Have you ever made up a scenario in your head where you move somewhere beautiful, rent a cute little house or townhouse or apartment, and what it would be like to start over in life? In a job, in a church, with friends, everything. My made-up scenario looks like this...
I would move to Charleston, SC. Now, this is a really bold thing to say for me because I've never even been there, and how do you move to a place you've never been? But all I've heard are wonderful things about the place, so I will at least visit some day soon. I want to be near the ocean, at least an hour's drive away some day. I would live in a brick townhouse or row house, with little steps up to the front door, and a sidewalk that takes me to the grocery store and Starbucks so I could walk every once in a while instead of driving everywhere. And maybe there would be a park across the street where I could sit and bask in the sun, and take pictures of the clouds. I would find a little church nearby, similar to what I'm going to right now, and join a new bible study. I'd go to the beach all the time, and get some great sunset pictures there. I'd have a new job that I loved (I wouldn't move there for a terrible job), and would invite friends over all the time. Maybe my job would be as a photographer, for events, so I would take pictures at events and fundraisers and would get paid to edit pictures not just in an office, but anywhere I wanted to. I would be friends with the baristas at the local coffee shop, or Starbucks. My neighbors would be crazy, but I'd tell them about God and love them anyways. Maybe one a few houses down would be a great family with a baby that I could hold whenever I wanted to, and another would be a single girl like me and we'd be best friends, and go grocery shopping together, and she would tell me all the great places to go around Charleston since I was new. When the fall came, I would walk around with a scarf and my long winter jacket, and I would drive to the nearest mountain (or set of mountains) and enjoy the scenery and the leaves. I would visit home at Christmas and a few other times a year, where I would enjoy catching up with old friends and tell them of my wonderful adventures in South Carolina. They would also come visit me when they wanted to. I would soon fall in love with someone in Charleston, and would get married on the beach, moving into a little house with a back porch swing, a Jacuzzi (after we save up), and it would be great.
The end.
To think that people actually move places and settle down into a life that is brand new completely blows my mind since I've lived in the same place since I was 6. To describe my current situation in that ever-so-perfect light as I did above would be difficult, but let me try it.... All of it will be true, but just put into a perspective of what someone else would see my life as looking in.
I live with my parents who have been married almost 30 years. I've lived in the same place for almost 20 years out of my 26 years of life. I moved out of the house for 2 years and rented a cute little house 20 minutes away, but then moved back home. My brother is away at college 45 minutes down the road. I live ten minutes from my amazing little church that meets in an elementary school. It's got about 150 people. I usually go to Starbucks every Sunday morning on my way, but if I'm running late then I go after. I have a lot of friends that go to my church, so I always know that I'll have someone to sit by, unlike most of the other church I'd been to. I've been to the same bible study for four years and they are some of the best people I've met in my life. Some have come and gone, and others have been there all four years. We meet in a house where three little kids run around, sit on their back porch swing, eat snacks, and learn more about the Lord. I work at Starbucks, where I see a lot of crazies, but also get to see my friends when they come in, and have made friends with people who I only originally knew as customers. I work with some people who I consider my friends. They make me laugh, they listen about my life, and we trek through the ups and downs of retail together. I can't walk anywhere from my house, but I have two beautiful parks to chose from that are 20ish minutes away. The city is about an hour away so I can enjoy the city life, or the North Georgia Mountains and tiny towns are an hour away as well. It's the perfect distance away from the city or the country. I get to go on random adventures as my money and time will allow me... I went to a condo at the lake in South Carolina with some of my closest friends recently. I am going to Seattle next month for my cousin's wedding. I am going on a retreat to the mountains somewhere I think, in November with my friends / leadership team with my bible study. I've been to Kenya and hope to go again next summer. Also, Charleston is up high on my list of places to go soon.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Mishmash
This will be a mishmash of things. So, carry on with the knowledge that these paragraphs aren't going to connect. :-)
It's funny how sometimes you can't use words to describe things. Feelings or events or people... you write what you can, but it just doesn't accurately describe it. Sometimes I write in my journal with as much as description as I can, so that when the memories fade from my mind I can re-read them to bring it back clearly. But sometimes I can only do so much.
I'm on the third book (of three) in a series called, "The Selection." I picked it up because it had a good cover. Skipping the summary of the plot, I will just say that there's a lot of romance and trying to figure out who likes who in these books. I almost stopped reading half way through the second one because of how incredibly cheesy they were, but at least they were clean since it's technically a young adults' book (but that doesn't always stop the writers). And the plot was enough to keep me going. But I read these things and laughed out loud thinking, "Nobody freaking says this! And if they do I've never heard of these thing said to other people." Let me give you some examples: "When you told me how you felt, I was so relieved that a part of me didn't believe it. I still have a hard time accepting it was real. You'd be surprised how infrequently I get something I truly want." "It's just the way it is. The sky is blue, the sun is bright, and Aspen endlessly loves America. It's how the world was designed to be. Seriously Mer, you're the only girl I ever wanted. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I've been trying to prepare myself for that, just in case, and... I can't." (Yes, Aspen and America are two of the characters names.) "'We're a mess, aren't we?' 'A big one.' 'Sometimes I feel like we're a knot, too tangled to be taken apart,' I nodded. 'It's true. So much of me is tied up in you. I feel kind of lost without you.'"
