Things I Love
1. God/Jesus/Holy Spirit
2. Chocolate/candy/fudge
3. My friends and family
4. Mission trips
5. Taking pictures
6. Singing
7. Reading/books/bookstores
8. Writing
9. Traveling/going on trips
10. The beach
11. The pool
12. Kenya
13. Playing piano
14. Doing new things
15. Starbucks drinks
16. Thunder
17. The sound of rain when I'm sitting in my room
18. Cool storm clouds
19. Rainbows
20. Kids/babies
21. Bible study
22. Computer games / video games
23. Birthdays! Mine and others'.
24. Surprises - for me and from me
25. Giving
26. Seeing others be happy
27. Written letters
28. A cabin in the woods/mountains
29. Beach houses
30. Warm blankets and sitting around a bonfire
31. Playing games -card games, board games, etc.
32. Snow
33. Cajun Chicken Pasta from Chili's
34. Bright colors
35. When someone sends me a message just to say something nice
36. Gilmore Girls
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Beautiful
Beautiful.
When I was younger, my family and I would go to Town Center Mall. We would eat in the food court, and then take turns going to stores we each liked or all liked. The Disney Store was painted dark blue at the time, there was a big screen on the wall in the back that played clips of Disney movies, and they had giant stuffed animals in the back. Sometimes we were allowed to pick out something and Dad would buy it for us. We usually got ice cream. We always went to Walden Bookstore, and were allowed to get one to two books, and that was our last stop of the night before going home. My brother, Chris, and I would read all the way home, holding up our books in the dark so that the car lights behind us would shine lights on our books. Getting a book at the end of the night was the best part of the trip.
I had a best friend named Sara Volkodav from 2nd grade to 5th grade. We were the type of best friends you read about in books, and I couldn't have chosen a better best friend. We both got glasses in 3rd grade, which made people ask even more often if we were twins and we tricked a few classmates. We went to each other's houses all the time to spend the night, eating junk food, playing video games at her house, riding our bikes, watching The Brady Bunch at 2 AM before going to sleep, and laughing so hard we cried. We wrote notes to each other, we had matching clothes, we had our parents write to the principal each year for us to have the same teacher and we did, and we talked on the phone all the time. We began to drift apart in 6th grade and I wish we were still friends, but it's been a long time. She is still a part about my childhood that I cherish though.
In 6th grade I saw two 7th grade teachers in the hallways and at assemblies that were not only beautiful, but seemed so cool. My 7th grade friends who had them said they were the best teachers ever. I prayed that I would get those teachers for 7th grade, and God said ok. :-) Nikki Holsomback taught me math, and Wendy Cole taught me Language Arts and Social Studies. Both were in their late 20's, Christians, so funny and caring, and they were so great. They listened to my sad middle school dramas when I was having a bad day, they told me I sang great, and they were just encouraging overall. When I had to go to a new middle school for 8th grade, I cried so much because I thought I would never see them again. But after high school I got back in touch with them, and had lunch with Wendy several times and got to help out in her 6th grade class on days I didn't have college classes, and saw Nikki then as well. Although I only get to see them every once in a while, I'm beyond blessed to still keep in touch with them.
At the end of 7th and 8th grade I went to Florida for a mission trip, helping with VBS at a little church where the parents were migrant workers and they left their kids there, and helping build a house or clean up areas that needed it. That was the beginning of my love for mission trips. In the middle of those trips we went to amusement parks like Islands of Adventures which is my favorite amusement park. From the end of 9th grade up til the end of 12th grade we also went to Jekyll Island for a youth conference called Fun In The Son and got time at the beach and pool as well as heard great speakers and great worship leaders. One was David Crowder just before he became a big deal!! Those fueled my love for God and helped me learn so much. I took many other trips during middle and high school and have so many great memories from the things we did and the people that were there.
I had so many great teachers in high school I can hardly begin to describe them. Not only in the way they taught, but they people that they were. I still keep in touch with some of them. They made me look forward to going to school, even when I didn't like the actual work. From 10th grade through 12th grade I had a tight group of girl friends that were answers to prayers. We went to prom together, all our birthdays, had classes together, shared lockers, wrote notes to each other, prayed for each other, and I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends. We went our separate ways after high school - most are married and some with kids now, one living across the country and others all over Georgia. Sometimes I just want a day with each of them again, to catch up on these past 7 years.
