It comes in waves.....the amounts of homework and along with it my motiviation..... Sometimes I'm so on top of things and I'm like "yeah! what now! take that homework!!" and other times it piles up and I procrastinate and stress. You'd think after the million years I've spent in school that I would figure out how to get in that "zone" where I can do a lot of homework at once, but I still haven't figured it out.
Sometimes you don't realize something about yourself until someone else points it out and then you say, "Oh. Yeah, that's true." For example, my mom pointed out not that long ago that I often get this "I have to do this RIGHT NOW!!" motatlity. Like for random things. If I need something at the store and I keep forgetting, if I have a time where I need to do it, I go right then instead of waiting until I'm out doing something else, no matter what time it is. If someone asks me to do a favor, I want to do it right then. If I really want to talk to someone, I call them or e-mail them right then. I often have this urgency about me - not a stressfull urgency, just this feeling that I want to do things right now and not put it off to later. EXCEPT homework which is funny. I think part of this urgency also plays into my persistance. I am incredibly persistant sometimes. Which can be good at times, and bad/annoying other times!!
I'm in a 2nd grade class this semester for field experience. It's different than the other classes I've been in because it's an inclusion class, meaning that 10 out of 21 of the students are special needs. Most are not severe, but have ADHD, ADD, learning disabilities, and are developmentally delayed.
A funny thing though - one girl came up and read her story she wrote using the spelling words for the week, and she paused when she told us the characters were having tea. "Tea - not TNT, because that's an explosive, but tea that you drink, like with river water." Hahaha, it was really funny. One thing I plan on doing when I am a teacher is keeping a book of some sort of all the funny things kids say/do over the years. It will be fun to keep track of. As well as pictures and letters kids give me.
It's been 3 weeks since I deleted my facebook. It all comes back when I log back in again. I'm mostly amazed I've been able to do it! But several things have pushed me towards it, with a big thing being that I can hardly get all my homework done as it is, and throwing in hours of facebook a week does NOT HELP! I mean even at an hour a day (either in 1 stiting or in several) is 7 hours a week! Which is a lot of homework time! Or even something like reading a book. Of course I have some other distractions I'm trying to weed out, but I think there will ALWAYS be distractions in life, especially when there's something you don't want to do!
Not being on facebook has made me realize that I used to e-mail people all the time to catch up and don't anymore. And yet seeing them on facebook doesn't really tell me much of what is going on with them. I miss the days of long e-mails between friends where you keep up with each other and what's going on in life! I've e-mailed several people in the past 3 weeks like my cousins, church friends, etc. and even though e-mails are not as personal as face to face, it's still more personal than facebook. And I think more fun and more meaningful. Backtrack even further - I used to write letters ALL the time. And now I only write letters once in a blue moon. Sometimes at Christmas for people, but hardly anybody. I used to keep all my letters in shoeboxes (still have them), but people just don't send them much anymore.
I've been in prayer about some things lately. More in listening though. After years of praying about it, God knows what's up and where my heart is in it. And maybe I haven't listened enough. Maybe even if I don't hear anything specifically, maybe just sitting in His presence will give me peace. Maybe if my desires are not in line with His, that sitting in silence and with Him will change that. There's something I prayed for that I thought God said yes to many years ago, I was SO SURE He said yes, but nothing has changed, nothing has come about as a result of that. Now I'm not sure if I heard wrong or if it's just the wrong time. For the past few weeks I've sat in silence for about 15-20 minutes each night. I feel the need to keep this up until I feel at peace with the situation or something changes in the situation, or when the "yes" I thought He said comes about. But oh it is hard. I feel the need to pray about it again, or convince God that it's really what I want as if I'm a child in a toy store asking over and over and over. Or that even when I say, "Your will be done" my heart still says, "but I want it to go this way...." Sometimes I get mad because I want a clear cut answer. And if it really was yes as I really thought it was before, then I want a time frame. And if none of those are "good for me to know" then I at least want peace about it and not so much hurting and confusion.
I can't hear Him through the noise that my life has. Not only the physical noise - people, music, cars, TV - but also the "noise" in a sense that my mind is always occupied and I am usually busy. Even in my quiet times with God they tend to be full of me doing something, like reading the bible and praying, but not much pause for listening.
Exodus 14:14 - The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Psalm 46:10- "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
1 Kings 19:11-12 The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
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