One of my strongest and weakest traits all rolled into one.

Isn't it funny that one of your strongest strenghs can also be one of your strongest weaknesses?

I care about people a lot. I'm good at keeping in touch with people (unless they're non-responsive), and I have a huge heart. I'm very empathetic, I want to do things for my friends when they need help, I want to show people I care for them in some way or another, I pray for others often, and I am a dependable friend. On the flip side, I'm horrible at saying goodbye and letting people go.

I'm not sure when I realized this, but it was just over the past few years. It's always been strong in me, I just never pinpointed it.

I cried at the end of 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade because I knew I wouldn't see them over the summer, and the teachers I had would no longer be my teachers. At the end of 5th grade it was a lot worse and I worried for like a month prior to finishing school because I didn't want to go to middle school. I thought I would never see my teachers again, and I wouldn't have classes with my friends. Same thing with the end of 7th grade when I went to a new middle school, the end of 8th grade when I was going on to high school, and the end of 12th grade when I was going on to college. As people in my life that I cared about moved away, I was really upset. At the end of my first trip to Kenya I bawled my eyes out, and at the end of my 2nd I didn't cry but it was heavy in my heart for a long time.

In response to that, I've kept in touch with a LOT of my teachers from elementary, middle, and high school. Mostly through e-mails or facebook, but I still have lunch with some of them every now and then, and have helped out my 3rd grade teacher in her classroom at times. I've seen them more than just people who taught me the academics and content knowledge, but people who are just great people. People who have impacted me, encouraged me, gave me good advice, and shaped me. I've kept up with many friends from school and church. College has been different....I haven't kept in touch with as many people in college.

Besides friends, there are minor times when I recognize this odd trait in me. Like today. I've had 10 weeks of classes with the same exact people in all 4 of my classes. 10 weeks isn't that long, but I've grown close to some, and think highly of others even if we're not as close. It was sad because I know that even though we've said we'll keep in touch and get together a few more times this semester, I probably won't see but maybe two of them ever again after that. At the end of two of my classes, I was sad because they were great professors and I knew I may not ever see them again.

There are people in my life who were once in my life and I thought the world of them. They impacted me in ways they'll never know. But now they're not part of my life, and I'm ok with it. I still think highly of them, but life moves on, and I don't miss them anymore. There are other people in my life who I still feel the need to keep in touch with even though there may not be a time anymore that we will be close as we used to.

And I try to step back and see the bigger picture. I know that God will bring GREAT people into my life no matter where I go, what job I have, what church I'm at, where I live. I know that some of those great people will only be in my life for a few weeks, a few months, or a few years. I guess it's hard for me to know which ones are worth fighting for. Which ones are worth putting in the effort to keep in touch even when it's not convenient. And maybe part of it is how the other person feels about it too.

I have a friend named Kelly. We've been friends for 11 years now. Through the ups and downs of middle school, high school, college, and now careers, we have kept in touch. Sometimes we'd only talk 2 or 3 times a year, and only see each other once a year, and sometimes it was more often. But I knew that if I called her, she would answer, or she'd call back, and we'd talk and it would be good. She's been one of the very few people in my life so far that I'm pretty sure could be in my life for the next 10 years. There are others I wish we were still close, but they just don't respond when I try to keep in touch with them, and it's frustrating and it hurts. But some people just move on easier.

I've got a long journey ahead as a teacher - I'm sure it won't be easy each year as the kids in my class leave! And teachers will change jobs, be relocated, retire, and all of those will happen to me. Hopefully with time my ability to say goodbye and let people go will improve.