. Going to KSU I thought that it would be exciting, but hard work of course. I thought that once I got through my core classes that I would fly through my major classes with excitement. I thought that I would eventually move out and just have a blast living on my own. I thought that I would find a part time job that I loved going to. And, that I would find a new church that I could serve in as well as grow in. I also knew that leaving the youth group at my church would be hard. I was in it for 7 years and had been through a lot with those people. I was included in that group.

After college:
And now, I'm in my 5th year of college, graduating in May. Lots of people say, "Oh wow, time flies!" but for me college has dragged on. I got together with my high school girl friends during the summer and Christmas breaks for the first two years, but then we grew apart. It wasn't abrupt, and there are still times when I miss them, but I'm not torn up about the fact that we're not friends anymore. Some of them are still closer to me than others, and I still think of them all very highly, but, life goes on. I lived at home the first two years, and am living at home again this year. It saves money. The two years that I lived out of the house was great, and it will eventually be that way again. I did struggle with my core classes. And even with many of my major classes. I've lacked friends in high school because the school is the 3rd largest in Georgia.

I went to a new church - I've been there 3 and a half years ago - and yes, I've been able to serve and grow in many different areas for both! It has been difficult with not having many young adults in the church, but we're working on a new service for young adults that will hopefully make it grow.

I haven't liked the part time jobs I've had in college. Some of them were better than others, but after time I ended up dreading to go to work each day. Whether it be the distance I had to drive (an hour home in rush hour traffic each night) or the people I worked with, not getting enough hours, not enough pay, being really bored with the job....there was just always something that made me leave.

Now I am looking forward to being a teacher. Oh I know the ups and downs that will come with it. I'm not thinking that it will be all happy stuff that I will just fly on throuh. But I hope that it's something that I will love. And, I have to keep in mind - my job is not my entire life. It does not define who I am. There are other things that go on outside of a job.

And so, another chapter in my life is about to come to a close. I am not reluctant for this change like I was for leaving high school. There are no deep friendship or emotional ties to college. I have made some friends through the process, but I know I can keep in touch with them if I want to - it's not like many of them are going away after college.

My hopes for being a teacher - I hope that I have a good principal and staff. I hope that I have a great class. I hope that I have good teachers in the grade I work with. I hope the drive is not too far. I hope that I am not stressed a lot or consumed (too much) by teaching. I hope that I love it.

Sometimes I want to hide under a rock. But it wouldn't do much good.

There are just days when you want to hide under a rock. When everything you do or say is wrong, when you don't know how to fix things, when you don't want to deal with things, when you want to just step back and drop everything you're doing and saying, "Well, I'm out. See ya in like 10 years." It's one thing if it's like one problem. But as they build up it's just this mountain of frustration and confusion. The more you try to make it better the worse it gets. The more you try to avoid the situation all together, the worse it gets. It's a lose-lose situation.

One time I asked someone, "What do you do when you're in a problem, and you know it's going to be around for a while, and you just don't know what to do with it?" They thought for a minute and then replied, "I just sit with it. I just....go through it. It will eventually pass, even if it takes a long time. And then another problem will come along. You can't let them weigh you down and make your life miserable."

It's true. In fact, most of the time if I think back to a year ago, or even 6 months ago, I don't remember which problems I had unless they're major ones. And oh, those major ones are the worst. Obviously.

And really, what does hiding under a rock look like? Ignoring people? The problem will still be there when you come out of hiding. Your feelings are still the same. You still feel like a looser.

It's Not About Me

Thought of this song today as I prayed about something......

Jesus, Lover Of My Soul, sung by lots of people (including Passion, Kari Jobe, and more)
It's all about You, Jesus

And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You

Technology.....good in moderation. Biggest strength and biggest weakness.

A few posts ago I wrote about how sometimes your greatest strengths are also your greatest weaknessess, and said how one example of mine is that I have a huge heart and keep in touch with people well, but on the flip side I'm bad at goodbyes and letting go of people.

Well, another one for me....

I've always enjoyed computer related things. When I was young I played a lot of computer games, and as the internet came along and we got it at home when I was about 10, I continued to learn more about it. Commputer games I used to play: Barbie, American Girl, JumpStart Learning Games, Nancy Drew, The Sims (1, 2, and 3), and more. Then came social networking. Xanga (like a blog), Myspace, Facebook. I've always enjoyed helping people do stuff on the computer like when they're stuck on something and I can show them how to do it. I took a computer class my senior year that taught us about Microsoft Excell, and other programs.

Now I am helping do things for Kenya through my church - helping update / re-do the website for Kenya, put together spreadsheets on Excell, do things with pictures such as powerpoints, uploading them onto snapfish, etc. I love to do all these things! It helps with teaching related things as well, when I'm able to make graphs, find learning games online, etc.

I like to create. Websites, blogs, things related to pictures, videos, etc. It is fun. I learn it quickly. It's been helpful in school projects, in getting lesson plans done, and soon it will be helpful in teaching. It's an escape sometimes.

However.....on the negative side...I am on the internet too much. It doesn't help that all of my school work has been on the computer - all research done on the computer, everything typed, all of our assignments online, a lot of readings online. Besides that, I get on too much. I get on for too long. I use it to procrastinate when I should be working. I get OCD with things online, like trying to find something, or checking facebook or e-mail, or trying to win the top spot in Bejewelled Blitz. Or other random things that suck me in, like watching countless youtube videos. There's an application on facebook called, "Visual Bookshelf" and since I love to read I loved this application. Still do. But, one day I went on and found every book I could think of that I've ever read, and rated it with stars, and put some comments on them. It took much too long.

Facebook in particular is a big stumbling block for me. Laugh if you will, but I've come across a LOT of other people of all different ages who admit to the same thing once I bring it up. Sometimes it becomes a source of jealousy. I see people's lives on facebook who have a great marraige, great kids, etc. and are where I want to be in life and are not. I see people who I want to hang out with and can hardly get them to call me back, yet they go hang out with other people all the time. It becomes a source of selfishness. I want people to see what I do and like me. Sometimes without realizing it, it's me braging about myself and wanting people to be proud of me and think highly of me. It becomes a source of wasting time. I get on and can't get off, making me go to bed late which makes me tired the next day. Or I'll be on there instead of doing a quiet time. Sometimes I'd be on there for too long and it would require me to not get my homework done, or to rush through my school work instead of doing it with enough time and to the fullest. It pulls me from doing other things like laundry, cleaning my room, reading books, and exercizing. It dulls relationships. I rely on that to keep up with people in such an impersonal way instead of through calling them, writing them a letter, seeing them in person. Facebook is an inacurate view of someone's life. Some people only put up the good stuff.

