2012

I am a sentimental person. I enjoy the end of the year because I like to look back on what happened the past year. I keep lists all year just so I can look back on them at the end of the year.

I turned 24. I went to Slovakia and stopped for a day in London and Prague on the way. I switched churches. I started helping with 9th and 10th grade girls at Northstar. I started learning how to shoot and edit videos at Northstar. I went on youth retreats. I went on a trip to the beach with friends. I went a hundred other places with friends for the first time and for the 100th time. I read 18 books. I went to several weddings and was a bridesmaid in a wedding. I went to Washington for a week to visit my awesome extended family. I made new friends.

My Firsts in 2012

-Went to Canvas N' Color to paint
-Tried lots of new food and coffee from Starbucks
-Went to Slovakia
-Learned some Slovak
-First time being a bridesmaid, and it was in my good friend's wedding
-Read the Harry Potter books
-Went to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens
-Went to Land of A Thousand Hills in Atlanta
-Saw London
-Saw Prague
-Rode in a double decker bus in London
-Rode on subways and trains
-Went to Piedmont Park in Atlanta
-Went to the beach with friends
-Went to Sharptop, a retreat place
-Took pictures for a youth retreat (at Sharptop) and I was the main photographer for the whole camp that weekend
-Went to Winshape for a youth retreat
-Went to the Puallup Fair in Washington
-Went to a bunch of new places in Washington while visiting family
-Shot some video and edited some video at Northstar church, learning Adobe After Affects
-Went to Sky Zone where we jumped on a bunch of trampolines!!

 

Thankful

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I am thankful for seeing friends and people I know while I'm at work. Sometimes it's just briefly through drivethru, and other times it's as they sit in the cafe area. I'm thankful for some of the people I work with because some work hard, do their job well, I like talking to them, they make me laugh, and I make them laugh. I'm thankful none of my shift leaders are mean / bossy. I'm thankful I get free Starbucks every single day. I'm thankful I have a job because the four months of not having a job before I got this job was ROUGH. I'm thankful that I get a 10 minute break every two hours with a 30 minute break after four hours so that I can eat, check facebook, and twitter. I'm thankful that I have Thursdays off for bible study, and Sundays for church. I'm thankful I work nights so I don't have to get up early. I also like working nights so I can help out at church with the videos/editing, and can get lunch with people sometimes. I'm thankful I can leave my work at work and not have things to do at home like grade papers or write lesson plans.

This is not it.

After being at Starbucks a year, I still can't remember what date things expire, so when I put a sticker on things I usually have to ask. Every single thing has a date sticker on it. It's complicated. But other people can remember, why can't I? I still can't remember drinks when people tell me through the headest unless I'm standing at the computer pushing the buttons. If I'm forced to answer when I'm doing something else, like making a drink, because other people are speaking to customers or in the bathroom or something, I totally forget what the person said unless it's super easy. I can't taste the difference between coffees, so when a customer asks, I can't help them I have to have another coworker explain it to them. Those are just a few things amongst many. Most days I am ok, but some days when people point it out, "Why don't you know this by now?" or "Ugh, you don't know what they JUST said??" then I get frustrated with myself. Sometimes even when they joke about something like, "Jennifer, you should remember her drink she comes through every day, come on now," it still hurts my feelings because I know it's true. It's a truth thrown into a joke.

I strive for not only being good at everything I do, but going above and beyond and exceeding at everything I do. Even if it takes me a while to learn things, I work hard to get to a good place with something. And then push on. When I took piano lessons from the ages of 7-14, by the time I was 14 I had learned enough to learn more on my own without lessons, play for high school chorus concerts, play in church, and write my own music. As soon as I could, in early college, I taught elementary age kids piano for a bit, got paid to play for my high school chorus concerts for a year, and played for a wedding, the whole nine yards. Although I have let piano fall to the wayside, it has always something I have wanted to be the best at, and if I came across someone better than me I went out and got their music and learned it. It wasn't necessariliy for attention, but it is just something I've felt as long as I remember.

As far as singing, I sang in the school talent shows, sang the National Anthem for four years for graduations at my highs school (once in a trio), went to competitions in a trio, got into All State chorus two years where I got picked to go to Savannah Georgia and learn and preform which was really hard to get into, I took two chorus classes my senior year so that I could help teach the freshman class, and sang on the adult praise team at my church from 13-19. I got Most Talented for Senior Suppurlative.

I don't say all that to be like, "I'm super cool guys." I say that to contrast my drive to be the best at what I do with feeling like a failure at my job that I try so hard at and don't get better at. And those are only two examples in part of my childhood to high school, not including things in college and since college. This job is something where I feel like I will never be good at and trying is useless. I'm stuck at the same level of being good at it while others pass me by. It's not about me trying harder. It's that I am bad at it. My brain (and my tounge) just do not function in the way that it's supposed to for this job. And that makes me so mad.

So when my coworkers make comments, I don't let it show how much it hurts. I don't let them know and I don't throw pitty parties every day. I don't let them bring me down. I try not to think about it. I try to think about other things than actually being at work and some days I just mentally check out. I honestly feel "trapped" in my work because I just want something else and feel like I am never getting out. I like some of the people I work with, my boss is cool (but still human and messes up and makes me mad sometimes), I like the free coffee every day, and some days it is smooth and painless. It's not the worst job I've ever had by any means. But man, this is just not cutting it for me. This is not it.

God intended it all for good

I've noticed some big themes in Genesis. I finished Genesis and put the stories into two main categories. While not every single story fit in one of the categories, and some fit in both, a lot of them are on the list.

I put out beside it what the product/outcome of the jealousy was.

Jealousy
-satan jealous of God = Hell
-Adam and Eve jealous of God's wisdom and knowledge = Sin enters the world / the fall
-Cain jealous that Abel's offering was accepted /right = Death/murder
-Sarah jealous of Hagar having a child with Abraham even though it was Sarah's idea = Lonliness for Hagar, fighting, anger
-Jacob jealous of Easu's birthright and blessing = Deception, lies
-Rachel jealous of her sister Leah because Leah could have kids = Sadness, emptiness, wrong place of identity
-Leah jealous of Rachel because their husband loved Rachel the most = Sadness, emptiness, wrong place of identity
-Joseph's brothers jealous because Joseph had dreams of being in power and he was their father's favorite child = Almost death, sold to slavery, guilt, their father was sad

Amongst the chaos of their jealousy spurring them on to sin, God could still make good things happen and bless people despite their failures. He still gave Sarah a child of her own, He still protected Jacob through his running away after stealing the birthright, He gave Rachel kids eventually, and He made Joseph successful even in jail and as a slave, and ultimately the "bad" done to him was used to save all of the land from a severe famine. Genesis 39:21 and 23, "But the Lord was with Joseph in prison and showed him His faithful love.... The Lord was with him and caused everthing he did to succeed."