Two trips to Kenya are forever engraved on my heart. When I was 19, it was the first time I had a feeling that this was what life was about, giving all that you had. Mentally, physically, financially, emotionally... all for the glory of God. Not just meeting people's physical needs, but showing them that God is what life is about.
I always prayed I could work at a bookstore, and God finally said ok. I haven't liked most of my jobs for a million different reasons, but I see where God's hand was in that job. I spent too much money on the books there before I even put them on the shelves (I always had stacks for the end of the night and bought them faster than I could read them), I hated alphabetizing boxes, dealing with crazy customers, and dealing with difficult management and coworkers. But I also met people there that were awesome. One person was a guy named Travis. After I quit we were just friends on facebook, but 8 months later I told him I wanted to hear about his first mission trip to Slovakia. At that point I'd been in college for four years and had no close friends and when he told me about the bible study through Northstar, I went.
To have such great friends in high school to going to little to no friends for four years of college was more of a trial to my faith than I could ever have imagined. I asked, why would God say no to me having friends and a community of believers, because we're called to be the body of Christ? I'm not even sure what the point was of that four years of my life. But to find the bible study at the Bartons was like when you finally get water after being so dehydrated that you think you might just die. Not only was it what I needed to continue my walk with the Lord, it also brought me friendships I will remember my whole life. Though some people have come and gone, and some will be leaving soon as well, it's a time in my life that I just want to soak up. Sometimes I'm terrified at the closeness of these people to me, because they go away at the drop of the hat. God has called some of them to other countries for a year, or to move farther away soon. And as that terrifies me, these people slowly drifting away or immediately going away, I know that He will continue to bring more beautiful people and memories into my life.
Slovakia was never a place I had even heard of, much less thought of going to. When things didn't work out for me to go to Kenya last summer, I still wanted to go on a mission trip and had always said, "Some day I'll go to SK." One night Bryan just said, "I need the deposits down this week if you're going." That night I gave him money and said I'm in. Being in Slovakia and traveling with my best friends was a trip in itself! Stressful sometimes, but cool too. Long story short and thirty reasons later, the passion that a lot of people feel for Slovakia, I have that passion for Kenya. So while I'm not saying I'll never go back to Slovakia, I just know the next time I go out of the country I want it to be to Kenya. I wish I loved it as much as those who go, but it's ok that God calls us to love different countries or else only one country would have a bunch of Christians in it! :-)
This person.... we'll call them 111582 just for kicks... over the past few years has been one in my life to bring out the best and worst in me. The one to make me laugh the most and cry the most. The one to make me reconsider how I act, how I dress, what I read, what music I listen to, and how I give and love. Funny thing is that I take a ton of pictures, but I am only in group pictures with 111582, and I pretty much never took pictures of them. If anyone had blackmail on me, it's 111582, haha. But it didn't really cross my mind that they would ever use it against me because of how much I trusted them. With everything. Too much I guess. And as it goes with life, God gives and takes away. And as we are hurtling into the future with no pause button, I sit and see the end of this chapter, and watch the book close. You know when Noah's ark was finally finished and it says that God closed that big giant door? Genesis 7:16, "...Then the Lord closed the door behind them." So it is that God closes and opens doors that we have no say in. He has the ability to do both. Not me. So I sit looking at this closed door just knowing that God has a reason. Even if I never know why, I am thankful for the time God let me have with 111582.
Beautiful.
When I was younger, my family and I would go to Town Center Mall. We would eat in the food court, and then take turns going to stores we each liked or all liked. The Disney Store was painted dark blue at the time, there was a big screen on the wall in the back that played clips of Disney movies, and they had giant stuffed animals in the back. Sometimes we were allowed to pick out something and Dad would buy it for us. We usually got ice cream. We always went to Walden Bookstore, and were allowed to get one to two books, and that was our last stop of the night before going home. My brother, Chris, and I would read all the way home, holding up our books in the dark so that the car lights behind us would shine lights on our books. Getting a book at the end of the night was the best part of the trip.
