A lot of life is about perspective and attitude.
Bad: This one likes to sneak up on you. It is more present on bad days obviously, and suddenly you hate your life. Yeah, it happens. For example... I graduated with Early Childhood Education and now have loans to pay back. I now work at Starbucks. Not where I wanted to work. I am paid very little, there are grumpy customers or people in a hurry, I mess up a lot because I'm new and there's a lot to learn, I always smell like coffee even when I'm not working there because it stays in my hair, I get splattered with milk and syrrups that make me sitcky all over my hands and arms, and I'm on my feet for 7 and a half hours. I clean bathrooms, mop and sweep, and take out the heavy trash. I deal with crazy people. The headset messes up my hair and makes it hard to hear drive through and people standing in front of me.
Good: I finally have a job! I had no job for 4 long months, and while I enjoyed my free time, I also got very bored and wrestless. And needed money. A lot of my friends that worked at Starbucks said they loved the job, so maybe I will too eventualy, when I'm better at what I'm doing. There are some great people that I work with that I enjoy talking to and laughing with, and that are patient with me. I get free coffee, which is where too much of my money went in the first place! I get the chance to smile and be nice, and make someone's day better. There are a lot of nice and patient customers - some bring us food or say really nice things to us. When I work there 3 months I'll get insurance and a 401k! I smell like coffee and not like a sandwhich shop (like when I worked at Firehouse Subs). I get to see some people I know and friends that come in to starbucks and that's kind of fun. I'm able to begin paying off my student loans that will take me forever to repay. I remember in high school people saying, "When I get older I want to work at Starbucks, that's so cool," and now I am, even though I wasn't one of those people who said that. If I'm going to be working somewhere, I might as well take pride in it. Starbucks is expensive, but tastes good, is brewed every 15 min or so, and we re-make any coffee that we do wrong or you don't like for free. I still get to go to church and Thursday night bible study. I don't have to work 40+ hours a week. I haven't had to work early mornings yet, and it's nice to stay up late and get up late. I no longer have homework, and it's nice to go home and just do what I want instead of doing things like grading papers or writing lesson plans.
Godly perspective: Ah, the one that is the hardest to see sometimes. It takes more thought or more reminding. I am not making much money, but the money I do make is going to help me go to Kenya on a mission trip. It's going to church to help it run and flourish. It's going to a 5 year old girl in Kenya each month to help feed and clothe her and her mom and brother. While I take out trash and mop the floor, I'm often reminded with a smile on my face that I am doing that work for the Lord because I'm serving those in Kenya through sending them money. It's worth it when it feeds people. I'm working with others and interacting with customers that are not Christian, and I am able to share my faith with them, whether it be through my actions, facebook, my words, what I don't do or say, or just through praying for them even when they don't know it. It is a mission field in itself, and I am willing to be the "odd one out" if it means seeds are planted and some day they come to know the Lord. I hope to see them in heaven one day. It doesn't matter where I work, all that matters is that others come to know Him.
My Christmas was good. I worked 2-6:30 on Christmas eve and it was busy. I helped in the nursrey and we had 2 crying babies and another one was mostly content. I had dinner and birthday cake for my grandma's 80th birthday. I went to the 11 PM xmas eve service at my home church. Sunday morning for Christmas (yesterday) I went to church, came home and took a nap, and then we opened a few presents after. Nothing hugely eventful, but good nonetheless.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Suhhhweeetttt.
I can't put lids on a cup!! What?! I've had a lot of messes from that and held up a lot of people because I can't put any of the lids on. I mean come on. That's ridiculous.
Let me tell you. There are crazy people in the world. They're everywhere! No job is free from them! If you are crazy late, don't stop in for coffee and then get mad when we're not fast enough. If we mess up your drink, we will make you a new one for free - we are human and make mistakes so don't act like we are terrible people for messing up. If you hand me money and then say, "Oh! I have 15 cents" after I already cashed it out, DON'T! I can't do mental math and always get it wrong, and getting a calculator takes too long! Don't hand me a handful of change and ask me to count it when we're crazy busy and you're hoping for 84 cents. Don't come through drive through and ask what types of cups we have inside and have us go back and forth to get it when we're really busy. If you get a cupon in your e-mail the day after you bought something and don't bring the item or orginial credit card back to the store, just the recipt, we can't do that! How would we know you're not lying or that your card was fake or whatever?
We do have a lot of great customers though. Today a guy brought us a pork he'd roasted since last night and it was awesome!! Other people give good tips, say nice things, bring us food, etc. There are more nice people than rude people.
I'm slowly getting better at repeating drinks back to people and finding the buttons faster on the cash registar. But not good at making drinks yet. There's a lot of numbers of how much syrrup and pumps and stuff goes in hot and cold drinks and frappachinos and whatnot. I know some day it will be easier, but it isn't right now.
I want to be good at what I do, no matter what I do. I want to be over-the-top good. Like amazing. I put 100% into my work, because who would want someone to work for them that "just gets by"?
I don't think I ever want to be a shift leader because they're the one who gets yelled at even when it's not their fault or it's not fair. :-( Makes me sad for them. And all the hard questions go to them.
I heard these girls at Starbucks studying for high school something, and they were being distracted by Siri on the girl's iphone. Haha. I don't have Siri but I want it. But then I might be more distracted than normal?
It's 3 days til Christmas! What? It's like each year I'm surprised and I don't know why.
Sometimes my heart and my head don't connect. My brain says something different than my heart. I read a book once that equated it as a man riding an elephant, with the rider being your brain/logic and your heart being the elephant. While the rider tries it's best to guide the elephant, when the elephant has a stronger desire, it's bigger and goes where it wants. Sometimes my brain says, "Run away!" and my heat says, "Stay!" Sometimes my brain says, "Protect your heart!"and my heart says, "But maybe you're overprotecting your heart." Sometimes my brain says, "Don't be stupid" but my heart says, "Just do it." There are times my brain says, "If God says no, it's ok. He has a reason" and my heart says, "But it's not fair! I don't like it this way!!"
Let me tell you. There are crazy people in the world. They're everywhere! No job is free from them! If you are crazy late, don't stop in for coffee and then get mad when we're not fast enough. If we mess up your drink, we will make you a new one for free - we are human and make mistakes so don't act like we are terrible people for messing up. If you hand me money and then say, "Oh! I have 15 cents" after I already cashed it out, DON'T! I can't do mental math and always get it wrong, and getting a calculator takes too long! Don't hand me a handful of change and ask me to count it when we're crazy busy and you're hoping for 84 cents. Don't come through drive through and ask what types of cups we have inside and have us go back and forth to get it when we're really busy. If you get a cupon in your e-mail the day after you bought something and don't bring the item or orginial credit card back to the store, just the recipt, we can't do that! How would we know you're not lying or that your card was fake or whatever?
We do have a lot of great customers though. Today a guy brought us a pork he'd roasted since last night and it was awesome!! Other people give good tips, say nice things, bring us food, etc. There are more nice people than rude people.
I'm slowly getting better at repeating drinks back to people and finding the buttons faster on the cash registar. But not good at making drinks yet. There's a lot of numbers of how much syrrup and pumps and stuff goes in hot and cold drinks and frappachinos and whatnot. I know some day it will be easier, but it isn't right now.
I want to be good at what I do, no matter what I do. I want to be over-the-top good. Like amazing. I put 100% into my work, because who would want someone to work for them that "just gets by"?
I don't think I ever want to be a shift leader because they're the one who gets yelled at even when it's not their fault or it's not fair. :-( Makes me sad for them. And all the hard questions go to them.
I heard these girls at Starbucks studying for high school something, and they were being distracted by Siri on the girl's iphone. Haha. I don't have Siri but I want it. But then I might be more distracted than normal?
It's 3 days til Christmas! What? It's like each year I'm surprised and I don't know why.
Sometimes my heart and my head don't connect. My brain says something different than my heart. I read a book once that equated it as a man riding an elephant, with the rider being your brain/logic and your heart being the elephant. While the rider tries it's best to guide the elephant, when the elephant has a stronger desire, it's bigger and goes where it wants. Sometimes my brain says, "Run away!" and my heat says, "Stay!" Sometimes my brain says, "Protect your heart!"and my heart says, "But maybe you're overprotecting your heart." Sometimes my brain says, "Don't be stupid" but my heart says, "Just do it." There are times my brain says, "If God says no, it's ok. He has a reason" and my heart says, "But it's not fair! I don't like it this way!!"
Monday, December 19, 2011
Facebook Starbucks Christmas friends 2011
You know those boxes on your starbucks cups that say, "Shots, milk, syrrup" etc? They were there because the baristas used to write on them so the person knew what drink to make. And they'd write your name too. I remember that because people used to use funny names like Spongebob or Batman or whatever. But now it's all done by stickers that print out on the little machines that you stick on the cup, and then you just call out the drink order instead of the name. Well I'm glad for the stickers because I'm sure I'd mess it up if I had to write it. On the computer screen we use to ring people up, on the right side is tabs for each of those boxes though. So if you say, "Soy" or "non fat" for the milk, you go over to that tab and then find the milk. Sometimes though, there are things I can't find. Like what type of drink it is. Or things like banana. I have to say into my headset to the other people I work with, "Where's the banana button?" or with the pastries, "Uhh, is the marble cake considered a cake or a pound cake or a loaf?" because there are different categories to find the food under.
The headsets make it hard to hear in general. When a person I'm speaking to in person is quiet, even though i'm standing right in front of them I'm really only hearing out of one ear because the other one is covered by the headset. If someone is ordering drive through at the same time, it's really 2 people talking in my ears, so I have to move it out of the way. Even the people I work with sometimes talk really quietly into the headsets to us across the room and I'm like, "What did you say? I can't hear you!" It's cool though so that you don't have to yell, or if someone is in the back doing dishes and you need them up front you just push the button to talk to them instead of having to walk back there.
While I'm getting better at the cash registar, I still have a hard time finding the buttons fast enough when I'm doing drive through. Especially when people rattle off more than one drink right in a row. Others can hear the drink when they're not at the registar and just remember it, make it and then ring it up. I cannot! If I'm not standing right there pushing the buttons, I can't remember at all. Maybe I will be better at that some day.
I can't make many drinks yet, and I'm painfully slow at it as it is. A lot of times the person makes the drink and has it done before I finish ringing someone because they are so fast and I'm so slow. I KNOW I am still brand spanking new - I mean, I've only worked 3 weeks - but I'm so ready to know what I'm doing, to be good at it and fast at it. But with all new things to learn, it takes time. And there is nothing you can do to speed up that process.
Christmas eve is Saturday. I work 2-6:30, then help in the nursrey at 7 at my church, then go to the christmas eve service at 11 PM with my home church. Christmas is Sunday and my Starbucks is closed that day - many others are still open. I don't really know what we're doing for Christmas day. My grandparents will be in from NC, but as far as presents, my dad bought himself a new guitar, my brother wanted money for a fraternity fee, I wanted money for a new camera (haven't decided which one to get yet), and not sure what my mom is getting. But no real presents to open. I guess we'll just eat food and sit around. Ha.
The new facebook timeline is finally becoming public! Finally! I had it in September or so, and no one else could see it so I switched back to the old version, but now it's up and running. It's funny to see the people I was friends with in 2006 that I'm not friends with anymore...some I forgot about becasue I just had one class with them in college, or that were friends of friends. I generally don't like when facebook changes things, but I really like this one! While I'm excited about the new layout and the ability to search through my past and others, I'm sure it strikes fear into others who didnt' have a good past or now they can see all their ex-boyfriends / girlfriends comments again, or if they are a christian now and weren't before, or if they were partying it up in college but are now in a more serious work place. Blast from the past! Heads up, everything you put on the internet will never ever go away! Wheeeeee! Hahaha.
The facebook cover, the big top picture, now lends for a lot of creativity for those who want to or know how to do it. I made a collage of things that happened in 2011. I've seen on google other people's cover pictures that were really creative.
As 2011 comes to a close, we always write our summary of the year for our Christmas newsletter sent to my parents friends. This year I student taught, graduated college, had a summer internship, and started working at Starbucks. I'm getting ready for Kenya next summer. I also keep a running list ALL year of my "firsts" each year. Like this year was the first time I went to Helen Georgia, Little Five Points in Atlanta, switched from a flip phone to a smart phone (iphone), had my own office and desk, taught full time during student teaching, learned how to use many coffee machines (not only at Starbucks but also Kureig machines and a basic cofffee maker), got a kindle, tried nutella, got my wisdom teeth removed, and more. It is fun to look back at the end of the year at my list and post it on facebook.
Sometimes there are people in life that when you talk to them, it makes everything seem ok in life. Like even if you have a bad day or a bad week, or there are ridiculous people making your life a pain, if you talk to certain people, it all seems like not such a big deal. Does that make sense? You feel like you can bear or handle anything as long as you are able to talk to that person about it, because you know they'll care, they'll listen, they'll pray for you, they'll make you laugh about it, they'll give you a different perspective on it, they'll give you advice, they'll cheer you on in life. I love those people that cheer me on in life, and I try to do the same for others.
The headsets make it hard to hear in general. When a person I'm speaking to in person is quiet, even though i'm standing right in front of them I'm really only hearing out of one ear because the other one is covered by the headset. If someone is ordering drive through at the same time, it's really 2 people talking in my ears, so I have to move it out of the way. Even the people I work with sometimes talk really quietly into the headsets to us across the room and I'm like, "What did you say? I can't hear you!" It's cool though so that you don't have to yell, or if someone is in the back doing dishes and you need them up front you just push the button to talk to them instead of having to walk back there.
While I'm getting better at the cash registar, I still have a hard time finding the buttons fast enough when I'm doing drive through. Especially when people rattle off more than one drink right in a row. Others can hear the drink when they're not at the registar and just remember it, make it and then ring it up. I cannot! If I'm not standing right there pushing the buttons, I can't remember at all. Maybe I will be better at that some day.
I can't make many drinks yet, and I'm painfully slow at it as it is. A lot of times the person makes the drink and has it done before I finish ringing someone because they are so fast and I'm so slow. I KNOW I am still brand spanking new - I mean, I've only worked 3 weeks - but I'm so ready to know what I'm doing, to be good at it and fast at it. But with all new things to learn, it takes time. And there is nothing you can do to speed up that process.
Christmas eve is Saturday. I work 2-6:30, then help in the nursrey at 7 at my church, then go to the christmas eve service at 11 PM with my home church. Christmas is Sunday and my Starbucks is closed that day - many others are still open. I don't really know what we're doing for Christmas day. My grandparents will be in from NC, but as far as presents, my dad bought himself a new guitar, my brother wanted money for a fraternity fee, I wanted money for a new camera (haven't decided which one to get yet), and not sure what my mom is getting. But no real presents to open. I guess we'll just eat food and sit around. Ha.