Genesis 50:20, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." I LOVE that verse. It shows that no matter how many "detours" we seem to have or dead ends we hit, God can still keep you going until you reach the right destination and have it bring glory to Him in the process!

In those stories they acted upon their jealousy. They disobeyed God, killed, slept with other people, tricked people, and sold Joseph into slavery. Had they not acted upon it and just prayed and put their thoughts back on God, things would have been much better.

Long Waiting / Trusting God's Promises
-Noah and the flood and building the ark = Life
-Abraham waiting for a son = Joy and many descendents
-Abraham trusting God when He asked Abraham to sacrifice His son but then stopped him = Trust, love, faith
-God telling Jacob He would protect him = Protection and victory
-Joseph's dreams from God saying he would some day rule and be in power = Power, learns humility, saves lives

Give it to me.

Sunday afternoon I took my reading the bible time to Starbucks. I normally do it at home, but it's ok to switch it up sometimes. However, the annoying starbucks music got on my nerves so I put my headphones in, which was not actually "quiet" time... so yeah... Not going to do that a ton.

Genesis 22 - I'm familiar with the story of God asking Abraham to give his son up as an offering and what a difficult thing that was! I can't even imagine that kind of pain that Abraham must have felt in thinking, "God, you GAVE me this after TWENTY FIVE years of waiting! What is going on here?!" Was Abraham's love for his son an idol though, was Isaac #1 in his life instead of God? Or maybe not, maybe God just wanted to strengthen Abraham's trust and faith in God.

I sat and thought, what do I love the most in my life? Does anything threaten to take over the number one spot in my life? A short list came to mind. I then thought, what does it look like to "sacrifice" something in my case? Giving something up 100% or just cutting back? And as I narrowed it down... I'm going to be vague here... the most thing in my life that I felt fit the similar situation of Abraham loving his son, I asked, "God, am I way off here? Or are you asking me to give this up? And what if you don't give it back?" I wrote it down. I literally wrote the questions down to God. And let's all take a moment to laugh out loud when later that night God said, "Yep. You're right on," and things fell into place to where I had to give it up, as in God stepped in and made that decision for me and gave me no other option.

With that only being one of many reasons God said, "Nope. Give it to me," and with me logically agreeing and understanding, I still mentally stopped in my tracks. I didn't read my bible or write or anything from Sunday night until tonight. After dinner with the family for Thanksgiving, I sat in my room, about to turn my computer on, but not. I just sat. I said, "God, give me the motiviation to read the bible and pray and write. I know it needs to be done." I kept sitting for a while, wanting to just take a nap instead, but I finally wrote in my journal and floodgates opened. I processed. I prayed. I not only continued on from where I am in Genesis but also searched through other keywords on biblegateway.com. I'll just list three of them.

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"'The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!'

In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God."

-Job 1:21-22

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." - Romans 8:26-28

 

I'm thankfkul God knows what's best for not only me but others as well. I'm thankful that He continues to love and forgive me through my failures. I'm thankful He writes a more beautiful story for my life that I could. I'm thankful He gives me some insight into His plans or reasoning sometimes instead of leaving me in the dark. I'm thankful He brings amazing people into my life to encourage me and pour love into me even when I don't tell them what's wrong and they're ok when I just say, "Just pray for me to have joy and peace," without having to give details.

 

Continuing on in Genesis, once I've started paying attention to how many times they build alatars or name rocks after a time God did something for them or spoke to them, I'm amazed at how MUCH they did that! I was talking to a friend about it last week at lunch and she said she thought about the same thing. Perhaps it's something different for everyone now, where you do something to remind yourself of a time that God answered prayer or moved in your life or whatever. She suggested drawing something, and keeping the drawings to look back through. But we both agreed we don't draw much or that well. I joked that we should find an empty field and just put a ton of rocks in it and then go write on them as we want to. :-) So, still praying about a way for me that represents that.

Not listening

Me: God, I'm not hearing you. God: You're not listening. You've got 50,000 other things in the way. What if you took an hour a day to pray? To sit in silence and focus on me? To pray for not only your friends and those you love, but also those who frustrate you and those you aren't really friends with? And then what if you spent 30 minutes in the Bible every day? What more would you learn about me?

At this season of my life, it may be when I have the most free time I will ever have until I'm retired or something! Eventually I will have a full time career / job (although I work 38 hours a week right now). I will get married and have kids. I will be so busy. And right now I have a lot of free time. I found ways to serve in the church and with other people, but as far as continuing to grow in my relationship with God I'm somewhat slacking. I've been reading the bible, but not every night as planned. Why? Because facebook, twitter, spotify, tv, sleeping, and reading has taken over. Not drugs, smoking, sex, alcohol. No, not crazy partying or causing problems. Just simple entertainment after work to wind down or chill out. But that has always, my entire life, been what slowly gets in the way of God being first, along with friends /  time with friends.

The LORD is more important. HE is the Almighty God, Creator of the universe. King, Redeemer, Savior, Rock, Fortress, Stronghold. If he is not Lord over all, then He is not Lord at all.

Crazy Starbucks Customers, episode 2

It's time for another episode of "Crazy Starbucks Customers."

Customer lady: I'll have a no dairy pumpkin spice latte.
Me: *long pause* You mean you want soy milk?
Lady: No. No dairy.
Me: Well a latte is coffee, pumpkin spice syrup, and milk. Did you want just regular coffee with some of the pumpkin spice syrup in it?
Lady: No. They made it for me the other day. It was just no dairy.
Me: *STOP SAYING THAT* *Long pause and not even sure what to say* Well, we have whole milk, nonfat milk, soy milk, and 2% milk....
Lady: Yeah, I think it was nonfat milk.
      *Face palm* That is NOT "no dairy" that's non fat!

Customer lady: I'll have a pupmkin spice latte and a peppermint mocha.
Me: Ok your total is ____
Lady: No, today is the buy one get one free of the holiday drinks.
Me: Yes, but their only for the Christmas drinks. The pumpkin spice latte is not included.
Lady: I CALLED up here and they said it counted! And they did it for me at the other starbucks!
Me: *stands there silently waiting*
Lady: This is f****** stupid. It's f****** ridiculous. I guess all starbucks are different.
Me: *they're not* Yeah, maybe.
Lady: *drops 10 more f bombs and finally changes her order and walks away muttering under breath.
        If your biggest concern of the day is that you had to switch your drink or pay $4 for your drink, then you're in good shape.