It's almost been a year since I've been at Vertical Life Church! Happy dance! I was telling my friend Joy about it on Sunday since she's been gone for a year. Recapping things that have happened in the past year feels like SO much (even though we've kept in touch about once a month), but when we talk about some things that were a year ago, it doesn't seem that long ago. Time passing is weird. And I've been at my bible study for 4 years. Now THAT has seemed like forever. :-) But that's so good.
I want to go to Charleston, SC soon. For real. Since I'm going to Washington for my cousin's wedding in September and probably a leadership retreat in October, the spring will be a better time to go. I think there would be some beautiful things to take pictures of in Charleston too. If I had to move any time soon, I'd move there I think.
Well, 5 million things are going on in my life right now...and likewise that much in my head. But the above writings have been fun, and I will probably go to bed soon. 2 AM is earlier for me than normal LOL, but on nights when my brain is full it's best to just go to bed instead of thinking so much.
It's funny how sometimes you can't use words to describe things. Feelings or events or people... you write what you can, but it just doesn't accurately describe it. Sometimes I write in my journal with as much as description as I can, so that when the memories fade from my mind I can re-read them to bring it back clearly. But sometimes I can only do so much.
I'm on the third book (of three) in a series called, "The Selection." I picked it up because it had a good cover. Skipping the summary of the plot, I will just say that there's a lot of romance and trying to figure out who likes who in these books. I almost stopped reading half way through the second one because of how incredibly cheesy they were, but at least they were clean since it's technically a young adults' book (but that doesn't always stop the writers). And the plot was enough to keep me going. But I read these things and laughed out loud thinking, "Nobody freaking says this! And if they do I've never heard of these thing said to other people." Let me give you some examples: "When you told me how you felt, I was so relieved that a part of me didn't believe it. I still have a hard time accepting it was real. You'd be surprised how infrequently I get something I truly want." "It's just the way it is. The sky is blue, the sun is bright, and Aspen endlessly loves America. It's how the world was designed to be. Seriously Mer, you're the only girl I ever wanted. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I've been trying to prepare myself for that, just in case, and... I can't." (Yes, Aspen and America are two of the characters names.) "'We're a mess, aren't we?' 'A big one.' 'Sometimes I feel like we're a knot, too tangled to be taken apart,' I nodded. 'It's true. So much of me is tied up in you. I feel kind of lost without you.'"
It's almost been a year since I've been at Vertical Life Church! Happy dance! I was telling my friend Joy about it on Sunday since she's been gone for a year. Recapping things that have happened in the past year feels like SO much (even though we've kept in touch about once a month), but when we talk about some things that were a year ago, it doesn't seem that long ago. Time passing is weird. And I've been at my bible study for 4 years. Now THAT has seemed like forever. :-) But that's so good.
I want to go to Charleston, SC soon. For real. Since I'm going to Washington for my cousin's wedding in September and probably a leadership retreat in October, the spring will be a better time to go. I think there would be some beautiful things to take pictures of in Charleston too. If I had to move any time soon, I'd move there I think.
Well, 5 million things are going on in my life right now...and likewise that much in my head. But the above writings have been fun, and I will probably go to bed soon. 2 AM is earlier for me than normal LOL, but on nights when my brain is full it's best to just go to bed instead of thinking so much.
Monday, July 28, 2014
He knows what is best for us
More from, A Jewel in His Crown, by Priscilla Shirer
"You see, the devil knows that if he can get you to strive for something that is not ordained for you, then inevitably you will not get it. When you don't get it, you will automatically think that there is something wrong with you. In actuality there is nothing wrong with you; it's just that the thing you are striving for is not something that God has called you to do, to be, or to have!"
"We want to have men who are not right for us. We want a job that is not meant for us. We want possessions that aren't appropriate for us. When we don't get these things, we are emotionally distraught, and this is exactly what satan wants. When we lose sight of Christ and put our sights on what we cannot have, we begin the process of being removed from the garden. When we want something that is not meant for us, we are distracted from those things that God wants us to have. Our goal must be to hear God's voice and trust Him to lead us. No matter what we want to do, to be, or to have, we must trust that He knows what is best for us."
"You see, the devil knows that if he can get you to strive for something that is not ordained for you, then inevitably you will not get it. When you don't get it, you will automatically think that there is something wrong with you. In actuality there is nothing wrong with you; it's just that the thing you are striving for is not something that God has called you to do, to be, or to have!"
