Reminders of what God has done in my life

We don't build monuments or alters, or name rocks to remind us of great things God has done for us like they did in the old testament. Now, we write them down, to read back and be reminded of God's great works in our lives.

A girl I didn't know that well, Nichole, was someone who I helped get a job at my Starbucks. She has been such a blessing to work with. She is full of energy and joy, which gives me energy and joy as well! She is someone I can talk to about life, and is on the same page as me. I am immensely thankful for her, and that God has allowed me to work with a friend. He has blessed me with her, even in a job that I'm not a huge fan of.

Last year at this time, one of my best friends Joy left for Bosnia for a year. We used to hang out a lot, and go cool places on day trips. We were really close, and her leaving was really hard. At the same time, my really close friend Mel got a new job and became fully immersed in that, and wasn't around much anymore. I felt a huge loss between the two of them, and cried a lot about it honestly. Why would God take both of these amazing women out of my life at the same time? But, in an overlapping process, God showed me what a great friend Katie was. We got closer over time, and then we started meeting every week and that was a gift from God. It's been a year, and with her schedule being busy and getting ready to be married, we won't be meeting every week, and although she won't be too far away, she won't be in my life in the same way. Joy has decided to go back to Bosnia for another year. But, I am not too brokenhearted about either of those two things, because I have seen God's hand in bringing people into my life who enrich my life and friends that either become closer, or new friends. Maybe someone has been praying for a close friend, and I am the answer to that prayer!

I searched and prayed for about a year after college before deciding to pursue photography. I am thankful God has given me the talent, persistence, and opportunities to pursue that. I never thought I've have the type of camera I do, or that I'd be taking pictures of the things I've taken pictures of. I am far from making it a job, but God will bring me to the right places at the right time. To have a passion in life is such a beautiful thing, and I'm thankful God showed me what mine is.

Over the past few years, there have been situations in life that really shook me and brought me to my knees. I was knocked down and felt I couldn't get up again. I don't think my foundation was "built upon the sand" and not on God, but I still felt rocked by the waves and I felt incapable of seeing Him through those storms. I didn't feel his peace or trust His hand in my life... I thought that He was just not in those storms. I am sometimes that person in the boat saying, "Jesus! Wake up! Don't you know it's storming?" Ah, He knows. And He is the master of those storms. Instead of seeing those storms as disasters intended to destroy my life, I have seen them as a redirection or a warning. Like, "Turn around! Don't keep going this way!" Or even if I don't see a purpose and I am just soaking wet in the storm, I am allowing Him to fill me with peace. I am still. I am waiting. I am listening. I look for things God does in my life, from the little things to the big things. I am asking that God give me eyes to see things as He does, and to not allow people, things, circumstances, or anything else to be what dictates my emotions or actions. He is helping me to do that. I don't feel so shaken anymore by the things in life that aren't going well or things that flat out punch me in the gut. Praise the Lord.

This thing we call life

Thanks to the internet being the way it is, there are stats on things. But sometimes, the statistics are... well... embarrassing. Sad. Incredulous.

For example:

I have posted 4.4 thousand pins on pinterest in the past 3 years. And I haven't even been on it in the past 6 months hardly at all. I have a thousand followers on there.

I've starred 797 songs on Spotify in the past 3 years, which is 49 hours and 50 minutes.

I've only liked 166 things on Stumbleupon, which seems like a small number for the years I've been on it.

I've tweeted 4,049 times, with 1,356 favorites tweets of others that I've seen, in the past 5 years.  

There are 1,498 pictures tagged of me on facebook, and I've posted 13,349 pictures in 8 years.

I have 78 apps on my iPhone.

There is no way to track the time I've been on facebook, or how many videos I've watched on youtube, or how many silly things I've read on buzfeed, or how many hours of TV shows I've watched, or how many hours I've spent playing games on my phone or on my computer.

And I wonder why I still have unread books, or why I can't hear God sometimes.

I saw someone post a quote from the book, "Don't Waste Your Life," by John Piper on Facebook and it is now on my list of books to read. But isn't it ironic that I'm not sure when I'll actually read it because I've got other things going on?

“America is the first culture in jeopardy of amusing itself to death.” - John Piper

Last night at bible study I tried to be more intentional in my conversations with people, and my time is also almost up with my friend Joy who goes back to Bosnia for a year in just over a week. I tried not to check my phone, but looked at my notes a few times that were in my phone because I had a lot of things I needed to write down so I wouldn't forget. I went to Waffle House after bible study with 11 of us, and again, tried to really "be all there." There are people in my life who I love and are wonderful, and I know that in the constant change of life that people will continue to move on out of my life. Not because they don't want to be there, but because that's the way life is. There is no way to put a number on the amount of times I've hung out with friends, or the hours I've talked to them, but I can count the years. I've been at my bible study for 4 years now, and am flooded with love because of that!

