Life

Sunday I went to "Charming Charlie" with my mom and grandma. I always want to add an "s" to Charlie, so I do it anyways even though I know it's wrong. :-) It's a store mostly of jewelry, but also hats, scarves, purses, and some clothes. It's huge and seperated out by colors. During my time there my friend Heather texted me and some others to see if we wanted to see a movie that night, so I said yeah! The past few months I've been overly excited when someone invites me to something because it's been years of not having many friends. Anyways, Sunday night I went to the movie, "Megamind" with 5 other people. It's a kids animated movie, but I liked it! I thought it was really funny, in my opinion. We decided to go to Chilli's after, and since I'd already had dinner I got a peice of cheesecake.

Wednesday my mom turned 50! We had a surprise lunch for her that one of her friends got together. All of them were over 50 except me. Three had grandkids or will be soon, one is a teacher that is retiring at the end of this year, etc. Although I was at the opposite end of the spectrum in life, it was still a good lunch. That afternoon my family and I went to the movie, "Gulliver's Travels" which is also a kids movie about a guy who goes through the bermuta triangle and then ends up in a world where he's a giant. Apparently there are books that tons of people have read but I've never even heard about it - what's up with that?! How did I miss these books? Anyways I liked the movie. It was somewhat predictable though - the guy (played by Jack Black) liked this girl he worked with for 5 years and at the end he tells her and she's all like, "Oh! How sweet!" and they kiss and live happily ever after. Same with the little people - the guy likes the princess but since he's not nobility he can't pursue her, until he saves the day and she likes him and they get together at the end too. News flash - life doesn't turn out in predictable ways. But what kind of movie would it be if they didn't end up together? We're so used to happy endings that maybe it makes us angry when our own lives don't turn out that way because we long for that happy ending. We went to O'Charlie's for dinner after.

Last night after bible study I played the game "Risk" for the first time. I may have heard about it, but I can't remember. Well it was a 4 hour long game! Since I didn't know how to play I partnered up with someone, so I didn't really play much, but next time I'm ready to win. :-) We played from like 9:30ish PM to 1:15ish AM. The people who live in the house we were at have a newborn so Lee Ann (the mom) was up some anyways. I got to hold their baby again and she is so cute! Last night, I'm not kidding, I dreamed about playing this game though. I've started dreaming more about things I do before bed, especially if it is a longer ordeal. It's weird. Like I've been watching "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" because I'm buying them cheap on ebay, and the other night I watched a few hours of it before bed and then dreamed about it when I slept. And another night there was just something I was thinking about a lot and dreamed about it. I know that it sounds normal, but it's not for me! It's weird because my dreams are usually so obscure, not what I"m actually doing or thining about.

Tonight is New Year's Eve. I was going to go to a lock-in about an hour away at a church with a whole  bunch of other churches as a chaperone for the middle and high schoolers because that's what I've done the past few years, and before that I baby-sat, and before that we went to my parent's friends house. But some people from my bible study invited me to a party at their apartment, and I've never been to a new year's eve party with people my age!! haha. So I'm going tonight and I think we're playing games and stuff.

I have one more week of "freedom." Next week I am going to a big meeting at my college for them to talk to us about student teaching - 9 AM to 3 PM!!! 6 hours - really? And what an awful time, it covers up all of lunch and I don't know if we'll get a lunch break or what, so I'm bringing a sack lunch and eating during the meeting if there's not really a break. Haha. But really, how could there be a meeting that long? And next Saturday I take my teacher certification test (again) called GACE  - I forget what it stands for but something to do with Georgia. I took it in July and passed half and failed half, so I'm taking the 1st part again. I've studied this time. I only failed it by 3 points!! Ugh! I'm not TOO worried, but the whole process of paying for it, driving all the way out there to take it, sitting for hours trying to concentrate in a silent room, and then waiting a month for the scores to come back is frustrating. We live in a fast paced world, can they not just stick them through scanners and get back to us in a few days?!? They're all multiple choice except the essay! I start student teaching Jan 10.

