I've noticed some big themes in Genesis. I finished Genesis and put the stories into two main categories. While not every single story fit in one of the categories, and some fit in both, a lot of them are on the list.
I put out beside it what the product/outcome of the jealousy was.
Jealousy
-satan jealous of God = Hell
-Adam and Eve jealous of God's wisdom and knowledge = Sin enters the world / the fall
-Cain jealous that Abel's offering was accepted /right = Death/murder
-Sarah jealous of Hagar having a child with Abraham even though it was Sarah's idea = Lonliness for Hagar, fighting, anger
-Jacob jealous of Easu's birthright and blessing = Deception, lies
-Rachel jealous of her sister Leah because Leah could have kids = Sadness, emptiness, wrong place of identity
-Leah jealous of Rachel because their husband loved Rachel the most = Sadness, emptiness, wrong place of identity
-Joseph's brothers jealous because Joseph had dreams of being in power and he was their father's favorite child = Almost death, sold to slavery, guilt, their father was sad
Amongst the chaos of their jealousy spurring them on to sin, God could still make good things happen and bless people despite their failures. He still gave Sarah a child of her own, He still protected Jacob through his running away after stealing the birthright, He gave Rachel kids eventually, and He made Joseph successful even in jail and as a slave, and ultimately the "bad" done to him was used to save all of the land from a severe famine. Genesis 39:21 and 23, "But the Lord was with Joseph in prison and showed him His faithful love.... The Lord was with him and caused everthing he did to succeed."
Genesis 50:20, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." I LOVE that verse. It shows that no matter how many "detours" we seem to have or dead ends we hit, God can still keep you going until you reach the right destination and have it bring glory to Him in the process!
In those stories they acted upon their jealousy. They disobeyed God, killed, slept with other people, tricked people, and sold Joseph into slavery. Had they not acted upon it and just prayed and put their thoughts back on God, things would have been much better.
Long Waiting / Trusting God's Promises
-Noah and the flood and building the ark = Life
-Abraham waiting for a son = Joy and many descendents
-Abraham trusting God when He asked Abraham to sacrifice His son but then stopped him = Trust, love, faith
-God telling Jacob He would protect him = Protection and victory
-Joseph's dreams from God saying he would some day rule and be in power = Power, learns humility, saves lives
Friday, November 30, 2012
Friday, November 23, 2012
Give it to me.
Sunday afternoon I took my reading the bible time to Starbucks. I normally do it at home, but it's ok to switch it up sometimes. However, the annoying starbucks music got on my nerves so I put my headphones in, which was not actually "quiet" time... so yeah... Not going to do that a ton.
Genesis 22 - I'm familiar with the story of God asking Abraham to give his son up as an offering and what a difficult thing that was! I can't even imagine that kind of pain that Abraham must have felt in thinking, "God, you GAVE me this after TWENTY FIVE years of waiting! What is going on here?!" Was Abraham's love for his son an idol though, was Isaac #1 in his life instead of God? Or maybe not, maybe God just wanted to strengthen Abraham's trust and faith in God.
I sat and thought, what do I love the most in my life? Does anything threaten to take over the number one spot in my life? A short list came to mind. I then thought, what does it look like to "sacrifice" something in my case? Giving something up 100% or just cutting back? And as I narrowed it down... I'm going to be vague here... the most thing in my life that I felt fit the similar situation of Abraham loving his son, I asked, "God, am I way off here? Or are you asking me to give this up? And what if you don't give it back?" I wrote it down. I literally wrote the questions down to God. And let's all take a moment to laugh out loud when later that night God said, "Yep. You're right on," and things fell into place to where I had to give it up, as in God stepped in and made that decision for me and gave me no other option.
With that only being one of many reasons God said, "Nope. Give it to me," and with me logically agreeing and understanding, I still mentally stopped in my tracks. I didn't read my bible or write or anything from Sunday night until tonight. After dinner with the family for Thanksgiving, I sat in my room, about to turn my computer on, but not. I just sat. I said, "God, give me the motiviation to read the bible and pray and write. I know it needs to be done." I kept sitting for a while, wanting to just take a nap instead, but I finally wrote in my journal and floodgates opened. I processed. I prayed. I not only continued on from where I am in Genesis but also searched through other keywords on biblegateway.com. I'll just list three of them.
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"'The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!'