Someone once asked me, "If you spend 4 hours in a row on the computer, would you feel bad?" "Yeah." "But if you spent 4 hours in a row reading a book would you feel bad?" "No." "Why?" I had to think about it. Partly because I think that reading is just good for your brain. If it's a nonfiction book it could be helpful for you life, your personality, your job, you walk with God. If it's a fiction book, it's still just good to read. But to be on the computer for that long....it just seems like I could be doing something better with my time.

So there it is again. One of my biggest strengths is my biggest weakness.

My plate is full

Sometimes when our plates are full in life, we have to choose what we say no to. Other times it just overflows and something falls off that we don't necessarily choose. Or both.
My plate consists of......

1. Helping with the middle and high school youth group at my church. Sun mornings hs sunday school, sun nights youth group, planning meetings once a month, the events and trips that happen. I've done this for 3 and a half years, but starting in January this is one that will be "kicked off" my list of things to do. I will still go on trips and events when I'm able to, but all else will be dropped in this area. Part of me is sad because I enjoy this, but I may pick it up again in the next few years.

2. My church is starting a Sun night service for young adults that starts in January. I'm on the planning team where we choose the logo, talk about everything, etc. I will be singing some on Sunday nights (which includes practices), and helping with some of the online part of advertising or whatever else they need. Since it will be on Sunday nights, that's part of why I can't help with youth anymore - that will take place of me helping with the youth group. I currently go to Sun morning worship service, and in Jan I'll go Sun nights instead.

3. At my other church....yeah, I kind of go to two.... I've been "hired" a few weeks ago to do 4 hours of work each week (paid) related to Kenya stuff. I went to Kenya twice and have gone to meetings over th past 4 years. I'll be doing things like excell spreadsheets, helping with the website, facebook, picture related things, making powerpoints when we present to the church or other organizations, etc. It's mainly computer related stuff which I like. It's so much fun!

4. Nursrey once a month. However, this may be something I have to drop since I won't be going to church Sunday mornings, only Sun nights, and I'll be singing or in the service.

5. Student teaching. Writing lesson plans, grading papers, creating centers, writing reflections, etc. I'm in the classroom full time right now but just teaching a little, and will be full time student teaching starting in January. It will be my unpaid job! Haha. I had 4 classes this semestser that were 10 weeks long and now they're done which is good.

6. I baby-sit whenever possible. Now I mostly only do it on the weekends because I have to go to bed early on weeknights.

7. I go to 2 bible studies. Yep. I know one should be dropped, but I'm not sure if I will or not. One is with a church called Northstar. We meet at someone's house each Thur night, and there's a lot of young adults who go. I've met some awesome people through that and we read straight from the bible and then discuss. And, there are guys my age there. Since I'm going to be a teacher I'm seeing less and less guys my age of who I'd ever go out with! And the other bible study is with my church, Northwest Christian Church. All 4 of us. ;-) Yeah, it's tiny - it's fluxuated a lot over the past few years since people have moved, gotten married, etc. and now we're down to a tiny group, hoping to grow with our new service in Jan. But I still learn a lot from the bible study and we have good discussions. The deep questions are asked. Soon, however, I may have to start practicing with the praise band on Wed nights instead, and in Jan we may be getting a new leader to lead our group, so I'm not sure if this is something that I will continue going to.....it all depends.

8. Ummmm, I am never bored. :-) Despite all of the above 7 things, I do try to have a social life. And with all the activity going on, part of me needs to balance all that out with ME TIME!!! In which I read books, watch a few TV shows on my computer, play computer games, sing, take lots of pictures, get on facebook, write consistantly in my journal, and quiet times with God. I like going to bookstores and starbucks. I like lists, goals, planners, and filing cabinets. :-) But my room is super messy. As in you can hardly walk in it.

9. Soon I will be looking for a full time teaching job. I have to pass a test to get my certification (which I need to study for), then get a resume and application together, go to interviews, buy things for my classroom once I get a job, and get everything together. My next few years will be incredibly busy.

So, to everything else that is offered to me, I have to say no! Through all of this, and other people's busy schedule, our schedules have become more important than people. It's like a miracle when I can actually get together with people. Which is sometimes really frustrating. I mean, I know what it's like to be busy. But why is that an excuse? Pick a time when you're not busy, and let me know! ya know? I mean, if I can make time in my schedule to have dinner with somebody, why can't they? Anyways, just me venting for a minute. :-)

There's always more to a job than you know

You know there's always more to a job than you think there is, or than you know about. For example, I worked at a christian bookstore for 14 months. My thought going into it was, "What else will I be doing besides helping people find things, cleaning, being a cashier, and stocking things?" Now I laugh at the thought. We had to:

-answer the phone which was an all encompassing task and could take forever
-people wanted things put on hold which required certain computer things as well as finding the item and putting it somewhere
-doing special orders through the computer
-calling people when the special orders came in
-looking for 1 item in the entire store that was misplaced or in the back somewhere
-finding boxes for certain things that people bought
-moving things around a million times
-changing all the endcaps (shelves on the ends of each isle) and certain shelves each month to specific books that a chart told us to do
-finding and labeling things as on sale or clearance
-finding and pulling things that venders wanted us to return (that they decided not to sell anymore)
-take off all the gifts from the shelves and windex them, and then put all the gifts back on (they were glass shelves)
-put price stickers on things and change them if they were wrong
-at certain times we had to go through and put things back in alphabetical order because people would stick books back in the wrong places
-imprint bibles with names (thankfully just the guys did that, not the girls)
-shrink wrap things that had been opened
-reorganize the stock room which got messy from all of us sticking things back there in no order because we were in a hurry
-put boxed cards on shelves in a very specific order according to the chart. Ugh.
-straighten the bible covers which always fell off the wall, got mixed up (instead of the same ones being together) and it just looked bad sometimes



I am not yet an elementary teacher, but I do know some of the things I'll have to do that I didn't know before I started college. I know there will be more to come that I'll learn about when I actually AM a teacher....but here is the starting list. It's not just fun and games people. It's not just babysitting! It's not just an easy major / job when you don't know what else you should do. :-)