“I am wired by nature to love the same toys that the world loves. I start to fit in. I start to love what others love. I start to call earth "home." Before you know it, I am calling luxeries "needs" and using my money just the way unbelievers do. I begin to forget the war. I don't think much about people perishing. Missions and unreached people drop out of my mind. I stop dreaming about the triumphs of grace. I sink into a secular mind-set that looks first to what man can do, not what God can do. It is a terrible sickness. And I thank God for those who have forced me again and again toward a wartime mind-set.” - John Piper

I want to walk so closely with Christ that when troubles and distractions come, I am merely glancing at them and walking on. When I am not walking close with Him, I am stopped in my tracks, brought to my knees, and brought to tears that don't end by those problems and pains in life. When my pain begins to overtake my joy, I know that I am not walking so closely with God. And I also get unfocused about sharing Him with others! I pray that everything I do will glorify Him and that when I fall and mess up, or get distracted by the world, that I am quick to turn back to Him. Always.

Relationships, dating, and marriage

Tonight I went to the young marrieds’ bible study and asked them questions about relationships, dating, and marriage. We had an awesome series on relationships at our single’s bible study that wrapped up a few weeks ago and only a few in our group is married. I wanted to go and ask these people who are already married for some of their insight, advice and wisdom as well!  There were 18 people there, with 3 being married for a longer amount of time, and a couple who also gets married this week! Some had babies and some had no kids. Even after my last question they continued to talk and remembered things to add to previous questions, so I got an hour full of awesomeness! When I quote someone, I will try to write it as close to what they said as possible – some things will be easier to write in the way they said it themselves. Thanks to everybody who was there!

I have friends who are engaged, in relationships, dating, and single, and this is for you all as much as myself! I asked these questions for my friends, and to look at myself to see if there is anything I should change in myself, as well as things to look for in the future.

1. “How do you argue? Do you shut down and need time before talking about it, do you want to have it out right then, do you need time to collect yourself… and what do you do when the other person deals with conflict differently?”

A common theme was that girls wanted to talk it out in detail, and guys just wanted to say sorry and move on. One guy said that he would think they were done talking about it, but then she would need to keep talking about it, so it took time to realize they needed to do that. She said it helped so that the same argument didn’t happen again in the future. One couple said, “We argue right then and there and then we leave it in the past and don’t bring it back up. That’s important.” People said that it was important to learn the other person’s personality when they were stressed out and they got in arguments, and that both had to change a little for that. One guy said, “Sometimes your expectations of the other person is what causes arguments, even in small things, and you have to talk about it. Like if I expect my wife to always take the trash out because she’s supposed to be the one in the kitchen, and then I have to take it out and I’m mad about it but don’t say anything, it just stirs up anger that doesn’t come up until later.” One girl said that even if you need time to think about something or cool down, never go to bed angry because in the morning you’re up and off to work, and the “immediate takes over the important.” She said that girls should be forward and communicate well not just in arguments but all the time, because guys need things spelled out sometimes and need things said directly – all the guys cheered in agreement. Haha.

2. “Did you have specific things in dating that helped you not go too far physically?”

One of the guys started off by saying that with girlfriends before his wife, they had made specific rules for themselves like not staying out past 10:00 or whatever, but then sure enough they would be out past 10, and even though they hadn’t done anything wrong they would feel bad about it. He said sometimes there were important rules to be made if you knew something was a struggle for one or both of you, but sometimes you couldn’t make too many “rules” or else it wouldn’t really help. He also said that he thought about how he would want his future daughter to be treated by a guy, would he want a guy treating her the way he was treating his girlfriend? One girl said that her now husband said that they didn’t say I love you until they were engaged. Not a rule that they felt like everybody had to follow, it’s just one they decided to do together. They said that they always tried to remember that first and foremost, they were brothers and sisters in Christ, and he said, “I want to be closer to the Lord after this if we don’t get married. I want to leave you as a better person, not a broken person.” I think that is so great! They said that your boundaries will change from when you first start dating, to serious dating, to being engaged, to being married. And that’s ok that they change.

3. “Was there anything important to you, or something you did in your past, that you didn’t tell the other person until you were engaged or married? How quickly did you get to know them and are there things you shouldn’t share with them while you are dating?”