Genesis 22 - I'm familiar with the story of God asking Abraham to give his son up as an offering and what a difficult thing that was! I can't even imagine that kind of pain that Abraham must have felt in thinking, "God, you GAVE me this after TWENTY FIVE years of waiting! What is going on here?!" Was Abraham's love for his son an idol though, was Isaac #1 in his life instead of God? Or maybe not, maybe God just wanted to strengthen Abraham's trust and faith in God.
I sat and thought, what do I love the most in my life? Does anything threaten to take over the number one spot in my life? A short list came to mind. I then thought, what does it look like to "sacrifice" something in my case? Giving something up 100% or just cutting back? And as I narrowed it down... I'm going to be vague here... the most thing in my life that I felt fit the similar situation of Abraham loving his son, I asked, "God, am I way off here? Or are you asking me to give this up? And what if you don't give it back?" I wrote it down. I literally wrote the questions down to God. And let's all take a moment to laugh out loud when later that night God said, "Yep. You're right on," and things fell into place to where I had to give it up, as in God stepped in and made that decision for me and gave me no other option.
With that only being one of many reasons God said, "Nope. Give it to me," and with me logically agreeing and understanding, I still mentally stopped in my tracks. I didn't read my bible or write or anything from Sunday night until tonight. After dinner with the family for Thanksgiving, I sat in my room, about to turn my computer on, but not. I just sat. I said, "God, give me the motiviation to read the bible and pray and write. I know it needs to be done." I kept sitting for a while, wanting to just take a nap instead, but I finally wrote in my journal and floodgates opened. I processed. I prayed. I not only continued on from where I am in Genesis but also searched through other keywords on biblegateway.com. I'll just list three of them.
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"'The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!'
In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God."
-Job 1:21-22
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." - Romans 8:26-28
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." - Romans 8:26-28
I'm thankfkul God knows what's best for not only me but others as well. I'm thankful that He continues to love and forgive me through my failures. I'm thankful He writes a more beautiful story for my life that I could. I'm thankful He gives me some insight into His plans or reasoning sometimes instead of leaving me in the dark. I'm thankful He brings amazing people into my life to encourage me and pour love into me even when I don't tell them what's wrong and they're ok when I just say, "Just pray for me to have joy and peace," without having to give details.
Continuing on in Genesis, once I've started paying attention to how many times they build alatars or name rocks after a time God did something for them or spoke to them, I'm amazed at how MUCH they did that! I was talking to a friend about it last week at lunch and she said she thought about the same thing. Perhaps it's something different for everyone now, where you do something to remind yourself of a time that God answered prayer or moved in your life or whatever. She suggested drawing something, and keeping the drawings to look back through. But we both agreed we don't draw much or that well. I joked that we should find an empty field and just put a ton of rocks in it and then go write on them as we want to. :-) So, still praying about a way for me that represents that.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Not listening
Me: God, I'm not hearing you. God: You're not listening. You've got 50,000 other things in the way. What if you took an hour a day to pray? To sit in silence and focus on me? To pray for not only your friends and those you love, but also those who frustrate you and those you aren't really friends with? And then what if you spent 30 minutes in the Bible every day? What more would you learn about me?
At this season of my life, it may be when I have the most free time I will ever have until I'm retired or something! Eventually I will have a full time career / job (although I work 38 hours a week right now). I will get married and have kids. I will be so busy. And right now I have a lot of free time. I found ways to serve in the church and with other people, but as far as continuing to grow in my relationship with God I'm somewhat slacking. I've been reading the bible, but not every night as planned. Why? Because facebook, twitter, spotify, tv, sleeping, and reading has taken over. Not drugs, smoking, sex, alcohol. No, not crazy partying or causing problems. Just simple entertainment after work to wind down or chill out. But that has always, my entire life, been what slowly gets in the way of God being first, along with friends / time with friends.
The LORD is more important. HE is the Almighty God, Creator of the universe. King, Redeemer, Savior, Rock, Fortress, Stronghold. If he is not Lord over all, then He is not Lord at all.
At this season of my life, it may be when I have the most free time I will ever have until I'm retired or something! Eventually I will have a full time career / job (although I work 38 hours a week right now). I will get married and have kids. I will be so busy. And right now I have a lot of free time. I found ways to serve in the church and with other people, but as far as continuing to grow in my relationship with God I'm somewhat slacking. I've been reading the bible, but not every night as planned. Why? Because facebook, twitter, spotify, tv, sleeping, and reading has taken over. Not drugs, smoking, sex, alcohol. No, not crazy partying or causing problems. Just simple entertainment after work to wind down or chill out. But that has always, my entire life, been what slowly gets in the way of God being first, along with friends / time with friends.
