Someone gave me a book yesterday to borrow called, "Enjoy the Silence: A 30 day experience in listening to God" by Duffy and Maggie Robinson and I started it yesterday. It begins with some introductory chapters. The first chapter tells this story about how the author and his wife were in church in Washington DC and one of the people there was in charge of all the Secret Services for the president. He came up to them and said the president wanted to meet them and had heard about their books. They were so excited! He said they had to get up early and be there early because the president had a meeting at 8:15 AM. he said to be there at 7:30, so they had to leave their house at 6:30, so they planned on getting up at 5:30. The morning of meeting the president there was as phone call. He answered it and the man said, "Where are you? It's 7:45! If you're not close by, there's no way you'll be able to make it. Sorry, maybe there will be another opening in the future." When I read it I was like, "UGH! That stinks!" because I know the feeling of waking up and realizing I totally missed a class or was suppsed to be at work right then and it's a horrible feeling. But to miss the president!
Then he said, "Before you close this book in disgust, let me make two coments about this episode. Number one: It never actually happened. We made it up. Number two: Actually, it did happen. In fat, it happened this morning. And it happens every day to millions of people. It probably happened to you. People just like you on days like this one, pass up the opportunity to enter the throne room of almighty God and talk to the creator of the universe.
"Every new day offers each of us a chance to get out of bed and spend some quality time with our heavenly Father. But most of us blow it off for a few extra minutes of sleep. That's a pretty sobering thought. But it shouldn't make you feel like a disgusted, spiritually impaired, sleep monger. That's not the purpose of this book. After all, meeting with God every morning isn't some religous hoop you have to jump through in order to earn his love. We spend time with God because he loves us already - unconditionally - and because we want to develop and deepen our relationship with him. Heck, it doesn't even have to happen in the morning! (Can we get an 'Amen'?)"
Haha, yes, AMEN! I'm not a morning person at all. I don't mean that I'm grumpy in the mornings, I mean that I love my sleep and have a hard time getting out of bed every day. I'm much more alert and full of determintation from about 9PM- 1AM. Too bad it happens that I will soon have to go to bed at like 9-10 as a teacher! Anyways, it was an interesting story and thought.
At the elementary school I'm at, I'm with 2nd grade and it's a challenging class. The two teacher's I'm with are so great though! I really like both of them a lot.
Today I got a grade back on a lesson plan in my social studies class (three of us wrote it together) and it was a HORRIBLE grade, probably the worst I've gotten in all 4 years of college. We were so upset about it because we thought it was good!! Thankfully we get to re-do it for full credit if we correct it to her standards, but then it's a pain to re-do it plus turn in the new stuff we have to do each week. I only have 3 and a half more weeks of classes, and then I'll be full time in the elementary school for 4 weeks.
Outside of school stuff, many other things have been occupying my mind and time! Church stuff, bible studies, friends, missing several people, and more.
One thing I do want to say is..... You know how sometimes you have something to tell a person, but you don't because you're worried what they might think, what they might say, etc? Well sometimes you just have to get it out and tell that person. Because sometimes, if you wait too long, then it's too late. Then you'll kick yourself for not saying something sooner. Sometimes the "what-if's" can really drag you down because you wish you had done or said something earlier. If anybody ever reads this and is in that same boat, do something about it. Think ahead 10 years - will there be anything you look back on right now and wish you had said or done?
My week since last Tuesdsay
Good: I really appreciate some of the friends in my life, I'm on the planning team for a new Sun night service at my church that starts in Jan and it's exciting to get it rolling, my two bible studies, I've stayed off facebook for 42 days so far (5 weeks)
Bad: Bad grade in Social Studies, made cupcakes that looked like pandas on Sat for 3 hours and then the church picnic I was going to go to rained out so they are still sitting on my table, I have SO much homework, I miss some people, I have to pull out a loan again as soon as the paperwork goes through
Boring: most of my classes
Exciting: I only have 3 and a half weeks of classes left, I saw a pretty rainbow yesterday
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Roses and rainbows
In elementary schools, roses don't have thorns, and rainbows don't have rain clouds. They simply stand alone. As a teacher, you put aside what's going on every where else - anything that is bothering you, anything that is hurting you - and you put on a smile.
I wrote that this morning, and then later tonight I saw a rainbow after the rain. I took pictures and it made me smile.
I wrote that this morning, and then later tonight I saw a rainbow after the rain. I took pictures and it made me smile.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Smart people. How are you?
Patience? What's that? I'm supposed to have some of that? Hmmm......