Drunk girl: *after she orders her drinks* So are there any hot guys that work here?
Me: Uhhhh, I mean, they're ok as far as looks go.
Girl: Go through all of them and tell me what they're like.
Me: No. *and making a "that's stupid" face*
Girl: What about that one guy with the glasses? Is he single?
Coworker: Yes.
Girl: What's his last name?
Coworker: We're not alowed to tell you that.
Girl: When does he work?
Coworker: We also can't tell you that.
Girl: But I know he goes to _____ school and his major his _____....
Me: *to the customer behind her* What can I get for you?

Me: Your total is ____. *something small*
Man: *hands me a $100*
Me: Do you have anything smaller?
Man: Nope, I only have $2. *holds them up to prove*
Me: Well we just had someone come through with a $100 and wiped us out. *because saying it's a policy that we can't take $100's makes people argue and freak out so I lie now*
Man: Oh. Ok. *hands me his debit card*
         Really??!! Why?!

Two hispanic women: We want a tall latte.
Me: Ok, a tall HOT latte?
Women: Yes.
Me: Ok, anything else?
Women: a tall iced chi tea latte with no ice.
Me: So a tall HOT latte and a tall ICED chai tea latte with NO ICE.
Women: Yes.
*drinks are made and I hand over the tall latte.*
Women: No, we said iced with no ice for that one too.
Me: No, no you did not say that and I asked you like four times. *let the drivethru window close and walked away, letting someone else remake the drink and hand it out.*

Woman through drivethru: What coffee do you have?
Coworker: Thanksgiving blend which is our bold and Pikes which is our medium.
Woman: I don't want one that is bitter.
Me: *laughing out loud because she can't hear me but I can hear her*
Coworker: We can put cream and sugar in it.
Woman: But which one is less bitter?
Me to my other coworkers: I love that she said that.
Coworker: How about you drive around to the window and we can give you samples of them.
         Hahaha!

Man after he gets his coffee and it was before election day: I saw a poll the other day about Ohio being split and..... wah wah wah wah wah wah wah election wah wah wah obama wah wah Romney.
Me and my other two coworkers: *continue to clean, not look at him, not acknoweldge him*
Man: wah wah wah wah wah wah
*How can you continue talking when nobody is looking at you and clearly ignoring you?*
Me: We might be out of half and half over there, so let me know if you need some more.
Man: Oh. Ok.

Three elementary aged boys come in: Can we have three cups of milk with like chocolate powder in it? Or vanilla powder?
Me: Uhh, yeah I guess... your total is _____
Boys: OOohhh! Wait, what is that? *pointing to the pastry case*
Me: *tell them everything they point to, maybe they couldn't read well*
Youngest boy, about 6: Can I look at the chocolate chip cookies? I can't see them.
Me: *pull out the tray and show him.*
6 yr old: *reaches to get one!!*
Me: Woah! No no, you can't touch them! I will get it for you in a bag if you're going to buy it.
*they bought one*
Me: Where are your parents?
Boys: Oh they're getting their nails done and told us to come in here.
*they then take their milk to the condiment bar and make a giant mess with all the powders there and run in and out of the bathroom and bounce on the soft chairs*

Cake

I'm not a huge fan of normal cake. I can usually pass up birthday cakes and wedding cakes. But I once had a cake that was like, "OH MY GOSH." It was the best cake I've ever had.

But before that cake was that good, it consisted of raw materials that were liquid in a bowl. Unfinished, no icing, no shape, gross taste. If I had been offered that mush I would have said, "Eew. No." It wasn't done. It wasn't ready.

For some reason, there are things in my life that are still in the oven. Not done, not ready. Maybe I have more growing and changing to do. Or perhaps it's in the lives of other people that I will later encounter or even know now. Something is not ready in order for me to be in a better paying job and move out of my house. Something is not ready in order for me to be in a job that I love. Something is not ready in order for me to have a boyfriend and then a husband and then kids. I guess those are my two major things I want in life.

You can't speed up the heating process to make a cake be finished faster - it will burn. You set the timer and walk away. Yet in this case, the timer is hidden. Perhaps I've been sticking my face in the oven to get the cake and have been burned from it. I stuck a spoon in and came out with batter not finished. I keep turning the light on to see if it's done yet but it's not. But God won't give me the cake until it is finished and I will say, "OH MY GOSH. Thank you Lord for this."

I'm not the one making the cake -God is. I'm not the one deciding when it's done - God is. I am praising Him because He knows the perfect recipie and time to take the cake out and I do not. Therefore I try not to sit around being sad about it. I try not to go overboard on feeling like it's all up to me and I have to make it happen or it never will. Of course I should look for jobs, but when I'm not finding them it's not as if I did something hugely wrong. God's just not ready for me to go yet. Gotta let it go and let God hold on to it for now.

Night

Night is when the armor drops.
Night is when the shield goes down,
The truth comes out, the filter disappears.
Night is when the heart aches.
Night is when you miss someone the most,
You make stupid mistakes, you skip the logic,
You follow your heart into plunder.
 

Night is when you laugh the most.
Jokes come quickly, and wit is strong.
People are silly and things don’t make sense.
Night is when the emotions rule.
Perhaps all emotions are magnified,
Both funny and serious.
Night is when your logic fails and your heart rules.
Sending words with heavy meanings,
Sending love with strings attached,
Carelessness with consequences not in grasp.
 

Night is when you forget your boundaries.
Night is when you get tired of fighting and give in,
When your self-control seems to already be asleep.
Night is when you feel the pain the most.
The busyness of the day is gone and things slow down.
Night is when your thoughts run free and wild,
When what you put off thinking about during the day sweeps in.
 

Fight back. Fight hard.
What is momentarily pleasing at night
Sows consequences and pain during the day.
Think twice. Think seven times.
Think ahead.
Go to great lengths to stay away from the edge of the cliff
Instead of seeing how close you can get without falling off.
Above ALL else
Above all else guard your heart.
GUARD.
For everything you do flows from it.
EVERYTHING.
Find ways to safeguard your choices
Instead o f just relying on your momentary self-control.
 

Night is when the Lord is still there.
Night is when He still cares.
He provides a way out when you are tempted.
Recognize what that is for you and take it.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
All things.
Through CHRIST.
Not by my own strength.
 

Letting go and holding on

Perhaps some people are better at letting go of things than others.

I hold on tightly to memories, things that remind me of good things, and people.

I write in my journal often, not in fear of forgetting things, but in the intense need to write. I take a lot of pictures because I just love to do that. So from those two things alone, I have vivid memories preserved from most of my life. Yes, I had a plastic camera from 2nd-5th grade where the back opened and you put in film, advancing the film after each picture, and getting them two-day developed at the store. I also starting writing in a journal when I was 7. I have saved all the good letters people have written me since I was 9 and they are in shoeboxes in my closet.