The LORD is more important. HE is the Almighty God, Creator of the universe. King, Redeemer, Savior, Rock, Fortress, Stronghold. If he is not Lord over all, then He is not Lord at all.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Crazy Starbucks Customers, episode 2
It's time for another episode of "Crazy Starbucks Customers."
Customer lady: I'll have a no dairy pumpkin spice latte.
Me: *long pause* You mean you want soy milk?
Lady: No. No dairy.
Me: Well a latte is coffee, pumpkin spice syrup, and milk. Did you want just regular coffee with some of the pumpkin spice syrup in it?
Lady: No. They made it for me the other day. It was just no dairy.
Me: *STOP SAYING THAT* *Long pause and not even sure what to say* Well, we have whole milk, nonfat milk, soy milk, and 2% milk....
Lady: Yeah, I think it was nonfat milk.
*Face palm* That is NOT "no dairy" that's non fat!
Customer lady: I'll have a pupmkin spice latte and a peppermint mocha.
Me: Ok your total is ____
Lady: No, today is the buy one get one free of the holiday drinks.
Me: Yes, but their only for the Christmas drinks. The pumpkin spice latte is not included.
Lady: I CALLED up here and they said it counted! And they did it for me at the other starbucks!
Me: *stands there silently waiting*
Lady: This is f****** stupid. It's f****** ridiculous. I guess all starbucks are different.
Me: *they're not* Yeah, maybe.
Lady: *drops 10 more f bombs and finally changes her order and walks away muttering under breath.
If your biggest concern of the day is that you had to switch your drink or pay $4 for your drink, then you're in good shape.
Drunk girl: *after she orders her drinks* So are there any hot guys that work here?
Me: Uhhhh, I mean, they're ok as far as looks go.
Girl: Go through all of them and tell me what they're like.
Me: No. *and making a "that's stupid" face*
Girl: What about that one guy with the glasses? Is he single?
Coworker: Yes.
Girl: What's his last name?
Coworker: We're not alowed to tell you that.
Girl: When does he work?
Coworker: We also can't tell you that.
Girl: But I know he goes to _____ school and his major his _____....
Me: *to the customer behind her* What can I get for you?
Me: Your total is ____. *something small*
Man: *hands me a $100*
Me: Do you have anything smaller?
Man: Nope, I only have $2. *holds them up to prove*
Me: Well we just had someone come through with a $100 and wiped us out. *because saying it's a policy that we can't take $100's makes people argue and freak out so I lie now*
Man: Oh. Ok. *hands me his debit card*
Really??!! Why?!
Two hispanic women: We want a tall latte.
Me: Ok, a tall HOT latte?
Women: Yes.
Me: Ok, anything else?
Women: a tall iced chi tea latte with no ice.
Me: So a tall HOT latte and a tall ICED chai tea latte with NO ICE.
Women: Yes.
*drinks are made and I hand over the tall latte.*
Women: No, we said iced with no ice for that one too.
Me: No, no you did not say that and I asked you like four times. *let the drivethru window close and walked away, letting someone else remake the drink and hand it out.*
Woman through drivethru: What coffee do you have?
Coworker: Thanksgiving blend which is our bold and Pikes which is our medium.
Woman: I don't want one that is bitter.
Me: *laughing out loud because she can't hear me but I can hear her*
Coworker: We can put cream and sugar in it.
Woman: But which one is less bitter?
Me to my other coworkers: I love that she said that.
Coworker: How about you drive around to the window and we can give you samples of them.
Hahaha!
Man after he gets his coffee and it was before election day: I saw a poll the other day about Ohio being split and..... wah wah wah wah wah wah wah election wah wah wah obama wah wah Romney.
Me and my other two coworkers: *continue to clean, not look at him, not acknoweldge him*
Man: wah wah wah wah wah wah
*How can you continue talking when nobody is looking at you and clearly ignoring you?*
Me: We might be out of half and half over there, so let me know if you need some more.
Man: Oh. Ok.