The new facebook timeline is finally becoming public! Finally! I had it in September or so, and no one else could see it so I switched back to the old version, but now it's up and running. It's funny to see the people I was friends with in 2006 that I'm not friends with anymore...some I forgot about becasue I just had one class with them in college, or that were friends of friends. I generally don't like when facebook changes things, but I really like this one! While I'm excited about the new layout and the ability to search through my past and others, I'm sure it strikes fear into others who didnt' have a good past or now they can see all their ex-boyfriends / girlfriends comments again, or if they are a christian now and weren't before, or if they were partying it up in college but are now in a more serious work place. Blast from the past! Heads up, everything you put on the internet will never ever go away! Wheeeeee! Hahaha.
The facebook cover, the big top picture, now lends for a lot of creativity for those who want to or know how to do it. I made a collage of things that happened in 2011. I've seen on google other people's cover pictures that were really creative.
As 2011 comes to a close, we always write our summary of the year for our Christmas newsletter sent to my parents friends. This year I student taught, graduated college, had a summer internship, and started working at Starbucks. I'm getting ready for Kenya next summer. I also keep a running list ALL year of my "firsts" each year. Like this year was the first time I went to Helen Georgia, Little Five Points in Atlanta, switched from a flip phone to a smart phone (iphone), had my own office and desk, taught full time during student teaching, learned how to use many coffee machines (not only at Starbucks but also Kureig machines and a basic cofffee maker), got a kindle, tried nutella, got my wisdom teeth removed, and more. It is fun to look back at the end of the year at my list and post it on facebook.
Sometimes there are people in life that when you talk to them, it makes everything seem ok in life. Like even if you have a bad day or a bad week, or there are ridiculous people making your life a pain, if you talk to certain people, it all seems like not such a big deal. Does that make sense? You feel like you can bear or handle anything as long as you are able to talk to that person about it, because you know they'll care, they'll listen, they'll pray for you, they'll make you laugh about it, they'll give you a different perspective on it, they'll give you advice, they'll cheer you on in life. I love those people that cheer me on in life, and I try to do the same for others.
Friday, December 16, 2011
I have no plans
What's next? How long will you stay at Starbucks? Will you look for a teaching job in August? Will you look for any other jobs? If you had to pick another job besides teaching what would you do?
These are questions that most people ask me. And ones that I can't answer. I don't know. I have no plan, I have no "end" to this job set in mind, I have no backup plans or alternate plans. As a culture focused on advancing and moving forward, I know this pressue of having a plan. We want to advance in our jobs to get higher positions and more money. We want to advance in our education and get higher degrees and more specialized degrees, again to make more money but also for job security and the ability to find jobs easier. We want to advance in our hobbies - if we've done mission trips withing the US, why don't we go abroad? If we've learned how to play an instrument, why don't we take lessons and play for money and join a famous band or make a CD? If we enjoy reading, why don't we start a book club or expand our type of books we read or perhaps write our own book?
Because sometimes you can't advance. Sometimes it's ok to enjoy something at the level you're at. Sometimes you don't have the money or time to go further in every aspect in life. Sometimes you don't want to be reckless and get a masters degree just because you have time to fill and loans to pay back, but no job. Sometimes you come across jobs or opportunities that are through networking or by chance, not through you pursuing them. And sometimes I think we are so focused on our plans and what's next that we miss out on GOD's plans and the present.
"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil." - James 4: 13-16
I love this verse because it speaks so boldly and clearly. We often think our plans are so grand, so solid, so bulletproof. Or we at least think that we should MAKE plans, because it seems silly not to have them. Even in our plans we still need to say, "If it's the Lord's will." Now I totally think that we are called to move forward in life as far as looking for opportunities to serve others and the Lord, and not to just become lazy or stagnant for the purpose of being in our comfort zones at all time or because we claim that we're waiting for the Lord to do something year after year. As we pray and listen, we may still have to make the effort to LOOK and search for another job or a spouse or a different path in life because God doesn't simply place everything in our lap.
One very dissapointing thing is having your grand and solid plans fall apart. I wanted to teach from the time I was 9. And then as I went through student teaching and then graduated, I questioned ever teaching at all. As I looked for a job teaching, I did not find one. My desire to teach was mostly gone anyways. But maybe my degree will be used for kids still, and maybe even teaching, but in a different setting. Maybe a Christian school, maybe a children's organization, maybe a church. However, maybe I will teach in a public school some day and love it. I really don't know.
Honestly, I know that my entire life will be making plans, watching plans fail, re-routing my plans, and repeating the whole thing. Even if it's a vague plan, there's something in our heads that at least hopes for a particular outcome to happen. I hope to be married soon. I hope to have kids. I hope to go on mission trips all over the world throughout my whole life. I hope to retire and live in an awesome retirement community. I hope my husband and I stay married until we die, and that we die around the same time so that neither of us are left sad. But time and time again I hear people's life stories about how different their life turned out. How they only planned on having one or two kids but then had 4. How they planned on working, but then became a stay at home mother. How they planned on retiring early, but then after they retired they had to go back to work for financial reasons. How they planned on marrying someone, but then breaking up with them just before getting engaged or married.
My GPS often says, "re-routing" when I turn on the wrong road or feel like there's a faster way than my GPS is telling me. But in the end I get to my destination. I know that in the end I will go to heaven and along the way I want to bring everybody with me. So no matter what happens in my life, no matter what roads life puts me on, I know that God can use me even if they're roads I didn't intend on traveling on. Sometimes I will be put on dark roads with frustrating people, not by my choice, so that I can be the only light in that darkness. So that I can plant a seed or sew or harvest in hearts that need to hear about Jesus. It's easy to stay on the safe roads with my Christian friends and basically hang out with Jesus and be happy about it. But that's not really the point. I'll have eternity to do that.
So. This road I'm on now looks like one of those highways where you can see to the horizon with just one road. Where you want to speed to get through this long stretch of road to get to a more interesting scenery or cool pitstop, but it's just an endless stretch of road. For now, I'm ok with that. So while every part of me wants to plan plan plan, I know that I'm not really able to that right now. I will just immerse myself in what God has placed me in and ask to be used where I am.
These are questions that most people ask me. And ones that I can't answer. I don't know. I have no plan, I have no "end" to this job set in mind, I have no backup plans or alternate plans. As a culture focused on advancing and moving forward, I know this pressue of having a plan. We want to advance in our jobs to get higher positions and more money. We want to advance in our education and get higher degrees and more specialized degrees, again to make more money but also for job security and the ability to find jobs easier. We want to advance in our hobbies - if we've done mission trips withing the US, why don't we go abroad? If we've learned how to play an instrument, why don't we take lessons and play for money and join a famous band or make a CD? If we enjoy reading, why don't we start a book club or expand our type of books we read or perhaps write our own book?
Because sometimes you can't advance. Sometimes it's ok to enjoy something at the level you're at. Sometimes you don't have the money or time to go further in every aspect in life. Sometimes you don't want to be reckless and get a masters degree just because you have time to fill and loans to pay back, but no job. Sometimes you come across jobs or opportunities that are through networking or by chance, not through you pursuing them. And sometimes I think we are so focused on our plans and what's next that we miss out on GOD's plans and the present.
"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil." - James 4: 13-16
I love this verse because it speaks so boldly and clearly. We often think our plans are so grand, so solid, so bulletproof. Or we at least think that we should MAKE plans, because it seems silly not to have them. Even in our plans we still need to say, "If it's the Lord's will." Now I totally think that we are called to move forward in life as far as looking for opportunities to serve others and the Lord, and not to just become lazy or stagnant for the purpose of being in our comfort zones at all time or because we claim that we're waiting for the Lord to do something year after year. As we pray and listen, we may still have to make the effort to LOOK and search for another job or a spouse or a different path in life because God doesn't simply place everything in our lap.
One very dissapointing thing is having your grand and solid plans fall apart. I wanted to teach from the time I was 9. And then as I went through student teaching and then graduated, I questioned ever teaching at all. As I looked for a job teaching, I did not find one. My desire to teach was mostly gone anyways. But maybe my degree will be used for kids still, and maybe even teaching, but in a different setting. Maybe a Christian school, maybe a children's organization, maybe a church. However, maybe I will teach in a public school some day and love it. I really don't know.
Honestly, I know that my entire life will be making plans, watching plans fail, re-routing my plans, and repeating the whole thing. Even if it's a vague plan, there's something in our heads that at least hopes for a particular outcome to happen. I hope to be married soon. I hope to have kids. I hope to go on mission trips all over the world throughout my whole life. I hope to retire and live in an awesome retirement community. I hope my husband and I stay married until we die, and that we die around the same time so that neither of us are left sad. But time and time again I hear people's life stories about how different their life turned out. How they only planned on having one or two kids but then had 4. How they planned on working, but then became a stay at home mother. How they planned on retiring early, but then after they retired they had to go back to work for financial reasons. How they planned on marrying someone, but then breaking up with them just before getting engaged or married.
My GPS often says, "re-routing" when I turn on the wrong road or feel like there's a faster way than my GPS is telling me. But in the end I get to my destination. I know that in the end I will go to heaven and along the way I want to bring everybody with me. So no matter what happens in my life, no matter what roads life puts me on, I know that God can use me even if they're roads I didn't intend on traveling on. Sometimes I will be put on dark roads with frustrating people, not by my choice, so that I can be the only light in that darkness. So that I can plant a seed or sew or harvest in hearts that need to hear about Jesus. It's easy to stay on the safe roads with my Christian friends and basically hang out with Jesus and be happy about it. But that's not really the point. I'll have eternity to do that.
So. This road I'm on now looks like one of those highways where you can see to the horizon with just one road. Where you want to speed to get through this long stretch of road to get to a more interesting scenery or cool pitstop, but it's just an endless stretch of road. For now, I'm ok with that. So while every part of me wants to plan plan plan, I know that I'm not really able to that right now. I will just immerse myself in what God has placed me in and ask to be used where I am.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Work and such
A job I would particularly hate would be inspecting stores. Searching for anything unclean, anything out of place, anything broken, and having people panic when they see me. Having the power to shut down a store. A health inspector is not a job I would ever want. Today we had one come into Starbucks. I personally think we are a very clean store. But this lady looked places I didn't even know could be looked at. It was slightly crazy. We scored well, but the stress level shot up in the place. Thank goodness not that many customers came through during that time. I know the purpose is to make sure everyone is safe and that what we serve to people is safe. But I think there comes a point when it's a bit crazy. Just saying. My opion.
Today I woke up at noon, left my house at 12:30, worked from 1-9, then went to my friend's appartment to hang out with some girl friends until 10:40 PM. While I know it's dumb to get up at 12:30 and go straight to work, I don't go to bed until at least 2 AM. It's just the way I roll. ;-) I seriously have a hard time going to bed any earlier. Soon I will be working all night shifts which will include much later times than 9, which is fine, but I will miss friend time. :-( Doesn't really matter, I need money. It's money time! haha. I will always have Thursday nights off for bible study, and that will be what I look forward to each week as it has been the past year and a half. What a blessing it has been, the learning, the people there.
Although this is a silly thing, it's true: the headset at work is sorta like a headband that doesn't stay put, and when it moves around so much, it seriously messes up my hair making it look like I never brushed it. It's quite annoying.
My hair and my clothes will forever smell like coffee. Better than smelling like Firehouse Subs which I smelled like for 8 months in high school, gross. Great food, not a great smell to be wearing. "Wow, you smell like meat!" Not really what you want to hear.
Today was my first 8 hour shift at Starbucks. While it was a little hectic because of that insepctor lady coming, it wasn't a terrible day. But at the end I was tired of being there. The last hour felt like forever. I'm sure over time I'll get used to it though. I'm just thankful to have a job and not be sitting at home like I have been the past 4 months.
I'm reading a new book called, "Not A Fan" by Kyle Idleman. Two questions he asks is, "What really frustrates you and upsets you? What do you get really excited about? The answers to that might be what is competing with God." As I answered those in my head, I cringed and thought yeah, maybe it IS what kind of competes with God. He made an illustration that used the vereses where Jesus said to hate your family and friends, and in some translations it says, "in comparison to me." Idleman's illustraition was that if you were married or in a serious relationship and your boyfriend had your picture in his wallet FIRST and in the front, but pictures of all his ex-girlfriends behind it, you'd be mad. You wouldn't just want to be first, you'd want to be the only one. True. For me, a lot of things excite me. But I think what stuck out more was what frustrated me or made me upset. With one thing in particular, I thought, "Ugh. I KNOW this competes with God in my life. I KNOW I don't trust Him enough with this area in my life and when I try I just fail over and over again. And I don't know how to change that." I feel that as long as I don't trust God in this area, it will never be a problem that is resolved or goes away on it's own.
Today I woke up at noon, left my house at 12:30, worked from 1-9, then went to my friend's appartment to hang out with some girl friends until 10:40 PM. While I know it's dumb to get up at 12:30 and go straight to work, I don't go to bed until at least 2 AM. It's just the way I roll. ;-) I seriously have a hard time going to bed any earlier. Soon I will be working all night shifts which will include much later times than 9, which is fine, but I will miss friend time. :-( Doesn't really matter, I need money. It's money time! haha. I will always have Thursday nights off for bible study, and that will be what I look forward to each week as it has been the past year and a half. What a blessing it has been, the learning, the people there.
Although this is a silly thing, it's true: the headset at work is sorta like a headband that doesn't stay put, and when it moves around so much, it seriously messes up my hair making it look like I never brushed it. It's quite annoying.
My hair and my clothes will forever smell like coffee. Better than smelling like Firehouse Subs which I smelled like for 8 months in high school, gross. Great food, not a great smell to be wearing. "Wow, you smell like meat!" Not really what you want to hear.
Today was my first 8 hour shift at Starbucks. While it was a little hectic because of that insepctor lady coming, it wasn't a terrible day. But at the end I was tired of being there. The last hour felt like forever. I'm sure over time I'll get used to it though. I'm just thankful to have a job and not be sitting at home like I have been the past 4 months.
