I think we all go into new situations with some sort of hopes of how it will go, or an idea of what it might be like, good or bad. In books and on TV, the media portrays college life in many ways. They often show the fun side of college - the freedoms, the parties, friends, etc. and dont' show much of the classes and hard work. Because why would you want to watch a TV show where the person sits in class all the time? There are so many factors that change your life in college - living at home vs living with roomates, living on campus vs living off campus, the major you go into, the size college you go to, how invovled in other activities outside of school, what job (or lack thereof) you have, and more.
My thoughts before college:
As I finished my senior year of high school, of course it was a mix of emotions. I literally remember a time in 10th grade math class, talking to two of my friend Kesley and Maggie, and saying, "We only have 2 and a half more years of high school!!" because it was nearing Christmas break. All the way through high school you build up to graduation. You talk about getting out of high school and doing great things with your life, whether it's college or working. In my mind, I was going to go away to college, but when the time came, I didn't make it into the college I wanted, so I went to a nearby college. Not my first choice, but oh well.
So at the end of my senior year of high school, I was both excited and sad. I had a close group of friends that I treasured, and knew we were going to different colleges in the state, as well as one of our friends was moving across the country to California to go to college! I had several teachers I was close to as well. Going to KSU I thought that it would be exciting, but hard work of course. I thought that once I got through my core classes that I would fly through my major classes with excitement. I thought that I would eventually move out and just have a blast living on my own. I thought that I would find a part time job that I loved going to. And, that I would find a new church that I could serve in as well as grow in. I also knew that leaving the youth group at my church would be hard. I was in it for 7 years and had been through a lot with those people. I was included in that group.
After college:
And now, I'm in my 5th year of college, graduating in May. Lots of people say, "Oh wow, time flies!" but for me college has dragged on. I got together with my high school girl friends during the summer and Christmas breaks for the first two years, but then we grew apart. It wasn't abrupt, and there are still times when I miss them, but I'm not torn up about the fact that we're not friends anymore. Some of them are still closer to me than others, and I still think of them all very highly, but, life goes on. I lived at home the first two years, and am living at home again this year. It saves money. The two years that I lived out of the house was great, and it will eventually be that way again. I did struggle with my core classes. And even with many of my major classes. I've lacked friends in high school because the school is the 3rd largest in Georgia.
I went to a new church - I've been there 3 and a half years ago - and yes, I've been able to serve and grow in many different areas for both! It has been difficult with not having many young adults in the church, but we're working on a new service for young adults that will hopefully make it grow.
I haven't liked the part time jobs I've had in college. Some of them were better than others, but after time I ended up dreading to go to work each day. Whether it be the distance I had to drive (an hour home in rush hour traffic each night) or the people I worked with, not getting enough hours, not enough pay, being really bored with the job....there was just always something that made me leave.
Now I am looking forward to being a teacher. Oh I know the ups and downs that will come with it. I'm not thinking that it will be all happy stuff that I will just fly on throuh. But I hope that it's something that I will love. And, I have to keep in mind - my job is not my entire life. It does not define who I am. There are other things that go on outside of a job.
And so, another chapter in my life is about to come to a close. I am not reluctant for this change like I was for leaving high school. There are no deep friendship or emotional ties to college. I have made some friends through the process, but I know I can keep in touch with them if I want to - it's not like many of them are going away after college.
My hopes for being a teacher - I hope that I have a good principal and staff. I hope that I have a great class. I hope that I have good teachers in the grade I work with. I hope the drive is not too far. I hope that I am not stressed a lot or consumed (too much) by teaching. I hope that I love it.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sometimes I want to hide under a rock. But it wouldn't do much good.
There are just days when you want to hide under a rock. When everything you do or say is wrong, when you don't know how to fix things, when you don't want to deal with things, when you want to just step back and drop everything you're doing and saying, "Well, I'm out. See ya in like 10 years." It's one thing if it's like one problem. But as they build up it's just this mountain of frustration and confusion. The more you try to make it better the worse it gets. The more you try to avoid the situation all together, the worse it gets. It's a lose-lose situation.