Three elementary aged boys come in: Can we have three cups of milk with like chocolate powder in it? Or vanilla powder?
Me: Uhh, yeah I guess... your total is _____
Boys: OOohhh! Wait, what is that? *pointing to the pastry case*
Me: *tell them everything they point to, maybe they couldn't read well*
Youngest boy, about 6: Can I look at the chocolate chip cookies? I can't see them.
Me: *pull out the tray and show him.*
6 yr old: *reaches to get one!!*
Me: Woah! No no, you can't touch them! I will get it for you in a bag if you're going to buy it.
*they bought one*
Me: Where are your parents?
Boys: Oh they're getting their nails done and told us to come in here.
*they then take their milk to the condiment bar and make a giant mess with all the powders there and run in and out of the bathroom and bounce on the soft chairs*
Customer lady: I'll have a no dairy pumpkin spice latte.
Me: *long pause* You mean you want soy milk?
Lady: No. No dairy.
Me: Well a latte is coffee, pumpkin spice syrup, and milk. Did you want just regular coffee with some of the pumpkin spice syrup in it?
Lady: No. They made it for me the other day. It was just no dairy.
Me: *STOP SAYING THAT* *Long pause and not even sure what to say* Well, we have whole milk, nonfat milk, soy milk, and 2% milk....
Lady: Yeah, I think it was nonfat milk.
*Face palm* That is NOT "no dairy" that's non fat!
Customer lady: I'll have a pupmkin spice latte and a peppermint mocha.
Me: Ok your total is ____
Lady: No, today is the buy one get one free of the holiday drinks.
Me: Yes, but their only for the Christmas drinks. The pumpkin spice latte is not included.
Lady: I CALLED up here and they said it counted! And they did it for me at the other starbucks!
Me: *stands there silently waiting*
Lady: This is f****** stupid. It's f****** ridiculous. I guess all starbucks are different.
Me: *they're not* Yeah, maybe.
Lady: *drops 10 more f bombs and finally changes her order and walks away muttering under breath.
If your biggest concern of the day is that you had to switch your drink or pay $4 for your drink, then you're in good shape.
Drunk girl: *after she orders her drinks* So are there any hot guys that work here?
Me: Uhhhh, I mean, they're ok as far as looks go.
Girl: Go through all of them and tell me what they're like.
Me: No. *and making a "that's stupid" face*
Girl: What about that one guy with the glasses? Is he single?
Coworker: Yes.
Girl: What's his last name?
Coworker: We're not alowed to tell you that.
Girl: When does he work?
Coworker: We also can't tell you that.
Girl: But I know he goes to _____ school and his major his _____....
Me: *to the customer behind her* What can I get for you?
Me: Your total is ____. *something small*
Man: *hands me a $100*
Me: Do you have anything smaller?
Man: Nope, I only have $2. *holds them up to prove*
Me: Well we just had someone come through with a $100 and wiped us out. *because saying it's a policy that we can't take $100's makes people argue and freak out so I lie now*
Man: Oh. Ok. *hands me his debit card*
Really??!! Why?!
Two hispanic women: We want a tall latte.
Me: Ok, a tall HOT latte?
Women: Yes.
Me: Ok, anything else?
Women: a tall iced chi tea latte with no ice.
Me: So a tall HOT latte and a tall ICED chai tea latte with NO ICE.
Women: Yes.
*drinks are made and I hand over the tall latte.*
Women: No, we said iced with no ice for that one too.
Me: No, no you did not say that and I asked you like four times. *let the drivethru window close and walked away, letting someone else remake the drink and hand it out.*
Woman through drivethru: What coffee do you have?
Coworker: Thanksgiving blend which is our bold and Pikes which is our medium.
Woman: I don't want one that is bitter.
Me: *laughing out loud because she can't hear me but I can hear her*
Coworker: We can put cream and sugar in it.
Woman: But which one is less bitter?
Me to my other coworkers: I love that she said that.
Coworker: How about you drive around to the window and we can give you samples of them.
Hahaha!
Man after he gets his coffee and it was before election day: I saw a poll the other day about Ohio being split and..... wah wah wah wah wah wah wah election wah wah wah obama wah wah Romney.
Me and my other two coworkers: *continue to clean, not look at him, not acknoweldge him*
Man: wah wah wah wah wah wah
*How can you continue talking when nobody is looking at you and clearly ignoring you?*
Me: We might be out of half and half over there, so let me know if you need some more.