Two of my good friends are going to be student teaching at the same school I am! I'll be in 4th and they'll be in Kindergarten and 2nd grade. Who knows if I'll actually see them though! I was in 4th grade when I knew I wanted to be a teacher, so it's funny that here I am student teaching that grade. Thinking back to being that age I really thought I was older than I was. I've always wanted to grow up faster - since I was 9 I've had this goal of being an elementary teacher, a wife, and a mom. But isn't it funny how you can only have so much control over your  own life? I may become certified to be a teacher, but then not be able to get a job in teaching for years. Or I might. As for a wife and mom, that seems so distant, like I'm still 9 and hoping it will happen some day.

Well, a lot is coming up in the year 2011. A new young adults service is starting at my church that I've  been helping plan. I may sing at it, I may not. I will student teach, graduate college, and hopefully get a teaching job in August. I don't know what kind of job I'll have over the summer or what I'll be able to do (help with VBS? volunteer at Wellspring? chaperone the youth mission trip to Florida?). I want to live life to the fullest. I don't want teaching to consume me. I want to be happy. I want to have deeper friendships. I want to manage my time well and not be so busy. I want to make the best out of whatever situations I am in. I want to read books more throughout the whole years instead of just when I'm on a break. I want to eat better. I want to do new things. I don't say all these as "resolutions" because those seem to last only a month and then dissapear. I want this to be just something I do all year and check up on throughout my life. Maybe I could type up a "check on my life" list to see how all is going and what I can do to make life even better. Yep, just decided I will. :-)

Reacp of my 2010: moved home, went through TOSS this semester- 4 classes and part time student teaching, started going to a new bible study (which made 2), chaperoned a bunch of youth group trips and events, took a trip to see lots of relatives in NC and MD (and my cousin from Washington state came with me), baby-sat full time over the summer (6 AM - 6PM), baby-sat part time during the 1st half the year, and met a TON of new people through many different things.

Ready or not, here I come

I am embarking on a journey that is full of mountains and valleys – both are the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It is not a journey with many financial benefits, but the journey itself is what makes it worthwhile. On some days, as with all journeys, there will be storms of dark clouds, lightening that will strike me down, and winds that keep me from moving forward because of its strength. I will persist though. When I come up on an obstacle that looks too difficult to get around, I won’t give up. There will be days with the sun shining, birds chirping, and a celebration of achievement in my own journey as well as those around me. Imagination, creativity, and a sense of humor are keys to this journey. Although I may not see the difference I’m making on this journey until I am farther ahead and able to look back on the distance I have come thus far, it is still one that will be meaningful and possibly life changing.


This journey is called teaching. I will meet many amazing people along the way, through the other teachers I will work with, the students I will teach, and the parents I will meet. I will have the power to influence not only through education, but also in the care and attention I give students. Often people don’t remember what they learned in elementary school, but they remember the friendships they built and the way their teachers treated them. It may be that an elementary teacher inspired them to reach farther, to learn to love reading, or just cared about them in a way that they were missing out on. This is a job in which I will continue to learn, no matter how long I teach, not only through different methods of teaching, but also in discipline strategies, working with students with disabilities, working with students of great diversity, and many other ways.

Up to this point I have been watching the scenery from inside a car. I’ve been training for this journey. I’ve been collecting the tools and knowledge it takes to conquer this terrain. They occasionally let me out and test the land, seeing how well my training is going, and then I get back in the car. But I’ve now arrived to the edge of the vast land ahead of me. For a little bit I’ll have a guide that will make sure I get up when I fall down and show me where to put my footing as I climb the mountains. But then she will go on her way and I will continue on. Although I’ve been ready for this for years, the quest of the unknown is always a scary one. There is always a thought of getting injured and having to be rushed out of there by helicopter or to be injured but having to keep limping along. Although I have people cheer me on, saying that I will be great at teaching, it still seems like a huge feat that I’m just not ready for yet. But ready or not, here I come.