-when you write a lesson plan you have to make accomodations for kids who are slower / below level, and those who are faster / ahead as well as those on grade level
-writing lesson plans takes a long time. You have to use the standards for your state as well, and show how you taught the appropriate things.
-you have to figure out how you're going to assess the students on what you just taught, to prove if they got it or not, without doing a whole bunch of quizes or tests. That includes projects, a simple checklist, etc.
-parent - teacher conferences. You have to have good data / work from each student to show where they are, not just be subjective
-kids who have special needs (learning disabilities, ADD / ADHD, autism, etc) will be in a regular classroom. In that case you have to make accomodations for those students in how you teach. You also have to have meetings with the parents and other teachers in order to figure out what best works for those students, and a long process of paperwork if you think the student needs to go into a special education class or have another teacher with that student.
-English Language Learners - kids who come in and don't speak any english! That is difficult to teach to!
-the discipline in a classroom is a huge deal. You have to do it right. There are so many different things you can do.
-there's tatling, kids who refuse to do their work, arguing / fighting, kids who cry often, anger issues, clingy kids, kids who need constant attention and do random things to get it, lying, stealing, distracting, and so many other things
-it's good to teach in a creative / engaging way, but that's hard to do when the material is boring / dry
-you have to set routines such as getting in line, walking down the hallways in line, attendance, what to do first thing in the morning since they all come in at different times, what signals them to be quiet without the teacher having to raise her voice above everyone elses', how to make lunch choices in the morning, and more
-teachers have to spend one-on-one time or small group times with all students. This means running centers / stations while she pulls certain students. They do things like track their reading through marking on a piece of paper when they miss words, ask them questions to summarize, predict, and explain books, work with struggling kids in other areas, and more.
-grade papers
-change up the bulleton boards sometimes, or things hanging outside the walls
-keep the parents informed through things like blogs / websites for the teachers, send home letters, e-mails, and sometimes make phone calls home
-the teachers have to buy all the supplies, posters, "treasure box" toys / things, classroom books, and anything else needed. So it's always expensive!!
-if there are field trips that takes a lot of work
-teachers have to do things like bus or car duty in the morning or afternoon
-remember which kids have allergies so they aren't around them
-other school events such as assemblies, fall festivals, fundraisers, PTA meetings, staff meetings, additional classes each year to keep learning and keep your certificate valid
-fire drills, tornado drills, practice lock-downs
-kids throw up, can't tie their own shoes, cough without covering their mouths, can't button their pants after using the bathroom, use too much hand sanatizer, accidently tear your books, and take two weeks to finish an assignment that everyone else finished in 2 days.
-a teacher doesn't just teach academics, she also teaches appropriate behavior, how to problem solve when you're in an argument, she is sometimes a motherly figure, she may be the only one who listens to them ramble because the parents work late and then the kids go to bed, she is someone who could notice abuse or neglect, can be a councelor, may help provide kids with food when they don't have any, has to be aware when students need to go to the doctor for hearing or vision loss / weakening, and is a role model

Some of those things are hard and stressful. But there are also so many rewards! Well for one thing kids say the funniest things sometimes, sometimes on purpose and sometimes without realizing it. Some look up to the teacher as if she walks on water. It's great to see progress in kids. It's great to see them learning. It's great when you see them excited about something. Kids sometimes like school more than they do being at home. Even in a year some kids mature and you can tell. You get to see these little people explore the world and learn things for the first time with wide eyes. They have creativity that adults have often lost, they're not afraid to ask the tough questions about learning or even about life, and they begin to develop interests / talents that you get to see develop. I was 7 when I started playing piano, 7 when I really started running with writing (stories, poems, letters, journaling) and 9 when I knew I wanted to become a teacher.

One of my strongest and weakest traits all rolled into one.

Isn't it funny that one of your strongest strenghs can also be one of your strongest weaknesses?

I care about people a lot. I'm good at keeping in touch with people (unless they're non-responsive), and I have a huge heart. I'm very empathetic, I want to do things for my friends when they need help, I want to show people I care for them in some way or another, I pray for others often, and I am a dependable friend. On the flip side, I'm horrible at saying goodbye and letting people go.

I'm not sure when I realized this, but it was just over the past few years. It's always been strong in me, I just never pinpointed it.

I cried at the end of 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade because I knew I wouldn't see them over the summer, and the teachers I had would no longer be my teachers. At the end of 5th grade it was a lot worse and I worried for like a month prior to finishing school because I didn't want to go to middle school. I thought I would never see my teachers again, and I wouldn't have classes with my friends. Same thing with the end of 7th grade when I went to a new middle school, the end of 8th grade when I was going on to high school, and the end of 12th grade when I was going on to college. As people in my life that I cared about moved away, I was really upset. At the end of my first trip to Kenya I bawled my eyes out, and at the end of my 2nd I didn't cry but it was heavy in my heart for a long time.

In response to that, I've kept in touch with a LOT of my teachers from elementary, middle, and high school. Mostly through e-mails or facebook, but I still have lunch with some of them every now and then, and have helped out my 3rd grade teacher in her classroom at times. I've seen them more than just people who taught me the academics and content knowledge, but people who are just great people. People who have impacted me, encouraged me, gave me good advice, and shaped me. I've kept up with many friends from school and church. College has been different....I haven't kept in touch with as many people in college.

Besides friends, there are minor times when I recognize this odd trait in me. Like today. I've had 10 weeks of classes with the same exact people in all 4 of my classes. 10 weeks isn't that long, but I've grown close to some, and think highly of others even if we're not as close. It was sad because I know that even though we've said we'll keep in touch and get together a few more times this semester, I probably won't see but maybe two of them ever again after that. At the end of two of my classes, I was sad because they were great professors and I knew I may not ever see them again.

There are people in my life who were once in my life and I thought the world of them. They impacted me in ways they'll never know. But now they're not part of my life, and I'm ok with it. I still think highly of them, but life moves on, and I don't miss them anymore. There are other people in my life who I still feel the need to keep in touch with even though there may not be a time anymore that we will be close as we used to.

And I try to step back and see the bigger picture. I know that God will bring GREAT people into my life no matter where I go, what job I have, what church I'm at, where I live. I know that some of those great people will only be in my life for a few weeks, a few months, or a few years. I guess it's hard for me to know which ones are worth fighting for. Which ones are worth putting in the effort to keep in touch even when it's not convenient. And maybe part of it is how the other person feels about it too.

I have a friend named Kelly. We've been friends for 11 years now. Through the ups and downs of middle school, high school, college, and now careers, we have kept in touch. Sometimes we'd only talk 2 or 3 times a year, and only see each other once a year, and sometimes it was more often. But I knew that if I called her, she would answer, or she'd call back, and we'd talk and it would be good. She's been one of the very few people in my life so far that I'm pretty sure could be in my life for the next 10 years. There are others I wish we were still close, but they just don't respond when I try to keep in touch with them, and it's frustrating and it hurts. But some people just move on easier.