Man: Oh. Ok.
Three elementary aged boys come in: Can we have three cups of milk with like chocolate powder in it? Or vanilla powder?
Me: Uhh, yeah I guess... your total is _____
Boys: OOohhh! Wait, what is that? *pointing to the pastry case*
Me: *tell them everything they point to, maybe they couldn't read well*
Youngest boy, about 6: Can I look at the chocolate chip cookies? I can't see them.
Me: *pull out the tray and show him.*
6 yr old: *reaches to get one!!*
Me: Woah! No no, you can't touch them! I will get it for you in a bag if you're going to buy it.
*they bought one*
Me: Where are your parents?
Boys: Oh they're getting their nails done and told us to come in here.
*they then take their milk to the condiment bar and make a giant mess with all the powders there and run in and out of the bathroom and bounce on the soft chairs*
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Cake
I'm not a huge fan of normal cake. I can usually pass up birthday cakes and wedding cakes. But I once had a cake that was like, "OH MY GOSH." It was the best cake I've ever had.
But before that cake was that good, it consisted of raw materials that were liquid in a bowl. Unfinished, no icing, no shape, gross taste. If I had been offered that mush I would have said, "Eew. No." It wasn't done. It wasn't ready.
For some reason, there are things in my life that are still in the oven. Not done, not ready. Maybe I have more growing and changing to do. Or perhaps it's in the lives of other people that I will later encounter or even know now. Something is not ready in order for me to be in a better paying job and move out of my house. Something is not ready in order for me to be in a job that I love. Something is not ready in order for me to have a boyfriend and then a husband and then kids. I guess those are my two major things I want in life.
You can't speed up the heating process to make a cake be finished faster - it will burn. You set the timer and walk away. Yet in this case, the timer is hidden. Perhaps I've been sticking my face in the oven to get the cake and have been burned from it. I stuck a spoon in and came out with batter not finished. I keep turning the light on to see if it's done yet but it's not. But God won't give me the cake until it is finished and I will say, "OH MY GOSH. Thank you Lord for this."
I'm not the one making the cake -God is. I'm not the one deciding when it's done - God is. I am praising Him because He knows the perfect recipie and time to take the cake out and I do not. Therefore I try not to sit around being sad about it. I try not to go overboard on feeling like it's all up to me and I have to make it happen or it never will. Of course I should look for jobs, but when I'm not finding them it's not as if I did something hugely wrong. God's just not ready for me to go yet. Gotta let it go and let God hold on to it for now.
But before that cake was that good, it consisted of raw materials that were liquid in a bowl. Unfinished, no icing, no shape, gross taste. If I had been offered that mush I would have said, "Eew. No." It wasn't done. It wasn't ready.
For some reason, there are things in my life that are still in the oven. Not done, not ready. Maybe I have more growing and changing to do. Or perhaps it's in the lives of other people that I will later encounter or even know now. Something is not ready in order for me to be in a better paying job and move out of my house. Something is not ready in order for me to be in a job that I love. Something is not ready in order for me to have a boyfriend and then a husband and then kids. I guess those are my two major things I want in life.
You can't speed up the heating process to make a cake be finished faster - it will burn. You set the timer and walk away. Yet in this case, the timer is hidden. Perhaps I've been sticking my face in the oven to get the cake and have been burned from it. I stuck a spoon in and came out with batter not finished. I keep turning the light on to see if it's done yet but it's not. But God won't give me the cake until it is finished and I will say, "OH MY GOSH. Thank you Lord for this."
I'm not the one making the cake -God is. I'm not the one deciding when it's done - God is. I am praising Him because He knows the perfect recipie and time to take the cake out and I do not. Therefore I try not to sit around being sad about it. I try not to go overboard on feeling like it's all up to me and I have to make it happen or it never will. Of course I should look for jobs, but when I'm not finding them it's not as if I did something hugely wrong. God's just not ready for me to go yet. Gotta let it go and let God hold on to it for now.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Night
Night is when the armor drops.
Night is when the shield goes down,
The truth comes out, the filter disappears.
Night is when the heart aches.
Night is when you miss someone the most,
You make stupid mistakes, you skip the logic,
You follow your heart into plunder.
Night is when you laugh the most.
Jokes come quickly, and wit is strong.
People are silly and things don’t make sense.