"We want to have men who are not right for us. We want a job that is not meant for us. We want possessions that aren't appropriate for us. When we don't get these things, we are emotionally distraught, and this is exactly what satan wants. When we lose sight of Christ and put our sights on what we cannot have, we begin the process of being removed from the garden. When we want something that is not meant for us, we are distracted from those things that God wants us to have. Our goal must be to hear God's voice and trust Him to lead us. No matter what we want to do, to be, or to have, we must trust that He knows what is best for us."
Friday, July 25, 2014
Persistence
Book 3: The Power of Persistence, by Michael Catt
I read this in 2009.
"Note that Elijah never interpreted the delay as denial from God. He called out seven times before there was the slightest indication that rain was coming. Six times he heard, 'There is nothing.' Yet he never quit praying."
"Too much of our praying is crisis praying, and not enough of it is meant to maintain a nurture the relationship with our heavenly Father."
I didn't underline much in this book.
The story about Elijah praying for rain and it not raining until the 7th time he asked, whew, that is a cool but hard story.
I read this in 2009.
"Note that Elijah never interpreted the delay as denial from God. He called out seven times before there was the slightest indication that rain was coming. Six times he heard, 'There is nothing.' Yet he never quit praying."
"Too much of our praying is crisis praying, and not enough of it is meant to maintain a nurture the relationship with our heavenly Father."
I didn't underline much in this book.
The story about Elijah praying for rain and it not raining until the 7th time he asked, whew, that is a cool but hard story.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Skimming back through books on prayer
I have 3 books about prayer that I have just pulled out. It's been a long time since I've read them, but I am going back now through the things I underlined.
Book 1: Discerning the Voice of God; How to Recognize When God is Speaking, by Priscilla Shirer
I read this in 2012. And I know this because at the end of the first chapter I wrote down major things I was praying for in 2012. Oh, and it was August 1, almost exactly 2 years ago from now. And God has said, "Not yet," or "No," to 4 out of 5 of those things. The last one is more of a work in progress throughout my whole life.
"I mean, come on, do you really think He loved you enough to die for you, but not enough to talk to you?"
"Expect the mercy of confirmation. Look for God's use of circumstances, Scripture, and other believers to confirm His direction in your life."
"The Holy Spirit was going out of His way to communicate the exact same message to me, over and over again, causing it to rind increasingly true within my heart a His voice spoke from inside and confirmed it outside."
"You'll know it's the voice of God when His persistent, personal word to you leaves you with a sense of peace and assurance all the way around."
"When a young Saul lost track of his donkey in the Old Testament, he had no idea that this inconvenience would lead him to the prophet who was to anoint him king over Israel."
"Rest in the knowledge that God has a plan for your current circumstances that were prepared before you were born."
Book 2: Handle With Prayer, by Charles Stanley
2011 was when this book was written, and I'm pretty sure I read it that year.
"Most of the time we pray, 'Get me out of here!' We want to avoid suffering and difficulty. When we do run into a trial or difficulty, we ask God to change our circumstances so we can serve Him better and love Him more. Most of us aren't that patient. We're more intent about getting out of our circumstances than we are on finding out what greater things God wants to show us. But the Father never allows difficulty just for the sake of difficulty - there is always a higher purpose involved."
BOOM.
"We are all interested in answered prayer, but our seemingly unanswered prayers have led many of us not to expect God to respond every time we pray. In fact, when a prayer is answered, we are surprised."
"God desires we seek His face, not just His hand."
"When we do not know what God thinks about our requests, we have a right to ask Him. When we pray without understanding, we aren't wasting our time, as satan would have us believe. Part of the Holy Spirit's task is to guide us into the truth of how we should pray. But He will only do this if we are praying."
I will get to the third book later, it's too late now, lol. But this was good stuff to go back and read, and think on tomorrow while I wash 7 hours of dishes. :-)
Book 1: Discerning the Voice of God; How to Recognize When God is Speaking, by Priscilla Shirer
I read this in 2012. And I know this because at the end of the first chapter I wrote down major things I was praying for in 2012. Oh, and it was August 1, almost exactly 2 years ago from now. And God has said, "Not yet," or "No," to 4 out of 5 of those things. The last one is more of a work in progress throughout my whole life.
"I mean, come on, do you really think He loved you enough to die for you, but not enough to talk to you?"
"Expect the mercy of confirmation. Look for God's use of circumstances, Scripture, and other believers to confirm His direction in your life."
"The Holy Spirit was going out of His way to communicate the exact same message to me, over and over again, causing it to rind increasingly true within my heart a His voice spoke from inside and confirmed it outside."
"You'll know it's the voice of God when His persistent, personal word to you leaves you with a sense of peace and assurance all the way around."
"When a young Saul lost track of his donkey in the Old Testament, he had no idea that this inconvenience would lead him to the prophet who was to anoint him king over Israel."
"Rest in the knowledge that God has a plan for your current circumstances that were prepared before you were born."
Book 2: Handle With Prayer, by Charles Stanley
2011 was when this book was written, and I'm pretty sure I read it that year.