One girl said that when she knew she wanted to marry her now husband, but they hadn’t talked about it yet, her mom gave her books to read about marriage and one was a book of questions to ask before you get married, like how you were disciplined as a child, how you dealt with money, etc. They each got one and filled it out on their own time, and then switched books to read what the other wrote, and highlighted things they wanted to talk about which created good discussion. One of the women said, “What you can’t do in that is say, ‘What? You think this? That’s wrong / stupid.’ There are some things you will differ in, but there are some things that will show you red flags.” They said how it was really fun to answer the questions and talk like that. Another couple said they started off long distance immediately, for several months living in different states. He said they wrote letters back and forth because their conversations through texting weren’t as deep, and they wanted to get to know each other better. He said it also allowed them to get to know each other without any physical contact, and they were able to focus on the desire to get to know each other and not just get distracted by the physical things. He said you could still do that even if you lived near each other!

One girl said that about once a month they had a “check-in” time to see how things were going, what they could do better, what to work on, etc. The first few times were great and like, “Everything’s great! You’re perfect,” but then there were things they had to change and discuss. She said you have to be really willing to hear it and take in it though, because sometimes she would be upset about something he would say got on his nerves or that wasn’t going well, but it was really helpful in the long run. She said that way, you knew what was bothering the other person and could work on it while you were both calm instead of waiting until it was a huge deal and then blowing up in the moment. Another girl said that despite all of that good intention, when you are living under the same roof as someone and you’re tired and had a long week, you still have disagreements even over something as small as someone not changing the toilet paper, or whether or not the toilet paper should go over or under.

4. “What were red flags to you as you were dating? What was big enough to not continue (or start) a relationship with someone?”

A guy said, “I asked God to let me see their heart before their face.” He said he really looked to see how a girl loved people, including strangers, because that would show him how she would love his friends and family who she hadn’t even met yet, and that if she loved others well, then she had a kind heart. If she didn’t love others well, that was a red flag. Another guy said it had to be someone who his parents liked. People said that if your closest friends were hesitant about a guy and you tried to justify, “Well you just don’t know him like I do,” then that was a red flag. They said that love is truly blind sometimes, and you need to listen to the advice and wisdom of your close friends and family. Pushing physical boundaries – red flag. Pornography – red flag. If their goal in dating is not marriage – red flag. A girl said that sometimes even though you know a guy through church, that doesn’t always mean that they are ready to be in a relationship or ready to lead or be sacrificial. She said that constant arguing or conflict is a red flag, that it doesn’t go away when you get married but is harder and magnified. One guy said that he looked for someone who could still be his “buddy” in the sense that it’s important to be able to hang out and do nothing or silly things because there are times when life is busy and not all that fun but if you’re still able to enjoy the other person’s company then that’s important. Another guy said her sense of humor had to match his because he was always joking around and sarcastic, and if a girl thought it was stupid or annoying, then that just wouldn’t go well. So his wife is able to roll her eyes and laugh, be sarcastic back, or go along with it. Another guy said a good relationship with their family was important to him, although he knew that some people weren’t able to control that, like if their family wasn’t a Christian and they shunned that person because they were a Christian.

5. “While you were dating, did you hang out with someone of the opposite sex, just the two of you, even if it was out in public? And now that you are married, how do you deal with situations where that arises as far as how you communicate with others or what you do if you’re forced into a situation like that through work? What kind of boundaries do you have in that?”

One girl said, “Sometimes you obviously have to text or talk to someone of the opposite gender, whether it be through work or through church stuff. But when I do, I tell my husband that we did and what we talked about. And that’s ok.” They all said how important it was that you didn’t talk to someone of the opposite sex about your marriage, because that was none of their business, and you bond emotionally when you complain about your girlfriend or wife to another girl. A guy said how it was so important not to talk bad about each other to others behind each other’s backs. A guy said how a lot of times affairs start with small things like an emotional bond. At the same time, it’s important to stay in community, not get rid of all your friends, and talk about what’s going on in your marriage or relationship with a group of people, like that bible study, or with someone of the same gender. They said that if you’re dating someone who only wanted to spend time alone with you and not in groups of people, that wasn’t a good thing. It’s important to not only keep friends close, but also to see how they treat other people and how they behave with your friends. The girls said that even when a guy complimented them at work, like, “You look nice today!” they told their husbands just because that’s what they did. But that if it was a guy constantly complimenting them, that was a red flag and they needed to be careful – one girl said that might seem extreme, but it’s just something that led them to be on guard. Another guy said to avoid even the appearance of evil! If you and someone of the opposite gender are in the same room just watching the Braves and nothing else, the only thing people know or see is that you’re in a house with the doors closed and that’s it. Even though you might not be doing something wrong, it’s not even good to go there. One girl said that she used to have a lot of guy friends but when she started dating her husband she told them all that she wasn’t going to be hanging out with them one-on-one because it was saying, “I care enough about you to not cause any issues in that area.” It avoids all question or jealousy by just putting that out of the picture. She said, “Also, texting is more secretive than you think. Even though you might not be texting about something that is a big deal, you should be careful. You should always be respectful, open, and honest with your significant other in what conversations you have with the opposite gender, even in texting.” One girl said that through her job, there were times she had to ride in the car with her boss who is a guy, and it was unavoidable, but she always told her husband when that happened.