Night is when the emotions rule.
Perhaps all emotions are magnified,
Both funny and serious.
Night is when your logic fails and your heart rules.
Sending words with heavy meanings,
Sending love with strings attached,
Carelessness with consequences not in grasp.
Night is when you forget your boundaries.
Night is when you get tired of fighting and give in,
When your self-control seems to already be asleep.
Night is when you feel the pain the most.
The busyness of the day is gone and things slow down.
Night is when your thoughts run free and wild,
When what you put off thinking about during the day sweeps in.
Fight back. Fight hard.
What is momentarily pleasing at night
Sows consequences and pain during the day.
Think twice. Think seven times.
Think ahead.
Go to great lengths to stay away from the edge of the cliff
Instead of seeing how close you can get without falling off.
Above ALL else
Above all else guard your heart.
GUARD.
For everything you do flows from it.
EVERYTHING.
Find ways to safeguard your choices
Instead o f just relying on your momentary self-control.
Night is when the Lord is still there.
Night is when He still cares.
He provides a way out when you are tempted.
Recognize what that is for you and take it.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
All things.
Through CHRIST.
Not by my own strength.
Night is when the shield goes down,
The truth comes out, the filter disappears.
Night is when the heart aches.
Night is when you miss someone the most,
You make stupid mistakes, you skip the logic,
You follow your heart into plunder.
Night is when you laugh the most.
Jokes come quickly, and wit is strong.
People are silly and things don’t make sense.
Night is when the emotions rule.
Perhaps all emotions are magnified,
Both funny and serious.
Night is when your logic fails and your heart rules.
Sending words with heavy meanings,
Sending love with strings attached,
Carelessness with consequences not in grasp.
Night is when you forget your boundaries.
Night is when you get tired of fighting and give in,
When your self-control seems to already be asleep.
Night is when you feel the pain the most.
The busyness of the day is gone and things slow down.
Night is when your thoughts run free and wild,
When what you put off thinking about during the day sweeps in.
Fight back. Fight hard.
What is momentarily pleasing at night
Sows consequences and pain during the day.
Think twice. Think seven times.
Think ahead.
Go to great lengths to stay away from the edge of the cliff
Instead of seeing how close you can get without falling off.
Above ALL else
Above all else guard your heart.
GUARD.
For everything you do flows from it.
EVERYTHING.
Find ways to safeguard your choices
Instead o f just relying on your momentary self-control.
Night is when the Lord is still there.
Night is when He still cares.
He provides a way out when you are tempted.
Recognize what that is for you and take it.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
All things.
Through CHRIST.
Not by my own strength.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Letting go and holding on
Perhaps some people are better at letting go of things than others.
I hold on tightly to memories, things that remind me of good things, and people.
I write in my journal often, not in fear of forgetting things, but in the intense need to write. I take a lot of pictures because I just love to do that. So from those two things alone, I have vivid memories preserved from most of my life. Yes, I had a plastic camera from 2nd-5th grade where the back opened and you put in film, advancing the film after each picture, and getting them two-day developed at the store. I also starting writing in a journal when I was 7. I have saved all the good letters people have written me since I was 9 and they are in shoeboxes in my closet.
I have a lot of random things in my room that are useless but meaningful to me. I have a board game in my closet that I may never play again, but it reminds me of all the times I played it with one of my friends that I never see anymore. I have a teddy bear that sits on my bookshelf from Build-a-Bear that reminds me of all my close high school friends because we took a day our senior year to draw names and make a bear for that person as a graduation gift since we couldn't all buy each other things. I have a ceramic piano that fits in my hand that my high school chorus teacher gave me in high school and she was one of my favorite teachers. I have a little bottle of sand and bright colored sea shells in the bottle with "A Little Bit O' Florida" on it because I bought it in middle school on the first mission trip I went to in Florida. I have a straw purse I will never use that sits on top of my bookshelf that women in Kenya made me in 2007 and 2009 while I was there.
Facebook allows me to somewhat keep up with or keep in touch with virtually everyone from my whole life that I want to keep up with. The farthest person back that I'm friends with on facebook is a girl from my kindergarten class in Columbus, GA. I hadn't seen her since Kindergarten because I moved, and after we found each other on facebook she transferred to KSU and we hung out some. I'm also friends with at least 10 teachers off the top of my head that I've had, probably more, all the way back to 3rd grade.