"Most of the time we pray, 'Get me out of here!' We want to avoid suffering and difficulty. When we do run into a trial or difficulty, we ask God to change our circumstances so we can serve Him better and love Him more. Most of us aren't that patient. We're more intent about getting out of our circumstances than we are on finding out what greater things God wants to show us. But the Father never allows difficulty just for the sake of difficulty - there is always a higher purpose involved."
BOOM.
"We are all interested in answered prayer, but our seemingly unanswered prayers have led many of us not to expect God to respond every time we pray. In fact, when a prayer is answered, we are surprised."
"God desires we seek His face, not just His hand."
"When we do not know what God thinks about our requests, we have a right to ask Him. When we pray without understanding, we aren't wasting our time, as satan would have us believe. Part of the Holy Spirit's task is to guide us into the truth of how we should pray. But He will only do this if we are praying."
I will get to the third book later, it's too late now, lol. But this was good stuff to go back and read, and think on tomorrow while I wash 7 hours of dishes. :-)
Monday, July 21, 2014
Prayer
It's almost 4 AM. But I'm thinking about this question about prayer.
So normally when I've got something going on that is important, I ask a friend or two (or more) to pray for me as well. But, those few that I'd normally ask are currently in Slovakia! So then I was thinking, "Well who else can I ask to pray for me..." and then thought, "But wait, do I really need to do that? Is my prayer alone to God enough? Why wouldn't it be? Do I feel like I have to have others pray for me or God won't consider it important enough? Surely not. That's not what the bible reflects."
Ok so that's more than one question about prayer.
So then what importance is it for others to pray for you as well? Is there really power in those numbers?
I can't go pulling out all my books on prayer right now, I have to sleep, haha, but I will be pulling them out tomorrow night after work.
Until then, it's just me and God with my prayers. And maybe that's all He wants right now.
So normally when I've got something going on that is important, I ask a friend or two (or more) to pray for me as well. But, those few that I'd normally ask are currently in Slovakia! So then I was thinking, "Well who else can I ask to pray for me..." and then thought, "But wait, do I really need to do that? Is my prayer alone to God enough? Why wouldn't it be? Do I feel like I have to have others pray for me or God won't consider it important enough? Surely not. That's not what the bible reflects."
Ok so that's more than one question about prayer.
So then what importance is it for others to pray for you as well? Is there really power in those numbers?
I can't go pulling out all my books on prayer right now, I have to sleep, haha, but I will be pulling them out tomorrow night after work.
Until then, it's just me and God with my prayers. And maybe that's all He wants right now.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
This book I'm reading, this life I'm living
From, "A Jewel in His Crown," by Priscilla Shirer
"If God does it according to your time table, you might just miss out on the entire blessing that He has for you. Women of excellence must remember that God has far bigger, far better plans than ours."
"She refused to let her external circumstances determine her worth."
"A diamond doesn't have to be flashy or flamboyant to be breathtakingly beautiful."
"Nothing and no one should cause you to drop your eyes to the floor in defeat, for He is 'the One who lifts [your] head' (Psalm 3:3). Remember who you are!"
"Satan's goal is to get us to forget that God made us the way we are for a reason. He knows that if we get focused enough on our weaknesses, we'll never get around to using our strengths for the Kingdom of God. He knows that if we're smothered in self-pity, we'll never get up and proclaim the praises of God. He knows that if we are always envying others, we will never learn to love them with Christ's love."
"Our task when uncomfortable circumstances invade our lives is to wrap ourselves in the Word of God."
"How dare we let the words of others become so powerful that they negate the Word of our Father?"
Two good friends referred this book to me, and one handed it over with all her markings and writing in it. They said it was such a great book. Honestly the title sounded kind of cheesy and not the type of book I'd read. But it's really good.
I got the book last Thursday, but was trying to finish up another book, and didn't start the book until this past Thursday. I asked off from work for something going on tonight, but it got postponed until next month, so I had the day off and read and journaled a lot today. Last night I don't remember much of the dream that I had, but I know that when I woke up, my first thought even in my half-asleep phase, was something that I was worried about and stressed about. I prayed, "God, I don't want to start my day this way. I want you to take captive of these thoughts like Your word says. I will not get out of bed until this is not in my head." And I laid there for a minute, and gave up my worry to him before getting up. It came back tonight. Two different times in ways I wasn't expecting. But I fought it off with scripture. I can't say I don't have the fear and worry and sadness in me still, but I can say that I will not dwell on it, and I will not let it put me in a bad mood or throw a pity party. I know that satan is just throwing negative thoughts into my head, hoping to get me down in order to paralyze me from doing His work. No.