Christmas

For me, middle and high school youth group was a huge part of my life. The things we did, the people in it. We went to places to serve such as nursing homes, a children's home, a home for handicaped people (for a week), and mission trips. We went fun places such as theme parks, conferences, the beach, a cabin in the mountains, ski trip, and more. And we had parties for each holiday which was often at someone's house, watched movies, ate food, went to the movie theater, etc. For 7 years, through drama and breakups and arguments along with best friends, pranks, and laughing hard, that was a big part of my life. Last night at the Christmas Eve service I saw some of them agan. We usualy only see each other at Christmas and sometimes Easter as we have each gone our own way. Last night we got a picture of some of us together. Two of them have been married for 2 years and are now pregnant, the rest of us have either graduated college or are about to, and some have already started their careers. I was happy to see them, but sad at the same time.

It is snowing here in Georgia for the first time on Christmas day in about 100 years! We're only said to get 1-3 inches, but it's still cool. I love the snow. I just don't like driving on it! :-)

Two more weeks of my break until I start student teaching! I'm excited, but mostly scared.

Saying no

I am a "let's do it all!" kind of person. But lately I've been saying no more. It's not easy.

I didn't go to the kids musical at my church and someone said, "But you like kids! And you know them, and it'll be great!" I didn't do caroling with my church and someone said, "But you love to sing! Why aren't you going?" "I just don't want to." but they didn't like this answer. And I totally get it - if it's a good thing / event, why not go? Because I can't go to everything. I was asked to help with nursrey tonight for this Christmas eve service at my church but I said no because I'm going to 2 services at my home church with dinner in between, so I didn't want to add doing the nursrey to that. I wanted to, and I know they're looking for people, but again, I just can't fill up every minute of my time.

So it's Christmas Eve day! Now that I'm older, and so is my brother, we don't really DO much for Christmas. My grandparents are coming in from NC and should be here any minute. We're going to a 5:00 and 11:00 xmas eve service tonight. But as far as presents, we all got money or bigger things in the past month so we're not opening present tomorrow. So, it is like any other day really.... ?

Anyways, still a few more weeks before I go to student teaching and I'm reading, watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch on DVD, playing Nancy Drew, hanging out with friends, and helping at Wellspring still.

Christmas time is here!

In the past week I've gotten to have dinner or breakfast with my friends Kaylene H, Kelly N, Sarah W, Courtney C, and Kaley H! I am so thankful for those wonderful people! I've played some Nancy Drew computer games (because they are so much fun!), read some books, and more. I still have not studied much for my teacher certification test which is on Jan 8, but I will get there!! I've been helping out at Wellspring Treasures a lot and brougth some people along with me when I can.

My grandparents are coming from NC Friday through Tuesday. My grandma's birthday is on Christmas, and my mom's is Dec 29. She will be 50! Whoo! However, she looks much younger than that. She seriously looks exactly the same as she did in college. I know that I also look young for my age, so maybe I'll be like that when I'm 50. Other than Christmas Eve services and 1 service on Christmas day, we aren't doing much for Christmas.

As student teaching approaches ever so slowly but surely, I'm getting more and more nervous. I sometimes feel like I'm still 10 years old, hoping to be a teacher some day, but not actually there. But I AM there. I'm guessing all upcoming teachers feel like this, but it's a very scary feeling. I don't feel prepared. Besides that, I need a backup plan if I don't get a job in August. I don't want to do retail, substitute teach, or teach at a preschool/daycare. And that pretty much rules out most jobs!! But, we'll see.

When plan B is staring you in the face...

One of the books I'm reading right now is called, "Plan B" with the question on the front: "What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would?" by Pete Wilson. I'm not that far into it yet, but there are some good things that he's written so far......


There's a chapter called, "Don't Run" and it talks about how sometimes when things aren't going the way we thought it would, we run the other way. Either physically moving or trying to remove yourself from the situation, or emotionally / mentally. Jobs, relationships/friendships, location, schools, churches....or the lack of those, or not what you wanted it to be right now. As I read on, I realized that is so me. And, dealing with some of my own "Plan B's" right now (some happening right now, some coming up....), I am in the place where I want to run the other way.