I'm reading a new book called, "Not A Fan" by Kyle Idleman. Two questions he asks is, "What really frustrates you and upsets you? What do you get really excited about? The answers to that might be what is competing with God." As I answered those in my head, I cringed and thought yeah, maybe it IS what kind of competes with God. He made an illustration that used the vereses where Jesus said to hate your family and friends, and in some translations it says, "in comparison to me." Idleman's illustraition was that if you were married or in a serious relationship and your boyfriend had your picture in his wallet FIRST and in the front, but pictures of all his ex-girlfriends behind it, you'd be mad. You wouldn't just want to be first, you'd want to be the only one. True. For me, a lot of things excite me. But I think what stuck out more was what frustrated me or made me upset. With one thing in particular, I thought, "Ugh. I KNOW this competes with God in my life. I KNOW I don't trust Him enough with this area in my life and when I try I just fail over and over again. And I don't know how to change that." I feel that as long as I don't trust God in this area, it will never be a problem that is resolved or goes away on it's own.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Persistance
Today I played piano for the first time in a long time. I printed off some music from Adele - it has beautiful piano arrangement. However, since I don't play as much as a I used to, it takes longer for me to learn it. There was one measure in, "Make You Feel My Love" that I just could NOT get!! The rhythm was hard and the notes were too. I had to play the measure first with the right hand, then the left, then together, slow at first and then faster. Over and over again. Then I'd play two lines up until I hit that measure again to make sure I could make it flow, and when that didn't work I had to play that one measure over and over. Finally I got it. I remember having to do that a lot when I was younger, literally playing the same few notes repeatedly. Today I wondered if doing that has aided in my ability to be persistant and do the same thing over and over in other things in life (good and bad), or if it was the opposite, that God gave me a persistant nature that allowed me to learn piano better because I could repeat that same measure over and over.
Persistance. It is a word that many people have complimented me on in the way of having persistance in getting jobs, things I do at work, reading the bible with discipline on a constant basis at certain times in my life when I set my mind to it, and learning new things. It helps in friendships when we're trying to get together for lunch or cofffee because somebody has to be the one to call or text until it works out. It is NOT helpful in other situations, where I don't want to give things up. Like a game that I am trying to win - I am persistant in wanting to win! But in a lot of games online there is no "winning," it's just advancing to the next level. Or in reading a book that I'm set on finishing - it will keep me up til 3 AM or I will put off more important things to finish it. It's not helpful when someone doesn't want to be my friend anymore. It's not good when I need to get ahold of someone and they don't ever answer their phone or call back, but being persistant I continue to call. Another similar thing, not really persistance, but just doing the same thing over and over again: When I find a song I like, I will literally just set that one song or two or three on repeat and listen to it over and over.
And oh, this quality is bad when God wants to take over and I still feel the need to do it myself.
This past week I felt like I was metaphorically knocking on a door and it has been a long persistant knocking. A long time of prayer and waiting and hoping God would open this door, this opportunity, this thing in life. But I'm pretty sure I'm knocking on the wrong door. And I'm pretty sure I've known it for months. There's where the persistance is a bad thing. Perhaps in my knocking on this one door I've missed God saying, "Psst. The door you're supposed to be knocking on is down the street, come on let's go." Or I go with God and then turn around and go back to the same stinking door! As if God changed His mind. Well...He didn't! I am still shaking my head at my annoying persistance at this! I'm not even "doing" that much to make the door open because it is certainly not in my control in this instance, but I have stuck around at the wrong place. It is a hard thing to do though, to walk away.
Persistance. It is a word that many people have complimented me on in the way of having persistance in getting jobs, things I do at work, reading the bible with discipline on a constant basis at certain times in my life when I set my mind to it, and learning new things. It helps in friendships when we're trying to get together for lunch or cofffee because somebody has to be the one to call or text until it works out. It is NOT helpful in other situations, where I don't want to give things up. Like a game that I am trying to win - I am persistant in wanting to win! But in a lot of games online there is no "winning," it's just advancing to the next level. Or in reading a book that I'm set on finishing - it will keep me up til 3 AM or I will put off more important things to finish it. It's not helpful when someone doesn't want to be my friend anymore. It's not good when I need to get ahold of someone and they don't ever answer their phone or call back, but being persistant I continue to call. Another similar thing, not really persistance, but just doing the same thing over and over again: When I find a song I like, I will literally just set that one song or two or three on repeat and listen to it over and over.
And oh, this quality is bad when God wants to take over and I still feel the need to do it myself.
This past week I felt like I was metaphorically knocking on a door and it has been a long persistant knocking. A long time of prayer and waiting and hoping God would open this door, this opportunity, this thing in life. But I'm pretty sure I'm knocking on the wrong door. And I'm pretty sure I've known it for months. There's where the persistance is a bad thing. Perhaps in my knocking on this one door I've missed God saying, "Psst. The door you're supposed to be knocking on is down the street, come on let's go." Or I go with God and then turn around and go back to the same stinking door! As if God changed His mind. Well...He didn't! I am still shaking my head at my annoying persistance at this! I'm not even "doing" that much to make the door open because it is certainly not in my control in this instance, but I have stuck around at the wrong place. It is a hard thing to do though, to walk away.
How To Tick People Off
How To Tick People Off
(Found on the internet through
StumbleUpon)
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I have a new job! Money, Starbucks, friends, plans
News flash! I have a new job! It is at Starbucks! Gasp! I was only a receptionist at the aerobics place for one day....but I'd only get 6 and a half hours a week there, whereas at Starbucks I will be around 20ish and then work up. Three of my closest friends worked at Starbucks - one was there for 4 years - and they loved it, but said it was hard as well. I'm nervous - I want to do well, not be stressed, and learn everything quickly. I know I'll meet lots of new people. When they asked in my first interview if I could multitask well, she said, "Oh wait, you work with little kids so I'm sure you can!" Ah yes, agreed. Teaching IS multitasking. So I hope that aspect of multitasking works into this job as well.
The Starbucks I'll be working at is the very first one I went to when I was in 9th grade. It's the one where we had bible studies in the summer sometimes, and it's where I went almost every Wed and Sun nights after youth group with whoever would go my senior year. Since then I haven't gone as much because there are now two closer Starbucks (two! I know!) but I meet friends there who are about 30 min away from me down by KSU because that's the halfway point for us.
I start training next Monday. I'm glad I won't be working on Black FRIDAY! Not because I want to go shopping, but because I wouldn't want to be at any job on black Friday! I was at Lifeway Christian bookstore for two Black Fridays, and I hardly remember them at all because it was stressful and busy! I haven't been out for any other black Fridays.
I am still on the mends from my wisdom teeth being out. Last night I had scrambled eggs and cheese, and tonight I had home made mac and cheese with hotdogs, so I am slowly eating more foods. I wonder when I'll be able to eat normal? And I still have to do the saltwater rinse after I eat everything. It makes me nervous because tomorrow I'm going to Starbucks with a friend and I will have cold coffee, but I won't have the saltwater rinse after, so will the sugar be bad for it? I probably won't get anything, just to be on the safe side. Or I'll get some right as I'm leaving so that I can rinse my mouth out when I get home. Which STINKS because then after I eat or drink anything good I have to then leave a saltwater taste in my mouth, blech.
Soooo I'm thinking about going to Haiti? But I don't know when. With my loans being defered til May now (except one that I decided to start paying on now), and Kenya in July, I'm not sure when I would go. It means I need to work as much as possible and SAVE as much as possible to think about it. The funny thing is, besides food, Starbucks is what I spend too much money on. So now I'll get a free drink when I work which will save me money! haha! Too funny. Because other than that I only spend money on food and some random items like shampoo and such. And gas. Ok so the reason I've thought about Haiti is because this guy I know is going for 3 months at a time and then coming home for a little bit and going back again....indefinitely is his plans. He was at church last night and his parents even said how they can go to Haiti 4 times before they're able to go to Africa. So it'd be cheaper, and I've always wanted to go to another country besides Kenya for a mission trip, and it'd be cool to go there and help him. So, this is my sort-of goal for the next year. On top of that I'd love to go visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Washington State again - I've only been once and it was 2 and a half years ago. I hate how I hardly ever get to see them.
I want to start saving for moving back out again at some point, and paying for things that my parents currently pay for. As I have big plans for the money I will make, I will also be making under minimum wage because Starbucks has tips that they split up depending on how much you work... so I know that it will be a SLOW and long process of saving up any kind of money.
Maybe I can convince my friends to talk on the phone more / use skype instead of meeting me for dinner / Starbucks... :-) It would save gas money and whatever I would spend out.
The Starbucks I'll be working at is the very first one I went to when I was in 9th grade. It's the one where we had bible studies in the summer sometimes, and it's where I went almost every Wed and Sun nights after youth group with whoever would go my senior year. Since then I haven't gone as much because there are now two closer Starbucks (two! I know!) but I meet friends there who are about 30 min away from me down by KSU because that's the halfway point for us.
I start training next Monday. I'm glad I won't be working on Black FRIDAY! Not because I want to go shopping, but because I wouldn't want to be at any job on black Friday! I was at Lifeway Christian bookstore for two Black Fridays, and I hardly remember them at all because it was stressful and busy! I haven't been out for any other black Fridays.
I am still on the mends from my wisdom teeth being out. Last night I had scrambled eggs and cheese, and tonight I had home made mac and cheese with hotdogs, so I am slowly eating more foods. I wonder when I'll be able to eat normal? And I still have to do the saltwater rinse after I eat everything. It makes me nervous because tomorrow I'm going to Starbucks with a friend and I will have cold coffee, but I won't have the saltwater rinse after, so will the sugar be bad for it? I probably won't get anything, just to be on the safe side. Or I'll get some right as I'm leaving so that I can rinse my mouth out when I get home. Which STINKS because then after I eat or drink anything good I have to then leave a saltwater taste in my mouth, blech.
Soooo I'm thinking about going to Haiti? But I don't know when. With my loans being defered til May now (except one that I decided to start paying on now), and Kenya in July, I'm not sure when I would go. It means I need to work as much as possible and SAVE as much as possible to think about it. The funny thing is, besides food, Starbucks is what I spend too much money on. So now I'll get a free drink when I work which will save me money! haha! Too funny. Because other than that I only spend money on food and some random items like shampoo and such. And gas. Ok so the reason I've thought about Haiti is because this guy I know is going for 3 months at a time and then coming home for a little bit and going back again....indefinitely is his plans. He was at church last night and his parents even said how they can go to Haiti 4 times before they're able to go to Africa. So it'd be cheaper, and I've always wanted to go to another country besides Kenya for a mission trip, and it'd be cool to go there and help him. So, this is my sort-of goal for the next year. On top of that I'd love to go visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Washington State again - I've only been once and it was 2 and a half years ago. I hate how I hardly ever get to see them.
I want to start saving for moving back out again at some point, and paying for things that my parents currently pay for. As I have big plans for the money I will make, I will also be making under minimum wage because Starbucks has tips that they split up depending on how much you work... so I know that it will be a SLOW and long process of saving up any kind of money.
Maybe I can convince my friends to talk on the phone more / use skype instead of meeting me for dinner / Starbucks... :-) It would save gas money and whatever I would spend out.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Pictures and wisdom teeth
I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday morning. The laughing gas did NOTHING for me. The anesthea took a bit but worked. I slept a lot yesterday and today, and it's been a ridiculous amount of work to do everything I'm supposed to!! Yesterday I had to take the pain meds every 4 hours, change the gauze in my mouth every 30 minutes, put ice on for 30 minutes every hour or so. Today I didn't have to have the gauze in my mouth anymore because the bleeding has stopped and I've been able to eat soft solids (jello, yogurt, etc), and have to take antibiotics 3 times a day, pain meds when needed, wash mouth out with salt water (8 oz of it!) every two hours and after I eat, wash mouth out with medicine rince twice a day, still put ice on for 30 minutes but not much because I haven't had any swelling, and to top it off I still have a bit of a cold so I'm taking some decongestant meds when I need it too. Boooooo. However, I've been so glad I haven't felt much pain. Just been really hungry and thirsty. Oh and yesterday and today I couldn't stand long or I'd get light headed.
I put all my pictures I ever take and upload them to snapfish because it's free and there's an unlimited amount of space so I've done it for years. About every 6 months I order my favorites from that time and put them in albums. I didn't realize it had actually been 16 months since I last ordered pictures, so I uploaded and ordered pictures from the past year and 4 months. They came in the mail yesterday and I love to hold these pictures in my hands! I mean it's nice to see them online, but when they're printed sometimes they're so clear and bright and I love it! I'm going to have to get a new photo album since I ordered 360ish pictures. Some from my cell phone camera are also SO CLEAR that it's awesome! That was the highlight of my weekend. :-)
I put all my pictures I ever take and upload them to snapfish because it's free and there's an unlimited amount of space so I've done it for years. About every 6 months I order my favorites from that time and put them in albums. I didn't realize it had actually been 16 months since I last ordered pictures, so I uploaded and ordered pictures from the past year and 4 months. They came in the mail yesterday and I love to hold these pictures in my hands! I mean it's nice to see them online, but when they're printed sometimes they're so clear and bright and I love it! I'm going to have to get a new photo album since I ordered 360ish pictures. Some from my cell phone camera are also SO CLEAR that it's awesome! That was the highlight of my weekend. :-)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Things I'm Thankful For
Thanksgiving isn't until next week, I know, but I'm posting this early because I just want to. :-) None of this is in any kind of order. I know that some people are posting things on facebook that they're thankful for each day, but I'm throwing mine all in together at once.
Things I'm Thankful For
1. My friends overall. This past year I've made some great new friends and grown closer to past ones and I'm so thankful for them! They were answers to many years of prayers!
2. My parents - they are great, I enjoy talking to them, they are supportive, they are letting me stay at home again until I get a full time job
3. My brother Chris - he finished high school with honors in May and started college in August. He joined a fraternity and got elected as the secretary (which starts in January). He is smart and will go far.
4. That I finished college. It kind of felt like 10 years but it was only 5.
5. Ambient, our young adults' church service on Sunday nights - it started in January so we're coming up on a year of it running. Todd and Bobby give great sermons, the music is great, and I like it on Sunday nights because that means I get to sleep in or work on Sundays when I find a job and still be able to go to church.
6. Wed night bible study with NWCC - although we are small, I enjoy it! :-)
7. Thur night bible study with North Star - love going!
8. Bryan and Lee Ann Barton for letting us have bible study at their house on Thursday nights, sharing their kids with us :-), and leading us.
9. Tracy, Joy, Mel, Tiffany, Jacinta, Marissa, and Catherine - I'm thankful for seeing you each week at bible study, for sharing your lives with me and listening to mine, and for our girls nights. I love all your hugs and smiles and prayers!
10. Nathan, Rachel, and Marc - I'm thankful they invite me to things, for the game nights and movie nights, Zumba, and our other random adventures!
11. My iPhone. It's fantastic. I love the free games that keep me entertained in long lines like Wal-mart and the grocery store, that I can check my facebook and e-mail anywhere, that I can take pictures quickly, and the many other things that I can access at the touch of the screen!
12. My laptop, camera, and kindle.
13. My car
14. Electricity, running water, shoes on my feet, food, heat, air conditioning, clothes, washer and dryer, dish washer, a good house, flashlights, umberellas, a bed, jackets, blankets. While I often take these for granted, I am often reminded by pictures of Kenya that this is a luxury.