I had a best friend named Sara Volkodav from 2nd grade to 5th grade. We were the type of best friends you read about in books, and I couldn't have chosen a better best friend. We both got glasses in 3rd grade, which made people ask even more often if we were twins and we tricked a few classmates. We went to each other's houses all the time to spend the night, eating junk food, playing video games at her house, riding our bikes, watching The Brady Bunch at 2 AM before going to sleep, and laughing so hard we cried. We wrote notes to each other, we had matching clothes, we had our parents write to the principal each year for us to have the same teacher and we did, and we talked on the phone all the time. We began to drift apart in 6th grade and I wish we were still friends, but it's been a long time. She is still a part about my childhood that I cherish though.
In 6th grade I saw two 7th grade teachers in the hallways and at assemblies that were not only beautiful, but seemed so cool. My 7th grade friends who had them said they were the best teachers ever. I prayed that I would get those teachers for 7th grade, and God said ok. :-) Nikki Holsomback taught me math, and Wendy Cole taught me Language Arts and Social Studies. Both were in their late 20's, Christians, so funny and caring, and they were so great. They listened to my sad middle school dramas when I was having a bad day, they told me I sang great, and they were just encouraging overall. When I had to go to a new middle school for 8th grade, I cried so much because I thought I would never see them again. But after high school I got back in touch with them, and had lunch with Wendy several times and got to help out in her 6th grade class on days I didn't have college classes, and saw Nikki then as well. Although I only get to see them every once in a while, I'm beyond blessed to still keep in touch with them.
At the end of 7th and 8th grade I went to Florida for a mission trip, helping with VBS at a little church where the parents were migrant workers and they left their kids there, and helping build a house or clean up areas that needed it. That was the beginning of my love for mission trips. In the middle of those trips we went to amusement parks like Islands of Adventures which is my favorite amusement park. From the end of 9th grade up til the end of 12th grade we also went to Jekyll Island for a youth conference called Fun In The Son and got time at the beach and pool as well as heard great speakers and great worship leaders. One was David Crowder just before he became a big deal!! Those fueled my love for God and helped me learn so much. I took many other trips during middle and high school and have so many great memories from the things we did and the people that were there.
I had so many great teachers in high school I can hardly begin to describe them. Not only in the way they taught, but they people that they were. I still keep in touch with some of them. They made me look forward to going to school, even when I didn't like the actual work. From 10th grade through 12th grade I had a tight group of girl friends that were answers to prayers. We went to prom together, all our birthdays, had classes together, shared lockers, wrote notes to each other, prayed for each other, and I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends. We went our separate ways after high school - most are married and some with kids now, one living across the country and others all over Georgia. Sometimes I just want a day with each of them again, to catch up on these past 7 years.
Two trips to Kenya are forever engraved on my heart. When I was 19, it was the first time I had a feeling that this was what life was about, giving all that you had. Mentally, physically, financially, emotionally... all for the glory of God. Not just meeting people's physical needs, but showing them that God is what life is about.
I always prayed I could work at a bookstore, and God finally said ok. I haven't liked most of my jobs for a million different reasons, but I see where God's hand was in that job. I spent too much money on the books there before I even put them on the shelves (I always had stacks for the end of the night and bought them faster than I could read them), I hated alphabetizing boxes, dealing with crazy customers, and dealing with difficult management and coworkers. But I also met people there that were awesome. One person was a guy named Travis. After I quit we were just friends on facebook, but 8 months later I told him I wanted to hear about his first mission trip to Slovakia. At that point I'd been in college for four years and had no close friends and when he told me about the bible study through Northstar, I went.
To have such great friends in high school to going to little to no friends for four years of college was more of a trial to my faith than I could ever have imagined. I asked, why would God say no to me having friends and a community of believers, because we're called to be the body of Christ? I'm not even sure what the point was of that four years of my life. But to find the bible study at the Bartons was like when you finally get water after being so dehydrated that you think you might just die. Not only was it what I needed to continue my walk with the Lord, it also brought me friendships I will remember my whole life. Though some people have come and gone, and some will be leaving soon as well, it's a time in my life that I just want to soak up. Sometimes I'm terrified at the closeness of these people to me, because they go away at the drop of the hat. God has called some of them to other countries for a year, or to move farther away soon. And as that terrifies me, these people slowly drifting away or immediately going away, I know that He will continue to bring more beautiful people and memories into my life.