"When it becomes apparent your dreams are not coming true and you feel you've been stripped of everything, this is no time to run. It's no time to take things back into your own hands. It's definitely not the time to turn your back on God. This is when you need God more than ever before. You need to lean on him instead of run away. Your dreams may not be happening, and things aren't turning out the way you expected, but that doesn't mean your life is spinning out of control. It just means you're not in control. It's in those moments you can learn to trust the only one who has ever had control in the first place."

"I know that perservering isn't easy. I know you want to run. I know you want to give up. I know you want to try to control and maintain what you cannot control or maintain. Resist the urge. Try to lean toward God instead of panicking. Try to trust him instead of running away. Let it be. And just see what God can do when you give him room to work."

Sometimes the situations I try to run from could be just the place God wants me. It could be that it looks bad at first, but ends up being way better. Or that He has something to teach me through it. But it is so hard to stay put, in a place you don't really want to be. My second reaction, if I don't "run" or I'm unable to, is to think, "Ok, what can I DO? What can I do to make this situation better, to veer it towards plan A, or to make this less frustrating?" I sometimes jump too quickly to act. Maybe sometimes my DOING something gets in the way of GOD doing something! Being "still" could be the best choice. Obviously there are situations where you have to act, but not always.

Even when I feel like the time frame is all wrong, or worry about what could be an upcoming plan B, the best thing to do is seek God. "But seek first him kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33. That means seeking him before what I think is the best plan. And oh, just when I think I'm trying to do that, Satan steps in and throws in a wrench. Sometimes even in the areas I think, "Ok, this has to be right. This is serving / loving / giving, this is what God wants me to do," I start and there are all these obstacles or distractions. Again, it makes me want to run the other way. But sometimes I've just got to stick with it.

Everybody has or will have lots of plan B's.....all the way to "Z" I'm sure.... but I hope that we can remember that doesn't mean God's out to mess up your life or doesn't listen. We may be asking for what we think is good, but God has something way better for us. Easy to say / know, but hard to feel.

Again, not sure what to put for the title since it's all random stuff

Today I received the letter telling me where I am student teaching starting January 10, and I will be in 4th grade! I'm so excited!!! The school is like 2 minutes from my house which is so nice - this semester I only went once a week for the first 10 weeks and then every day for the last 4 weeks, but it was 40 min in the morning and 30 min home. Not fun when you have to be there around 7:15 AM. Part of me is very nervous because I will be doing a LOT more teaching, but I'm also excited. Although I'm almost done with college, it doesn't seem real that I will be an elementary teacher next Aug (assuming I get a job!). It still seems so far away and not possible or something.

My break is going by kind of slow....and that is great! :-)

Today God showed me something interesting. I will be vague because I don't want to broadcast the details to everyone I know who could possibly read this. Anyways, essentially there has been something I've been wanting for a while and thought was the best thing for me. I thought, "Well how could there be anything better than this? Why is God saying no (or wait?) when this is just the best?" But today God showed me something that was better than that. Like 10 times better, and I had no idea there could be better. So, even if this way better thing is still not what God is going to give me, then I at least know that the opportunities are out there, and that God knows what he's doing even when I don't understand.

I went to blockbuster Sunday and got a wii game. I will never buy a wii game without playing it before (renting, borrowing, etc) because there are some rediculously stupid and boring wii games. I haven't even found any I REALLY like, like I did with the playstation systems, but perhaps that's because I was younger. Well I got "Epic Mickey" because it was #1 on the blockbuster most rented, and it looked fun. After taking forever to update my wii (who knew that wii's needed updates?!), I could finally play. And it's a great concept, but just not as fun as a I thought it would be. Mickey is trapped in this magical world with a magic paintbrush that creates and destroys things, and has to do different tasks in different places / worlds / lands. He has to fight off bad guys, save good guys, etc. But a majority of the game he's having to jump on different things and it's all about timing - the clouds moving, the logs in the river moving, etc - and I keep falling and dying! Over and over and over....there's no end of his lives like game over, you just keep falling. And when you finally accomplish the tasks for the area you're in, you go on to the next one where you keep jumping! So, I'm not a fan of the game.