God has this plan for my life. It is detailed. It will bring Him glory. He will use me to reach others and share His love, to be His hands and feet in a world that needs Him. He will lead me and guide me to where He wants me. He will stop things from happening that aren't in His plan, no matter what I try to do to make it happen anyways. He will put things on hold until the right time, weave moments together that will lead to something better, and comfort me through times of hurt. He hears me. He answers. His love covers over all of my sins and failures, all of my anger and disappointment, all of my pride and jealousy. His jealousy for me is a thousand times more than anything I have felt, and yet it is out of love that He wants my time and attention... any jealousy I will ever feel is so minor in comparison to His. So that pain that I feel with jealousy should be a reminder that God sits and waits for me with that feeling, but magnified, as I spend my life somewhat distant from Him at times. If He allows me to feel that towards the wrong things so that I am reminded of how He feels that about me, then I guess it's one of those times when He uses something painful to show me His love.
There are things in my life that feel impossible. Oh, I know all things are possible with God, but I feel like He will just say no, that's just not how my life is going to go. I pause and think, why would I have this passion for photography if I will never have it as a job? Why would He let me desire to be married if I won't get married? If He is the one to put desires in my heart, and I try so hard to align them with what He wants for me, then why would He say no? And at this moment in life, I know that at any moment God could guide me to an amazing job in photography, or arrange that I start dating someone (even if they aren't my husband), or show me something that I need to go do to serve, or where I need to go. I'm ready. But He's not.
It's like Jesus and I were hiking and Jesus said, "Yup, this is a good spot to set up a tent." And I'm like, "Uh... in the middle of the woods? I was hoping for a great view on top of the mountain, a waterfall, and a bathroom with plumbing nearby. You want to set up tent right here??" And when it's time, Jesus will pack us up and say, "Alright, time to go, follow me," and we'll continue on. Until then, we're camping out here in life. Getting bug bites. I'm not terribly miserable, but I feel stagnant, and when I start moving in any one direction, Jesus shakes His head and calls me back to stay where I am. To be still. Be still and know that He is God.
"If God does it according to your time table, you might just miss out on the entire blessing that He has for you. Women of excellence must remember that God has far bigger, far better plans than ours."
"She refused to let her external circumstances determine her worth."
"A diamond doesn't have to be flashy or flamboyant to be breathtakingly beautiful."
"Nothing and no one should cause you to drop your eyes to the floor in defeat, for He is 'the One who lifts [your] head' (Psalm 3:3). Remember who you are!"
"Satan's goal is to get us to forget that God made us the way we are for a reason. He knows that if we get focused enough on our weaknesses, we'll never get around to using our strengths for the Kingdom of God. He knows that if we're smothered in self-pity, we'll never get up and proclaim the praises of God. He knows that if we are always envying others, we will never learn to love them with Christ's love."
"Our task when uncomfortable circumstances invade our lives is to wrap ourselves in the Word of God."
"How dare we let the words of others become so powerful that they negate the Word of our Father?"
Two good friends referred this book to me, and one handed it over with all her markings and writing in it. They said it was such a great book. Honestly the title sounded kind of cheesy and not the type of book I'd read. But it's really good.
I got the book last Thursday, but was trying to finish up another book, and didn't start the book until this past Thursday. I asked off from work for something going on tonight, but it got postponed until next month, so I had the day off and read and journaled a lot today. Last night I don't remember much of the dream that I had, but I know that when I woke up, my first thought even in my half-asleep phase, was something that I was worried about and stressed about. I prayed, "God, I don't want to start my day this way. I want you to take captive of these thoughts like Your word says. I will not get out of bed until this is not in my head." And I laid there for a minute, and gave up my worry to him before getting up. It came back tonight. Two different times in ways I wasn't expecting. But I fought it off with scripture. I can't say I don't have the fear and worry and sadness in me still, but I can say that I will not dwell on it, and I will not let it put me in a bad mood or throw a pity party. I know that satan is just throwing negative thoughts into my head, hoping to get me down in order to paralyze me from doing His work. No.
God has this plan for my life. It is detailed. It will bring Him glory. He will use me to reach others and share His love, to be His hands and feet in a world that needs Him. He will lead me and guide me to where He wants me. He will stop things from happening that aren't in His plan, no matter what I try to do to make it happen anyways. He will put things on hold until the right time, weave moments together that will lead to something better, and comfort me through times of hurt. He hears me. He answers. His love covers over all of my sins and failures, all of my anger and disappointment, all of my pride and jealousy. His jealousy for me is a thousand times more than anything I have felt, and yet it is out of love that He wants my time and attention... any jealousy I will ever feel is so minor in comparison to His. So that pain that I feel with jealousy should be a reminder that God sits and waits for me with that feeling, but magnified, as I spend my life somewhat distant from Him at times. If He allows me to feel that towards the wrong things so that I am reminded of how He feels that about me, then I guess it's one of those times when He uses something painful to show me His love.
There are things in my life that feel impossible. Oh, I know all things are possible with God, but I feel like He will just say no, that's just not how my life is going to go. I pause and think, why would I have this passion for photography if I will never have it as a job? Why would He let me desire to be married if I won't get married? If He is the one to put desires in my heart, and I try so hard to align them with what He wants for me, then why would He say no? And at this moment in life, I know that at any moment God could guide me to an amazing job in photography, or arrange that I start dating someone (even if they aren't my husband), or show me something that I need to go do to serve, or where I need to go. I'm ready. But He's not.