Slovakia was never a place I had even heard of, much less thought of going to. When things didn't work out for me to go to Kenya last summer, I still wanted to go on a mission trip and had always said, "Some day I'll go to SK." One night Bryan just said, "I need the deposits down this week if you're going." That night I gave him money and said I'm in. Being in Slovakia and traveling with my best friends was a trip in itself! Stressful sometimes, but cool too. Long story short and thirty reasons later, the passion that a lot of people feel for Slovakia, I have that passion for Kenya. So while I'm not saying I'll never go back to Slovakia, I just know the next time I go out of the country I want it to be to Kenya. I wish I loved it as much as those who go, but it's ok that God calls us to love different countries or else only one country would have a bunch of Christians in it! :-)
This person.... we'll call them 111582 just for kicks... over the past few years has been one in my life to bring out the best and worst in me. The one to make me laugh the most and cry the most. The one to make me reconsider how I act, how I dress, what I read, what music I listen to, and how I give and love. Funny thing is that I take a ton of pictures, but I am only in group pictures with 111582, and I pretty much never took pictures of them. If anyone had blackmail on me, it's 111582, haha. But it didn't really cross my mind that they would ever use it against me because of how much I trusted them. With everything. Too much I guess. And as it goes with life, God gives and takes away. And as we are hurtling into the future with no pause button, I sit and see the end of this chapter, and watch the book close. You know when Noah's ark was finally finished and it says that God closed that big giant door? Genesis 7:16, "...Then the Lord closed the door behind them." So it is that God closes and opens doors that we have no say in. He has the ability to do both. Not me. So I sit looking at this closed door just knowing that God has a reason. Even if I never know why, I am thankful for the time God let me have with 111582.
Beautiful.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Peace out! Just kidding. Come back.
When I was 14, in 9th grade, one of my favorite youth leaders moved. Her name was Garet. She'd helped with middle school youth group all three years I was in it, and I still saw her while I was in 9th grade. I can't even begin to explain how much I thought the world of her. She was 29 when I was 11, and I thought she could walk on water. She noticed me and encouraged me through three of the roughest years of my life. She took the time to love me through my awkward stage which I swear was more awkward than the normal "awkward middle school" stage. And so, when she moved two hours away at the end of my 9th grade year, I fell apart. I cried too much. I talked about it too much. I tried to keep in touch with her too much. It felt like the end of the world. Up until that point, she was the first person to move away that meant so much to me. Nobody else had yet.
To build upon that, a year later my youth pastor went into the air force to be a chaplain and move all over the world in the process. Dave had been there for me from 6th grade through the end of 10th grade, and he and his wife were also hugely important to me. He also was there and patient with me through those awkward stages, but also saw me as I started to mature and grow. It was one thing for Garet and her husband David to move two hours away, still being able to see her once or twice a year for a few years, but another to have Dave move to Illinois and eventually to Japan. I distinctly remember talking to Dave on the phone one night when I was 16, shortly before he moved, because I was just so upset they were leaving. I told him I felt like I didn't want to let anybody into my life or be too close because I didn't want them to leave. He said, "Imagine you go on vacation, and you know it's only going to be a week. Does that mean you won't have any fun the whole time? Does that mean while everybody else is at the beach and shopping and having fun that you sit in the hotel room moping? No. You take that time you have and enjoy it. That's what you do with friendships. Your entire life people will be coming in and out, and sometime you'll be the one to be leaving. But you don't live your life afriad of who is going to leave or be afriad to come too close to people because of that." He has no idea, but those words have stuck with me for the past 9 years. I don't remember what else we talked about in that conversation, but I remember that. I haven't seen him/talked to him in a few years.
At work, one of the girls I liked working with the most quit to go to another job. She was only at Starbucks for 6 months. I like some of the other people I work with a lot too. And I know her leaving was inevitable. But it makes me sad nonetheless. Another guy said recently that he will probably be traveling far away for the summer, and therefore may not be able to come back when August comes since we'll probably have to fill his spot. Again, I was sad. I have two good friends going out of the country for a year in August, and I'm thrilled for this adventure God has called them on, but broken that one of them is one of my closest friends and she'll be out of my life for a year. Another friend and I had a falling out and is gone out of my life. Maybe not indefinitely, but in a huge way for I don't know how long. But these people... I wanted them in my life for much longer than 6 months to 4 and a half years.