I've got a long journey ahead as a teacher - I'm sure it won't be easy each year as the kids in my class leave! And teachers will change jobs, be relocated, retire, and all of those will happen to me. Hopefully with time my ability to say goodbye and let people go will improve.

No title can accurately sum up this post!! :-D

Someone said to me tonight, "It looks like you've got a lot on your mind." Why yes, I do - does my face show it?!

Classes end next week, but I still have some projects / papers due.

For my time in the 2nd grade classroom, I have to write a 5 day lesson (1 each day, all related to one theme but on different subject areas) and then teach them with a teacher from KSU writing about me. Ahhh! And also do things like a map of the classroom, an interactive bulleton board, create and do centers, etc. The work load is heavy. I haven't been able to start any of that because I've had things due for my classes.

I've gone once or twice a week for the past 8 weeks to the elementary school, and it wipes me out! I go home and take a 2 - 3 hour nap!! Starting Oct 26 I will go every day until the end of November. (Except Thanksgiving break of course.)

Besides school related things I've got other things on my mind as well....dealing with certain people, we'll leave it at that.

The past two weeks weather wise has been CRAZY!!! Sometimes it's SO cold and other times it's SO hot. Not a fan of this back and forth-ness. ;-)

I stink at time management!!!!

I'm back on facebook.

I tried the salted caramel hot chocolate at Starbucks and didn't like it. But some of my friends said they LOVED it! What's wrong with my tounge?

I'm going on a retreat with the young adults from my church the last weekend in October to a pretty cabin in the woods. It's only Fri night to Sun afternoon, but it will still be a good break. Especially a mental break!!! I will not think about school related things while I'm on it!!

I'm waiting for a loan to come in. Why does it take so long?

I need new shoes for being in the elementary school. I'm a tennis shoes kind of girl - that's all I want to wear! I have nice black shoes, but they don't go with things like khakis or a brown shirt, etc. I don't like heels. I don't like shoes that are pretty but hurt my feet or give me blisters. So tomorrow I go shoe shopping. I hate shopping for shoes, I'm just going to say. People who love shoes and buy a ton just confuse me. I don't even notice other people's shoes most of the time! They're on the ground....a long way from our heads and line of vision!! ;-)

I'd don't enjoy walking on the treadmill, even with music or a podcast. But I need to do it anyways.

I'm on Bejewelled Blitz (on facebook) too much. I aim to be #1. Who cares? Right? Nobody goes, "Oh, Jennifer's awesome because she's number one on Bejewelled Blitz." Yet I continue at it. Even when I reach #1 I think, "Well I need to keep playing to earn more coins which will help me in case somebody beats me, or when the scores reset next week." And time slips away.

There are moments when I wish I was in Kenya again. I wish I could be there, hands on, to help people who really need it. People who don't know God. To live more simply. To serve. To talk to the great people that we've made friends with on our trips there. Some of them have impacted my life in ways they'll never know.

I wonder where I will apply for jobs as a teacher next summer. I wonder how long it will take me to find a job, what grade I will teach, how long my drive to and from school will be, if I will have to move, if I will bomb questions in interviews, if I will love my job or hate my job, if I will have enough money to get supplies for my room some day, and what kind of teachers will be on my hall and grade that I work with.

My Week
Good: bible studies, retreat coming up soon, it was nice being able to get back on facebook, I'm thankful for my friends Sarah and Courtney from my classes
Bad: took long naps after being in the elementary school two days this week, have to find new shoes this weekend, I was on Bejewelled Blitz for too long, overwhelmed about school work
Exciting: only 1 week left of classes, watched the 33 miners being pulled out of the mine in Chilie after 70 days of being stuck down there (I only watched parts of it)
Boring: classes for the most part

Oh - it's due in 3 days and not 10 days? Awesome. Just what I hoped for.

OH MY GOSH.

In my social studies class we've been doing a major paper / project (or two....or three) every week for 9 weeks. She's graded them and handed them back for us to make corrections to complie them all in one big notebook at the end of our 10 weeks. They've all been group projects, and thank GOD I've had good partners! (There's 3 of us.) BUT we thought it was due not this Tuesday, but next Tuesday. I'm at Starbucks right now and I came to work on the Social Studies project due this week, and saw 3 girls from my classes here. They said, "How's your final compliation going?" "Well, we haven't corrected everything yet, we'll get to it." "It's due THIS Tuesday," one girl said. "WHAT!!!!!!!" I said. I called my two group memebers and they also flipped out!!! Now we'll have to get together some time before Tuesday, and OH MAN we've got to work HARD to pull it together because we thought we had another week!!! :-( I wonder who else doesn't know it's due this week. :-(

So.....yep.

Two more weeks of classes and I'm done with classes for college! Until I go back for my masters some day. However I still have a lot of work due for my time in the elementary school that I'll have to turn in at the end.

AHH!

My tounge is burned because I tasted a sample of the pumpkin spice latte. It wasn't bad, but I didn't really like it either. Thankfully it was a sample. Also, they have a new size of drinks at starbucks - trenta! It's HUGE! I'd get sick if I drank that much!!

I baby-sat yesterday for 3 and 4 year old girls (not related), from 6:15 AM (one woke up at 6:30) til 4:15 PM. LONG day! Thankfully they played together without me a lot. They dressed up as princesses which was cute with plastic jewelry and fancy dresses, they picked "flowers" which were yellow weeds, I took them to the park and they got to play on the BIG kids playground since no one else was there, and more. Such cute girls. I went home and slept 2 and a half hours though!

Well....I need to do some homework. :-( I kind of feel like I'm standing at the bottom of a mountain looking up, knowing that I have to climb it all, but not feeling up for it.

Why are young adults missing from the church?

Today I had lunch with my friend Allie. I'm thankful that we've gotten together over the past few months, she's awesome. We ate at Panera Bread. Their mac and cheese (with white cheddar) is SO good. I then went to a few stores at the Avenue, a bunch of nice shops all together. One store was a GIANT jewelry store called, "Charming Charlie." Beats me why it's called that because it's a girl's store. They sepearte their jewelry (and other accessories such as scarves, hats, and purses) by color within the store. I'm allergic to metal, so I don't wear jewelry, but they had some that were just beads and I got two. I like them.