15. God allowing me to go to Kenya. I am thankful for the money that comes in when I go and for the support everyone gives.
16. Louise Mell - for her prayers, her e-mails, our lunches, and our friendship
17. Kaylene! She is a friend that has lived life with me the past 4 years through so many ups and downs for us both. I am thankful for our starbucks times, long messages, and they ability to make me laugh and encouragement to push through anything.
18. LaJauna Ellis - we are "new friends" but I am already so thankful for her and look forward to more dinners in the future!
19. Books. For those of you who don't like to read, man you're missing out! The fiction books put you into other worlds and you read from eyes of someone as if you were them. Non-fiction books give you such great advice and enriches your life with Christ
20. Writing / journaling
21. The talents God has given me
22. God who loves me, Jesus who died for me, and the Holy Spirit who lives in me
23. Jackie Traster - I learned so much from her through student teaching but am also so thankful we've kept in touch. She is so important to me.
24. Kelly Newton - we've been friends for 12 years and while we are busy, we still keep in touch. I'm thankful for that.
25. That I had a summer job
26. My grandparents - all four are fabulous! They live in NC and MD. They are funny, caring, and loving.
27. My Aunt Wendy, Uncle Bill, Emily, and Carly - Not only are they so sweet and awesome, they're also good looking too! :-) I'm so blessed to have them as family because that means we will forever be in touch. They live in Washington, but I hope someday we get to see each other more frequently.
28. Dillon, Mona, Staton and Ansley -my dad's cousin and his family in NC. They are such a great family and I had a great time visiting them 2 summers ago. They have big hearts and are family I always love to see!
29. Meredith Pitts - she has been a great friend over the past year or so and I have enjoyed our starbucks / lunches / dinners!
30. All things chocolate
31. Pictures
32. Good TV shows
33. Ellyjoy, Pauline, Humphrey, Daniel, and others who take care of the kids we sponsor in Kenya, for helping distribute food, for loving the kids, for washing their clothes and showing them the love of God. I'm thankful that there are people here who are able to give money, and people who are there who are able to give love. It takes both.
34. Medicine to stop pain and help us feel better
35. My GPS for helping me not get lost everywhere I go
36. Retreats
37. Starbucks, food places I like to eat, Swift Cantrel Park, bookstores, cabins in the woods/ mountains
Things I'm Thankful For
1. My friends overall. This past year I've made some great new friends and grown closer to past ones and I'm so thankful for them! They were answers to many years of prayers!
2. My parents - they are great, I enjoy talking to them, they are supportive, they are letting me stay at home again until I get a full time job
3. My brother Chris - he finished high school with honors in May and started college in August. He joined a fraternity and got elected as the secretary (which starts in January). He is smart and will go far.
4. That I finished college. It kind of felt like 10 years but it was only 5.
5. Ambient, our young adults' church service on Sunday nights - it started in January so we're coming up on a year of it running. Todd and Bobby give great sermons, the music is great, and I like it on Sunday nights because that means I get to sleep in or work on Sundays when I find a job and still be able to go to church.
6. Wed night bible study with NWCC - although we are small, I enjoy it! :-)
7. Thur night bible study with North Star - love going!
8. Bryan and Lee Ann Barton for letting us have bible study at their house on Thursday nights, sharing their kids with us :-), and leading us.
9. Tracy, Joy, Mel, Tiffany, Jacinta, Marissa, and Catherine - I'm thankful for seeing you each week at bible study, for sharing your lives with me and listening to mine, and for our girls nights. I love all your hugs and smiles and prayers!
10. Nathan, Rachel, and Marc - I'm thankful they invite me to things, for the game nights and movie nights, Zumba, and our other random adventures!
11. My iPhone. It's fantastic. I love the free games that keep me entertained in long lines like Wal-mart and the grocery store, that I can check my facebook and e-mail anywhere, that I can take pictures quickly, and the many other things that I can access at the touch of the screen!
12. My laptop, camera, and kindle.
13. My car
14. Electricity, running water, shoes on my feet, food, heat, air conditioning, clothes, washer and dryer, dish washer, a good house, flashlights, umberellas, a bed, jackets, blankets. While I often take these for granted, I am often reminded by pictures of Kenya that this is a luxury.
15. God allowing me to go to Kenya. I am thankful for the money that comes in when I go and for the support everyone gives.
16. Louise Mell - for her prayers, her e-mails, our lunches, and our friendship
17. Kaylene! She is a friend that has lived life with me the past 4 years through so many ups and downs for us both. I am thankful for our starbucks times, long messages, and they ability to make me laugh and encouragement to push through anything.
18. LaJauna Ellis - we are "new friends" but I am already so thankful for her and look forward to more dinners in the future!
19. Books. For those of you who don't like to read, man you're missing out! The fiction books put you into other worlds and you read from eyes of someone as if you were them. Non-fiction books give you such great advice and enriches your life with Christ
20. Writing / journaling
21. The talents God has given me
22. God who loves me, Jesus who died for me, and the Holy Spirit who lives in me
23. Jackie Traster - I learned so much from her through student teaching but am also so thankful we've kept in touch. She is so important to me.
24. Kelly Newton - we've been friends for 12 years and while we are busy, we still keep in touch. I'm thankful for that.
25. That I had a summer job
26. My grandparents - all four are fabulous! They live in NC and MD. They are funny, caring, and loving.
27. My Aunt Wendy, Uncle Bill, Emily, and Carly - Not only are they so sweet and awesome, they're also good looking too! :-) I'm so blessed to have them as family because that means we will forever be in touch. They live in Washington, but I hope someday we get to see each other more frequently.
28. Dillon, Mona, Staton and Ansley -my dad's cousin and his family in NC. They are such a great family and I had a great time visiting them 2 summers ago. They have big hearts and are family I always love to see!
29. Meredith Pitts - she has been a great friend over the past year or so and I have enjoyed our starbucks / lunches / dinners!
30. All things chocolate
31. Pictures
32. Good TV shows
33. Ellyjoy, Pauline, Humphrey, Daniel, and others who take care of the kids we sponsor in Kenya, for helping distribute food, for loving the kids, for washing their clothes and showing them the love of God. I'm thankful that there are people here who are able to give money, and people who are there who are able to give love. It takes both.
34. Medicine to stop pain and help us feel better
35. My GPS for helping me not get lost everywhere I go
36. Retreats
37. Starbucks, food places I like to eat, Swift Cantrel Park, bookstores, cabins in the woods/ mountains
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I have a friend who has a facebook but no wall, no info, and doesn't let you see any of his pictures. He only has it to keep up with other people / read their stuff, but he posts nothing of his own. This boggles me. I have other friends who have no facebook at all. This boggles me even more. But a lot of my friends just post once a month or so, and I still don't understand that. I post often and when I ask myself why, I can't pinpoint it. I know part of it is because it invovles things I love: pictures (posting them and looking at others), my closest friends and family (some of which live far away or I never see), writing sometimes, and it allows me to get people's opinion on things. Sometimes I wish some people would post more because I never see them.
So I stop and ask myself questions now and then trying to figure out why I am so quick to post on facebook. Because sometimes I think, "Hey wait a sec. It's not fair that some people know all this stuff about me and my life, but I know nothing about theirs." Or I wonder if I annoy people. Or I wonder if some people would actually take the time to talk to me in person to catch up instead of just reading my facebook and that being enough for them.
I ask myself: Do I feel the need to impress people? Not really. I don't portray my life in an only positive light on facebook or any different than I am in real life. I have friends who I'm real with and don't need to "impress" them. Do I feel like I need the positive confirmation of people's comments and likes to feel better? No, I have great friends and see them often in person. Sometimes I want people to know things that I know they won't ask about or don't know to ask about, but not often. Is it simply a habit that I can't get out of? Maybe...but I was like this with xanga and myspace too, always on, always posting. It's not just because I'm bored because it's been years. I got a xanga when I was 15, so it's been 8 years of social media. Is it something in me that God just PUT there? I know that different people are kind of "ocd" about different things....like hobbies or video games or cleaning. My dad can watch TV and nap for hours. My mom can sit at her craft table and make cards and crafts for hours. My brother used to play video games and read for hours. I am often on the internet for hours (Pinterest, googling stuff, reading articles, facebook, e-mail, etc) and facebook is a large part of that. So maybe I'm just kind of "wired" to enjoy it more than others. It makes me think of the game "The Sims" because when you create the people, you choose what their hobbies or interests will be. So you could create a person to be very relational or very intellecutal for example. Haha.
Is it bad to post often on facebook? Sometimes I feel like it is, but again I can't pinpoint why. I dont' put ultra private stuff on there or air dirty laundry. I don't say things like, "I'm so fat" so that people will post a bunch of nice things about me. In reverse, I don't look at other people on facebook and think it's bad that they post a lot - I like watching videos that other people think are funny, reading quotes people found, looking at their pictures, etc.
I think the moments that frustrate me are when someone has kept up with my facebook or we message back and forth, and then in person they don't really talk to me, as if they've heard all they wanted to know and that's all they care about. Then I want to stomp my foot and say, "Hey! That's not fair, just because you think you know what's going on in my life doesn't mean you DO. Or just because we sent a few messages back and forth doesn't mean you know all there is to know and now you don't have to talk to me in person." So in that way I feel like relationships are cheapened sometimes by facebook. That you don't ever have to speak to a person, but you know a bunch of stuff about them. THAT makes me not want to post.
As far as time goes...."Have you spent as much time on your face in prayer as you have on your facebook?" This was said by a speaker I watched on a video during our young adults' retreat. My prompt answer in my head was, "Well, no. I spend hours during the day on facebook, and even if it's not sitting down at the computer for long amounts of time, it's all day on my phone in lines, in waiting for my drink at starbucks, in waiting for something to heat up in the microwave." Even during times when I was not unemployed, I was still on it a lot. Is Facebook another tool that Satan uses to distract me and pull me away from time with God and the bible? Yep. He also uses it to make me jealous and discontent in the sense that I scroll through my news feed to see day after day that my friends and people my age and younger are getting engaged and married and haiving kids....people are traveling to foreign countries for fun or on mission trips or the beach or cruises when I am stuck at home.... It's rare that I look at someone's home or material items and want them, but it's more about the places people go and the things in life they have such as a husband or that they love teaching. While I know there are good and bad things in EVERY stage of life, it is still hard to watch others in places I want to be in right NOW. But then there are probably people who view my life as where they wish they could be too. Maybe they have young kids that prevent them from having fun and getting together with friends, or full time jobs on top of that which prevents them from feeling they have any friends. In my case I have lots of free time and friends, but no money and no job.
So I stop and ask myself questions now and then trying to figure out why I am so quick to post on facebook. Because sometimes I think, "Hey wait a sec. It's not fair that some people know all this stuff about me and my life, but I know nothing about theirs." Or I wonder if I annoy people. Or I wonder if some people would actually take the time to talk to me in person to catch up instead of just reading my facebook and that being enough for them.
I ask myself: Do I feel the need to impress people? Not really. I don't portray my life in an only positive light on facebook or any different than I am in real life. I have friends who I'm real with and don't need to "impress" them. Do I feel like I need the positive confirmation of people's comments and likes to feel better? No, I have great friends and see them often in person. Sometimes I want people to know things that I know they won't ask about or don't know to ask about, but not often. Is it simply a habit that I can't get out of? Maybe...but I was like this with xanga and myspace too, always on, always posting. It's not just because I'm bored because it's been years. I got a xanga when I was 15, so it's been 8 years of social media. Is it something in me that God just PUT there? I know that different people are kind of "ocd" about different things....like hobbies or video games or cleaning. My dad can watch TV and nap for hours. My mom can sit at her craft table and make cards and crafts for hours. My brother used to play video games and read for hours. I am often on the internet for hours (Pinterest, googling stuff, reading articles, facebook, e-mail, etc) and facebook is a large part of that. So maybe I'm just kind of "wired" to enjoy it more than others. It makes me think of the game "The Sims" because when you create the people, you choose what their hobbies or interests will be. So you could create a person to be very relational or very intellecutal for example. Haha.
Is it bad to post often on facebook? Sometimes I feel like it is, but again I can't pinpoint why. I dont' put ultra private stuff on there or air dirty laundry. I don't say things like, "I'm so fat" so that people will post a bunch of nice things about me. In reverse, I don't look at other people on facebook and think it's bad that they post a lot - I like watching videos that other people think are funny, reading quotes people found, looking at their pictures, etc.
I think the moments that frustrate me are when someone has kept up with my facebook or we message back and forth, and then in person they don't really talk to me, as if they've heard all they wanted to know and that's all they care about. Then I want to stomp my foot and say, "Hey! That's not fair, just because you think you know what's going on in my life doesn't mean you DO. Or just because we sent a few messages back and forth doesn't mean you know all there is to know and now you don't have to talk to me in person." So in that way I feel like relationships are cheapened sometimes by facebook. That you don't ever have to speak to a person, but you know a bunch of stuff about them. THAT makes me not want to post.
As far as time goes...."Have you spent as much time on your face in prayer as you have on your facebook?" This was said by a speaker I watched on a video during our young adults' retreat. My prompt answer in my head was, "Well, no. I spend hours during the day on facebook, and even if it's not sitting down at the computer for long amounts of time, it's all day on my phone in lines, in waiting for my drink at starbucks, in waiting for something to heat up in the microwave." Even during times when I was not unemployed, I was still on it a lot. Is Facebook another tool that Satan uses to distract me and pull me away from time with God and the bible? Yep. He also uses it to make me jealous and discontent in the sense that I scroll through my news feed to see day after day that my friends and people my age and younger are getting engaged and married and haiving kids....people are traveling to foreign countries for fun or on mission trips or the beach or cruises when I am stuck at home.... It's rare that I look at someone's home or material items and want them, but it's more about the places people go and the things in life they have such as a husband or that they love teaching. While I know there are good and bad things in EVERY stage of life, it is still hard to watch others in places I want to be in right NOW. But then there are probably people who view my life as where they wish they could be too. Maybe they have young kids that prevent them from having fun and getting together with friends, or full time jobs on top of that which prevents them from feeling they have any friends. In my case I have lots of free time and friends, but no money and no job.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I I So As Something. (The first words in each of my paragraphs.)
I was supposed to get my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday morning (Friday), but Tuesday I started getting a cold. So Friday morning I had a stuffy and runny nose, a very sore throat (no voice), and a small cough. (Oh, and cramps becuase I couldn't take medicine in order to not get nautious with the meds they were going to put me to sleep with. Yeah, I can't spell that word and I'm not going to try, ha.) I felt terrible. So I decided to put it off til next Friday. Today my throat doesn't hurt a much but my cough is way worse. So I'm glad I waited, but kind of wish it was just over.