I have a lot of random things in my room that are useless but meaningful to me. I have a board game in my closet that I may never play again, but it reminds me of all the times I played it with one of my friends that I never see anymore. I have a teddy bear that sits on my bookshelf from Build-a-Bear that reminds me of all my close high school friends because we took a day our senior year to draw names and make a bear for that person as a graduation gift since we couldn't all buy each other things. I have a ceramic piano that fits in my hand that my high school chorus teacher gave me in high school and she was one of my favorite teachers. I have a little bottle of sand and bright colored sea shells in the bottle with "A Little Bit O' Florida" on it because I bought it in middle school on the first mission trip I went to in Florida. I have a straw purse I will never use that sits on top of my bookshelf that women in Kenya made me in 2007 and 2009 while I was there.

Facebook allows me to somewhat keep up with or keep in touch with virtually everyone from my whole life that I want to keep up with. The farthest person back that I'm friends with on facebook is a girl from my kindergarten class in Columbus, GA. I hadn't seen her since Kindergarten because I moved, and after we found each other on facebook she transferred to KSU and we hung out some. I'm also friends with at least 10 teachers off the top of my head that I've had, probably more, all the way back to 3rd grade.

Most of the time when you're required to "let go" of someone, it is because one of you are moving, changing jobs, changing churches, changing schools, or however you normally see them you will no longer see them anymore. You either abruptly stop seeing them, or you gradually stop seeing them. Sometimes God allows you to cross paths again later in life at random times and it is such a blessing.

But normally, I'll be honest, I am terrible at letting people go, even when I'm the one going! High school graduation time, I was a wreck. When my friends over the years have moved, I hate it. When I leave a job, I'm usually sad because I don't really keep in touch with people I worked with before. It's only happened with a few people. In most situations, it's not possible or not easy to see people again once the "leaving" has happened.

So there it is. I'm not good at letting go. I've heard some people say, "Oh, sorry for not keeping in touch... if I don't see someone on a regular basis it's hard for me to keep in touch with them. I wish I were better at it." And yet I come from the opposite side saying that it's a pain to feel the need to keep in touch with everybody you ever loved and cared for. Of course it changes and lessens but random times will come where I just feel the need to see or write someone, even if it's been a year or two.

An undivided heart, a closed door, a rainbow

In Genesis 4, Cain gives "some" of his crops and Able gives his first and best sheep. God accepts Able's offering and not Cain's.

As I've started trying to read the bible again each night, it has been going something like this: Get home from work, talk to my parents for a bit, put on PJs, be online for a while, read the bible, go to bed. During that time I read the bible and wrote out my prayers, I became tired. And when I read this last night I thought... am I just giving God "some" of my time? What would my first and best be like in my situation? First of all, I am NOT a morning person. Even when I get up early enough to try to have a quiet time, it ends up all bad because I get so sleepy. So for me, my most alert and active time is after coming home from work. So today I came home and instead of turning on my computer first, I sat down and read my bible and prayed and journaled. It was much longer because I was still alert and ready to go.

During the youth trip to Winshape this past weekend two verses they used throughout the weekend stuck out to me:

Psalm 86:11-12, "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Is my heart divided or being distracted by other things in life? Yes. Hebrews 12:1-2, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marekd out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith..." And then as I thought of, "Above all else, guard your heart..." I thought of how it starts off with above all else.

I want to have all the desire taken out of me for the wrong things, or the things that aren't for me. The wrong jobs, the wrong guys, the wrong timing of things, sins in my life. Like gum that loses its flavor, like eating something that is too rich like a mouth full of frosting, like a stomach so full you can't drink any more, like a song on repeat, like a screaming baby for hours on end, like the feeling of being so tired of food you've eaten too often. Not a struggle to get away from, but a want to get away from.

Onward to Noah. Genesis 7:16(b), "Then the Lord closed the door behind them." God closed the door to a world that was flooding in order to save Noah and his family. That closed door was one that God closed and was a blessing. I've received e-mails saying, "Sorry, we're not hiring" or "you don't fit what we're looking for." I cringe. But those could be doors God is closing because he is blesing me in that. The same for all other things God says no to. It may not be a "bad job" or a bad situation, but that God has something else in mind. God didn't stop the flood, He just protected Noah through it. God won't stop crazy, painful, and frustrating things in life every time, but He will protect me through it when I am trusting in Him.

When Noah got off the ark he built an alter to the Lord to sacrifice animals to give thanks. Other times in the bible people name rocks and wells and stuff to remember God's goodness or thank Him. How could I do something like that now? What is something I could do to show thanks and a reminder of what He did in answered prayer? Something to think on.

SIX vereses are devoted to God saying that when He sees a rainbow He will remember His covenant and promise to never flood the whole earth again. So cool.

His Word

The first time I read the whole bible I started when I was in 8th grade and finished in 10th grade, so 13-15 years old. The second time I read it was when I was 17 and I read it in a year. The third time I read it when I was 19 and I read it in 6 months to get a better overview / timeline and how everything connected. All three were hard to do. But good too.

It's been a while since I've had a constant "quiet time" or daily time with God. I don't know why. But sometimes in the middle of you teaching and "preaching" to somebody else, you're convicted yourself. Yesterday, Sunday, we talked to our 9th and 10th grade girls about relationships and how to be careful in relationships even in high school that could affect your marriage. We also brought up the verse that said while you're single all of your attention is on the Lord and when you're married it is divided. I encouraged them to pursue the Lord SO much during this time in their life, even while they are young and may be far from marriage. And I thought, "Well, what about me?" While am definitely pursuing the Lord and praying and growing, my time alone with God is lacking right now.

Soooo I've decided to read the bible all the way through again. I will be blogging about it as I go. I'll probably read a devtional book along the way too. I don't know how long I will take to read it, we'll see how it goes.

While all the beautiful things and ugly things of the world both distract and trip us up, they should not control us. I am in need of God's peace and joy. I am in need of direction in a job / career. I'm in need of self-control in many areas, one being my attitude at work and not joining in on the complaining about customers and pretty much everything else. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. If I am lacking those, then it goes to show I need more time with God.

If anyone who happens to read this wants to read along or join in and add comments please do!