Sunday I went to my home church and there was a guest speaker. Two actually. One was a guy who runs a college ministry at my college, and then a guy a year younger than me (he's 21) who works with another church's youth group now who used to go to that church with me. They talked about how a lot of times kids were so involved at church through their youth group, and then were sent off to college with no one keeping up with them, and he said 85% of them stopped going to church, with only 15% returning years later. He said this is SUCH a critical time because it's when we're given total freedom, we begin to train for (or start) our careers, we search for and find spouses, and we form our lives. We have big dreams (because we don't have all the negatives experiences yet) and we run around without a church to guide us. True! I agree with them. I have stuck with the church, but don't know many my age who have.

Sometimes the question is....why? And once you understand the why, then you have to say, "What do we do now?" Here are my reasons why I think young adults don't go to church, or some reasons that make me not want to even though I do.

Why Young Adults Probably Don't or Don't Want To Go To Church
1. Sometimes the music is really old, very formal, or we just flat out don't like it.
2. Sometimes the sermons don't relate to us AT ALL! They might be focused towards families as a whole, parents, or very basic parts of the bible that we feel we've heard too many times. Sometimes the sermons are too long. Sometimes they don't cover what we're really searching for.
3. With college work and jobs, our free time is limited. A lot of people want to sleep in on the weekends, or take that time to spend with their significant other and/or friends
4. If there's no young adults program / bible study at the church, then we feel out of place, don't know where to grow if all the bible studies and sunday schools are for older adults, and we lose community because it's different having friends your age instead of people all older than you. It's especially hard when you were so close with a youth group and then not to have anyone to hang out with.
5. Suddenly what you believed in high school is challeneged, whether it be through college and the people you meet, or the circumstances around you that happened. It's when you start getting confused, start doubting things, start hurting because of things, and it's easy to pull away from it all when it gets to be that way
6. Sometimes we don't know where to serve in the church. When I came right out of high school I knew I wanted to help with the middle and high school group, but was too close to their age, and since I knew them all they may not have listened to me. But we feel to young to jump into other responibilities, especially not knowing how long we can comit to it with the possibility of moving, changing job schedules, etc.
7. Anyone who's parents forced them to go to church or who weren't strong in their relationship with God in high school probably just doesn't want to go anymore and doesn't see the importance of church.
8. Along with our big goals and dreams, I think a lot of young adults want more creativity and modern things in the church, such as coffee and hot choclate in the lobby of a church, switching things up in the service sometimes, videos on the screen sometimes, etc.

Second question, what do you do then? My church is currently starting up a Sun night service that will start in January for young adults with young people being "the face" of it all - the greeters, the people who make and serve the coffee in the lobby, the people who will make short videos for the advertisement. We will sometimes have tables with chairs instead of rows of chairs in the worship center / sanctuary so that people get to know each other instead of sitting all by themselves. I really hope it grows and reaches a lot of people. I've been to several big worship services for young adults that have all been great, but what's missing is the community part. You have to join small groups in order to stay. Although they're usually offered at most of the, I haven't ever gotten involved in them because of my own church schedules.

For other churches, I honestly don't know. I think it has to be a relationship thing. You have to have someone who takes the time to call people of that age, does events often even if it's just fun stuff, and builds friendships before jumping in and offering bibile studies. Even with my church, it's died down in numbers because people get married, move, have kids, change jobs, etc. that interfere with their schedule or location. I also think that in those bible studies, you have to get down to the deep questions or else they'll come away saying, "Well that was nothing new to me."

Craving water and creative teaching

I pretty much never drank water until college. My friend Kesley, and my mom, always got on to me saying that I really needed to drink water, but I just didn't like it. Once I started drinking water consistantly, I began to need it more. I get thirsty for water more. It was difficult in Kenya when we could only have about two water bottles a day or so, because I wanted more than that! And we couldn't drink their water!

You know those times when you're REALLY thirsty? When that happens to me and I'm not at home, I realized (finally) that a thought runs through my head - "I'm thirsty, I want soda / juice, or ice cream / smoothies / slushies sound really good right now!" Sometimes I go and get those. But other times I know it's just that I'm really thirsty for water, and those other things don't really quench my thirst like water does. Now that I'm aware of it, I'm more careful not to go get those things. Because once I have water, the strong want for those other things are gone.

Jesus is living water!!! Maybe he made this analogy becuase it's the same thing with us physically, like I just described. When we begin to spend more times with God, we desire Him more. And sometimes we desire Him and are hurting or seeking freedom from something and instead turn to other people, fun things that waste our time, alcohol, and a million other things. They never quench our thirst for Him though, so we run around saying, "Hmm, this was supposed to make me happy, it was supposed to give me peace, and I still  dont' have it."

On a different note, yesterday in my math class we had to present different learning styles of one type of information. We had to show 5 different oil spills in the past 10 years - where, when, and how much. Our group got "graph" and I wasn't thrilled to have to make a graph. I jokingly said, "We should make a HUMAN graph and make them BE the graph!" but another girl in my group was like, "Yeah!!" and as we talked about it we decided to do it. The other three were like, "No, that's weird." But we kept pushing it until they agreed. Each person was 100,000 gallons of oil that was spilled, and they had to help figure out how many people went on each part (ex - 300,000 gallons spilled should be 3 people), and then we talked about how you could ask questions such as which one had the most or least spills, how much more / less did one spill have compared to another, etc. The teacher liked it. Yay!

I realized I am often like that - I try to be really creative. We'll see how that works out in teaching.... sometimes the ideas just don't come, or it's too complicated to actually do. But I really hope that I am able to make my class in the future more fun than normal.

Enjoy the Silence

Someone gave me a book yesterday to borrow called, "Enjoy the Silence: A 30 day experience in listening to God" by Duffy and Maggie Robinson and I started it yesterday. It begins with some introductory chapters. The first chapter tells this story about how the author and his wife were in church in Washington DC and one of the people there was in charge of all the Secret Services for the president. He came up to them and said the president wanted to meet them and had heard about their books. They were so excited! He said they had to get up early and be there early because the president had a meeting at 8:15 AM. he said to be there at 7:30, so they had to leave their house at 6:30, so they planned on getting up at 5:30. The morning of meeting the president there was as phone call. He answered it and the man said, "Where are you? It's 7:45! If you're not close by, there's no way you'll be able to make it. Sorry, maybe there will be another opening in the future." When I read it I was like, "UGH! That stinks!" because I know the feeling of waking up and realizing I totally missed a class or was suppsed to be at work right then and it's a horrible feeling. But to miss the president!

Then he said, "Before you close this book in disgust, let me make two coments about this episode. Number one: It never actually happened. We made it up. Number two: Actually, it did happen. In fat, it happened this morning. And it happens every day to millions of people. It probably happened to you. People just like you on days like this one, pass up the opportunity to enter the throne room of almighty God and talk to the creator of the universe.