I also wonder why my nose is able to produce so much junk so fast?! I used a whole kleenex box on Thursday and Friday, and then a whole one today!! It's insane!
So I've found many fun games on my iphone for free, and I love them! I remember seeing people with things like psp or small handheld game players and always thought it'd be fun to own one and even considered buying one about a year ago....but now the games on here are like having one of those! It's fun. :-) Plus there are so many creative games that just the way it works amazes me! Especially with it being all touch screen and not a controller like I used to play on with playstation when I was younger.
As the holidays approach, I wish there was something at Thanksgiving and Christmas we really did that made it feel like those holidays. All of our extended family lives far away so no one comes for Thanksgiving, and my grandparents from NC come down at Christmas, but we don't want to give gifts this year because 1- we're all broke and 2 - we don't really want anything specifically. So, I'll be thinking on it....something for everybody including my dad and 19 year old brother. That doesn't cost much or any.
Something I've come to realize is that most people have an excitement about something that's kind of nerdy/abnormal/silly/childish. And that makes me happy because I'm included. Two of my friends my age that are married love this video game they have, and the sequal came out yesterday - after waiting for two years they have been counting down the days and are stoked about their new game! Hehe. I know other people (yes, adults) who love Star Wars, World of Warcraft, musicals, Disney stuff, and me: Nancy Drew computer games (that are SO for adults - they're hard! And there's 26 of them so apparently they're popular!).
I also wonder why my nose is able to produce so much junk so fast?! I used a whole kleenex box on Thursday and Friday, and then a whole one today!! It's insane!
So I've found many fun games on my iphone for free, and I love them! I remember seeing people with things like psp or small handheld game players and always thought it'd be fun to own one and even considered buying one about a year ago....but now the games on here are like having one of those! It's fun. :-) Plus there are so many creative games that just the way it works amazes me! Especially with it being all touch screen and not a controller like I used to play on with playstation when I was younger.
As the holidays approach, I wish there was something at Thanksgiving and Christmas we really did that made it feel like those holidays. All of our extended family lives far away so no one comes for Thanksgiving, and my grandparents from NC come down at Christmas, but we don't want to give gifts this year because 1- we're all broke and 2 - we don't really want anything specifically. So, I'll be thinking on it....something for everybody including my dad and 19 year old brother. That doesn't cost much or any.
Something I've come to realize is that most people have an excitement about something that's kind of nerdy/abnormal/silly/childish. And that makes me happy because I'm included. Two of my friends my age that are married love this video game they have, and the sequal came out yesterday - after waiting for two years they have been counting down the days and are stoked about their new game! Hehe. I know other people (yes, adults) who love Star Wars, World of Warcraft, musicals, Disney stuff, and me: Nancy Drew computer games (that are SO for adults - they're hard! And there's 26 of them so apparently they're popular!).
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I miss you.
Have you noticed a ton of songs recently have whistling in them? It's like they all heard one song with whistling and thought it sounded good, so they all coppied them. At the same time. So when they all came out with it they said, "Aww man! Now there's a bunch of whistling songs!" But maybe it helps the bad singers feel better that they can join in a song and not have to sing.
Someone once told me, "When you get rid of something, you can't just get rid of it, you have to replace it." It's been years since we had that conversation, but I'm pretty sure it was about how I felt at a loss my freshman year of college when all my friends moved away, I no longer went to youth group so my Sunday nights felt empty, and I was trying to kick some old habits. But that one bit of advice has continued to make sense in my life ever since. If it's bad thoughts or sad thoughts, missing someone, feeling mad over something in the past....you can't just "not think about it" at will sometimes, you have to replace it with good thoughts or realize what you are thankful for. When friends drift or flat out go away, you make new friends. When you no longer serve the same way or belong to the same stuff at church, you go find somewhere else to serve in the church or find where you belong.
Sometimes people aren't "replaceable." I LOVE the people in my life right now. But recently I have really missed a few people. Well, I say recently, but it's been more of a long-term thing with more thouht going into it recently. I think it's especially hard when you think certain people will be in your life for years and years to come and then suddenly they're not. I want to say, "Woah! Hey, I thought you were going to be around for the next 10 years or so....or 50, whichever." And that loss just kind of pops up randomly in thoughts or when I'm scrolling through facebook. In relation to "replacing" things, sometimes I just can't sit and dwell about a lost friendship because it makes me really sad. I have to replace the thoughts with something else and move on.
Hmmm...I see SO many people I know every where I go, so maybe I should pray extra hard that I'll run into some of those people I miss this week and next. Maybe God will allow our paths to cross just briefly again.
Someone once told me, "When you get rid of something, you can't just get rid of it, you have to replace it." It's been years since we had that conversation, but I'm pretty sure it was about how I felt at a loss my freshman year of college when all my friends moved away, I no longer went to youth group so my Sunday nights felt empty, and I was trying to kick some old habits. But that one bit of advice has continued to make sense in my life ever since. If it's bad thoughts or sad thoughts, missing someone, feeling mad over something in the past....you can't just "not think about it" at will sometimes, you have to replace it with good thoughts or realize what you are thankful for. When friends drift or flat out go away, you make new friends. When you no longer serve the same way or belong to the same stuff at church, you go find somewhere else to serve in the church or find where you belong.
Sometimes people aren't "replaceable." I LOVE the people in my life right now. But recently I have really missed a few people. Well, I say recently, but it's been more of a long-term thing with more thouht going into it recently. I think it's especially hard when you think certain people will be in your life for years and years to come and then suddenly they're not. I want to say, "Woah! Hey, I thought you were going to be around for the next 10 years or so....or 50, whichever." And that loss just kind of pops up randomly in thoughts or when I'm scrolling through facebook. In relation to "replacing" things, sometimes I just can't sit and dwell about a lost friendship because it makes me really sad. I have to replace the thoughts with something else and move on.
Hmmm...I see SO many people I know every where I go, so maybe I should pray extra hard that I'll run into some of those people I miss this week and next. Maybe God will allow our paths to cross just briefly again.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
God's timing. Friends, job, money, time.
In picture sense....
| Aquaintances | Friend zone | Dating |
Guys can't stay in my friend zone. They used to.....and it ended bad every time. Now I only let them be in the friend zone if I'm considering dating them. There isn't a huge window there....once I've decided I've liked someone or not, I wait to see if the guy does anything....if he doesn't or I can tell he won't, then it has to go back to aquaintances. I think in the past year or so I've been very hesitant to even be friends with guys because they all go back to being aquaintances and I lose a friendship that I enjoyed. It usually stinks. So now I feel like I should say to a guy, "Ok well you're kicked out of the friend zone...sorry but we have to be aquintaces again" to give a guy fair warning...but instead I will just slip away silently. I read a quote on Pinterest that said, "If you walk away from a guy and he doesn't come after you, keep walking." And I it's ok because I know if God wants two people to be together, He will make it happen and if He doesn't then He will hold up the process or not allow feelings on one person's end. So it's not all about me, if I do or say the "right things," God can work in spite of me messing things up. That gives me hope.
It's all in God's timing.
Speaking of God's timing.... I need a FULL time job and more income. But God doesn't think so. I filled out info to defer my loans - which I hate because it collects more interest - so I hope that they let me defer them. I don't see how they couldn't - I make no money. Lovely. We're not rich in America - we're just all in debt.
I haven't bought a book in months. Crazy. I still buy too much Starbucks....still working on that. But sometimes I just feel like sitting my house and not going anywhere so I don't buy anything or spend gas. Just let the days pass by and not buy anything, just sitting in my house. Right?
I get my wisdom teeth out next Friday. :-(
Apparently I have to make 30 different receipies before I get a good one. Or maybe I'm just not being complex enough. I put mozerella cheese and pepperonis in rolled up crescent rolls and they weren't good. Lame.
Days are passing by slowly.....unless I'm doing something out with other people, I don't know what happens to my days. I sleep a lot. I'm tired of reading. I wonder if this is what it's like when people retire?! After working their whole lives, suddenly they are at home with nothing to do!! Well, at least they have time AND money, even if it's not much. I only have time. Only having time means you do ridiculous stuff to make time pass. Like search the internet for hours, play hours of a game on your iphone, cook random foods (but oh yeah, that costs money), write too much on everything (blogs like this, facebook, journal, e-mail a bunch of people), etc.
La la la la la la la la la la la oh the life of an unemployed person........
| Aquaintances | Friend zone | Dating |
Guys can't stay in my friend zone. They used to.....and it ended bad every time. Now I only let them be in the friend zone if I'm considering dating them. There isn't a huge window there....once I've decided I've liked someone or not, I wait to see if the guy does anything....if he doesn't or I can tell he won't, then it has to go back to aquaintances. I think in the past year or so I've been very hesitant to even be friends with guys because they all go back to being aquaintances and I lose a friendship that I enjoyed. It usually stinks. So now I feel like I should say to a guy, "Ok well you're kicked out of the friend zone...sorry but we have to be aquintaces again" to give a guy fair warning...but instead I will just slip away silently. I read a quote on Pinterest that said, "If you walk away from a guy and he doesn't come after you, keep walking." And I it's ok because I know if God wants two people to be together, He will make it happen and if He doesn't then He will hold up the process or not allow feelings on one person's end. So it's not all about me, if I do or say the "right things," God can work in spite of me messing things up. That gives me hope.
It's all in God's timing.
Speaking of God's timing.... I need a FULL time job and more income. But God doesn't think so. I filled out info to defer my loans - which I hate because it collects more interest - so I hope that they let me defer them. I don't see how they couldn't - I make no money. Lovely. We're not rich in America - we're just all in debt.
I haven't bought a book in months. Crazy. I still buy too much Starbucks....still working on that. But sometimes I just feel like sitting my house and not going anywhere so I don't buy anything or spend gas. Just let the days pass by and not buy anything, just sitting in my house. Right?
I get my wisdom teeth out next Friday. :-(
Apparently I have to make 30 different receipies before I get a good one. Or maybe I'm just not being complex enough. I put mozerella cheese and pepperonis in rolled up crescent rolls and they weren't good. Lame.
Days are passing by slowly.....unless I'm doing something out with other people, I don't know what happens to my days. I sleep a lot. I'm tired of reading. I wonder if this is what it's like when people retire?! After working their whole lives, suddenly they are at home with nothing to do!! Well, at least they have time AND money, even if it's not much. I only have time. Only having time means you do ridiculous stuff to make time pass. Like search the internet for hours, play hours of a game on your iphone, cook random foods (but oh yeah, that costs money), write too much on everything (blogs like this, facebook, journal, e-mail a bunch of people), etc.
La la la la la la la la la la la oh the life of an unemployed person........
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Tonight I made Nutella cookies with only Nutella, sugar, flour, and one egg, as per the recepie. You only had to bake them for 8 minutes and let them cool. They were gross. So I wasted a whole jar of Nutella. Sigh. Oh well, it was worth a shot.
Work has not started yet and I'm not sure when it will? They are behind. But I am ready for a schedule... and money.
Sigh. I need new goals in life. I mean really, I've reached most of the ones I'd set up until now (except teaching which was out of my hands) and I'm not sure what goals to make that don't require money. :-) Of course traveling is always a plus, but that's money. I've learned a lot of new stuff, I have a lot of hobbies and talents... It's something I'll have to think on. I DO want to do more service projects locally and have been looking into things in Atlanta. There are people just as bad off in Atlanta as in Kenya - $3,000 isn't required to help the needy. I am also going to learn more Swahili using Rosetta Stone for Kenya next year. The sad thing is I don't get to use it much. It's easier to use it in context when you're there and ask people to translate and you repeat it instead of listening to a computer person.
The other day someone asked me how many people went on the young adults' retreat and I started off saying, "Three adults and...oh, wait, well three leaders that are 30 to 40...." Haha, you'd think after 5 years of being an "adult" I would remember that I am one.
Well, I guess I should go to bed. It's 2:14 AM and my sleep schedule is been off for the past 3 months. Oh well.
Work has not started yet and I'm not sure when it will? They are behind. But I am ready for a schedule... and money.
Sigh. I need new goals in life. I mean really, I've reached most of the ones I'd set up until now (except teaching which was out of my hands) and I'm not sure what goals to make that don't require money. :-) Of course traveling is always a plus, but that's money. I've learned a lot of new stuff, I have a lot of hobbies and talents... It's something I'll have to think on. I DO want to do more service projects locally and have been looking into things in Atlanta. There are people just as bad off in Atlanta as in Kenya - $3,000 isn't required to help the needy. I am also going to learn more Swahili using Rosetta Stone for Kenya next year. The sad thing is I don't get to use it much. It's easier to use it in context when you're there and ask people to translate and you repeat it instead of listening to a computer person.
The other day someone asked me how many people went on the young adults' retreat and I started off saying, "Three adults and...oh, wait, well three leaders that are 30 to 40...." Haha, you'd think after 5 years of being an "adult" I would remember that I am one.
Well, I guess I should go to bed. It's 2:14 AM and my sleep schedule is been off for the past 3 months. Oh well.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thoughts
Why are things referred to as "the best thing since sliced bread"? I mean, was it that hard to cut the bread with a knife? Maybe it was hard to get the slices even, but still....
I detest the smell of smoke. I am so thankful Georgia has a law that you can't smoke inside.
I am thankful for my GPS on my phone, otherwise I would not get anywhere in Atlanta. It's got some crazy roads.
I spend more money on food, coffee, candy, etc. than on items / material things on a general basis.
Firsts for me this weekend: Tried nutella, went to Helen Georgia, went to Little Five Points in Atlanta, bought a $5 scarf (I don't own any scarfs), I tried raspberry wine, and I parallel parked on the left side of a parking lot. Pretty sure I haven't parallel parked since I was 16 taking my drivers licence.
If I don't take a picture of something, it doesn't exist and didn't actually happen. It was a figment of my imagination. ;-)
I do not understand people who don't reply to a message or text - it seems like even something short would be polite. Not replying sends me the message of "I want nothing to do with you." I could be wrong, and I know people get busy, but it just seems like it shouldn't take that long to type of a few keys to reply. Makes me sad and not want to ever contact them again and yes I know that is overdramatic, I'm just saying.
Thursday God brought someone along in my life to make a point....I recieved the point and am thankful for His subtle nudges. Even through brief interactions sometimes God uses other people to speak volumes without them even knowing I was affected. Cool to know I might be used for others too without even knowing it.
I detest the smell of smoke. I am so thankful Georgia has a law that you can't smoke inside.
I am thankful for my GPS on my phone, otherwise I would not get anywhere in Atlanta. It's got some crazy roads.
I spend more money on food, coffee, candy, etc. than on items / material things on a general basis.
Firsts for me this weekend: Tried nutella, went to Helen Georgia, went to Little Five Points in Atlanta, bought a $5 scarf (I don't own any scarfs), I tried raspberry wine, and I parallel parked on the left side of a parking lot. Pretty sure I haven't parallel parked since I was 16 taking my drivers licence.