Someone asked me two months ago if I could change something about myeslf, what would it be? I knew the answer, but I didn't want to say it, so I said just that. I didn't want to expose that because even though they already knew it, I didn't want to admitt it, to openly discuss it. I would change the fact that I love too much, I care too much, I hold people too close, and I can't let people go. Because it hurts too much. I know, it sounds silly. And if God is love, isn't that what we're called to do? Love a lot? Then God must hurt a lot. To love us SO MUCH and then for us to reject Him, for us to be too busy to talk to Him, for us to sin, for us to turn away from Him. But sometimes I wish God would just let me love a little less so I can hurt a little less. Selfish? Maybe. To hear people say, "Oh I'm bad at keeping in touch with people unless I see them a lot," and they laugh about it and say sorry... no. I wish I was like that sometimes. I wish I could just move on and not look back.
I think it's a comfort for me that my family, both immediate and extended, will be people in my life for my entire life, although I know eventually those deaths will be the worst of them all. I also find hope in the thought that my husband some day will be with me my entire life. That's a nice thought.
Although Facebook and other social media/technology helps aid in keeping in touch with people, it really doesn't. It's such a false sense of closeness. I remember before facebook, while I was in high school, I had friends that I would write e-mails to, and they would be long e-mails. Real stuff. Not 140 characters, not sharing pictures, articles, and youtube videos, but about our lives. We even wrote letters to each other, even when we saw each other in school. Sure, we have the ability to still do that, but it's like, "Oh, I have 550 friends..." and if I start to scroll through that list I suddenly want to e-mail ALL of them. And then want to see them all again. Ok, not ALL, but at least 200 of them or something. Which is ridiculous. And suddenly facebook makes me sad, seeing snapshots of people's lives that were once so close to me, and then realize we are strangers now, connected by a computer of sorts, ony showing and telling small snipts about our lives. I don't post my personal stuff on facebook. No. Not my dreams, hopes, fears, pains, and joys. Because 550 people don't deserve to read that. Or want to.
Well... THANK GOD for heaven, when I get to praise the Lord with all those people I love!!!
To build upon that, a year later my youth pastor went into the air force to be a chaplain and move all over the world in the process. Dave had been there for me from 6th grade through the end of 10th grade, and he and his wife were also hugely important to me. He also was there and patient with me through those awkward stages, but also saw me as I started to mature and grow. It was one thing for Garet and her husband David to move two hours away, still being able to see her once or twice a year for a few years, but another to have Dave move to Illinois and eventually to Japan. I distinctly remember talking to Dave on the phone one night when I was 16, shortly before he moved, because I was just so upset they were leaving. I told him I felt like I didn't want to let anybody into my life or be too close because I didn't want them to leave. He said, "Imagine you go on vacation, and you know it's only going to be a week. Does that mean you won't have any fun the whole time? Does that mean while everybody else is at the beach and shopping and having fun that you sit in the hotel room moping? No. You take that time you have and enjoy it. That's what you do with friendships. Your entire life people will be coming in and out, and sometime you'll be the one to be leaving. But you don't live your life afriad of who is going to leave or be afriad to come too close to people because of that." He has no idea, but those words have stuck with me for the past 9 years. I don't remember what else we talked about in that conversation, but I remember that. I haven't seen him/talked to him in a few years.
At work, one of the girls I liked working with the most quit to go to another job. She was only at Starbucks for 6 months. I like some of the other people I work with a lot too. And I know her leaving was inevitable. But it makes me sad nonetheless. Another guy said recently that he will probably be traveling far away for the summer, and therefore may not be able to come back when August comes since we'll probably have to fill his spot. Again, I was sad. I have two good friends going out of the country for a year in August, and I'm thrilled for this adventure God has called them on, but broken that one of them is one of my closest friends and she'll be out of my life for a year. Another friend and I had a falling out and is gone out of my life. Maybe not indefinitely, but in a huge way for I don't know how long. But these people... I wanted them in my life for much longer than 6 months to 4 and a half years.