"Every new day offers each of us a chance to get out of bed and spend some quality time with our heavenly Father. But most of us blow it off for a few extra minutes of sleep. That's a pretty sobering thought. But it shouldn't make you feel like a disgusted, spiritually impaired, sleep monger. That's not the purpose of this book. After all, meeting with God every morning isn't some religous hoop you have to jump through in order to earn his love. We spend time with God because he loves us already - unconditionally - and because we want to develop and deepen our relationship with him. Heck, it doesn't even have to happen in the morning! (Can we get an 'Amen'?)"

Haha, yes, AMEN! I'm not a morning person at all. I don't mean that I'm grumpy in the mornings, I mean that I love my sleep and have a hard time getting out of bed every day. I'm much more alert and full of determintation from about 9PM- 1AM. Too bad it happens that I will soon have to go to bed at like 9-10 as a teacher! Anyways, it was an interesting story and thought.

At the elementary school I'm at, I'm with 2nd grade and it's a challenging class. The two teacher's I'm with are so great though! I really like both of them a lot.

Today I got a grade back on a lesson plan in my social studies class (three of us wrote it together) and it was a HORRIBLE grade, probably the worst I've gotten in all 4 years of college. We were so upset about it because we thought it was good!! Thankfully we get to re-do it for full credit if we correct it to her standards, but then it's a pain to re-do it plus turn in the new stuff we have to do each week. I only have 3 and a half more weeks of classes, and then I'll be full time in the elementary school for 4 weeks.

Outside of school stuff, many other things have been occupying my mind and time! Church stuff, bible studies, friends, missing several people, and more.

One thing I do want to say is..... You know how sometimes you have something to tell a person, but you don't because you're worried what they might think, what they might say, etc? Well sometimes you just have to get it out and tell that person. Because sometimes, if you wait too long, then it's too late. Then you'll kick yourself for not saying something sooner. Sometimes the "what-if's" can really drag you down because you wish you had done or said something earlier. If anybody ever reads this and is in that same boat, do something about it. Think ahead 10 years - will there be anything you look back on right now and wish you had said or done?

My week since last Tuesdsay
Good: I really appreciate some of the friends in my life, I'm on the planning team for a new Sun night service at my church that starts in Jan and it's exciting to get it rolling, my two bible studies, I've stayed off facebook for 42 days so far (5 weeks)
Bad: Bad grade in Social Studies, made cupcakes that looked like pandas on Sat for 3 hours and then the church picnic I was going to go to rained out so they are still sitting on my table, I have SO much homework, I miss some people, I have to pull out a loan again as soon as the paperwork goes through
Boring: most of my classes
Exciting: I only have 3 and a half weeks of classes left, I saw a pretty rainbow yesterday

Roses and rainbows

In elementary schools, roses don't have thorns, and rainbows don't have rain clouds. They simply stand alone. As a teacher, you put aside what's going on every where else - anything that is bothering you, anything that is hurting you - and you put on a smile.

I wrote that this morning, and then later tonight I saw a rainbow after the rain. I took pictures and it made me smile.

Giant Ruber Ducky

I baby-sat and the boy had a giant ruber ducky! Haha!

Smart people. How are you?

Patience? What's that? I'm supposed to have some of that? Hmmm...... 

Some people are so smart. I don't mean in a book-smart kind of way, I mean in a wisdom-smart kind of way. Like they just have great advice all the time, great outlooks, they notice things that really push you out of your comfort zone (in a good way). Maybe some day I'll be really smart in that kind of way. I hope so.

Lots going on. Too much to type. And you know, when people say, "How are you?" or "How was your week?" I've begun to not know how to respond to that because very rarely is it a wonderful great week, sometimes it's a bad week, but most of the time there's a bix mixture of good and bad and boring and exciting in every week. So to sum it all up you just say good or fine? The word just doesn't quite match it. But oh well.


My Week (since last Thur)
Good: got to hang out with one of the girls in my high school youth group, baby-sat, had lunch with my friend Kaylene who is awesome, bible studies, didn't have to do field experience this week since they were on a break
Bad: too much homework, not enough focus, not enough patience, not enough discipline, haven't been going to bed when I needed to, part of me really wants to get back on facebook now but I shouldn't
Boring: social studies class, homework
Exciting: petitioned to graduate (May 2010), set a date for my graduation party in May

My new youtube video.

My new youtube video..... go to it. Click here.

Trucking through the work

I don't like group work, and yet every project we do in my social studies class is group work! There are three of us total, 10 assignments, and all of them we have to do together. It's hard because when they are papers or lesson plans, some of us get stuck with bigger parts than others or it's hard to make it all flow together, or we have different opinions and ways of doing things and have to come to an agreeance on something.

I've been going to starbucks to do homework lately. My "desk" in my room is very small and my printer is on it, taking up a large portion of it, along with other papers and books. If I sit on my bed my back starts to hurt or my legs get tired of sitting cross legged, or I get sleepy and fall asleep. So sitting up at a table is best and I can't go get food every 10 minutes if I'm at starbucks as opposed to sitting in my kitchen!

I've accopmlished 5 out of 17 of my homework assignments since Friday, which is good and bad. Most of what is due this week is done, but there are things that are bigger assignements due a little bit down the road that I need to jump on now even though they're not due quite yet. But man, each assignment is so long that after doing one or two I'm just done for the day it seems like. It's like moving a handfull of sand at a time out of a giant sandbox. After a few hours of work it still looks like I haven't done a whole lot.

On a more positive note, I am thankful for my friends. And I have enjoyed going to bible study on Thursday nights. It's been good.

Silence. Be still in the midst of the chaos.

It comes in waves.....the amounts of homework and along with it my motiviation..... Sometimes I'm so on top of things and I'm like "yeah! what now! take that homework!!" and other times it piles up and I procrastinate and stress. You'd think after the million years I've spent in school that I would figure out how to get in that "zone" where I can do a lot of homework at once, but I still haven't figured it out.

Sometimes you don't realize something about yourself until someone else points it out and then you say, "Oh. Yeah, that's true." For example, my mom pointed out not that long ago that I often get this "I have to do this RIGHT NOW!!" motatlity. Like for random things. If I need something at the store and I keep forgetting, if I have a time where I need to do it, I go right then instead of waiting until I'm out doing something else, no matter what time it is. If someone asks me to do a favor, I want to do it right then. If I really want to talk to someone, I call them or e-mail them right then. I often have this urgency about me - not a stressfull urgency, just this feeling that I want to do things right now and not put it off to later. EXCEPT homework which is funny. I think part of this urgency also plays into my persistance. I am incredibly persistant sometimes. Which can be good at times, and bad/annoying other times!!