Fallen, but standing again

I was on facebook tonight when I came across something that knocked me down. I was suddenly flooded with anger, sadness, jealousy, bitterness, dread, fear, worry, stress... I don't even know the right words to explain the depth of pain that came over me. It didn't start from facebook, it started from something else, but this was a bigger reminder to me of how real it is, and a reminder of how things are quickly getting worse. I turned my facebook chat on to see if some of my closest friends were on, even at such a late hour, and they were. They were awake. But I just didn't feel like pouring this pain on them. I don't want to be redundant or have them be tired of me, and honestly I know I'm not looking for advice from them but for peace and a solution and these awful feelings to be taken away from me. That doesn't come from my friends. I am thankful and blessed for friends who listen to my pain when it comes, and I am always willing to listen to theirs without hesitation. But there comes a time when I know that I'm not just looking for a friend to listen to me, or even tell me they are praying for me because I already know they are.

And so I started to journal. Four pages in, I stopped and went to the bible. On my bible app, I see when my friends I've added have highlighted something and the first one a friend highlighted that showed up was, "The name of the LORD is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10 NLT)" So I ran to Him to be safe. I randomly decided to read 1 Peter, and all 5 chapters were like putting aloe vera on a sunburn. I read it quickly because I was reading with thirst, and then went back a second time to read them all again a bit slower. I am standing at the bottom of a mountain and its magnitude scares me. The possibilities of its terrain, what could be on the mountain, how I could be hurt on the way... I don't want to continue on this journey, on this path, because I just want to chose a different way where this mountain is not in my way. I have tried over the past few weeks to abandon this path, but one thing after the other leads me back and I feel like God is saying, "No, I want you here. Let's keep going."

When the bible says, "Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth," (Colossians 3:2), I am reminded to view my life through the eternal perspective. Sitting up in heaven, talking to God about my life, what will it look like as we review this time in life? What kind of questions will I ask? What will He reveal to me that was going on that I had no idea about? What things am I going through that is actually bringing glory to Him and being a witness to those around me that I don't even know? How does God want me to act in different situations or seasons in life, and if I know it, am I doing it? It puts me in an airplane, looking down on the mountain that suddenly looks so small and God reminds me of His greatness. It seems like a short amount of time in the airplane sometimes, before I am overwhelmed by the mountains in my life, but God lives inside of me and I know He is with me in the journey. He is the one that will fill me with peace, not from this world but from Him.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell Go what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Think about such things

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." - Philippians 4:8

Fix your thoughts on what is true...
Sometimes to figure out what is true, you also have to figure out what is false so you can combat that with truth. When the thought comes that is false I have to realize that it's false and then go find truth. And the truth is found in the bible. False: "I am not married yet because there must be something wrong with me.. there's something about me that is too much or not enough. I have to figure out what that is and I have to change who I am."  "Why haven't I gotten a better job yet or a job with more money? I am stuck, and God just doesn't feel like fixing it."
Truth:
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered!"
-Psalm 139:13-17

Honorable....
The version I learned when growing up used the word noble instead of honorable. The definition of noble: having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals. This one is a little bit complicated to me, as the definition of honor is to show respect, and both words seem more like actions instead of thoughts. To think about things that are honorable then, I guess would be having high morals, and not allowing yourself to indulge in thoughts of things otherwise. To stay away from thinking about having sex, even if you aren't actually doing it. To stay away from simmering in jealous thoughts, etc.

Right...
So don't think about things that are wrong. Haha. This covers a major spectrum of things, and to know the difference between right and wrong you must read the bible. The world has a different set of morals and rules, and it even differs between people, friends, and non-believers. So to think about things that are right, you must be putting the RIGHT stuff into your head. Not garbage. Not songs that are degrading women or talking about sex. Not movies, books, and tv shows where all morals are out the window.