One time I asked someone, "What do you do when you're in a problem, and you know it's going to be around for a while, and you just don't know what to do with it?" They thought for a minute and then replied, "I just sit with it. I just....go through it. It will eventually pass, even if it takes a long time. And then another problem will come along. You can't let them weigh you down and make your life miserable."
It's true. In fact, most of the time if I think back to a year ago, or even 6 months ago, I don't remember which problems I had unless they're major ones. And oh, those major ones are the worst. Obviously.
And really, what does hiding under a rock look like? Ignoring people? The problem will still be there when you come out of hiding. Your feelings are still the same. You still feel like a looser.
One time I asked someone, "What do you do when you're in a problem, and you know it's going to be around for a while, and you just don't know what to do with it?" They thought for a minute and then replied, "I just sit with it. I just....go through it. It will eventually pass, even if it takes a long time. And then another problem will come along. You can't let them weigh you down and make your life miserable."
It's true. In fact, most of the time if I think back to a year ago, or even 6 months ago, I don't remember which problems I had unless they're major ones. And oh, those major ones are the worst. Obviously.
And really, what does hiding under a rock look like? Ignoring people? The problem will still be there when you come out of hiding. Your feelings are still the same. You still feel like a looser.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
It's Not About Me
Thought of this song today as I prayed about something......
Jesus, Lover Of My Soul, sung by lots of people (including Passion, Kari Jobe, and more)
It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways
Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You
Jesus, Lover Of My Soul, sung by lots of people (including Passion, Kari Jobe, and more)
It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways
Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Technology.....good in moderation. Biggest strength and biggest weakness.
A few posts ago I wrote about how sometimes your greatest strengths are also your greatest weaknessess, and said how one example of mine is that I have a huge heart and keep in touch with people well, but on the flip side I'm bad at goodbyes and letting go of people.
Well, another one for me....
I've always enjoyed computer related things. When I was young I played a lot of computer games, and as the internet came along and we got it at home when I was about 10, I continued to learn more about it. Commputer games I used to play: Barbie, American Girl, JumpStart Learning Games, Nancy Drew, The Sims (1, 2, and 3), and more. Then came social networking. Xanga (like a blog), Myspace, Facebook. I've always enjoyed helping people do stuff on the computer like when they're stuck on something and I can show them how to do it. I took a computer class my senior year that taught us about Microsoft Excell, and other programs.
Now I am helping do things for Kenya through my church - helping update / re-do the website for Kenya, put together spreadsheets on Excell, do things with pictures such as powerpoints, uploading them onto snapfish, etc. I love to do all these things! It helps with teaching related things as well, when I'm able to make graphs, find learning games online, etc.
I like to create. Websites, blogs, things related to pictures, videos, etc. It is fun. I learn it quickly. It's been helpful in school projects, in getting lesson plans done, and soon it will be helpful in teaching. It's an escape sometimes.
However.....on the negative side...I am on the internet too much. It doesn't help that all of my school work has been on the computer - all research done on the computer, everything typed, all of our assignments online, a lot of readings online. Besides that, I get on too much. I get on for too long. I use it to procrastinate when I should be working. I get OCD with things online, like trying to find something, or checking facebook or e-mail, or trying to win the top spot in Bejewelled Blitz. Or other random things that suck me in, like watching countless youtube videos. There's an application on facebook called, "Visual Bookshelf" and since I love to read I loved this application. Still do. But, one day I went on and found every book I could think of that I've ever read, and rated it with stars, and put some comments on them. It took much too long.