Most of the time when you're required to "let go" of someone, it is because one of you are moving, changing jobs, changing churches, changing schools, or however you normally see them you will no longer see them anymore. You either abruptly stop seeing them, or you gradually stop seeing them. Sometimes God allows you to cross paths again later in life at random times and it is such a blessing.
But normally, I'll be honest, I am terrible at letting people go, even when I'm the one going! High school graduation time, I was a wreck. When my friends over the years have moved, I hate it. When I leave a job, I'm usually sad because I don't really keep in touch with people I worked with before. It's only happened with a few people. In most situations, it's not possible or not easy to see people again once the "leaving" has happened.
So there it is. I'm not good at letting go. I've heard some people say, "Oh, sorry for not keeping in touch... if I don't see someone on a regular basis it's hard for me to keep in touch with them. I wish I were better at it." And yet I come from the opposite side saying that it's a pain to feel the need to keep in touch with everybody you ever loved and cared for. Of course it changes and lessens but random times will come where I just feel the need to see or write someone, even if it's been a year or two.
I hold on tightly to memories, things that remind me of good things, and people.
I write in my journal often, not in fear of forgetting things, but in the intense need to write. I take a lot of pictures because I just love to do that. So from those two things alone, I have vivid memories preserved from most of my life. Yes, I had a plastic camera from 2nd-5th grade where the back opened and you put in film, advancing the film after each picture, and getting them two-day developed at the store. I also starting writing in a journal when I was 7. I have saved all the good letters people have written me since I was 9 and they are in shoeboxes in my closet.
I have a lot of random things in my room that are useless but meaningful to me. I have a board game in my closet that I may never play again, but it reminds me of all the times I played it with one of my friends that I never see anymore. I have a teddy bear that sits on my bookshelf from Build-a-Bear that reminds me of all my close high school friends because we took a day our senior year to draw names and make a bear for that person as a graduation gift since we couldn't all buy each other things. I have a ceramic piano that fits in my hand that my high school chorus teacher gave me in high school and she was one of my favorite teachers. I have a little bottle of sand and bright colored sea shells in the bottle with "A Little Bit O' Florida" on it because I bought it in middle school on the first mission trip I went to in Florida. I have a straw purse I will never use that sits on top of my bookshelf that women in Kenya made me in 2007 and 2009 while I was there.
Facebook allows me to somewhat keep up with or keep in touch with virtually everyone from my whole life that I want to keep up with. The farthest person back that I'm friends with on facebook is a girl from my kindergarten class in Columbus, GA. I hadn't seen her since Kindergarten because I moved, and after we found each other on facebook she transferred to KSU and we hung out some. I'm also friends with at least 10 teachers off the top of my head that I've had, probably more, all the way back to 3rd grade.
Most of the time when you're required to "let go" of someone, it is because one of you are moving, changing jobs, changing churches, changing schools, or however you normally see them you will no longer see them anymore. You either abruptly stop seeing them, or you gradually stop seeing them. Sometimes God allows you to cross paths again later in life at random times and it is such a blessing.
But normally, I'll be honest, I am terrible at letting people go, even when I'm the one going! High school graduation time, I was a wreck. When my friends over the years have moved, I hate it. When I leave a job, I'm usually sad because I don't really keep in touch with people I worked with before. It's only happened with a few people. In most situations, it's not possible or not easy to see people again once the "leaving" has happened.
So there it is. I'm not good at letting go. I've heard some people say, "Oh, sorry for not keeping in touch... if I don't see someone on a regular basis it's hard for me to keep in touch with them. I wish I were better at it." And yet I come from the opposite side saying that it's a pain to feel the need to keep in touch with everybody you ever loved and cared for. Of course it changes and lessens but random times will come where I just feel the need to see or write someone, even if it's been a year or two.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
An undivided heart, a closed door, a rainbow
In Genesis 4, Cain gives "some" of his crops and Able gives his first and best sheep. God accepts Able's offering and not Cain's.
As I've started trying to read the bible again each night, it has been going something like this: Get home from work, talk to my parents for a bit, put on PJs, be online for a while, read the bible, go to bed. During that time I read the bible and wrote out my prayers, I became tired. And when I read this last night I thought... am I just giving God "some" of my time? What would my first and best be like in my situation? First of all, I am NOT a morning person. Even when I get up early enough to try to have a quiet time, it ends up all bad because I get so sleepy. So for me, my most alert and active time is after coming home from work. So today I came home and instead of turning on my computer first, I sat down and read my bible and prayed and journaled. It was much longer because I was still alert and ready to go.