My wrist still hurts from Friday. :-(

My side note for the day.... sometimes when you do something risky or out of the norm, you might feel like an idiot. It could end up being a good thing, or it could end up being a bad thing and you never know up front. Because if it turns out good you can look back and say, "Whew, feeling really stupid for a few days really paid off now." Sometimes staying on the safe side of things makes you regret it later. If it doesn't turn out good, then oh well, you can at least say you tried.

Whoo!

Tuesday I went to Target and Books-A-Million with my friend Kaylene and we laughed a lot. I got some christmas presents for people as well.

Wednesday and Thur nights - bible study. Wed -baby-sat and took the girl to gymnastics. Gymnastics is fascinating to me.

Yesterday, Friday - what a great day! In the morning I helped decorate at my home church for a big youth and Christmas in July families Christmas dinner / party. (Catch all that??) It took 2 mornings to do it all. I hurt my wrist because I had to lug around some heavy chairs and the only guy there WOULDN'T HELP lift the chairs! *ANGRY FACE!* :-P My wrist is still sore. But anyways, then I went to lunch with my friend Louise and that was good. After I went down to a new store opening up called "Wellspring Treasures" where everyone working there are volunteers, and all the stuff is donated. The money goes to getting young girls out of sex trade in Atlanta - Atlanta is the biggest city in the country for that!! :-( So I went down and helped them sort and hang clothes, but could only stay for an hour. At night I went to the youth/christmas in july families dinner and took pictures there as well. I left early, an hour and a half into it though, to go to a Christmas party! It was at some people's apartment that I met through a bible study at another church and I was so excited they invited me to come. We wore tacky christmas sweaters and I had a good time meeting new people as well as talking to ones I already knew. So, I ended the day with 5 events under my belt!! And oh - a nap in there too!

Today I had coffee with a woman named Meredith from my church and that was good. Then I went back to Wellspring Treasures to sort some more. The people I've met there so far are very nice. I plan on going back next week too.

My friend Lee Ann Barton just had her baby girl this morning!  9 lbs 12 oz! She was past her due date by like a week. Can't wait to see her, but I probably won't get to hold her for a while because there's a bunch of people at our bible study who will want to hold her!

Reading, people, leading vs following, and hair

So I'm flying through some books. I have so many that I've bought over the year that I haven't had time to read, so I'm wanting to get through a lot of them. I read one during this past semester, and then slowly through 3 others but didn't finish them until last week or this week. Now I'm picking up the pace and reading some by sitting down for hours instead of just reading here and there. A bad habit while I'm reading though is to want to eat something. It's especially bad because it's mindess when I do it - since I'm focusing on reading, I don't really pay attention to what I'm eating. So I just KEEP EATING! So I've got to cut that out, haha.

You know, one thing I find interesting is how you can meet someone and instantly click and like someone, or not like someone. And it may be unspoken, and subconcious really. Sometimes I think, "Hey, this person is really great." Of course other times it takes time to get to know someone and become close, and first impressions can always  be wrong.

Another thought.... some people are more leaders than followers, and some are more followers than leaders. It seems like on personality tests or if someone asks which you are that you're supposed to be one or the other. But I am most definitely BOTH! The leader part of me is in being an elementary teacher, helping/teaching the middle and high schoolers at church, was on youth counsel in high school where we got to help make decisions about things and help do things, and in group settings I take the lead sometimes. Other times I am a follower. Like when I went to Kenya I didn't want to lead anything because I didn't know what was going on! I wanted someone to tell me what to do, or to help do something but not do it on my own. Thankfully there were people with strong leaderships qualities in them anyways that would have led even if I wanted to. In other groups I follow as well. I guess I'm not a competitive leader. Meaning that some people feel like they HAVE to be in charge / lead, so I let them. Same with conversations in a group - if some people have a ton to say, I sit back and listen instead of being on the edge of my seat to throw something in. But if the group is a little quieter, or it's just averave, then I'll speak up and talk more. It's very rarely that I don't like letting someone else lead, but it definitely happens, and it's tough.