If I don't take a picture of something, it doesn't exist and didn't actually happen. It was a figment of my imagination. ;-)
I do not understand people who don't reply to a message or text - it seems like even something short would be polite. Not replying sends me the message of "I want nothing to do with you." I could be wrong, and I know people get busy, but it just seems like it shouldn't take that long to type of a few keys to reply. Makes me sad and not want to ever contact them again and yes I know that is overdramatic, I'm just saying.
Thursday God brought someone along in my life to make a point....I recieved the point and am thankful for His subtle nudges. Even through brief interactions sometimes God uses other people to speak volumes without them even knowing I was affected. Cool to know I might be used for others too without even knowing it.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Waiting, running away, running forwards
Patience is not a virtue, it's a fruit of the spirit. I
need patience. In the past month I've gained a lot of much needed patience and
have been at peace with a lot of stuff. At the same time, I have a very
independent nature, I'm very persistent, and I'm very bold. Most of the time. I
don't like to wait, I don't like in-between stages, I don't like sitting around
wondering when something is going to happen. I get in this fight or flight mode
almost - I want to act and do something, or run the other way and try to
pretend I don't actually want what I want. Metaphorically speaking I pace -
walking towards what I want and trying to figure out what to do, and then
walking away from it giving up or being mad about the wait. Back and forth,
back and forth. Especially when I pray and I think God says yes but nothing
happens. Like God telling Abraham he will have a son, but then Abraham waits
and it doesn't happen yet so he tries his own way. Or quite frankly I could be
wrong, moving in the wrong direction. The best thing is to not run to it or
away from it, but to sit still and let God take the lead.
Ah, to sit still. For how long? There’s a fine line between sitting still and moving. We can’t just sit around and expect things to fall into place if we’ve done nothing. While each situation differs, a month of “sitting still” feels like FOREVER. And you wonder, “Wait, is this going to last another month? 4 months? A year?” And the thought makes me want to run away and say, “Forget it, I’d rather not get my hopes up or hope for that because it just might never happen.” I’d rather hear a YES or a NO for sure and let the waiting stop. Because the longer I move nowhere, the stronger the urge to run away. I also feel exhausted from “sitting still,” almost like I’m having to tred water to stay in that same spot and not move. Not swimming in any direction, but still having to tred water, and I get tired. Even while I sit still my mind is going 100 miles per hour and I’m distracted and I’m hurting and I’m impatient and I’m anxious. I feel like running the other way would cause all of that to stop, but it could be running from what God is trying to give me….just not in my timing.
Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get. But I use a knife to cut open the chocolates before I stick it in my mouth, or I use the guide that tells you what they are. It’s the worst to bite into one that you hate. So technically life is not like a box of chocolates. Life has the constant unknown and the constant thought of, “If I make this decision, it could alter everything. If I make this decision too early, it could ruin things. If I make this decision too late, I could miss an opportunity. If I make this decision and it’s the wrong one, I could end up in a world of pain. If I make this decision and it’s the right one, then I am going to be so happy and thankful.” It’s nice to know that despite my decisions, if God really wants something to happen or not to happen, He will step in and work.
Ah, to sit still. For how long? There’s a fine line between sitting still and moving. We can’t just sit around and expect things to fall into place if we’ve done nothing. While each situation differs, a month of “sitting still” feels like FOREVER. And you wonder, “Wait, is this going to last another month? 4 months? A year?” And the thought makes me want to run away and say, “Forget it, I’d rather not get my hopes up or hope for that because it just might never happen.” I’d rather hear a YES or a NO for sure and let the waiting stop. Because the longer I move nowhere, the stronger the urge to run away. I also feel exhausted from “sitting still,” almost like I’m having to tred water to stay in that same spot and not move. Not swimming in any direction, but still having to tred water, and I get tired. Even while I sit still my mind is going 100 miles per hour and I’m distracted and I’m hurting and I’m impatient and I’m anxious. I feel like running the other way would cause all of that to stop, but it could be running from what God is trying to give me….just not in my timing.
God’s timing is perfect. I believe that. And I am
thankful for His precision because I would butcher everything with my
impatience if all time matters were up to me. Sometimes I still do mess things
up. I think the worst thing is when you think God said yes and you wait for a
really long time, and it turns out you were wrong. God didn’t say yes. So you’d
sat there and waited for a long time for nothing. It makes me want to wait less
the next time.
One thing I’ve learned is that God does not protect us
from all pain. He lets us hurt. That is the result of a fallen world and He
doesn’t just swoop in and make everything amazing. What He does do is comfort
us, give us peace, give us understanding, etc. depending on the situations. I
hate to hurt. I mean who likes it, but still, I’m just saying. I’d rather avoid
it at all costs. My waiting hurts. And sometimes I think, “Really God? Why did
you have to put this want in me now
when You’re not going to give it to me now or at all? Couldn’t you wait til
right before it’s going to happen? And if it’s not going to happen, can’t you
take that desire away? What’s the point of really wanting something and you
allowing that, and then you saying no?”
Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get. But I use a knife to cut open the chocolates before I stick it in my mouth, or I use the guide that tells you what they are. It’s the worst to bite into one that you hate. So technically life is not like a box of chocolates. Life has the constant unknown and the constant thought of, “If I make this decision, it could alter everything. If I make this decision too early, it could ruin things. If I make this decision too late, I could miss an opportunity. If I make this decision and it’s the wrong one, I could end up in a world of pain. If I make this decision and it’s the right one, then I am going to be so happy and thankful.” It’s nice to know that despite my decisions, if God really wants something to happen or not to happen, He will step in and work.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Fall! And the events surrounding the weather change. :-)
Mondays aren't bad days when you don't have to go to school or work. :-)
This weekend was my retreat to the GA mountains! Friday night after IHOP and Walmart, we treked up the mountain on a one way road in a 15 passenger bus. When turning onto the driveway, I didn't see there was a driveway there, I thought we were going off the road!! I feaked and thought I was going to die! Thankfully I am still alive. :-) The cabin was nice -3 floors, hot tub, back porch, front porch with swing, lake in the back, pool table. There were 9 of us who went. Saturday we went hiking / walking, went to the downtwn area to some little stores, had lunch, went to an apple barn place where I got mint chocolate fudge, and got stuff at Walmart to make dinner at the cabin. After dinner some people played Monopoly (not me), and others Scrabble (me!). We then played catch phrase (hallerious) and then the guys played pool while me and my friend Rachel talked. Both nights most of us went to bed at 2 AM, while I went to bed at 3 AM because I took a shower or stayed up talking to Rachel. Sunday we went to a nearby mountain with a short hike to an overlook where we looked at faraway cars that looked like ants and some of the guys went on some rocks past the place where you're supposed to go. I'm glad they didn't hurt themselves. We ate lunch on the way home.
We had devotionals throughout the weekend and watched a guy speak on a video from a conference, as well as sang some songs with one of the guys playing gutiar and the other a small drum (yeah, there's a name for it and I don't know what it is!). We had quiet times to ourselves. We also had about an hour and a half of freetime on Saturday where everybody did their own thing - fishing, drawing, playing gutiar, watching TV, playing computer games, swinging, taking pictures. It was fun to see how each of us went off to do our own thing that we enjoyed! I love me some alone time! Haha. It's ok if others are nearby, it's just nice to think and hear the silence. Is that an oxymoron? To hear the silence?
The first downtown store we went to on Saturday didn't have mint chocoalte fudge, but they had other fudge. I knew I wasn't going to buy any other fudge because that's not what I wanted. The others were confused, "Why aren't you buying fudge? You kept saying you wanted some." "Yes, but it's the wrong kind. If we go to another store later, maybe there will be some there and then I will regret getting the fudge here." I wasn't sure if the later store would have any, so I risked not getting any at all! But it was a risk I took. Later in the evening at the apple barn they DID have mint chocolate fudge! Along with being stoked, I told my friends Rachel and Nathan, "I feel like this is a metaphor for some things in life. I knew what I wanted and had to wait for it, even though I could have settled for less earlier. Sometimes you have to wait for the good stuff in life, even if you don't know when you'll get it or where."
I LOVE weekends like we just had. It's so nice to escape regular life for a while and explore and laugh a lot.
Yesterday after we got back from the retreat I went to the first meeting for my new job with all the others who will be working there (that could make the meeting). My nerves were calmed when I met some of the people - I think the unknown makes me nervous but once I know what's going on I'm better. We start training next Monday and then open to the public the following Monday. I'll be a receptionist for an aerobics place part time. I'm glad it's not til Monday because I have a lot of plans this week and weekend!
Today I went back to the park with my friend Rachel for lunch. She loves to draw / paint / create art so I showed her some of mine from several years ago. Tonight - Zumba. Tomorrow night - dinner with girls from my Thur night bible study. Wed - bible study with my church. Thur - bible study with a different church. Fri - I'm going to Helen GA, a small town near the mountains, with my friend Rachel and her husband Nathan, and a few others. Fun! Saturday I'm going to a place in Atlanta that has some shops with some friends. Sunday I am going to a Halloween party at night with my friends from Thur night bible study! Monday, besides training, is Halloween and at my church there's Trunk R Treat which means people decorate their cars and then kids walk around with families to get candy from the cars. I will say later what I'm dressing up as - don't want to ruin the surprise. :-) (Uhhh, even though probably nobody reads this anyways.) It's sooooooo nice to have things to do recently instead of just sitting around my house like I have been the past few months.
Starting in January I'm going to start practicing my Swahili on Rosetta Stone so when I go back to Kenya in July I will know more! I'm excited about that! I also want to start drawing again more - my friend Rachel has inspiried me!
This weekend was my retreat to the GA mountains! Friday night after IHOP and Walmart, we treked up the mountain on a one way road in a 15 passenger bus. When turning onto the driveway, I didn't see there was a driveway there, I thought we were going off the road!! I feaked and thought I was going to die! Thankfully I am still alive. :-) The cabin was nice -3 floors, hot tub, back porch, front porch with swing, lake in the back, pool table. There were 9 of us who went. Saturday we went hiking / walking, went to the downtwn area to some little stores, had lunch, went to an apple barn place where I got mint chocolate fudge, and got stuff at Walmart to make dinner at the cabin. After dinner some people played Monopoly (not me), and others Scrabble (me!). We then played catch phrase (hallerious) and then the guys played pool while me and my friend Rachel talked. Both nights most of us went to bed at 2 AM, while I went to bed at 3 AM because I took a shower or stayed up talking to Rachel. Sunday we went to a nearby mountain with a short hike to an overlook where we looked at faraway cars that looked like ants and some of the guys went on some rocks past the place where you're supposed to go. I'm glad they didn't hurt themselves. We ate lunch on the way home.
We had devotionals throughout the weekend and watched a guy speak on a video from a conference, as well as sang some songs with one of the guys playing gutiar and the other a small drum (yeah, there's a name for it and I don't know what it is!). We had quiet times to ourselves. We also had about an hour and a half of freetime on Saturday where everybody did their own thing - fishing, drawing, playing gutiar, watching TV, playing computer games, swinging, taking pictures. It was fun to see how each of us went off to do our own thing that we enjoyed! I love me some alone time! Haha. It's ok if others are nearby, it's just nice to think and hear the silence. Is that an oxymoron? To hear the silence?
The first downtown store we went to on Saturday didn't have mint chocoalte fudge, but they had other fudge. I knew I wasn't going to buy any other fudge because that's not what I wanted. The others were confused, "Why aren't you buying fudge? You kept saying you wanted some." "Yes, but it's the wrong kind. If we go to another store later, maybe there will be some there and then I will regret getting the fudge here." I wasn't sure if the later store would have any, so I risked not getting any at all! But it was a risk I took. Later in the evening at the apple barn they DID have mint chocolate fudge! Along with being stoked, I told my friends Rachel and Nathan, "I feel like this is a metaphor for some things in life. I knew what I wanted and had to wait for it, even though I could have settled for less earlier. Sometimes you have to wait for the good stuff in life, even if you don't know when you'll get it or where."
I LOVE weekends like we just had. It's so nice to escape regular life for a while and explore and laugh a lot.
Yesterday after we got back from the retreat I went to the first meeting for my new job with all the others who will be working there (that could make the meeting). My nerves were calmed when I met some of the people - I think the unknown makes me nervous but once I know what's going on I'm better. We start training next Monday and then open to the public the following Monday. I'll be a receptionist for an aerobics place part time. I'm glad it's not til Monday because I have a lot of plans this week and weekend!
Today I went back to the park with my friend Rachel for lunch. She loves to draw / paint / create art so I showed her some of mine from several years ago. Tonight - Zumba. Tomorrow night - dinner with girls from my Thur night bible study. Wed - bible study with my church. Thur - bible study with a different church. Fri - I'm going to Helen GA, a small town near the mountains, with my friend Rachel and her husband Nathan, and a few others. Fun! Saturday I'm going to a place in Atlanta that has some shops with some friends. Sunday I am going to a Halloween party at night with my friends from Thur night bible study! Monday, besides training, is Halloween and at my church there's Trunk R Treat which means people decorate their cars and then kids walk around with families to get candy from the cars. I will say later what I'm dressing up as - don't want to ruin the surprise. :-) (Uhhh, even though probably nobody reads this anyways.) It's sooooooo nice to have things to do recently instead of just sitting around my house like I have been the past few months.
Starting in January I'm going to start practicing my Swahili on Rosetta Stone so when I go back to Kenya in July I will know more! I'm excited about that! I also want to start drawing again more - my friend Rachel has inspiried me!
Monday, October 17, 2011
October
I got this REALLY soft blanket at Khols and I'm excited about it. :-) Can't wait to take it on the retreat this weekend. I'm also really excited about the retreat this weekend, which I mentioned 2 posts ago, and some awesome people are going. :-) My last retreat was more of a learning one with speakers and stuff, this one is more of a fun/hang out one.
Hmm, let's see...
I had pink eye last week. What is up with that? I haven't had it since I was 7 that I remember! Thankfully it wasn't severe - went to Walgreens clinic right after I got up that morning and realized I had it. Had to wear my glasses for a week, but now it's better. Whew. I went to the dentist and then surgery people to confirm my wisdom teeth that need to come out and my surgery is scheduled for Nov 11. They say it shouldn't be too bad, but I'm nervous because of the pain and all the possible side affects.
Last Sunday afternoon was the church picnic with my home church. Last year it got rained out. It was good - got to talk to some people and watch the youth vs adults play kickball. It's weird that after going to the same place for picnics for as long as I can remember, that it changes so much. Not the actual scenery, but the people and what you do. In high school I always hung out with the youth group and got in the slimy river (with sandals on!) and had fun with all these people my age. But now I am older and just kind of hang out with all the adults. Still fun though, just different.