Some people are so smart. I don't mean in a book-smart kind of way, I mean in a wisdom-smart kind of way. Like they just have great advice all the time, great outlooks, they notice things that really push you out of your comfort zone (in a good way). Maybe some day I'll be really smart in that kind of way. I hope so.
Lots going on. Too much to type. And you know, when people say, "How are you?" or "How was your week?" I've begun to not know how to respond to that because very rarely is it a wonderful great week, sometimes it's a bad week, but most of the time there's a bix mixture of good and bad and boring and exciting in every week. So to sum it all up you just say good or fine? The word just doesn't quite match it. But oh well.
My Week (since last Thur)
Good: got to hang out with one of the girls in my high school youth group, baby-sat, had lunch with my friend Kaylene who is awesome, bible studies, didn't have to do field experience this week since they were on a break
Bad: too much homework, not enough focus, not enough patience, not enough discipline, haven't been going to bed when I needed to, part of me really wants to get back on facebook now but I shouldn't
Boring: social studies class, homework
Exciting: petitioned to graduate (May 2010), set a date for my graduation party in May
Some people are so smart. I don't mean in a book-smart kind of way, I mean in a wisdom-smart kind of way. Like they just have great advice all the time, great outlooks, they notice things that really push you out of your comfort zone (in a good way). Maybe some day I'll be really smart in that kind of way. I hope so.
Lots going on. Too much to type. And you know, when people say, "How are you?" or "How was your week?" I've begun to not know how to respond to that because very rarely is it a wonderful great week, sometimes it's a bad week, but most of the time there's a bix mixture of good and bad and boring and exciting in every week. So to sum it all up you just say good or fine? The word just doesn't quite match it. But oh well.
My Week (since last Thur)
Good: got to hang out with one of the girls in my high school youth group, baby-sat, had lunch with my friend Kaylene who is awesome, bible studies, didn't have to do field experience this week since they were on a break
Bad: too much homework, not enough focus, not enough patience, not enough discipline, haven't been going to bed when I needed to, part of me really wants to get back on facebook now but I shouldn't
Boring: social studies class, homework
Exciting: petitioned to graduate (May 2010), set a date for my graduation party in May
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Trucking through the work
I don't like group work, and yet every project we do in my social studies class is group work! There are three of us total, 10 assignments, and all of them we have to do together. It's hard because when they are papers or lesson plans, some of us get stuck with bigger parts than others or it's hard to make it all flow together, or we have different opinions and ways of doing things and have to come to an agreeance on something.
I've been going to starbucks to do homework lately. My "desk" in my room is very small and my printer is on it, taking up a large portion of it, along with other papers and books. If I sit on my bed my back starts to hurt or my legs get tired of sitting cross legged, or I get sleepy and fall asleep. So sitting up at a table is best and I can't go get food every 10 minutes if I'm at starbucks as opposed to sitting in my kitchen!
I've accopmlished 5 out of 17 of my homework assignments since Friday, which is good and bad. Most of what is due this week is done, but there are things that are bigger assignements due a little bit down the road that I need to jump on now even though they're not due quite yet. But man, each assignment is so long that after doing one or two I'm just done for the day it seems like. It's like moving a handfull of sand at a time out of a giant sandbox. After a few hours of work it still looks like I haven't done a whole lot.
On a more positive note, I am thankful for my friends. And I have enjoyed going to bible study on Thursday nights. It's been good.
I've been going to starbucks to do homework lately. My "desk" in my room is very small and my printer is on it, taking up a large portion of it, along with other papers and books. If I sit on my bed my back starts to hurt or my legs get tired of sitting cross legged, or I get sleepy and fall asleep. So sitting up at a table is best and I can't go get food every 10 minutes if I'm at starbucks as opposed to sitting in my kitchen!
I've accopmlished 5 out of 17 of my homework assignments since Friday, which is good and bad. Most of what is due this week is done, but there are things that are bigger assignements due a little bit down the road that I need to jump on now even though they're not due quite yet. But man, each assignment is so long that after doing one or two I'm just done for the day it seems like. It's like moving a handfull of sand at a time out of a giant sandbox. After a few hours of work it still looks like I haven't done a whole lot.
On a more positive note, I am thankful for my friends. And I have enjoyed going to bible study on Thursday nights. It's been good.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Silence. Be still in the midst of the chaos.
It comes in waves.....the amounts of homework and along with it my motiviation..... Sometimes I'm so on top of things and I'm like "yeah! what now! take that homework!!" and other times it piles up and I procrastinate and stress. You'd think after the million years I've spent in school that I would figure out how to get in that "zone" where I can do a lot of homework at once, but I still haven't figured it out.