I'm in a 2nd grade class this semester for field experience. It's different than the other classes I've been in because it's an inclusion class, meaning that 10 out of 21 of the students are special needs. Most are not severe, but have ADHD, ADD, learning disabilities, and are developmentally delayed.

A funny thing though - one girl came up and read her story she wrote using the spelling words for the week, and she paused when she told us the characters were having tea. "Tea - not TNT, because that's an explosive, but tea that you drink, like with river water." Hahaha, it was really funny. One thing I plan on doing when I am a teacher is keeping a book of some sort of all the funny things kids say/do over the years. It will be fun to keep track of. As well as pictures and letters kids give me.

It's been 3 weeks since I deleted my facebook. It all comes back when I log back in again. I'm mostly amazed I've been able to do it! But several things have pushed me towards it, with a big thing being that I can hardly get all my homework done as it is, and throwing in hours of facebook a week does NOT HELP! I mean even at an hour a day (either in 1 stiting or in several) is 7 hours a week! Which is a lot of homework time! Or even something like reading a book. Of course I have some other distractions I'm trying to weed out, but I think there will ALWAYS be distractions in life, especially when there's something you don't want to do!

Not being on facebook has made me realize that I used to e-mail people all the time to catch up and don't anymore. And yet seeing them on facebook doesn't really tell me much of what is going on with them. I miss the days of long e-mails between friends where you keep up with each other and what's going on in life! I've e-mailed several people in the past 3 weeks like my cousins, church friends, etc. and even though e-mails are not as personal as face to face, it's still more personal than facebook. And I think more fun and more meaningful. Backtrack even further - I used to write letters ALL the time. And now I only write letters once in a blue moon. Sometimes at Christmas for people, but hardly anybody. I used to keep all my letters in shoeboxes (still have them), but people just don't send them much anymore.

I've been in prayer about some things lately. More in listening though. After years of praying about it, God knows what's up and where my heart is in it. And maybe I haven't listened enough. Maybe even if I don't hear anything specifically, maybe just sitting in His presence will give me peace. Maybe if my desires are not in line with His, that sitting in silence and with Him will change that. There's something I prayed for that I thought God said yes to many years ago, I was SO SURE He said yes, but nothing has changed, nothing has come about as a result of that. Now I'm not sure if I heard wrong or if it's just the wrong time. For the past few weeks I've sat in silence for about 15-20 minutes each night. I feel the need to keep this up until I feel at peace with the situation or something changes in the situation, or when the "yes" I thought He said comes about. But oh it is hard. I feel the need to pray about it again, or convince God that it's really what I want as if I'm a child in a toy store asking over and over and over. Or that even when I say, "Your will be done" my heart still says, "but I want it to go this way...." Sometimes I get mad because I want a clear cut answer. And if it really was yes as I really thought it was before, then I want a time frame. And if none of those are "good for me to know" then I at least want peace about it and not so much hurting and confusion.

I can't hear Him through the noise that my life has. Not only the physical noise - people, music, cars, TV - but also the "noise" in a sense that my mind is always occupied and I am usually busy. Even in my quiet times with God they tend to be full of me doing something, like reading the bible and praying, but not much pause for listening.

Exodus 14:14 - The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Psalm 46:10- "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

1 Kings 19:11-12 The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

HOMEWORK

When I have too much to do, I shut down. I procrastinate, I suddenly feel the urge to do something else more fun (like watch Gilmore Girls, read a book, etc), and don't want to start anything. When each assignement for school will take hours and hours of work but I only have 1 hour (or not enough of an attention span for longer), then I feel like I don't want to start anything because I won't be able to get it done.

And I am at that point right now. I was alright up until Wednesday, and since then it's like school said, "Oh, you don't need a life. Every second you're awake you need to be doing homework. Forget eating, forget showering, and totally forget about a social life."

So, it's good I'm off Facebook right now. Don't need something sucking up my attention without me realizing!

Random posting

I've decided I want the iphone 4 for graduation in May. I've never had the internet on my phone and have always had the older kinds where all you can do is call and text. Hopefully by May the price will go down some.

Yesterday, Sunday, I taught high school sunday school in the morning, helped in the 2 year old class during the 2nd service, went to lunch with some people, then came back to the church right after for a meeting, went home and took an hour nap, and came back up to the church to help with youth group. Whew! Long day!

One 2 year old went around with a basket and went to each kid, snatching one of their toys and putting it in her basket. It was funny to see that some just sat there and cried, doing nothing about it, and others yelled and tried to hold on for dear life or tackle her as she walked away. When I came over and told the girl to stop taking everybody's toys, that there are tons of other toys in the room, she pitched a fit and cried and balled up on the floor as if I had just taken her toy away. I just let her lay there for a min and then she got up and went on her way.

The meeting was for planning for a new Sunday night service at my church that will start in January. It's exciting to be on the planning part of it. I might be one of the alternate singers as well. The serivce will be geared towards young adults.

I've gotten some homework done today, but I just have the itch to read a book and write in my journal instead of do homework. BAH! But homework must be done first!!!

Kenya

Tonight I went to a dinner for Kenya stuff, and after most people left it was just a handfull of us that had been to Kenya that were cleaning up and talking and stuff. Since we've all been to this life-changing thing, I feel like we are all close. Sadly we don't get together but a few times a year, but I know that most of them would do anything for me and vice versa. It's how church should be. That community that seems to be lacking sometimes. It's good to know that most of them are there for me.

Humphrey Kanga is in the picture below with me.... he lives in Kenya and is here in America for 3 months. He helps with all the kids we sponsor.

What would make a great day for me

I think when people answer this is says a lot about themselves. What they like to do, if they're more introverted or extroverted, what energizes them or rejuvinates them, what they consider relaxing. Here's mine.

A GREAT day would look like.....
-Starbucks. Preferably with a friend to talk to for an hour or two along with that.
-Reading a book
-Writing in my journal or some other type of writing
-Watching Gilmore Girls, Make It Or Break It, or Friends
-Doing something with a friend (or more than one friend)
-Playing a fun computer game (such as Nancy Drew!!)
-Taking a nap without an alarm to wake me up (if I'm tired)
-E-mail and facebook
-Taking pictures and posting them
-Playing games with people (Mad Gab, Pictionary Man, Uno, Apples to Apples, Telephone Pictionary, etc)
-Eating good food
-Go to a big bookstore and look around for a long time

So yeah, a lot of mine are things I'd do by myself. That's how I refuel! But I could still do some of those with a friend.