It's like Jesus and I were hiking and Jesus said, "Yup, this is a good spot to set up a tent." And I'm like, "Uh... in the middle of the woods? I was hoping for a great view on top of the mountain, a waterfall, and a bathroom with plumbing nearby. You want to set up tent right here??" And when it's time, Jesus will pack us up and say, "Alright, time to go, follow me," and we'll continue on. Until then, we're camping out here in life. Getting bug bites. I'm not terribly miserable, but I feel stagnant, and when I start moving in any one direction, Jesus shakes His head and calls me back to stay where I am. To be still. Be still and know that He is God.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Throw back time! 25 Random Things. 2014. Yo.
Remember when 25 Random Things was a thing? Ah well, here's for good ol' times sakes.
1. I read multiple books at once. But sometimes I won't read for months at a time.
2. I have a great long term memory (like a crazy one), and a terrible short term memory. This makes things at work difficult.
3. I write in my journal about once a week or every other week. But no longer than every other week. Not because I force myself to, but because I enjoy it.
4. I like writing letters to people, and receiving written letters. But neither happen very often.
5. I feel like I'm learning to communicate better. When people at work are mad I try to talk to them about it calmly instead of being passive aggressive or confrontational.
6. It's hard for me to stand still. I either pace/walk around or sway. I don't know why.
7. I pretty much add the number 7 or 77 or 777 to everything. My e-mail address, somewhere in my passwords for things sometimes, usernames, etc.
8. I might have kids. But I might adopt. I'd totally be ok with adopting instead of having my own kids, because being pregnant and then having a baby sounds terrible. At this point in my life I'm up for either one. I might be too old to have kids by the time that's an option anyways.
9. I'm 26. Wait what? When did that happen? I know, on my birthday. But really, it's weird.
10. I am never, ever doing online dating again. Kudos to those who were successful in it, but I have never been. Nor do I ever want to try again in that way. The last date I went on a few months ago asked me what I thought about predestination on the first date. NO. NOT a first date question.
11. I wish I wasn't night owl. I wish I didn't sleep so long, and so soundly through my alarms every morning. But, I am thankful that I fall asleep pretty much immediately.
12. I want a house some day with a secret door, a hot tub, and a back porch swing. Is that too much to ask? Oh, and a library room, where my husband and I will put all our books together in one room with comfy chairs and no TV and it will be a room to read in and pray in and that's it.
13. I loved elementary school. I hated middle school. I loved high school. I hated college.
14. My current church is my favorite of all the ones I've been to so far in life. I obviously love my home church because I was there 12 years and that was all I had known, and wouldn't trade those years. But the church I'm at now is perfect for where I am in life now.
15. I might read Young Adult Fiction more than I ever read regular fiction because it's more unrealistic, interesting, and unpredictable. I don't want to read about divorce, a person who's child died, sappy romance, or horror books. No thanks.
16. Sometimes I just want people to be on their phones less. If we're with friends or in a meeting or at church or bible study or whatever, why don't we soak in our surroundings more, and the people who are around us?
17. I'm 3 years out of college, and I'm still glad I decided not to teach.
18. I use things I learned in student teaching on adults because sometimes adults act like kids.
19. I don't have a favorite book, movie, or song. But my favorite tv series is Gilmore Girls.
20. I've lived here for 19 and a half years, and I like that. I enjoy going places and seeing people I know, and getting to know people at different jobs / locations that I go. I enjoy seeing people change over time and seeing them grow.
21. I don't take "mean" joking very well most of the time.
22. Life is weird.
23. Even as my passions and interests in life change, I hope to always pursue them, because without them, life is boring.
24. I think that compliments are underrated. Whether it be to a friend, a family member, a coworker, or a total stranger, there are compliments people have given me that made my day better, or that really touched my heart. Sometimes "I like your shirt" goes farther than you know, and even more personal compliments are even better.
25. I don't like seeing PDA. I don't even know why. It just makes me uncomfortable. So I wonder if I will be that way when I'm in a relationship or if I'll be like, "I don't care what anybody else thinks!"
1. I read multiple books at once. But sometimes I won't read for months at a time.
2. I have a great long term memory (like a crazy one), and a terrible short term memory. This makes things at work difficult.
3. I write in my journal about once a week or every other week. But no longer than every other week. Not because I force myself to, but because I enjoy it.
4. I like writing letters to people, and receiving written letters. But neither happen very often.
5. I feel like I'm learning to communicate better. When people at work are mad I try to talk to them about it calmly instead of being passive aggressive or confrontational.
6. It's hard for me to stand still. I either pace/walk around or sway. I don't know why.
7. I pretty much add the number 7 or 77 or 777 to everything. My e-mail address, somewhere in my passwords for things sometimes, usernames, etc.