Sometimes you don't realize something about yourself until someone else points it out and then you say, "Oh. Yeah, that's true." For example, my mom pointed out not that long ago that I often get this "I have to do this RIGHT NOW!!" motatlity. Like for random things. If I need something at the store and I keep forgetting, if I have a time where I need to do it, I go right then instead of waiting until I'm out doing something else, no matter what time it is. If someone asks me to do a favor, I want to do it right then. If I really want to talk to someone, I call them or e-mail them right then. I often have this urgency about me - not a stressfull urgency, just this feeling that I want to do things right now and not put it off to later. EXCEPT homework which is funny. I think part of this urgency also plays into my persistance. I am incredibly persistant sometimes. Which can be good at times, and bad/annoying other times!!
I'm in a 2nd grade class this semester for field experience. It's different than the other classes I've been in because it's an inclusion class, meaning that 10 out of 21 of the students are special needs. Most are not severe, but have ADHD, ADD, learning disabilities, and are developmentally delayed.
A funny thing though - one girl came up and read her story she wrote using the spelling words for the week, and she paused when she told us the characters were having tea. "Tea - not TNT, because that's an explosive, but tea that you drink, like with river water." Hahaha, it was really funny. One thing I plan on doing when I am a teacher is keeping a book of some sort of all the funny things kids say/do over the years. It will be fun to keep track of. As well as pictures and letters kids give me.
It's been 3 weeks since I deleted my facebook. It all comes back when I log back in again. I'm mostly amazed I've been able to do it! But several things have pushed me towards it, with a big thing being that I can hardly get all my homework done as it is, and throwing in hours of facebook a week does NOT HELP! I mean even at an hour a day (either in 1 stiting or in several) is 7 hours a week! Which is a lot of homework time! Or even something like reading a book. Of course I have some other distractions I'm trying to weed out, but I think there will ALWAYS be distractions in life, especially when there's something you don't want to do!
Not being on facebook has made me realize that I used to e-mail people all the time to catch up and don't anymore. And yet seeing them on facebook doesn't really tell me much of what is going on with them. I miss the days of long e-mails between friends where you keep up with each other and what's going on in life! I've e-mailed several people in the past 3 weeks like my cousins, church friends, etc. and even though e-mails are not as personal as face to face, it's still more personal than facebook. And I think more fun and more meaningful. Backtrack even further - I used to write letters ALL the time. And now I only write letters once in a blue moon. Sometimes at Christmas for people, but hardly anybody. I used to keep all my letters in shoeboxes (still have them), but people just don't send them much anymore.
I've been in prayer about some things lately. More in listening though. After years of praying about it, God knows what's up and where my heart is in it. And maybe I haven't listened enough. Maybe even if I don't hear anything specifically, maybe just sitting in His presence will give me peace. Maybe if my desires are not in line with His, that sitting in silence and with Him will change that. There's something I prayed for that I thought God said yes to many years ago, I was SO SURE He said yes, but nothing has changed, nothing has come about as a result of that. Now I'm not sure if I heard wrong or if it's just the wrong time. For the past few weeks I've sat in silence for about 15-20 minutes each night. I feel the need to keep this up until I feel at peace with the situation or something changes in the situation, or when the "yes" I thought He said comes about. But oh it is hard. I feel the need to pray about it again, or convince God that it's really what I want as if I'm a child in a toy store asking over and over and over. Or that even when I say, "Your will be done" my heart still says, "but I want it to go this way...." Sometimes I get mad because I want a clear cut answer. And if it really was yes as I really thought it was before, then I want a time frame. And if none of those are "good for me to know" then I at least want peace about it and not so much hurting and confusion.
I can't hear Him through the noise that my life has. Not only the physical noise - people, music, cars, TV - but also the "noise" in a sense that my mind is always occupied and I am usually busy. Even in my quiet times with God they tend to be full of me doing something, like reading the bible and praying, but not much pause for listening.
Exodus 14:14 - The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Psalm 46:10- "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
1 Kings 19:11-12 The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
Sometimes you don't realize something about yourself until someone else points it out and then you say, "Oh. Yeah, that's true." For example, my mom pointed out not that long ago that I often get this "I have to do this RIGHT NOW!!" motatlity. Like for random things. If I need something at the store and I keep forgetting, if I have a time where I need to do it, I go right then instead of waiting until I'm out doing something else, no matter what time it is. If someone asks me to do a favor, I want to do it right then. If I really want to talk to someone, I call them or e-mail them right then. I often have this urgency about me - not a stressfull urgency, just this feeling that I want to do things right now and not put it off to later. EXCEPT homework which is funny. I think part of this urgency also plays into my persistance. I am incredibly persistant sometimes. Which can be good at times, and bad/annoying other times!!