Love, Jennifer

Dear future husband,
Tonight I pray that wherever you are out there that God will bless you with joy, peace, strength, boldness, and a good perspective through whatever you're going through. I pray that you are taken out of any relationship you may be in or are able to step away from unhealthy friendships. I pray that every single girl suddenly becomes clear that they're "not it," and that you don't waste  your time with them. I pray that you are wise with your money, in paying off debt, in saving, in giving, in tithing. I pray that your selflessness grows, your relationship with the Lord grows, and that you have mentors to keep you accountable and give you advice. I pray that God gives you an awareness of what you need to work on and how to work on it, and that any sins that seem to big for you to handle that He would ease the burdon and show you a way out. I pray that your life would so reflect Him that others would be blinded by it, that He is in every single thing that you do, and that others know you are a Christian even without you saying it. I pray that He speaks loudly into your life and that you know what you're supposed to do in life. And lastly I pray that God brings us together soon.
Love,
Jennifer

Noise

Music. Spotify, car radio.

Computer. Internet. Facebook, youtube, blogger, twitter, iPhone, pinterest, e-mail, foursquare, games, apps.

Books. TV shows (on my laptop). Journaling/writing. Taking pictures. Editing pictures.

Getting together with friends. Lunch, dinner, coffee. Being a mentor. Weddings, bridesmaid, bridal showers, baby showers.

Leading high school girls small group Sun mornings. Youth events and trips. Learning, creating, and compiling videos. Bible study.

Work. Cleaning. Angry customers. Hurtful remarks and conversations from coworkers. Job hunting.

Errands. Dentist and doctor appointments.

Sleep.



I have no right to be frustrated with not hearing God in my life when it is full of not only literal noise, but also a busy noise. My life is full of good things, entertainment, great people, and frustrating stuff as well. Even if God isn't directly "speaking," I'm not feeling peace about some things in my life. And I need that back. If God is ready to show me what my next job should be, I want to hear it. If He's not, then I want to feel His peace about it. I want a husband, and if God's ready to bring Him I'm ready, and if He's not then I need to know what to work on or peace about waiting. There are people that I need to let go of that I am not letting go of and need God's joy to be what sustains me through that. I am jealous over people's attention to others instead of me, and jealous over others' great things they're recieving in life that I want. I worry.

I need time without so much noise. Not a day or two, but a longer, extended amount of time. More reading the bible, praying, and listening.

God's hand in our lives

A few days ago, while doing dishes at work, I was praying. Going back and forth between complaining, thanking him, praying for others, and asking for requests. I asked God a question....and paused to check facebook. During short times of the day I only check those on my "close friends" list on facebook. Lo and behold, someone on my list had just posted a bible verse that had a key word in my question, and although it didn't "answer" my question to God, it was a way of being reminded that God is absolutely there.

I saw a car pull up in the parking lot at work and was waiting for them to come in and order. I stared at the clock. I took a moment to shoot up a prayer about someone. I looked out the window...and saw their car go by, who I had just prayed for. Not a car that looked like theirs, their car. (It has things on it that makes it stand out from others.) In the few seconds it took for them to drive past, I happened to pray for them and look out the window at the exact same time. And when this happened more than three times within a month I thought, "Woah...God...what's up?" I don't know yet.

About a month ago I was on Barrett Parkway, 30 minutes away from my house, and stopped in Starbucks to get coffee. As I drove home, I was praying about a friend who went through a tragedy back in February and she totally disconnected from the world. She deleted facebook and when I'd run into her mom and asked if it'd be ok to call her, she had always said no, she needed more time. I wanted to reach out... but didn't know when. Halfway home as I was coming up on the Starbucks on 41 by Mars Hill Road, I thought, "I want more coffee. No, that's silly, I just finished this one. But I have to get more." It was this urgent need to get it that I didn't understand. When I walked in, there she was. Sitting and reading a book. She jumped up to hug me, and told me a funny story. A few months back when her mom had come into my Starbucks, I'd written, "I love you ____!" and her name. I forgot to put my name, and gave it to her mom to give to her. I assume she'd say it was from me. Her mom forgot. She put it on a stack of things. A few weeks later when she was having a terrible day, she knocked over this stack of stuff, and that paper fell out. She said she thought it was from God. :-) Her mom told her it was from me, but she knew that she saw it at the right time.

I called Chris Boggess, this guy at church, in the middle of July because I decided I wanted to learn and help out with videos he made. I worried he wouldn't want or need my help, or wouldn't want to teach me because I don't know much about video production. I called on a Monday and left a message at church. Tuesday passed. I called again Wednesday and left another message. Thursday I thought, "Well he must just be thinking of a nice way to tell me no." But I decided to send him a facebook message anyways. I saw someone that day who works with him and said, "Hey, have you talked to Chris Boggess any? Has he said he got my calls about working with him and videos?" They laughed. "No, he hasn't gotten your calls...but we had a meeting today and he said he was looking for help since he will also have a new role in being the middle school youth pastor. Your name came up! So this is funny that you are asking about it!" "No, he probably just got my messages," I said. But Sunday Chris said, "Oh, I didn't get your messages... the light on my phone is broken so I never know when I have voice mail. We had the meeting on Thursday morning where your name was brought up and then I got your facebook message Thursday afternoon."

A few weeks ago I was in Washington at my Aunt and Uncle's house. That afternoon my cousins and I had been out at a coffee shop with some of their friends, and I was just so tired and wanted to go home and sleep instead of going to an event that night with them. I felt bad about it, but I was just beat. I went back to their house and fell asleep. My aunt woke me and said, "We're going to the hospital...our friend Barb has just gone to the hospital. We're not sure what's wrong yet." "Ok," I said. I went back to sleep. When I got up and ate dinner, I praying for Barb, but I wasn't sure what to pray for since I didn't quite know what was wrong besides the fact that I knew she had been sick. But at 7:30 I felt the need to pray, "God, breathe life into her." I kept on that thought track for a while, then went about my own thing. Turns out she went to the hospital because she was having a hard time breathing, and went into cardiac arrest while there, and died for 20 minutes! No oxygen to the brain, flatline. But God brought her back. She has been recovering, she is moving and speaking, and I don't know how long it will take her to heal completely, but God brought her back to life.

Do we sometimes miss God's hand in our lives because we don't give him credit? Do we fail to think, "Wow, that timing had to be so precice that it had to be God,"? Do we not pray enough throughout the day, even "arrow prayers" as they're sometimes called? Do we not listen to the promptings that seem too silly to follow? Do we stay too busy? Do we give up too quick? Do we look at the little things and say they were too little to be an answer to prayer? Do we forget all of these small - or big - things when things get tough? Do we become to self-centered and fail to reach out to others because we don't think about it?

My prayer has been recently that I would live with my eyes wide open, my ears ready to listen, and my heart sensitive to His nudges. I ask Him more questions like, "Who do you want me to reach out to today, that needs a friend? Where do you want me to go on my free days? Who needs prayer today? How can I give today, even if it's not in a financial way?" I look forward to hearing His answers.

How have you seen Him in your life?

Church, life, etc.