Today I had lunch with my friend Mel at the park. It was soooo nice out. We walked around a little and swung some too on the kid playground but the swings weren't tiny. Tonight I'm having dinner with a friend I made on the retreat a few weeks ago!
In other news, I have a part time job that starts next month! I will be a receptionist for a tae kwan do / aerobics place like 2 min from my house. I'm not sure of the details yet - it's not open yet either - and Sunday we are having a meeting with the owners (who go to my church) and the other people who will be receptionists. Hopefully it will be fun as well as some type of money coming in.
Well, that's it for now folks.
Hmm, let's see...
I had pink eye last week. What is up with that? I haven't had it since I was 7 that I remember! Thankfully it wasn't severe - went to Walgreens clinic right after I got up that morning and realized I had it. Had to wear my glasses for a week, but now it's better. Whew. I went to the dentist and then surgery people to confirm my wisdom teeth that need to come out and my surgery is scheduled for Nov 11. They say it shouldn't be too bad, but I'm nervous because of the pain and all the possible side affects.
Last Sunday afternoon was the church picnic with my home church. Last year it got rained out. It was good - got to talk to some people and watch the youth vs adults play kickball. It's weird that after going to the same place for picnics for as long as I can remember, that it changes so much. Not the actual scenery, but the people and what you do. In high school I always hung out with the youth group and got in the slimy river (with sandals on!) and had fun with all these people my age. But now I am older and just kind of hang out with all the adults. Still fun though, just different.
Today I had lunch with my friend Mel at the park. It was soooo nice out. We walked around a little and swung some too on the kid playground but the swings weren't tiny. Tonight I'm having dinner with a friend I made on the retreat a few weeks ago!
In other news, I have a part time job that starts next month! I will be a receptionist for a tae kwan do / aerobics place like 2 min from my house. I'm not sure of the details yet - it's not open yet either - and Sunday we are having a meeting with the owners (who go to my church) and the other people who will be receptionists. Hopefully it will be fun as well as some type of money coming in.
Well, that's it for now folks.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Your house is on fire
If I were to tell you that your house was on fire and you needed to get out, would you be mad at me? If it were the 2nd floor burning and you were on the first, watching your favorite TV show, would you still run out of the house? I hope so. Because you'd turn around and see the house on fire once you got out. But metaphorically speaking, some people just shrug at the alarming news and continue to enjoy their TV show. If I ran past you out of the house and didn't tell you the house was on fire, wouldn't you be pretty mad? I would if someone did that to me! So even if you are busy right with something else, take a minute to read this and let me explain. Because your house is on fire. Don't read the first paragraph and assume you know what I'm about to say and roll your eyes and stop reading.
Steve Jobs was a Buddhist. Which means he will not be in heaven. I can't imagine the scene where he stands before God and all Steve's brilliance and wealth on earth was not enough and he suddenly realizes that there was something more important in life that he missed. He did not have it all. The mark he left on the world may be a big one and it may last for decades, but essentially it is meaningless.
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." - 1 John 5:11-12
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way, the truth, the life. NO ONE comes to the Father except through me.'" -John 14:6
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." -Matthew 7:13-14
In a book that Francis Chan wrote called, "Erasing Hell," : "We have become dangerously comfortable - believers ooze with wealth and let their addictions to comfort and security numb the radical urgency of the gospel. What's encouraging is that there seems to be a growing number of American believers who recognize this and are making changes." "If my two-year-old son runs out into the street, is it unloving to warn him of the destruction coming in the form of a Chevy 4x4? Does anyone criticize the fireman for waking up a family to rescue them from a burning house?"
Does it all make sense? No. But did we create everything that exists? No. Does an ant understand that humans have houses, jobs, friends, families, feelings....no. All an ant cares about it getting food and building ant hills. We're like ants. We can build the biggest ant hill ever in mankind, but at the end of the day the rain will wash away the ant hill. And as much as the ants understand humans, that's as much as humans understand God. But the cool thing is, God LOVES us! He doesn't just want us to go to heaven some day, but He also wants us to experience love and joy and peace here on earth.
I've heard, "Well why would I want to love a God who sends people to hell?" God doesn't send them there, they chose to go there. He says, "I want YOU in heaven. But if you don't want to come, that's your choice." And not just God, but Jesus as well, because they're the same thing. Jesus is the reason we GO to heaven! Just believing in God but not Jesus is like saying to a friend, "Hey, I want to be friends with you, but only when you're happy, and only on Wednesdays. I don't really want to be your friend the other days of the week, and especially not if you're hurting / sad / mad / irritating." Some people just don't believe He's real but I'm here to tell you HE IS.
I think the hardest thing about all of this from a Christian's standpoint is that it hurts SO much to know people and love people who don't love God because they aren't going to heaven. It's hard to have a conversation and explain that without them being mad or upset or offended or running the other way. It's hard to express the importance of this, that it's not just going to church on Sundays and you're good to go. It's hard knowing that so many people have made up their mind and they are completely against changing their mind. And knowing that there's nothing I can do to change it. I can live it out, I can tell people, I can serve people...but sometimes people still don't care or don't believe or don't understand how important it is. Sometimes I don't know how to tell other people. Sometimes I try, and it just doesn't really do anything. Yes, sometimes I worry that someone will defriend me from facebook because they are tired of hearing me talk about God, or will never speak to me again. But for me to not say anything at all is so much worse. This is not about people liking me, this is about where you will spend the rest of eternity when you die. This is me loving you enough to tell you. I pray often for those I know who don't KNOW Jesus and love Him and follow Him. To believe He exists is not enough. I believe satan exists but I sure as heck don't follow him.
Our purpose on life isn't to make more money, to impress the world with our talents or ideas, or to live as happy of a life as possible. It's to get to know God, tell others about Him.
Steve Jobs was a Buddhist. Which means he will not be in heaven. I can't imagine the scene where he stands before God and all Steve's brilliance and wealth on earth was not enough and he suddenly realizes that there was something more important in life that he missed. He did not have it all. The mark he left on the world may be a big one and it may last for decades, but essentially it is meaningless.
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." - 1 John 5:11-12
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way, the truth, the life. NO ONE comes to the Father except through me.'" -John 14:6
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." -Matthew 7:13-14
In a book that Francis Chan wrote called, "Erasing Hell," : "We have become dangerously comfortable - believers ooze with wealth and let their addictions to comfort and security numb the radical urgency of the gospel. What's encouraging is that there seems to be a growing number of American believers who recognize this and are making changes." "If my two-year-old son runs out into the street, is it unloving to warn him of the destruction coming in the form of a Chevy 4x4? Does anyone criticize the fireman for waking up a family to rescue them from a burning house?"
Does it all make sense? No. But did we create everything that exists? No. Does an ant understand that humans have houses, jobs, friends, families, feelings....no. All an ant cares about it getting food and building ant hills. We're like ants. We can build the biggest ant hill ever in mankind, but at the end of the day the rain will wash away the ant hill. And as much as the ants understand humans, that's as much as humans understand God. But the cool thing is, God LOVES us! He doesn't just want us to go to heaven some day, but He also wants us to experience love and joy and peace here on earth.
I've heard, "Well why would I want to love a God who sends people to hell?" God doesn't send them there, they chose to go there. He says, "I want YOU in heaven. But if you don't want to come, that's your choice." And not just God, but Jesus as well, because they're the same thing. Jesus is the reason we GO to heaven! Just believing in God but not Jesus is like saying to a friend, "Hey, I want to be friends with you, but only when you're happy, and only on Wednesdays. I don't really want to be your friend the other days of the week, and especially not if you're hurting / sad / mad / irritating." Some people just don't believe He's real but I'm here to tell you HE IS.
I think the hardest thing about all of this from a Christian's standpoint is that it hurts SO much to know people and love people who don't love God because they aren't going to heaven. It's hard to have a conversation and explain that without them being mad or upset or offended or running the other way. It's hard to express the importance of this, that it's not just going to church on Sundays and you're good to go. It's hard knowing that so many people have made up their mind and they are completely against changing their mind. And knowing that there's nothing I can do to change it. I can live it out, I can tell people, I can serve people...but sometimes people still don't care or don't believe or don't understand how important it is. Sometimes I don't know how to tell other people. Sometimes I try, and it just doesn't really do anything. Yes, sometimes I worry that someone will defriend me from facebook because they are tired of hearing me talk about God, or will never speak to me again. But for me to not say anything at all is so much worse. This is not about people liking me, this is about where you will spend the rest of eternity when you die. This is me loving you enough to tell you. I pray often for those I know who don't KNOW Jesus and love Him and follow Him. To believe He exists is not enough. I believe satan exists but I sure as heck don't follow him.
Our purpose on life isn't to make more money, to impress the world with our talents or ideas, or to live as happy of a life as possible. It's to get to know God, tell others about Him.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Fall! Yes, the season, not the action.
Ah! I have a wisdom tooth coming in! Does this signify
that I am a full adult? As one of the girls I baby-sit used to ask, "Are
you a kid adult?" "Yes." I replied at 21 years old. This meant I
could still jump on the trampoline with them. A kid adult seemed to be a
fantastic name for the 18-21 age group. Legally adults, but really just big
kids with freedom and their own money (if they work). Anyways, tomorrow I go
for x-rays to see if they'll need to take them out. :-( NERVOUS! Also, there
goes my recent baby-sitting money!
I'm super excited for the young adults’ retreat I'm going on Oct 21-23 because we're going to a cabin in the mountains by a lake with a hot tub. 12 of us are going. We'll play games, watch movies, go hiking, go to stores where we don't really buy anything, and hopefully I will get mint chocolate fudge. Because I LOVE LOVE LOVE mint chocolate fudge and can only find it in touristy places or order it online. Some of my great friends are going on this weekend retreat also which makes it even more enjoyable. It's a weekend that there is always so much laughter that you can't breathe, your stomach hurts, and tears roll down your cheeks. Also we have singing, devotions, quiet times. It's probably one of my favorite things each year, even with different people going each year.
There’s a new facebook layout coming out on Sunday called Facebook Timeline. Long story short, you’re able to view all your past things EVER posted with a much easier click of the button. You can click on any year and scroll to find certain pictures or events. I found a way to get it early and in this I began tagging where pictures were taken and it shows little pins on a map. It was fun to see where I’d been. This DID take hours upon hours and I doubt anyone is as ocd as me to go through all their thousands of pictures to do the same. However, this trip down memory lane was interesting. I thought how young some people looked! And how there were so many good memories, along with so many I wish to forget.
After I get married, I want to go on a cruise. Why after I marry? Because nobody my age has money or time to go now. Or they just don’t go. I don’t know. I want to go to the beach, and Savannah Georgia, and a cruise, and I’m willing to save up money to go, but others don’t. And I admit I get really frustrated with that. But I guess I’d rather do that with somebody I’m married to anyways right? And beyond that I want to travel to other countries. I wouldn’t mind living in a really small house if that meant we could go cool places. Oh, and this for sure includes Disney World and Islands of Adventure again. :-) And Hawaii. And New York. I mean it’s only like $200 for a plane ticket to NY! That’s not too bad! $450 or so to Washington state! Those numbers seem so low to me because the plane ticket to Kenya costs around $2,500 though. Anything below that just sounds WAY cheaper.
Random side note – this one youtube video I did where I sang, “Someone Like You” by Adele 3 months ago, started getting around 1,000 hits a day in the past month, so it’s up to 32,000 views! Wow! I mean think about 1,000 people viewing it every day – that’s a lot! I always delete the mean comments because DANG some people are mean! What possesses people to say such things about the way people look or sing? Geez. Anyways, it’s been interesting to see the views shoot up when generally my few other videos that got the most hits maybe got 1,000 total.
I would like to take a moment to say that I am SO ridiculously thankful for the people who are in my life right now. For 4 years in college I had a few friends here and there during my classes, but only IN class, rarely outside of class. I went to an amazing girls’ bible study my freshman and sophomore year of college, but when we stopped and went into different majors the only way I kept in touch was through facebook. I only had a few close friends, and often they were too busy, or I was busy as well and our schedules didn’t match up. I prayed so hard for true and deep friends. I prayed for 4 years and was angry that God just gave me a bunch of surface level friends. I kept praying. Last summer God finally answered my prayers. When I began at a new bible study through Northstar, although a lot of people have come and gone over the past year, there are several who I treasure so much and seeing them every week means to much to me. In my last year of college, this time last year I had 4 classes and all 4 with the same women, all of us about to become certified teachers. They were awesome. When student teaching started, I worked with great teachers who were there for me. I knew that they were there for me. With a few people at my home church that went to Kenya I’ve made a point to keep in touch with them better, and also some at my current church. Some awesome people have made a point to get together with me on a regular basis. The young adults’ group at my church has slowly grown and those new friends over the past year have also encouraged me and filled my empty days with laughter. As I now step back and look at who is around me, I am SO blessed. I don’t know why I went 4 years with little to no friends, but He has now given me amazing people of all ages. I pray and thank God for them often.
I'm super excited for the young adults’ retreat I'm going on Oct 21-23 because we're going to a cabin in the mountains by a lake with a hot tub. 12 of us are going. We'll play games, watch movies, go hiking, go to stores where we don't really buy anything, and hopefully I will get mint chocolate fudge. Because I LOVE LOVE LOVE mint chocolate fudge and can only find it in touristy places or order it online. Some of my great friends are going on this weekend retreat also which makes it even more enjoyable. It's a weekend that there is always so much laughter that you can't breathe, your stomach hurts, and tears roll down your cheeks. Also we have singing, devotions, quiet times. It's probably one of my favorite things each year, even with different people going each year.
There’s a new facebook layout coming out on Sunday called Facebook Timeline. Long story short, you’re able to view all your past things EVER posted with a much easier click of the button. You can click on any year and scroll to find certain pictures or events. I found a way to get it early and in this I began tagging where pictures were taken and it shows little pins on a map. It was fun to see where I’d been. This DID take hours upon hours and I doubt anyone is as ocd as me to go through all their thousands of pictures to do the same. However, this trip down memory lane was interesting. I thought how young some people looked! And how there were so many good memories, along with so many I wish to forget.
After I get married, I want to go on a cruise. Why after I marry? Because nobody my age has money or time to go now. Or they just don’t go. I don’t know. I want to go to the beach, and Savannah Georgia, and a cruise, and I’m willing to save up money to go, but others don’t. And I admit I get really frustrated with that. But I guess I’d rather do that with somebody I’m married to anyways right? And beyond that I want to travel to other countries. I wouldn’t mind living in a really small house if that meant we could go cool places. Oh, and this for sure includes Disney World and Islands of Adventure again. :-) And Hawaii. And New York. I mean it’s only like $200 for a plane ticket to NY! That’s not too bad! $450 or so to Washington state! Those numbers seem so low to me because the plane ticket to Kenya costs around $2,500 though. Anything below that just sounds WAY cheaper.