8. I might have kids. But I might adopt. I'd totally be ok with adopting instead of having my own kids, because being pregnant and then having a baby sounds terrible. At this point in my life I'm up for either one. I might be too old to have kids by the time that's an option anyways.
9. I'm 26. Wait what? When did that happen? I know, on my birthday. But really, it's weird.
10. I am never, ever doing online dating again. Kudos to those who were successful in it, but I have never been. Nor do I ever want to try again in that way. The last date I went on a few months ago asked me what I thought about predestination on the first date. NO. NOT a first date question.
11. I wish I wasn't night owl. I wish I didn't sleep so long, and so soundly through my alarms every morning. But, I am thankful that I fall asleep pretty much immediately.
12. I want a house some day with a secret door, a hot tub, and a back porch swing. Is that too much to ask? Oh, and a library room, where my husband and I will put all our books together in one room with comfy chairs and no TV and it will be a room to read in and pray in and that's it.
13. I loved elementary school. I hated middle school. I loved high school. I hated college.
14. My current church is my favorite of all the ones I've been to so far in life. I obviously love my home church because I was there 12 years and that was all I had known, and wouldn't trade those years. But the church I'm at now is perfect for where I am in life now.
15. I might read Young Adult Fiction more than I ever read regular fiction because it's more unrealistic, interesting, and unpredictable. I don't want to read about divorce, a person who's child died, sappy romance, or horror books. No thanks.
16. Sometimes I just want people to be on their phones less. If we're with friends or in a meeting or at church or bible study or whatever, why don't we soak in our surroundings more, and the people who are around us?
17. I'm 3 years out of college, and I'm still glad I decided not to teach.
18. I use things I learned in student teaching on adults because sometimes adults act like kids.
19. I don't have a favorite book, movie, or song. But my favorite tv series is Gilmore Girls.
20. I've lived here for 19 and a half years, and I like that. I enjoy going places and seeing people I know, and getting to know people at different jobs / locations that I go. I enjoy seeing people change over time and seeing them grow.
21. I don't take "mean" joking very well most of the time.
22. Life is weird.
23. Even as my passions and interests in life change, I hope to always pursue them, because without them, life is boring.
24. I think that compliments are underrated. Whether it be to a friend, a family member, a coworker, or a total stranger, there are compliments people have given me that made my day better, or that really touched my heart. Sometimes "I like your shirt" goes farther than you know, and even more personal compliments are even better.
25. I don't like seeing PDA. I don't even know why. It just makes me uncomfortable. So I wonder if I will be that way when I'm in a relationship or if I'll be like, "I don't care what anybody else thinks!"
Thursday, July 10, 2014
He made me this way on purpose
My ears are sensitive to loud noises. When I was little I covered my ears when the vacuum was used, when a toilet flushed too loud, and obviously during fireworks or motorcycles that were too close. When I was in 9th grade at a pep rally (I loathed those things), there was a moment when two people on either side of me screamed at the top of their lungs and I blacked out. I was still standing and didn't pass out, but everything went completely black. I booked it out of the gym and sat on the bench in the lobby. I've felt that start to come on again when I'm near loud speakers at concerts and have to move. I hear the phone ringing at work when it's behind the closed door when others don't.
My skin is sensitive. If I use normal lotion, it gives me a rash. Not cool. So I have to use St. Ives, and hardly anything else. I sunburn quickly and it doesn't ever turn brown. When my hands get dry, they crack and hurt and look awful. And most importantly, I'm highly allergic to all metal. I can't wear belts, jewelry, and watches. I can't sit in metal chairs with shorts on, and I can't lean my arms on a metal table. I can't hold on to metal chains on a swing, metal bars on a train or bus, and many other random things. It's only if it touches my skin for 20 minutes or more, so I'm ok with silverware and doorknobs.
My eyes aren't necessarily sensitive, but I'm blind as you can be without contacts or glasses. For those of you who know the numbers, I'm -6.00 in contacts. Basically to read see or read anything it has to literally be four inches from my face.
My nose is sensitive. I smell everything. And I also hate a lot of smells. At work I swear half of my day is spent breathing through my mouth. I can't stand the way the following things at work smell: ice coffee, hazelnut, toffee nut, certain coffees, the bathrooms, some of the cleaners, mocha when it's being washed or being made, matcha powder, bananas, skinny mocha, cinnamon dolce, the trash, the grease trap, the spinach feta wrap, the vacuum.... I'm not just being picky, I can't stand those smells. It's like intensified and overwhelming nastiness.
My tongue was pretty much made wrong, lol, because although I try a lot of different foods and drinks, I don't like a lot of things. I'm a "picky eater" but not because I want to be. I just taste things and am like, "Gross." In a way, it's good because I don't eat everything I see.
Sometimes I've thought, "God? Really? Why are all my senses heightened and sensitive? Why are things too loud, stink, hurt, taste bad, etc. that other people are totally ok with?"