Last week I went twice in the mornings to learn how to make videos with Chris Boggess at Northstar. I watched as he talked out loud and he made a video, and then showed me the basics for me to start making one for a recap of our city in Slovakia of the videos he took and the videos I took. It's nice to work on something that is outside of work and that I really enjoy.

During my trip to Washington and in all my time of thinking, praying, journaling, etc. I know that God pointed out some things for me to work on in myself. One is that I am very emotionally driven and that often takes over when logic should instead. When I get down about something, I sulk or withdraw or shut down. That becomes a problem during times like bible study, when afterwords I just want to sit or only talk to one person, but should be talking to others. I really want to focus on other people, new people, etc. There could be others who are hurting and need someone to listen, who are new or lonely or whatever. My focus needs to shift more towards others and less of myself. I also need to have more self-control when my emotions take over, as far as my words to others and my actions to others. At work the other day a guy said my life was boring because I didn't go drinking or to bars, and that he thought I should extend my social setting and make new friends. I about threw something at him and said that his idea of exciting and fun was different than his, and began listing all the stuff I did for fun that he didn't do. I knew his words were meaningless and shouldn't have affected me, but I allowed them to and lashed out, with him staying all calm and thinking it was funny, while I finally had to say, "I'm not talking about this anymore. You aren't going to change my mind and persuade me to drink, and I don't care what you think about my life. This conversation is over." I should have said that at the beginning though instesad of allowing myself to aruge with him.

I'm so glad I am at NorthStar church now. I've always loved the young adults' bible study, it's been the best thing I've ever been to. While I remember hearing someone else say that before I went there, I didn't quite believe it until I was there. It's a mix of all ages and all walks of life, with great leaders and a great setup. I'll admit that being more of an intorvert there are weeks when I'm overwhelmed and don't feel as sociable, but it's still good overall. Helping with the 9th and 10th grade girls so far has started off slow simply because we have such limited time during small groups, but we will be getting together outside of that soon. I'm excited to get to know them more and hope that something I say sticks with them. Services are good...since there are three locations it's a little hard to know where my friends will be sitting, so when I can't find them it's kind of lonely, but during the weeks I find them it's good. :-) The music is of course good, and the sermons are too. I see how people could not like the church simply because of the large size if they weren't involved in some kind of ministry within the church or a small group/bible study though. That's a huge, huge key to church.

Work. Work? Work! A lot of times I don't feel like talking about it. There were 3 months where I worked only 4 days a week which meant less money but more free time, and then to people left so I'm back to 5 days a week. I am thankful for even having a job, thankful for some of the people I work with, thankful I get free starbucks to drink every day, and thankful that it's not hugely stressful, although some days are more than others. I still have no plans for future jobs. I just don't know.

I want kids some day, and that's a bigger reminder when I see cute babies and kids and I think, "I WANT ONE NOW" but then there are days like today when I'm glad I don't have them right now in this time in my life. I can go to Starbucks and read, write, be on the internet, etc. and just do whatever the heck I want to, haha. So, for this time being, I am trying to appreciate where God has me.

Anywho...being busy is always nice, but always slightly hard to deal with time management. Always working on it, making sure I'm doing what's important and not letting unimportant things cover up the important things.

Trip

During my trip to Washington I enjoyed time reading, writing, etc. in a coffee shop / café where my cousins work, while they were working. Contrasting to Starbucks, they were less about speed and more about personal interaction. I went to the fair one day and night where I saw lots of things and ate fair food. I went to a park with beautiful flowers and a waterfront view. We had some nights in where we just hung out at home, watched movies and a comedian, and laughed at things on Pinterest. We went to many coffee shops between Starbucks, Anthem, and Bella Latte. We went to the mall, church, Barnes and Noble, a prayer / worship night, and a tent revival. My cousins and I stayed up til 2:30 almost every morning talking, although one usually fell asleep first.

My flight home was delayed by 5 hours, while I sat in the airport, but I have three seats to myself so I can look out the window, keep my bookbag next to me, and stretch out. That’s a first. Too bad it’s night time now and when we were flying during the light it was over desert looking areas so I couldn’t take many pictures. Who livesout there? Yuck.

During the time we were waiting for the plane, we could see it. It was right there, ready to go, but it had a broken part and they had to wait until a part came in from another plane and then they had to fix it and test it. It was tough knowing that they plane was RIGHT THERE and yet we couldn’t get on it because it wasn’t time. And then I thought, that a metaphor for life right there! There are things in life just within reach, or things you want and might actually be the right thing for you, but it’s not ready or time yet. God has to fix it first and perfect it so you don’t get on early and crash.

A Friendship Takes Work to Grow

We run through an obstacle course,
High and low, with ease and with force.
We travel up mountains with beautiful views
And walk through dark valleys with no shoes.
An ebb and flow,
A yes and no,
A stop and go.
I don’t know what I feel
But it’s real.
It’s hard to put into words as it is usually a heartache
But sometimes it takes a break
And is a touch of relief with peace.
When does this all cease?
Is it worth it?
Sometimes I feel like I’ve been hit
By a few trucks.
Man that sucks.
I can’t pinpoint why
I even try.
Wise people in my life say to let it all go
But no
Something in me pushes to continue on this road
Where the load
Is both a joy and a strain.
I praise God through the sun and through the rain
Because He knows what’s going on
Even when my hope is gone.
For now I will put this battle on hold.
I just don’t know if I’m sold
On the idea of having a friend who
Doesn’t want to know much about my life besides through
Facebook statuses or a tweet.
And if seeing me a few times makes you want to retreat,
Why should I try?
Sigh.
So I will hold back for now.
If you want to be real friends you have to learn how
To care.
To ask questions. To be there.
To cheer when I fly,
To hug me when I cry.
Real friends live life together.
So whether
You and I get to that point or not,
It’s up to you and I know that’s a lot
To consider but my heart
Is too big to be half-friends with someone because part
Of my personality is to go all out in things that I do.
It’s time for me to emotionally run away from you.
If you change your mind let me know.
A friendship takes work to grow.
 

Starbucks: People before they get their coffee

Customer: Do you have a drink called my tie macchiato?
Me: No... we have a caramel macchiato.
Customer: No, that's no it.
Me: Uhhh, chai tea?
Customer: No. Are you sure there's not a my tie? Hold on, let me call my friend. *calls* Ok, it's a caramel macchiato.

Customer: I'll have a grande mocha frappachino.
Me: Ok. *takes the money, pushes the button, etc*
Customer: Oh, a white mocha frappachino.
Ugh, seriously? It throws off our inventory when you add or change things after it's rung up.

Me: Your total is $2.07
Customer: *hands me a $5*
Me: *I push the button and start getting out the change*
Customer: Oh wait, I have change. *hands me a quarter.*
Me: *what the heck?!* Hold on, I have to get a calculator.