Facebook in particular is a big stumbling block for me. Laugh if you will, but I've come across a LOT of other people of all different ages who admit to the same thing once I bring it up. Sometimes it becomes a source of jealousy. I see people's lives on facebook who have a great marraige, great kids, etc. and are where I want to be in life and are not. I see people who I want to hang out with and can hardly get them to call me back, yet they go hang out with other people all the time. It becomes a source of selfishness. I want people to see what I do and like me. Sometimes without realizing it, it's me braging about myself and wanting people to be proud of me and think highly of me. It becomes a source of wasting time. I get on and can't get off, making me go to bed late which makes me tired the next day. Or I'll be on there instead of doing a quiet time. Sometimes I'd be on there for too long and it would require me to not get my homework done, or to rush through my school work instead of doing it with enough time and to the fullest. It pulls me from doing other things like laundry, cleaning my room, reading books, and exercizing. It dulls relationships. I rely on that to keep up with people in such an impersonal way instead of through calling them, writing them a letter, seeing them in person. Facebook is an inacurate view of someone's life. Some people only put up the good stuff.
Someone once asked me, "If you spend 4 hours in a row on the computer, would you feel bad?" "Yeah." "But if you spent 4 hours in a row reading a book would you feel bad?" "No." "Why?" I had to think about it. Partly because I think that reading is just good for your brain. If it's a nonfiction book it could be helpful for you life, your personality, your job, you walk with God. If it's a fiction book, it's still just good to read. But to be on the computer for that long....it just seems like I could be doing something better with my time.
So there it is again. One of my biggest strengths is my biggest weakness.
Well, another one for me....
I've always enjoyed computer related things. When I was young I played a lot of computer games, and as the internet came along and we got it at home when I was about 10, I continued to learn more about it. Commputer games I used to play: Barbie, American Girl, JumpStart Learning Games, Nancy Drew, The Sims (1, 2, and 3), and more. Then came social networking. Xanga (like a blog), Myspace, Facebook. I've always enjoyed helping people do stuff on the computer like when they're stuck on something and I can show them how to do it. I took a computer class my senior year that taught us about Microsoft Excell, and other programs.
Now I am helping do things for Kenya through my church - helping update / re-do the website for Kenya, put together spreadsheets on Excell, do things with pictures such as powerpoints, uploading them onto snapfish, etc. I love to do all these things! It helps with teaching related things as well, when I'm able to make graphs, find learning games online, etc.
I like to create. Websites, blogs, things related to pictures, videos, etc. It is fun. I learn it quickly. It's been helpful in school projects, in getting lesson plans done, and soon it will be helpful in teaching. It's an escape sometimes.
However.....on the negative side...I am on the internet too much. It doesn't help that all of my school work has been on the computer - all research done on the computer, everything typed, all of our assignments online, a lot of readings online. Besides that, I get on too much. I get on for too long. I use it to procrastinate when I should be working. I get OCD with things online, like trying to find something, or checking facebook or e-mail, or trying to win the top spot in Bejewelled Blitz. Or other random things that suck me in, like watching countless youtube videos. There's an application on facebook called, "Visual Bookshelf" and since I love to read I loved this application. Still do. But, one day I went on and found every book I could think of that I've ever read, and rated it with stars, and put some comments on them. It took much too long.
Facebook in particular is a big stumbling block for me. Laugh if you will, but I've come across a LOT of other people of all different ages who admit to the same thing once I bring it up. Sometimes it becomes a source of jealousy. I see people's lives on facebook who have a great marraige, great kids, etc. and are where I want to be in life and are not. I see people who I want to hang out with and can hardly get them to call me back, yet they go hang out with other people all the time. It becomes a source of selfishness. I want people to see what I do and like me. Sometimes without realizing it, it's me braging about myself and wanting people to be proud of me and think highly of me. It becomes a source of wasting time. I get on and can't get off, making me go to bed late which makes me tired the next day. Or I'll be on there instead of doing a quiet time. Sometimes I'd be on there for too long and it would require me to not get my homework done, or to rush through my school work instead of doing it with enough time and to the fullest. It pulls me from doing other things like laundry, cleaning my room, reading books, and exercizing. It dulls relationships. I rely on that to keep up with people in such an impersonal way instead of through calling them, writing them a letter, seeing them in person. Facebook is an inacurate view of someone's life. Some people only put up the good stuff.