During the youth trip to Winshape this past weekend two verses they used throughout the weekend stuck out to me:
Psalm 86:11-12, "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Is my heart divided or being distracted by other things in life? Yes. Hebrews 12:1-2, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marekd out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith..." And then as I thought of, "Above all else, guard your heart..." I thought of how it starts off with above all else.
I want to have all the desire taken out of me for the wrong things, or the things that aren't for me. The wrong jobs, the wrong guys, the wrong timing of things, sins in my life. Like gum that loses its flavor, like eating something that is too rich like a mouth full of frosting, like a stomach so full you can't drink any more, like a song on repeat, like a screaming baby for hours on end, like the feeling of being so tired of food you've eaten too often. Not a struggle to get away from, but a want to get away from.
Onward to Noah. Genesis 7:16(b), "Then the Lord closed the door behind them." God closed the door to a world that was flooding in order to save Noah and his family. That closed door was one that God closed and was a blessing. I've received e-mails saying, "Sorry, we're not hiring" or "you don't fit what we're looking for." I cringe. But those could be doors God is closing because he is blesing me in that. The same for all other things God says no to. It may not be a "bad job" or a bad situation, but that God has something else in mind. God didn't stop the flood, He just protected Noah through it. God won't stop crazy, painful, and frustrating things in life every time, but He will protect me through it when I am trusting in Him.
When Noah got off the ark he built an alter to the Lord to sacrifice animals to give thanks. Other times in the bible people name rocks and wells and stuff to remember God's goodness or thank Him. How could I do something like that now? What is something I could do to show thanks and a reminder of what He did in answered prayer? Something to think on.
SIX vereses are devoted to God saying that when He sees a rainbow He will remember His covenant and promise to never flood the whole earth again. So cool.
As I've started trying to read the bible again each night, it has been going something like this: Get home from work, talk to my parents for a bit, put on PJs, be online for a while, read the bible, go to bed. During that time I read the bible and wrote out my prayers, I became tired. And when I read this last night I thought... am I just giving God "some" of my time? What would my first and best be like in my situation? First of all, I am NOT a morning person. Even when I get up early enough to try to have a quiet time, it ends up all bad because I get so sleepy. So for me, my most alert and active time is after coming home from work. So today I came home and instead of turning on my computer first, I sat down and read my bible and prayed and journaled. It was much longer because I was still alert and ready to go.
During the youth trip to Winshape this past weekend two verses they used throughout the weekend stuck out to me:
Psalm 86:11-12, "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Is my heart divided or being distracted by other things in life? Yes. Hebrews 12:1-2, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marekd out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith..." And then as I thought of, "Above all else, guard your heart..." I thought of how it starts off with above all else.
I want to have all the desire taken out of me for the wrong things, or the things that aren't for me. The wrong jobs, the wrong guys, the wrong timing of things, sins in my life. Like gum that loses its flavor, like eating something that is too rich like a mouth full of frosting, like a stomach so full you can't drink any more, like a song on repeat, like a screaming baby for hours on end, like the feeling of being so tired of food you've eaten too often. Not a struggle to get away from, but a want to get away from.
Onward to Noah. Genesis 7:16(b), "Then the Lord closed the door behind them." God closed the door to a world that was flooding in order to save Noah and his family. That closed door was one that God closed and was a blessing. I've received e-mails saying, "Sorry, we're not hiring" or "you don't fit what we're looking for." I cringe. But those could be doors God is closing because he is blesing me in that. The same for all other things God says no to. It may not be a "bad job" or a bad situation, but that God has something else in mind. God didn't stop the flood, He just protected Noah through it. God won't stop crazy, painful, and frustrating things in life every time, but He will protect me through it when I am trusting in Him.
When Noah got off the ark he built an alter to the Lord to sacrifice animals to give thanks. Other times in the bible people name rocks and wells and stuff to remember God's goodness or thank Him. How could I do something like that now? What is something I could do to show thanks and a reminder of what He did in answered prayer? Something to think on.
SIX vereses are devoted to God saying that when He sees a rainbow He will remember His covenant and promise to never flood the whole earth again. So cool.
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