Someone asked me two months ago if I could change something about myeslf, what would it be? I knew the answer, but I didn't want to say it, so I said just that. I didn't want to expose that because even though they already knew it, I didn't want to admitt it, to openly discuss it. I would change the fact that I love too much, I care too much, I hold people too close, and I can't let people go. Because it hurts too much. I know, it sounds silly. And if God is love, isn't that what we're called to do? Love a lot? Then God must hurt a lot. To love us SO MUCH and then for us to reject Him, for us to be too busy to talk to Him, for us to sin, for us to turn away from Him. But sometimes I wish God would just let me love a little less so I can hurt a little less. Selfish? Maybe. To hear people say, "Oh I'm bad at keeping in touch with people unless I see them a lot," and they laugh about it and say sorry... no. I wish I was like that sometimes. I wish I could just move on and not look back.
I think it's a comfort for me that my family, both immediate and extended, will be people in my life for my entire life, although I know eventually those deaths will be the worst of them all. I also find hope in the thought that my husband some day will be with me my entire life. That's a nice thought.
Although Facebook and other social media/technology helps aid in keeping in touch with people, it really doesn't. It's such a false sense of closeness. I remember before facebook, while I was in high school, I had friends that I would write e-mails to, and they would be long e-mails. Real stuff. Not 140 characters, not sharing pictures, articles, and youtube videos, but about our lives. We even wrote letters to each other, even when we saw each other in school. Sure, we have the ability to still do that, but it's like, "Oh, I have 550 friends..." and if I start to scroll through that list I suddenly want to e-mail ALL of them. And then want to see them all again. Ok, not ALL, but at least 200 of them or something. Which is ridiculous. And suddenly facebook makes me sad, seeing snapshots of people's lives that were once so close to me, and then realize we are strangers now, connected by a computer of sorts, ony showing and telling small snipts about our lives. I don't post my personal stuff on facebook. No. Not my dreams, hopes, fears, pains, and joys. Because 550 people don't deserve to read that. Or want to.
Well... THANK GOD for heaven, when I get to praise the Lord with all those people I love!!!
Monday, March 4, 2013
To choose joy
It's like... I KNOW.
I know that God has a plan. I know He knows what's best. I know He is able to bring things together or pull things apart. I know He is able to heal, restore, and rejuvinate. I know He puts us through seasons in life. I know that it's not all about "being happy" in life but in bringing Him glory through everything. I know that it's not all about getting more money in jobs, but in being a light in the darkness, being used where you are, and being patient. I know that God's timing is perfect.
And my brain says, "Check. Got it."
And my heart cries out anyways.
I'm thankful for times God gives me clarity. It may not be in huge amounts or in "this is exactly why" or tells me what's going to happen in my life in the future. But it's moments when I know why something happened or is happening. And God says, "THIS is why. For now."
Ok. So, how do you keep on? What does it practically look like to focus on God and turn your eyes away from your pain or frustration? First of all, as girls are emotional, it's not easy to go, "Cool well I'm just not going to feel that emotion anymore." So to any man who ever says, "You shouldn't feel that way," I kind of want to punch you. Just sayin. Believe you me, if I had the option of chosing not to feel a certain away, I wouldn't! I know guys don't always understand that emotion that drives us, but that doesn't mean you can belittle it. It takes time. Heck, I don't even understand it half the time and that sure makes me mad. Secondly, because these emotions of sadness, jealousy, pain, anger, or uncontentment can take over and make your entire LIFE miserable, you have to redirect your emotions and energy. It's an action. Without purpose in it, you might just keep on feeling the same way.
Things I Do When I Need to Get Out of an Emotional Time
(Wow. That's a long name for a list.)
1. Read the bible. A lot. Or at least more than I usually do. This includes the times when I'm trying to sleep and can't because of my thoughts and I have to turn my bible app on and read til I'm more tired.
2. Do things that naturally make me happy - no forcing, no over-indulging in junk food, no fake happiness. So for me it means reading good books, watching TV shows that I love and make me laugh, hanging out with friends, going somewhere just to take pictures, writing, and listening to good music. There's more but I'll stop there.
3. Pinpoint when I'm more sad than others. (Night, when I'm bored, when I'm around certain people, when I'm overwhelmed...) Then act accordingly. Go to bed earlier. Find something productive to do.
4. Make a list on my phone (or paragraphs, whatever) that is a reminder of things, that in the moment I'm too sad I can read it and be like, "Oh yeah."