Pure...
There are a lot of definitions for pure, and the one I think of most is: wholesome and untainted by immorality, especially that of a sexual nature. Easier said than done. I once heard it said that there's a difference between a thought that comes into your head that is inappropriate or bad and then changing your thought process or moving on, and letting it continue on and dwelling on it. They said it's like if a bird lands on your head, you shoo it off. But it's different if you let it stay and make a nest on your head. While thoughts can come without our wanting it to, that doesn't mean we have to let them suddenly take over. Another definition that I just saw though was this: without any extraneous and unnecessary elements; free of contamination. Ooh, contamination. Well that covers a gamut of things. But overall, the only way to purify our thoughts, is to constantly fight the battle. Praying and reading the bible are the way to do that. I have been in the middle of thinking about something bad and then said this verse above (Philippians 4:8) over and over in my head and prayed that God would help me.

Lovely...
Think about lovely things? Beautiful, pleasant, enjoyable are things that are used to define lovely. I think going over things I'm thankful for in my head would be considered lovely, and to think about events that have happened that I really enjoyed (like trips, time with friends, my mission trips to Kenya, etc). Like playing a movie back in my head, I can chose to think about things that God has done in my life and thank him for the beautiful things He has done, or I can think about things that have hurt me or that haven't been "fair," which puts me in bad mood and spirals into anger and a million other things.

Admirable...
This is another one I'm not totally clear on. It is a synonym of honorable; deserving respect and approval. Worthwhile is a synonym of admirable which is good... It's not worthwhile to worry and think about things that could go wrong, might go wrong, or even probably will go wrong.

Excellent...
Excellent is even better than good, it's like fantastic. If someone says, "How are you," and they say, "Excellent," then you know that things are going really, really well. I think this is close to lovely. Thanking him for things, and thinking about good things.

Worthy of praise...
Do I think about things that are worthy of praise? Not praise to me, like, "Hey, good job for thinking about that!" But me praising God. You know what is worthy of praise? The fact that God loves us and forgives us no matter how many times we sin. THAT is worthy of praise. Praise the Lord for His unending mercy and grace. Praise the Lord for His perfect timing. Praise the Lord for His guidance. Praise the Lord for Him saying no to the things we want that are not good for us, and saying yes to the things we need and are even better. These are things to think about and rejoice in!

All of the above is easier said than done at times! I think some people have an easier time at this than others. But one thing I've learned is that you can't just fight this battle every once in a while, you have to do it every day. You can't win a battle by fighting every once in a while, when the enemy is on the attack every single day. In the middle of a sermon - doesn't matter, satan can still attack. In the middle of reading the bible - doesn't matter, he can still attack. In the middle of listening to worship music - doesn't matter, he can't still attack. I've been amazed at how in the middle of reading the bible or listening to a worship song that I can completely stop and my thoughts are clouded with bad things, or I stop read or listening and go do something completely bogus. And then I'm like, "Woah, what? What just happened?"

It's a process. Since we have all fallen short of the glory of God, we will always face times when our thoughts are just way off from this verse. But I pray that God will show me more and more of how to fight this battle with an increasing amount of self-control.

Things I've Been Thankful For Lately

Things I've Been Thankful For Lately

- Today I went to a cool coffee shop in Atlanta! That was fun and I got some good pictures.
- My friends that came home from Slovakia (2 weeks felt a lot longer)
- My friend Joy who is home for a few weeks that I haven't seen in a year!!!
- I can't wait to go to Seattle for my cousin's wedding next month!!
- I've been reading some great books lately, fiction and Christian non-fiction
- I'm so thankful for my friend Nichole at work!
- Went to the pool and spent time with my friend Marissa last week
- Had lunch with my friend Tiffany last week
- I got this new face wash stuff that is literally 5 things, and within 60 days I should be seeing a huge difference. Started yesterday.
- I've had a few weeks off from working at the office job for Kenya stuff since they went to Kenya, which has been nice, but now they're back and I have a lot to do which is good because I need the money!
- Our newest shift at Starbucks, who transferred from another store a few weeks ago, I like her.
- There are a few other coworkers who I'm also thankful for who make me laugh!
- My church, Vertical Life Church and my bible study
- Little things like fresh peaches that my mom got from SC (we cut them up and they're in the freezer to be eaten whenever I want), good TV shows that I watch on my computer, good conversations with friends, pumpkin spice comes back soon at Starbucks, and more.
- God is good, all the time. He is the steady rock in the storm, the picture of perfect love, the counselor, the comforter, the healer.
- Spotify. It's the best things since sliced bread. Or chocolate, because chocolate is better.