Random side note – this one youtube video I did where I sang, “Someone Like You” by Adele 3 months ago, started getting around 1,000 hits a day in the past month, so it’s up to 32,000 views! Wow! I mean think about 1,000 people viewing it every day – that’s a lot! I always delete the mean comments because DANG some people are mean! What possesses people to say such things about the way people look or sing? Geez. Anyways, it’s been interesting to see the views shoot up when generally my few other videos that got the most hits maybe got 1,000 total.
I would like to take a moment to say that I am SO ridiculously thankful for the people who are in my life right now. For 4 years in college I had a few friends here and there during my classes, but only IN class, rarely outside of class. I went to an amazing girls’ bible study my freshman and sophomore year of college, but when we stopped and went into different majors the only way I kept in touch was through facebook. I only had a few close friends, and often they were too busy, or I was busy as well and our schedules didn’t match up. I prayed so hard for true and deep friends. I prayed for 4 years and was angry that God just gave me a bunch of surface level friends. I kept praying. Last summer God finally answered my prayers. When I began at a new bible study through Northstar, although a lot of people have come and gone over the past year, there are several who I treasure so much and seeing them every week means to much to me. In my last year of college, this time last year I had 4 classes and all 4 with the same women, all of us about to become certified teachers. They were awesome. When student teaching started, I worked with great teachers who were there for me. I knew that they were there for me. With a few people at my home church that went to Kenya I’ve made a point to keep in touch with them better, and also some at my current church. Some awesome people have made a point to get together with me on a regular basis. The young adults’ group at my church has slowly grown and those new friends over the past year have also encouraged me and filled my empty days with laughter. As I now step back and look at who is around me, I am SO blessed. I don’t know why I went 4 years with little to no friends, but He has now given me amazing people of all ages. I pray and thank God for them often.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Things God has shown me lately
This past weekend was my retreat! It was great. I was by far the youngest, but that was ok because everybody was so nice, loving, encouraging, etc. I met women from all walks of life with all different life stories. There were a few people I met that I immediately clicked with - just the kind of people you like the minute you meet them and wish you could see them every day of your life. :-) Someone said to me, "You are young, beautiful, and smart. Oh to be young, beautiful, and smart again! Guess I'll just settle for beautiful and smart." :-)
While on the retreat there were specific times for breaks to use the bathroom, just so that it didn't interrupt speakers and stuff going on, and you never realize how often you go to the bathroom until you only try to go at specific times! One time I had to go but I didn't want to interrupt a speaker so I just about died while waiting, and then stopped drinking as much. Ha.
One of the things I got out of the weekend was from a story I'd heard many times, but it hit me in a different way this time. One of the pastors talked about the story were Mary and Martha called for Jesus to come who was in a nearby town, because Lazarus was sick. But Jesus purposely waited until he died to go there. When Jesus arrived Martha said, "If you had been here, my brother would not have died." She had called for him to come and he didn't. And she was upset that he could have come and didn't. But Jesus didn't just want to heal Lazarus, he wanted to raise him from the dead and he told the disciples, "So then he told them plainly, 'Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.'" He didn't want to just "fix" a situation, he wanted to show that he could do so much better than that. The pastor said how we pray for things and God doesn't come, doesn't show up, doesn't answer our prayer, and we see it as a dead situation, but that God could be waiting for the moment to step in and do something so much bigger than what we're asking for to show that He can do better. That was one of the talks that was important to me because of so many unanswered prayers or "no" that God has given me.
We talked about forgiveness and the story about how a master forgave the debt of a servant who owed like a million dollars that he could not possible pay back in his life, and then that man went to another man and demanded him to pay back something small like ten dollars and when he couldn't, he was thrown in jail. The master found out and was so upset. We are the one who owes Jesus so much debt because of all our sins, yet he let us go FREE! And then when we can't forgive someone else, it's a tiny amount comparatively. Also, the pastor said how we feel like we've forgiven someone, but then later we think about it again or hurt by it again and think that means we didn't really forgive them. But that's not true. It happened, so the thoughts may still come back sometimes, and it can still hurt. But it is what you do to act upon that thought. If you allow it to ruin your day, continue to dwell on it over and over, wish ill on someone else, etc. then that is when you haven't really forgiven them.
One talk was about the difference between just reading the bible and actually studying it. Studying it is so important. I think a majority of the time I just read it instead of studying it. When you study it, you need other resources such as books that help give background information on the story or times / traditions, reference books, devotional books, other translations, etc. and you write about it, ask questions about it, and more. It is less about how much you read and more about what you learn from it. It is a practice I'd really like to do more.
In my 10 weeks of no work, I feel as if I've still not been wise with my time. Someone in my small group at bible study tonight has a job she's not thrilled with and wants a career / full time job, as I am looking for one too, and she said, "I feel as if I'm not doing well with the little that I have, so why would God give me more? I want to prioritize better and do better with my time and money." Ah, me too! God's given me a precious gift that most people want: time. Time to do whatever He asks me without hindrance of a job, a husband, kids, or anything like that. Yet I haven't had many quiet times, studied the bible, or served. I feel at a loss of where to serve. I feel at a loss of what exactly to do with my time.
Monday night I couldn't sleep and I thought of a friend who needed prayer. I started praying, and it's been a long time since I prayed that hard. I was no where near sleep, so I prayed fervently for 30 minutes for this person. I prayed big. I didn't just pray for things to "work out" or for things to get better "over time" - I prayed for God to use His power to change the situation immediately. Maybe I don't pray enough for that. Maybe I don't have enough faith because I'm afraid if I pray for the big things and God doesn't answer that it will be as if He let me down, whereas if I pray for the smaller things that could potentially happen without God's power in the situation, that I won't feel let down or discouraged. But I stepped out and prayed hard. I must admit - I wanted it to be something that God literally did RIGHT THEN. As if I would hear from the person the next day that things were completely changed and they felt it happen right then as if they were shocked by static. But there was no big thing. I'm still praying and trusting God has a hand in it, and I am still praying for bigger works than just something mere humans can do.
While on the retreat there were specific times for breaks to use the bathroom, just so that it didn't interrupt speakers and stuff going on, and you never realize how often you go to the bathroom until you only try to go at specific times! One time I had to go but I didn't want to interrupt a speaker so I just about died while waiting, and then stopped drinking as much. Ha.
One of the things I got out of the weekend was from a story I'd heard many times, but it hit me in a different way this time. One of the pastors talked about the story were Mary and Martha called for Jesus to come who was in a nearby town, because Lazarus was sick. But Jesus purposely waited until he died to go there. When Jesus arrived Martha said, "If you had been here, my brother would not have died." She had called for him to come and he didn't. And she was upset that he could have come and didn't. But Jesus didn't just want to heal Lazarus, he wanted to raise him from the dead and he told the disciples, "So then he told them plainly, 'Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.'" He didn't want to just "fix" a situation, he wanted to show that he could do so much better than that. The pastor said how we pray for things and God doesn't come, doesn't show up, doesn't answer our prayer, and we see it as a dead situation, but that God could be waiting for the moment to step in and do something so much bigger than what we're asking for to show that He can do better. That was one of the talks that was important to me because of so many unanswered prayers or "no" that God has given me.
We talked about forgiveness and the story about how a master forgave the debt of a servant who owed like a million dollars that he could not possible pay back in his life, and then that man went to another man and demanded him to pay back something small like ten dollars and when he couldn't, he was thrown in jail. The master found out and was so upset. We are the one who owes Jesus so much debt because of all our sins, yet he let us go FREE! And then when we can't forgive someone else, it's a tiny amount comparatively. Also, the pastor said how we feel like we've forgiven someone, but then later we think about it again or hurt by it again and think that means we didn't really forgive them. But that's not true. It happened, so the thoughts may still come back sometimes, and it can still hurt. But it is what you do to act upon that thought. If you allow it to ruin your day, continue to dwell on it over and over, wish ill on someone else, etc. then that is when you haven't really forgiven them.
One talk was about the difference between just reading the bible and actually studying it. Studying it is so important. I think a majority of the time I just read it instead of studying it. When you study it, you need other resources such as books that help give background information on the story or times / traditions, reference books, devotional books, other translations, etc. and you write about it, ask questions about it, and more. It is less about how much you read and more about what you learn from it. It is a practice I'd really like to do more.
In my 10 weeks of no work, I feel as if I've still not been wise with my time. Someone in my small group at bible study tonight has a job she's not thrilled with and wants a career / full time job, as I am looking for one too, and she said, "I feel as if I'm not doing well with the little that I have, so why would God give me more? I want to prioritize better and do better with my time and money." Ah, me too! God's given me a precious gift that most people want: time. Time to do whatever He asks me without hindrance of a job, a husband, kids, or anything like that. Yet I haven't had many quiet times, studied the bible, or served. I feel at a loss of where to serve. I feel at a loss of what exactly to do with my time.
Monday night I couldn't sleep and I thought of a friend who needed prayer. I started praying, and it's been a long time since I prayed that hard. I was no where near sleep, so I prayed fervently for 30 minutes for this person. I prayed big. I didn't just pray for things to "work out" or for things to get better "over time" - I prayed for God to use His power to change the situation immediately. Maybe I don't pray enough for that. Maybe I don't have enough faith because I'm afraid if I pray for the big things and God doesn't answer that it will be as if He let me down, whereas if I pray for the smaller things that could potentially happen without God's power in the situation, that I won't feel let down or discouraged. But I stepped out and prayed hard. I must admit - I wanted it to be something that God literally did RIGHT THEN. As if I would hear from the person the next day that things were completely changed and they felt it happen right then as if they were shocked by static. But there was no big thing. I'm still praying and trusting God has a hand in it, and I am still praying for bigger works than just something mere humans can do.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Facebook, letters, retreat, Pinterest
Have you ever felt comfort by ridiculous things? Sometimes I don't even realize it until I pause to think about it. For example: sometimes I turn on my facebook chat even when I don't really expect to chat with anyone simply becasue it's nice to see other people on there, as if they're kind of "there" if I needed them. And sometimes when someone logs off and the little green dot goes away, it's kind of sad. Like they were there and now they're not.
If you've ever sat and waited for the phone to ring, for a certain person to call you, you know that it's worse when you see that person is on chat, and you hope they IM with you but you don't say anything because you don't want to get on their nerves, and maybe they're just on their phone and not on the computer so they can't see your message. (Wow, that was a really long sentence.) It's like watching water boil though, so I don't just sit there, I surf facebook, youtube, e-mails, and whatever else I'm doing.
On another subject.... I cleaned my room today, as much as I could, and I keep a lot of stuff that has memories behind it. Letters from people since I was 9 (only the important ones or funny ones like middle school notes I wrote with friends), a sea shell from a friend in Kenya, pictures that I print off to put in albums, journals I've written, a stuffed teddy bear from Build-A-Bear my senior yr in high school where a big group of my friends drew names and made a bear for the other person, etc.
My dad said that I won't want all those letters when I'm older and I said, "You don't know! You're not a girl!" Haha. My grandma was saying the other day how nobody writes letters anymore since there's e-mail and faceook. I agree to some degree. I used to write letters ALL THE TIME to everybody. Sometimes people wrote back and I cherished them, but a lot of people didn't take the time to write back and mail it or give it to me. With e-mail it's faster and easier. You can also store years of e-mails or facebook messages all in one place and search for a particular thing through the search bar. But, as I told my mom, it would be nice if whenever I date someone we actually wrote letters to each other. I think it's sweet.
Over time a kindle will replace books (I'm beginning to like it more and more as the physcial books pile up around my room) just as e-mails have replaced letters. My actual books collect dust. They are pretty and colorful in my room though.
I'm going on a retreat from tomorrow afternoon (Thursday) through Sunday afternoon/ evening. I'm looking forward to it! I won't have acess to the internet or phone. I think it will be a great weekend; just a little nervous because I don't think I'll know anyone else there.
Um, Pinterest?! Fantastic idea. Love it. Except when it keeps me up late at night and distracted. :-) Not many guys are on there, but I HAVE seen a few! I typed in random guy names in the people search bar to see if there were any, and yeah, there's a bunch. But I still think it's a website dominated by women.
Well.... speaking of being distracted.... I'm supposed to be packing. So I guess I'll get to it since it's 12:45 AM and I have to get up at 7:45 AM! Bah! (Baby-sitting tomorrow.)
If you've ever sat and waited for the phone to ring, for a certain person to call you, you know that it's worse when you see that person is on chat, and you hope they IM with you but you don't say anything because you don't want to get on their nerves, and maybe they're just on their phone and not on the computer so they can't see your message. (Wow, that was a really long sentence.) It's like watching water boil though, so I don't just sit there, I surf facebook, youtube, e-mails, and whatever else I'm doing.
On another subject.... I cleaned my room today, as much as I could, and I keep a lot of stuff that has memories behind it. Letters from people since I was 9 (only the important ones or funny ones like middle school notes I wrote with friends), a sea shell from a friend in Kenya, pictures that I print off to put in albums, journals I've written, a stuffed teddy bear from Build-A-Bear my senior yr in high school where a big group of my friends drew names and made a bear for the other person, etc.
My dad said that I won't want all those letters when I'm older and I said, "You don't know! You're not a girl!" Haha. My grandma was saying the other day how nobody writes letters anymore since there's e-mail and faceook. I agree to some degree. I used to write letters ALL THE TIME to everybody. Sometimes people wrote back and I cherished them, but a lot of people didn't take the time to write back and mail it or give it to me. With e-mail it's faster and easier. You can also store years of e-mails or facebook messages all in one place and search for a particular thing through the search bar. But, as I told my mom, it would be nice if whenever I date someone we actually wrote letters to each other. I think it's sweet.
Over time a kindle will replace books (I'm beginning to like it more and more as the physcial books pile up around my room) just as e-mails have replaced letters. My actual books collect dust. They are pretty and colorful in my room though.
I'm going on a retreat from tomorrow afternoon (Thursday) through Sunday afternoon/ evening. I'm looking forward to it! I won't have acess to the internet or phone. I think it will be a great weekend; just a little nervous because I don't think I'll know anyone else there.
Um, Pinterest?! Fantastic idea. Love it. Except when it keeps me up late at night and distracted. :-) Not many guys are on there, but I HAVE seen a few! I typed in random guy names in the people search bar to see if there were any, and yeah, there's a bunch. But I still think it's a website dominated by women.
Well.... speaking of being distracted.... I'm supposed to be packing. So I guess I'll get to it since it's 12:45 AM and I have to get up at 7:45 AM! Bah! (Baby-sitting tomorrow.)
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