5. Don't dwell on it. Don't keep thinking about it. If it's a situation where I NEED to act or else things won't change then I take those times to work on it, but then let it go again. Like finding a new job. I can't stress and spend hours upon hours on it, hating work while I'm there, etc. I take time to search, brainstorm, and pray but then I move on from it as much as possible. It can't suck up my day every day.
6. Go encourage others. Go serve others. Focus on loving others.
7. Sometimes I DO have to talk about it with people. Sometimes just briefly, other times for hours. Sometimes I have to get it all out and have them speak truth to me that I'm missing.
8. Pray. But after a while if I keep praying and that triggers the emotion all over again, I just say, "Help me in this situation. Your will be done. Give me peace, joy, and Your strength through this," and then keep praying about something else.
9. Make lists of things I'm thankful for, prayers God has answered recently, etc. Taking a moment to say, "Ok, even though these particular things stink, I still have great friends, great parents, I have things in life that I enjoy..."
I know that God has a plan. I know He knows what's best. I know He is able to bring things together or pull things apart. I know He is able to heal, restore, and rejuvinate. I know He puts us through seasons in life. I know that it's not all about "being happy" in life but in bringing Him glory through everything. I know that it's not all about getting more money in jobs, but in being a light in the darkness, being used where you are, and being patient. I know that God's timing is perfect.
And my brain says, "Check. Got it."
And my heart cries out anyways.
I'm thankful for times God gives me clarity. It may not be in huge amounts or in "this is exactly why" or tells me what's going to happen in my life in the future. But it's moments when I know why something happened or is happening. And God says, "THIS is why. For now."
Ok. So, how do you keep on? What does it practically look like to focus on God and turn your eyes away from your pain or frustration? First of all, as girls are emotional, it's not easy to go, "Cool well I'm just not going to feel that emotion anymore." So to any man who ever says, "You shouldn't feel that way," I kind of want to punch you. Just sayin. Believe you me, if I had the option of chosing not to feel a certain away, I wouldn't! I know guys don't always understand that emotion that drives us, but that doesn't mean you can belittle it. It takes time. Heck, I don't even understand it half the time and that sure makes me mad. Secondly, because these emotions of sadness, jealousy, pain, anger, or uncontentment can take over and make your entire LIFE miserable, you have to redirect your emotions and energy. It's an action. Without purpose in it, you might just keep on feeling the same way.
Things I Do When I Need to Get Out of an Emotional Time
(Wow. That's a long name for a list.)
1. Read the bible. A lot. Or at least more than I usually do. This includes the times when I'm trying to sleep and can't because of my thoughts and I have to turn my bible app on and read til I'm more tired.
2. Do things that naturally make me happy - no forcing, no over-indulging in junk food, no fake happiness. So for me it means reading good books, watching TV shows that I love and make me laugh, hanging out with friends, going somewhere just to take pictures, writing, and listening to good music. There's more but I'll stop there.
3. Pinpoint when I'm more sad than others. (Night, when I'm bored, when I'm around certain people, when I'm overwhelmed...) Then act accordingly. Go to bed earlier. Find something productive to do.
4. Make a list on my phone (or paragraphs, whatever) that is a reminder of things, that in the moment I'm too sad I can read it and be like, "Oh yeah."
5. Don't dwell on it. Don't keep thinking about it. If it's a situation where I NEED to act or else things won't change then I take those times to work on it, but then let it go again. Like finding a new job. I can't stress and spend hours upon hours on it, hating work while I'm there, etc. I take time to search, brainstorm, and pray but then I move on from it as much as possible. It can't suck up my day every day.
6. Go encourage others. Go serve others. Focus on loving others.
7. Sometimes I DO have to talk about it with people. Sometimes just briefly, other times for hours. Sometimes I have to get it all out and have them speak truth to me that I'm missing.
8. Pray. But after a while if I keep praying and that triggers the emotion all over again, I just say, "Help me in this situation. Your will be done. Give me peace, joy, and Your strength through this," and then keep praying about something else.
9. Make lists of things I'm thankful for, prayers God has answered recently, etc. Taking a moment to say, "Ok, even though these particular things stink, I still have great friends, great parents, I have things in life that I enjoy..."
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