And then there's my heart. My heart is sensitive. I don't cry a ton or feel depressed all the time, but I empathize without meaning to, and feel a lot. One time I went to a place where we made and served dinner to homeless people in Atlanta, and had a worship service for them, and on the drive home everybody I went with was talking and laughing and getting ready to eat at IHOP and I sat there crying. I said how I felt silly crying and feeling so awful for them, but my friend said, "No, it's ok. It shows how your heart is so caring." When I'm in Kenya all I want to do is give them everything I have. When someone hurts me, it stays with me for a long time. When someone is happy and excited, I'm pumped right along with them. I remember someone's favorite food for years and bring it to them way later, I'm hugely aware when someone is in a bad mood or having a bad day, I notice the people who are standing alone in a room full of people, and I want to help people when I can in whatever they're doing in life.
Some days, same thing as earlier, I think, "God... I don't want to hurt so much. I don't want to feel so burdened with the thought of my friend who doesn't know You, feel the sting of the words even a week later from coworkers when they're being mean, or miss people so deeply when I can't be around them." But I also have a deep love in my heart, a deep longing to serve, give, encourage, and be there for people, that I know only comes from God. Sometimes it's both the good and the bad emotions that cause me to act. Sometimes I want to hit an off button on my emotions, especially on the days when they swing like pendulums and wreak havoc on my logical thoughts, and the truths that I know suddenly seem a little fuzzy. But I know that God made me the way I am on purpose. He doesn't see me as over-emotional, He sees me as a woman who feels deeply and tries to use those emotions to bring glory to God. I get really excited about rainbows every time I see them, and beautiful sunsets leave me speechless. God made those things beautiful, just like He made us beautiful!
My skin is sensitive. If I use normal lotion, it gives me a rash. Not cool. So I have to use St. Ives, and hardly anything else. I sunburn quickly and it doesn't ever turn brown. When my hands get dry, they crack and hurt and look awful. And most importantly, I'm highly allergic to all metal. I can't wear belts, jewelry, and watches. I can't sit in metal chairs with shorts on, and I can't lean my arms on a metal table. I can't hold on to metal chains on a swing, metal bars on a train or bus, and many other random things. It's only if it touches my skin for 20 minutes or more, so I'm ok with silverware and doorknobs.
My eyes aren't necessarily sensitive, but I'm blind as you can be without contacts or glasses. For those of you who know the numbers, I'm -6.00 in contacts. Basically to read see or read anything it has to literally be four inches from my face.
My nose is sensitive. I smell everything. And I also hate a lot of smells. At work I swear half of my day is spent breathing through my mouth. I can't stand the way the following things at work smell: ice coffee, hazelnut, toffee nut, certain coffees, the bathrooms, some of the cleaners, mocha when it's being washed or being made, matcha powder, bananas, skinny mocha, cinnamon dolce, the trash, the grease trap, the spinach feta wrap, the vacuum.... I'm not just being picky, I can't stand those smells. It's like intensified and overwhelming nastiness.
My tongue was pretty much made wrong, lol, because although I try a lot of different foods and drinks, I don't like a lot of things. I'm a "picky eater" but not because I want to be. I just taste things and am like, "Gross." In a way, it's good because I don't eat everything I see.
Sometimes I've thought, "God? Really? Why are all my senses heightened and sensitive? Why are things too loud, stink, hurt, taste bad, etc. that other people are totally ok with?"
And then there's my heart. My heart is sensitive. I don't cry a ton or feel depressed all the time, but I empathize without meaning to, and feel a lot. One time I went to a place where we made and served dinner to homeless people in Atlanta, and had a worship service for them, and on the drive home everybody I went with was talking and laughing and getting ready to eat at IHOP and I sat there crying. I said how I felt silly crying and feeling so awful for them, but my friend said, "No, it's ok. It shows how your heart is so caring." When I'm in Kenya all I want to do is give them everything I have. When someone hurts me, it stays with me for a long time. When someone is happy and excited, I'm pumped right along with them. I remember someone's favorite food for years and bring it to them way later, I'm hugely aware when someone is in a bad mood or having a bad day, I notice the people who are standing alone in a room full of people, and I want to help people when I can in whatever they're doing in life.
Some days, same thing as earlier, I think, "God... I don't want to hurt so much. I don't want to feel so burdened with the thought of my friend who doesn't know You, feel the sting of the words even a week later from coworkers when they're being mean, or miss people so deeply when I can't be around them." But I also have a deep love in my heart, a deep longing to serve, give, encourage, and be there for people, that I know only comes from God. Sometimes it's both the good and the bad emotions that cause me to act. Sometimes I want to hit an off button on my emotions, especially on the days when they swing like pendulums and wreak havoc on my logical thoughts, and the truths that I know suddenly seem a little fuzzy. But I know that God made me the way I am on purpose. He doesn't see me as over-emotional, He sees me as a woman who feels deeply and tries to use those emotions to bring glory to God. I get really excited about rainbows every time I see them, and beautiful sunsets leave me speechless. God made those things beautiful, just like He made us beautiful!
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