One last thing to add to this random post. A lot of people dye their hair, put highlights in it, straighten it all the time, curl it all the time, or just don't like their hair because it's too thick, too thin, too whatever. But I like my hair!! I like the color, I like how if I don't blow dry it it's wavy, how if I do blow dry it (and sometimes straighten it) then it's straight, and how it's thick, and more. Most days I just brush it and walk out the door, it doesn't take much upkeep. Now in middle school, that's a whole nother story!! It was wavy and stuck out and frizzy, and I did NOT like my hair back then, so thankfully it's tammed down since then! :-) Anyways, I'm just saying it's rare for people to actually like their hair.

This week, ladybugs, studying, and more

Monday and Tuesday were my last two days in the elementary school for this semester! I will be at a different school for full time student teaching in Jan, but I don't know where yet. I hope it is close by! I made all A's in my 4 classes that were the 1st 10 weeks of the semester, and an A for the student teaching part! Yay!

Thursday I had starbucks with my friend Kaylene. Time always flies when I'm with her and we don't get together much because of our busyness, so it's always good to catch up. Since we're trying not to spend much money, we're going on Monday to Tartget and Books-A-Million just to look around but not buy anything. :-) Bible study on Wed and Thur nights were both good. I really appreciate the people in both. Last night I had dinner with some friends from my classes this semester, 8 of us came, and it was realy good as well.

One thing I realized at dinner last night, is that I'm not the only one who gets caught up in rediculous things and wonders why I do it. For example, the computer game "The Sims." I have Sims 3 but it is not currently loaded onto my computer. It's one of those games that you play for HOURS on end. One of my friends last night, Evan, said he just bought the game. He had played Sims 1 and loved it, but is just now getting Sims 3 and was even more ecstatic. On the other side of the table I heard my friend Sarah say how she was on Facebook too much, and even when she said she wouldn't get on, she still does. Ditto. I glanced at the TV at some point during our dinner....of the million TV's at Taco Mac....and saw a commercial for some video game, and reviews from places were on there. One was saying, "So addicting, you'll love it." It seems that entertainment industries aim to get us addicted, because it means they'll make more money. And maybe some people don't mind being stuck on those things, but it is actually NOT GOOD! It's so easy to joke about being addicted to facebook because it seems like SO many people are, but it really isn't. Sometimes I am more pulled in by the fact that I'm waiting for someone to reply to a message I sent them, or waiting to see someones pictures because I know they were on a honeymoon or vacation or something, trying to catch someone on chat, or I am expecting something. Other times I'm just on. :-(

On a different note, I hate ladybugs!!! Our house has always had a lot of them that come at random times of the year. We're surrounded by trees, so that doesn't help. They're attracted to heat, so when it's a really warm day they come in, or when it's really cold outside and warm inside they come in.....I can't even figure out what time of year they come more. But right now they are. One to four a day come in my room and get up in my light, stuck up there and trying to get out, but then they die because it's too hot. Some, however, escape but fall onto my bed and it makes me mad. Stupid ladybugs.

The chocolate peppermint milkshakes at Chick-fil-a that are out at christmas are really good. :-)

I started studying for the GACE - a standardized test that teachers take to be certified in Georgia. I took it in July without studying at all, thinking I didn't need to, and I passed half and failed half. At least it's done in two sections!! So I'm taking the first half again Jan 8. I have a book to study with, but it's so hard to get down to it and study it. Especially when I feel like a lot of it is not used in the classroom. A lot of the vocabulary that is used on the test is not something teachers use in real life. Ex: Phonics, phonemes, phonological awareness, phonemic awarness, syntax, logographical phase, analytic phase, orthographical phase, semantics, contextual redefinition, morphology, base word vs root word, and alphabetic principle. Really? Ugh.