Customer: I'll have an iced pumpkin spice macchiato.
Me: Uh, well we don't really make it like that... macchiato means layered, so it would be pumpkin spice on the bottom, then the milk, and the shots on top.
Customer: Yeah, but I just stir it up.
Me: So then it's just an iced pumpkin spice latte. Macchiato means shots go on top. Stirred up is just a regular latte.
Customer: But I always say it that way.
Me: Well....I mean, it's wrong. If you stir it up, then it's no longer a macchiato.

Customer: When I buy the white mocha it's cheaper than the pumpkin spice latte. Did you ring it up differently?
Me: No...I guess it's more expensive because it's a holiday drink.
Customer: Well that doesn't make any sense!
Me: *long pause* Well I don't really know, I'm just guessing. Anyways I can't change the price.

Customer: I'll have a cold ice cappachino.
Me: Ok, it's called a frappachnio. Cappachinos are hot. What size would you like?
Customer: How much is it?
Me: You have to tell me a size for me to give you a price.
Customer: Medium.
Me: And what flavor would you like?
Customer: Oh I don't know, I just want the ice one.
Me: Yes, they're all iced like smoothies or milkshakes, but there is one that is just coffee, but there are also lots of flavors like chocolate, vanilla, and more.
Customer: Oh I don't know, just the ice cold cappachino. That's all I know.
Me: No, it's called frappachino. Ok, so a grande coffee frappachino, your total is....
*FACE PALM*

Customer at drivethru window: What kind of mugs do you have?
Me: Lots of kinds.
Customer: Can you bring some so I can see what they are?
Me: I mean, there's tons. Hot ones, cold ones... what kind are you looking for?
Customer: Do you have any with flowers on them?
Me: Uhhh.... let me go look.
*GET out of your car and come look yourself!!!!*
Me: Here are three of them with flowers.
Customer: Oh. I don't like any of those, do you have any with other designs?
Me: Yes, but there's a line behind you waiting.... (hinting that she should come in)
Customer: I can pull up then and you can just bring them to me outside.
*Oh, yes! More than one person has done this! I understand there are people who can't get out of their cars for reasons like having kids in the car that they don't want to wake or get out, but that is not a time to look for a mug, or be picky!!!*

Pray

Have you ever just woken up one day and felt the urge to pray about something that didn't make much sense?

Like, "Uh, ok God, why am I suddenly feeling the urge to pray about this? This is not something I really want to be praying about." But it's just too late by then. You feel it like a weight on your heart, so you have to pray about it. Well then weeks go by and it begins to be frustrating. You still feel this ache in your heart to pray about it, and yet you hear nothing from God, no direction, no peace. It begins to hurt because it's on your mind a lot and you want to pray for a specific outcome to this situtaion, but maybe that's not why God is asking you to pray. So then how to pray, what to pray for?

I don't know.

And to sit in silence, trying to listen... what a task! I wish I could say that it was an easy and beautiful thing, to sit in silence before the Lord. It should be. But it's hard. It's hard when I go back and forth between saying, "Help this to be the outcome" and "Just give me peace no matter what happens." I question whether or not God wants me to pray with persistance and faith for what I really want instead of letting my doubts toss me like the waves of the ocean, or if He wants to teach me to be satisfied in Him if the outcome is opposite of what I want. So then I don't want to pray about it, I just want to sit in silence. And still nothing.

But that doesn't stop me.... I can either have this on my heart and mind and not pray about it, or have it on my heart and mind and pray about it. It's not like not praying about it would help at all!

But man, it's like a rock sitting on me, and I just want it off.

The writer of the Bible is also writing your life

I taught a 6th grade girls small group for 2 years, then a high school girls' group for a year, and then stopped because they were no longer doing small groups and I was starting my year of student teaching. For about a year (Aug 2010-Dec 2011) I helped plan and serve with a young adults' worship service on Sunday nights at my church. It only lasted for the year of 2011 though - we couldn't get enough people to come. I think being 30 minutes away from any college hinders the location and it just wouldn't get off the ground. I also did nursrey once a month for several years. So since January I haven't been serving in the church, and it may have been the first time ever that I haven't been actively serving or doing something in the church. Partly because I was between two churches, but also because I didn't know what I wanted to do or where to serve and felt no direction.

When I came back from Slovakia, part of my frustration was, "What am I doing here?? Nothing!!" I put prayer into high gear and decided to switch churches to Northstar, and asked our young adults' pastor, Bryan, "Where do you need me?" He said to help with the youth since they are starting small groups soon. I said I'd like high school girls but didn't care which grade, so he will be letting me know which grade. I'm so excited! From what I know I will be with one other woman so that we can co-teach and when one of us is sick or out of town the other can teach. I'm so excited to start! I know that youth ministry is also challenging but am ready to do this again. I am already praying hard for the girls that I will meet and that will be in my group. I am stoked.

Also, last Sunday morning I woke up to a facebook message from the guy at Northstar who takes pictures and videos, who also went to Slovakia with us, named Chris. He asked if I would help take pictures at the church picnic that night since he would be doing video and others would be taking some pictures and videos too. I was excited and was like, "Yeah! I'd love to!" and even though I felt a little uncomfortable because I didn't know that many people overall, I still loved it. Talking to my parents that night, they said, "Well, we know that sometimes when a job you have isn't enjoyable or where you want to be, you can always find other things outside of your job to enjoy. Since you like taking pictures, maybe you could see if Chris needs any help." I thought he probably wouldn't because Northstar is such a big church that he would have a million people wanting to help out. It's like when people want to sing on stage in a big church... well they only pick the best people or who they know because probably 100 people think they want to sing on stage. But I thought about it and thought that even if they didn't need "help," I'd still like to learn stuff. I called Chris at the office Tuesday and left a message, and didn't hear back. I called again Thursday and he wasn't in the office. Thursday I talked to Bryan and asked when Chris was in the office and how I thought about asking him if he needed help with anything. He laughed and said, "It's funny you say that... we had a staff meeting and we were thinking of some specific stuff we need done, and we brought up your name!" I thought it may have been because I called Tuesday even though I didn't say why I was calling, but when I told Chris I called he said, "Oh, the light on my phone is broken so I never know if I have voice mails! I didn't know you called." For now I'll go in maybe once a week in the morning and we'll go from there and see what areas he needs help in! I'm so excited about this as well!