I'm in a 2nd grade class this semester for field experience. It's different than the other classes I've been in because it's an inclusion class, meaning that 10 out of 21 of the students are special needs. Most are not severe, but have ADHD, ADD, learning disabilities, and are developmentally delayed.
A funny thing though - one girl came up and read her story she wrote using the spelling words for the week, and she paused when she told us the characters were having tea. "Tea - not TNT, because that's an explosive, but tea that you drink, like with river water." Hahaha, it was really funny. One thing I plan on doing when I am a teacher is keeping a book of some sort of all the funny things kids say/do over the years. It will be fun to keep track of. As well as pictures and letters kids give me.
It's been 3 weeks since I deleted my facebook. It all comes back when I log back in again. I'm mostly amazed I've been able to do it! But several things have pushed me towards it, with a big thing being that I can hardly get all my homework done as it is, and throwing in hours of facebook a week does NOT HELP! I mean even at an hour a day (either in 1 stiting or in several) is 7 hours a week! Which is a lot of homework time! Or even something like reading a book. Of course I have some other distractions I'm trying to weed out, but I think there will ALWAYS be distractions in life, especially when there's something you don't want to do!
Not being on facebook has made me realize that I used to e-mail people all the time to catch up and don't anymore. And yet seeing them on facebook doesn't really tell me much of what is going on with them. I miss the days of long e-mails between friends where you keep up with each other and what's going on in life! I've e-mailed several people in the past 3 weeks like my cousins, church friends, etc. and even though e-mails are not as personal as face to face, it's still more personal than facebook. And I think more fun and more meaningful. Backtrack even further - I used to write letters ALL the time. And now I only write letters once in a blue moon. Sometimes at Christmas for people, but hardly anybody. I used to keep all my letters in shoeboxes (still have them), but people just don't send them much anymore.
I've been in prayer about some things lately. More in listening though. After years of praying about it, God knows what's up and where my heart is in it. And maybe I haven't listened enough. Maybe even if I don't hear anything specifically, maybe just sitting in His presence will give me peace. Maybe if my desires are not in line with His, that sitting in silence and with Him will change that. There's something I prayed for that I thought God said yes to many years ago, I was SO SURE He said yes, but nothing has changed, nothing has come about as a result of that. Now I'm not sure if I heard wrong or if it's just the wrong time. For the past few weeks I've sat in silence for about 15-20 minutes each night. I feel the need to keep this up until I feel at peace with the situation or something changes in the situation, or when the "yes" I thought He said comes about. But oh it is hard. I feel the need to pray about it again, or convince God that it's really what I want as if I'm a child in a toy store asking over and over and over. Or that even when I say, "Your will be done" my heart still says, "but I want it to go this way...." Sometimes I get mad because I want a clear cut answer. And if it really was yes as I really thought it was before, then I want a time frame. And if none of those are "good for me to know" then I at least want peace about it and not so much hurting and confusion.
I can't hear Him through the noise that my life has. Not only the physical noise - people, music, cars, TV - but also the "noise" in a sense that my mind is always occupied and I am usually busy. Even in my quiet times with God they tend to be full of me doing something, like reading the bible and praying, but not much pause for listening.
Exodus 14:14 - The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Psalm 46:10- "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
1 Kings 19:11-12 The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
Friday, September 3, 2010
HOMEWORK
When I have too much to do, I shut down. I procrastinate, I suddenly feel the urge to do something else more fun (like watch Gilmore Girls, read a book, etc), and don't want to start anything. When each assignement for school will take hours and hours of work but I only have 1 hour (or not enough of an attention span for longer), then I feel like I don't want to start anything because I won't be able to get it done.
And I am at that point right now. I was alright up until Wednesday, and since then it's like school said, "Oh, you don't need a life. Every second you're awake you need to be doing homework. Forget eating, forget showering, and totally forget about a social life."
So, it's good I'm off Facebook right now. Don't need something sucking up my attention without me realizing!
And I am at that point right now. I was alright up until Wednesday, and since then it's like school said, "Oh, you don't need a life. Every second you're awake you need to be doing homework. Forget eating, forget showering, and totally forget about a social life."
So, it's good I'm off Facebook right now. Don't need something sucking up my attention without me realizing!
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