Songs that remind me of things

Songs that remind me of things.....

"Kiss From A Rose" by Seal - PE in elementary school. They always played that song when we were warming up / stretching.
"Macarena" - elementary school
"Together Again" by Janet Jackson - Sara Volkodav and the 5th grade talent show
"Butterfly Kisses" by Tim McGraw - 5th grade, the last week of school. One of the dads of two girls in our grade came and sang it to them at school.
"Born to Fly" by Sara Evans - my 8th grade chorus teacher sang that at the talent show
"There You'll Be" by Faith Hill - 8th grade chorus. The 8th graders sang it at the end of 8th grade as a goodbye.
"Sanctuary" by ??? mandy people! - two things: 1)Kenya 2007 because my friend Kesley and I sang it a lot. 2) 8th grade mission trip
"Give Us Clean Hands" by Chris Tomlin- FCA 9th grade year (2003/2004)
"Friends" by Michael W.Smith - I sang it for some youth leaders that moved in 2003, end of my 9th grade year so I think of them and that time
"Shackles" by Mary Mary - 9th grade youth praise band "Crazy Christians"
"What Do You Believe" by Grits - Fun In The Son 2004, my high school youth group summer trip
"Undignified" by David Crowder and "Sing Like the Saved" by David Crowder, "Here Is Our King" by David Crowder - Fun In the Son 2005
"Come and Listen" by David Crowder, "If We Are The Body" by Casting Crowns, "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North, "My Glorious" by Delirious, "O Praise Him" by David Crowder - senior year of youth group (2005-2006)
All Casting Crowns, David Crowder, and Grits songs- high school youth group
"I Will Praise You In The Storm" by Casting Crowns - Xtreme 2005, a winter youth trip to Gattlinburg TN
"Micah 6:8" by Charlie Hall, "Hosanna" by Paul Baloche, "I Will Boast" by Paul Baloche, "The Wonderful Cross" by Phillips, Craig and Dean - praise team at Mars Hill Church 2006-2007
"I'm Not Gonna Cry" by Corey Smith - high school graduation
All Phantom of the Opera songs - high school chorus
All songs by John McLaughlin, "Wind it Up" by Gwen Stefani - my friend Mary Balint
"Carry On My Wayward Son" by Kansas, Moulon Rouge songs - Guitar hero and Sarah Johnson, one of my friends who likes that song
"Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns - my friend Kesley Posey
All Mandisa songs - my cousins, aunt, and uncle out in Washington
"Happy Song" by Chris Tomlin - Megan Strange and Mer Dunk and playing it at church
"Crank Dat Soulja Boy" by Soulja Boy - Kenya 2007
"Lead Me To the Cross" by Hillsong, "Desert Song" by Hillsong, "Life Light Up" by Christy Knockles, "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong - Echo (young adults worship service at Northmetro Church) and Caroline Ware Fidell
"Lip Gloss" by Lil Mamma, "One Day Closer To You" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson - my roomate Leslie Johnson Vogel
"1234" by Plain White T's, "Every Time I Breathe" by Big Daddy Weave, "Here I Am" by Downhere - Kenya 2009
"My Paper Heart" by Francesca Batestelli, Haw Nelson songs - TCTC 2010, I was the chaperone for a youth group trip to TN
"Revelation Song" - my friend Jason Allen
"Hoedown Throwdown" by Miley Cyrus - my friend Cameron Whitfield

Running this race called life

Today I went to the Scholastic Book warehouse because they were doing a sale where books were 50-80% off!! And because I was an "educator" I got $10 off. I got some super great books!!!! LOVE IT!!! I tried hard to not let my interests / tastes in books get in the way - I got some books for boys, some that were for spanish speakers, some that were for african-americans, some that were science or history based, etc.

I also went to Office Depot and got 35 red folders and 35 green folders because each folder was one penny! So I spent 65 cents on two folders for each of the kids I'll have in my class someday! That way they can all have one. They could only do 10 folders per transaction, so I had to stand there a do a lot, but that's ok. I also got some rulers for a penny each, but those could only have 3 per transaction, so I got less of those.

I'm really excited to be a teacher!! It's encouraging to hear of teachers who still love their jobs, even years or decades later. When I had a roomate, she taught 2nd grade and she was sick one day and had to call in for a sub. She said ,"Oh, I miss my kids!" and that was encouraging to hear. I haven't had a part time job yet where I've looked forward to going to work, unless I was excited to see someone I worked with. I know I have some ideas of what teaching will be that will be wrong when I get into it. That all the kids will like me, or that all of them will learn a ton and life will be grand. But I do hope that for the most part I'll love my job.

A funny thing happened yesterday. I was standing at the crosswalk waiting to cross the street to go to class, and it was raining. I had my umberella thankfully. The sun was also out so it was pretty bright. A random guy next to me said, "Isn't it bad luck when the sun is out and it's raining?" Huh?? Never heard that one before. I said, "I don't think so. It means there's more of a chance of rainbows." I said. He nodded. And I thought, that's how I always want to look at things in life. When something isn't exactly going that great, I don't want to see it negatively, I want to see it positively. Easier said than done, but I'm working on it.

Today as I was e-mailing a friend we were talking about sinning and how sometimes no matter how much we try, we still do, or no matter how bad we know it is, we do it anyways. What a frustrating thing! Paul in the bible even says the same thing, that we do what we don't want to do, and don't do what we want to do. I wrote to her and said, "I guess if we didn't ever sin and were able to stop on our own, we'd think we didn't need Jesus to save us. We'd think we didn't need His grace to get into heaven since we could stop being bad ourselves and get into heaven ourselves." I hadn't really thought of it that way before. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and that kind of made sense. We ALL sin and fall short of His glory. But if we didn't all sin, Jesus coming to die for us would have been pointless. Not that it's ok to sin, or we shouldn't care.

Lastly I will say - it baffles me that there are people who love to exercize!!! Hahah! I do not enjoy it!! Since moving back home with my parents I've been walking on the treadmill lately (MAN I hate going up a size in jeans!! Trying to get that back down!!) and I dont' like it. I listen to music or read (because I walk not run), and I just hate the whole process. I have the wii fit plus and although some of the games are fun, it doesn't burn many caleries. It's more of a fun thing than a workout thing. But, whatever, it must be done.

Here's a picture of me holding our "science badge" our teacher gave us. She said kids love it and get so excited about it, even though it's such a simple / cheap thing!