Someone once asked me, "If you spend 4 hours in a row on the computer, would you feel bad?" "Yeah." "But if you spent 4 hours in a row reading a book would you feel bad?" "No." "Why?" I had to think about it. Partly because I think that reading is just good for your brain. If it's a nonfiction book it could be helpful for you life, your personality, your job, you walk with God. If it's a fiction book, it's still just good to read. But to be on the computer for that long....it just seems like I could be doing something better with my time.
So there it is again. One of my biggest strengths is my biggest weakness.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
My plate is full
Sometimes when our plates are full in life, we have to choose what we say no to. Other times it just overflows and something falls off that we don't necessarily choose. Or both.
My plate consists of......
1. Helping with the middle and high school youth group at my church. Sun mornings hs sunday school, sun nights youth group, planning meetings once a month, the events and trips that happen. I've done this for 3 and a half years, but starting in January this is one that will be "kicked off" my list of things to do. I will still go on trips and events when I'm able to, but all else will be dropped in this area. Part of me is sad because I enjoy this, but I may pick it up again in the next few years.
2. My church is starting a Sun night service for young adults that starts in January. I'm on the planning team where we choose the logo, talk about everything, etc. I will be singing some on Sunday nights (which includes practices), and helping with some of the online part of advertising or whatever else they need. Since it will be on Sunday nights, that's part of why I can't help with youth anymore - that will take place of me helping with the youth group. I currently go to Sun morning worship service, and in Jan I'll go Sun nights instead.
3. At my other church....yeah, I kind of go to two.... I've been "hired" a few weeks ago to do 4 hours of work each week (paid) related to Kenya stuff. I went to Kenya twice and have gone to meetings over th past 4 years. I'll be doing things like excell spreadsheets, helping with the website, facebook, picture related things, making powerpoints when we present to the church or other organizations, etc. It's mainly computer related stuff which I like. It's so much fun!
4. Nursrey once a month. However, this may be something I have to drop since I won't be going to church Sunday mornings, only Sun nights, and I'll be singing or in the service.
5. Student teaching. Writing lesson plans, grading papers, creating centers, writing reflections, etc. I'm in the classroom full time right now but just teaching a little, and will be full time student teaching starting in January. It will be my unpaid job! Haha. I had 4 classes this semestser that were 10 weeks long and now they're done which is good.
6. I baby-sit whenever possible. Now I mostly only do it on the weekends because I have to go to bed early on weeknights.
7. I go to 2 bible studies. Yep. I know one should be dropped, but I'm not sure if I will or not. One is with a church called Northstar. We meet at someone's house each Thur night, and there's a lot of young adults who go. I've met some awesome people through that and we read straight from the bible and then discuss. And, there are guys my age there. Since I'm going to be a teacher I'm seeing less and less guys my age of who I'd ever go out with! And the other bible study is with my church, Northwest Christian Church. All 4 of us. ;-) Yeah, it's tiny - it's fluxuated a lot over the past few years since people have moved, gotten married, etc. and now we're down to a tiny group, hoping to grow with our new service in Jan. But I still learn a lot from the bible study and we have good discussions. The deep questions are asked. Soon, however, I may have to start practicing with the praise band on Wed nights instead, and in Jan we may be getting a new leader to lead our group, so I'm not sure if this is something that I will continue going to.....it all depends.
8. Ummmm, I am never bored. :-) Despite all of the above 7 things, I do try to have a social life. And with all the activity going on, part of me needs to balance all that out with ME TIME!!! In which I read books, watch a few TV shows on my computer, play computer games, sing, take lots of pictures, get on facebook, write consistantly in my journal, and quiet times with God. I like going to bookstores and starbucks. I like lists, goals, planners, and filing cabinets. :-) But my room is super messy. As in you can hardly walk in it.
9. Soon I will be looking for a full time teaching job. I have to pass a test to get my certification (which I need to study for), then get a resume and application together, go to interviews, buy things for my classroom once I get a job, and get everything together. My next few years will be incredibly busy.
So, to everything else that is offered to me, I have to say no! Through all of this, and other people's busy schedule, our schedules have become more important than people. It's like a miracle when I can actually get together with people. Which is sometimes really frustrating. I mean, I know what it's like to be busy. But why is that an excuse? Pick a time when you're not busy, and let me know! ya know? I mean, if I can make time in my schedule to have dinner with somebody, why can't they? Anyways, just me venting for a minute. :-)
My plate consists of......
1. Helping with the middle and high school youth group at my church. Sun mornings hs sunday school, sun nights youth group, planning meetings once a month, the events and trips that happen. I've done this for 3 and a half years, but starting in January this is one that will be "kicked off" my list of things to do. I will still go on trips and events when I'm able to, but all else will be dropped in this area. Part of me is sad because I enjoy this, but I may pick it up again in the next few years.
2. My church is starting a Sun night service for young adults that starts in January. I'm on the planning team where we choose the logo, talk about everything, etc. I will be singing some on Sunday nights (which includes practices), and helping with some of the online part of advertising or whatever else they need. Since it will be on Sunday nights, that's part of why I can't help with youth anymore - that will take place of me helping with the youth group. I currently go to Sun morning worship service, and in Jan I'll go Sun nights instead.
3. At my other church....yeah, I kind of go to two.... I've been "hired" a few weeks ago to do 4 hours of work each week (paid) related to Kenya stuff. I went to Kenya twice and have gone to meetings over th past 4 years. I'll be doing things like excell spreadsheets, helping with the website, facebook, picture related things, making powerpoints when we present to the church or other organizations, etc. It's mainly computer related stuff which I like. It's so much fun!
4. Nursrey once a month. However, this may be something I have to drop since I won't be going to church Sunday mornings, only Sun nights, and I'll be singing or in the service.
5. Student teaching. Writing lesson plans, grading papers, creating centers, writing reflections, etc. I'm in the classroom full time right now but just teaching a little, and will be full time student teaching starting in January. It will be my unpaid job! Haha. I had 4 classes this semestser that were 10 weeks long and now they're done which is good.
6. I baby-sit whenever possible. Now I mostly only do it on the weekends because I have to go to bed early on weeknights.
7. I go to 2 bible studies. Yep. I know one should be dropped, but I'm not sure if I will or not. One is with a church called Northstar. We meet at someone's house each Thur night, and there's a lot of young adults who go. I've met some awesome people through that and we read straight from the bible and then discuss. And, there are guys my age there. Since I'm going to be a teacher I'm seeing less and less guys my age of who I'd ever go out with! And the other bible study is with my church, Northwest Christian Church. All 4 of us. ;-) Yeah, it's tiny - it's fluxuated a lot over the past few years since people have moved, gotten married, etc. and now we're down to a tiny group, hoping to grow with our new service in Jan. But I still learn a lot from the bible study and we have good discussions. The deep questions are asked. Soon, however, I may have to start practicing with the praise band on Wed nights instead, and in Jan we may be getting a new leader to lead our group, so I'm not sure if this is something that I will continue going to.....it all depends.
8. Ummmm, I am never bored. :-) Despite all of the above 7 things, I do try to have a social life. And with all the activity going on, part of me needs to balance all that out with ME TIME!!! In which I read books, watch a few TV shows on my computer, play computer games, sing, take lots of pictures, get on facebook, write consistantly in my journal, and quiet times with God. I like going to bookstores and starbucks. I like lists, goals, planners, and filing cabinets. :-) But my room is super messy. As in you can hardly walk in it.
9. Soon I will be looking for a full time teaching job. I have to pass a test to get my certification (which I need to study for), then get a resume and application together, go to interviews, buy things for my classroom once I get a job, and get everything together. My next few years will be incredibly busy.
So, to everything else that is offered to me, I have to say no! Through all of this, and other people's busy schedule, our schedules have become more important than people. It's like a miracle when I can actually get together with people. Which is sometimes really frustrating. I mean, I know what it's like to be busy. But why is that an excuse? Pick a time when you're not busy, and let me know! ya know? I mean, if I can make time in my schedule to have dinner with somebody, why can't they? Anyways, just me venting for a minute. :-)
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