Without having a place to serve in the church, it just added to my feeling like a fish out of the water. Step one: find a place to serve in the church. Done. Step two: find a job that pays more and that is more enjoyable for me. I have no idea what that is right now. I wish I did, and I wish I could just send in my picture to a website and they could scan my face and say, "Your perfect job would be...." I don't really know what God has planned for me as far as a career or how I get past minimum wage, but maybe God has been waiting for me to get plugged back in to serving before finding a new job. When people ask me, "Well what do you like doing that you could do for a job?" I just get frustrated because I know they mean well, but trust me, I have been on all the search engines typing in key words to look for jobs that I don't know exist, or what I would like to do. I like to read, write, sing, play piano, take pictures, work with kids, teach, work with middle and high schoolers, go on mission trips, travel, go new places, and be on computer related things (facebook, youtube, blogs, pinterest). As the saying goes, "I do many things well, none of which generate income." I think I'd like a church job, but those are hard to get. I still like working with kids, but I don't what else to do with my degree that is not in a classroom setting. Still searching. I've been looking for full time baby-sitting jobs recently, but it's not happening so far. It's ok though. God's got it.

I read 1 Samuel the other day. Yep, almost the entire book in one sitting. I just opened up the bible and saw a verse at the beginning of that book that caught my eye, and started reading. I read like I have never read it before. I have, but I don't remember it for some reason. It came to a funny part to me - Saul's dad sent him out to find his lost donkeys. Meanwhile God told Samuel, "I'm sending you a guy who will be king I have chosen, you'll see him tomorrow morning." When Saul can't find the donkeys, the guy with him says, "Well I've heard this guy Samuel is a Seer and might know where your donkeys are." So they go to Samuel and Samuel says, "Yep, I know where your donkeys are, I'll have my men hold them for you down the road on your way home, but I'm also here to tell you that you're going to be king." Saul gets the donkeys, goes home, and doesn't tell anybody. Probably because he thinks it's crazy. Nobody has been king of that area up until that point anyways. Then when ALL these people get together to hear who the king will be, Samuel says it will be Saul and they can't find Saul. Samuel asks God where he is and God says, "He's hiding in the baggage." I seriously laughed out loud at that! And yep, he was hiding!

God used lost donkeys to lead Saul to another land where he would become king. Something so minor became the leading to something so much bigger. I know that the bible is FULL of stories like that, showing how God orchestrates so many things together and weaves details together that mere humans could not, in order to accomplish His will. It is so encouraging for me to know that although my life sometimes feels like a mishmash of random stuff, He is putting all of those details together to put me where He wants me!

There are still more things that I am praying about that I need to hear from the Lord that have been on my heart. I recently thought... if something is so important to me but I feel like I'm not hearing God or that I'm not at peace about something that is constantly on my mind and heart, why would I spend hours in my day listening to music, being on facebook, and reading books when I could be sitting listening to the Lord and praying about it? If it's so important, why am I not praying more? So I am praying not only for myself and guidance in many areas, but also for many of my friends and family. It is such a joy to pray for others when you truly do it. It's true - sometimes when the only thing you can do is pray it feels frustrating, but that just means that God is doing all the work and all that could come out of it would be all from God. I have such a difficult time knowing when to act or when to wait, as I would much rather act. But there are some things where it has to come from God or God has to work in other people to bring things about.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, listened to me, given advice, and encouraged me for the past year!

I am so excited to see what God has planned over this upcoming year. I know that He is the writer of the bible, and the write of my life, which means that throughout that ups and downs and long periods of waiting and unseen reasons, God has a beautiful story to write.

God is bigger than our insecurities and stronger than satan's attacks

It's almost 4:30 AM. It's a terrible time to be up blogging, even though I don't have to be at work til 1 PM (so I have to be up by noon). But there's never a bad time to give God glory.

Let me tell you how satan has been attacking me these past few weeks. He fills our brains with lies, I know that. He attacks the emotions. He knows your weak points and brings them under a microscope. It's been building and building until tonight when I was about to go to bed and decided to pray first, I just bust into tears. I felt no peace whatsoever.

I'll skip over names for this because it doesn't really matter. Friend A: She's getting married in October (I'll be in her wedding!), she just got a teaching job in Smyrna, when she gets married she's moving to Newnan, and she has been close to a best friend for about 5 years. With our totally different schedules, it's hard for us to get together. I haven't seen her since a week before we left for Slovakia. We've been texting, trying to get together, but we haven't been able to yet, and she starts teaching next week. I know she's not avoiding me, but I feel like I'm about to lose a best friend. I feel like her time in my life is...over. Friend B: She's been out of town, I've been out of town, we've both been busy, she starts school again soon...I haven't seen her in 2 months and she's also a best friend. We keep texting as well, but she hasn't gotten back to me on when is a good time for her to get together. She's seen other friends we have already, and I think, "Why not me? Why hasn't she made time for me yet? Why hasn't she texted me back to let me know when we can get together?" Friend C: I see her every week at bible study and she has been there for me through the hardest times over the past year and a half. She's held me when I cried, she's prayed for me, she's listened as I poured out my heart, and she's given me advice. Her new class and work schedule which start in 2 weeks will not allow her to come to bible study until December. She's not able to text or e-mail much, so outside of bible study it's sometimes hard to get in touch. I worry that I won't see her for 4 months. Friend D: D for "don't I feel dumb." It's a friendship that I miss, that God has just allowed to never come back together again. I sometimes think we can be friends again, but then feel stupid because that person makes no effort or makes me feel so embarassed that I even spoke to them whether they meant to or not. Like I want to say, "Oh, sorry for asking how your week was, I'll leave you alone." I don't know why I try, but something in me always does.

Situation E: Why is it that when other people plan events, tons of people can come, but if I try to plan events, nobody can come? I want to have friends over Friday night to play games at my house - I haven't invited anyone to my house in 2 years - but either people are busy or just haven't responded. So I'm pretty sure, like usual, no one can come. And that makes me feel like, "What the heck?! Why should I even invite people to hang out?" Situation F: I totally understand how when you do certain things, you only invite 2-3 people, not everybody you know. Like when my friend Christina and I went to a bunch of places last week, I only invited her and our friend Marissa because we went to SK together. Or if you want to go to the movies, you can only invite 5ish people, not 30. Cool. But it's sitll hard when you hear or see your other friends going places without you. You wonder, why wasn't I invited? Did they know I was probably working? Was it a last minute thing? Or did they literally just invite a few people to keep it small? But why those particular people? Why not me?

Ah yes. Let's just wrap it all up and summarize the above two paragraphs with these words: jealousy, awkwardness, frustration, fear, worry. Times 10. Yep.

So thanks to satan I felt like a total loser, questioning if my friends were actually my friends, and wondering if they all secretly hated me or are hoping to get rid of me soon. I sat before God and told Him all this - whined and complained - and then decided to thank him instead, and pray for each of the friends in my life. Friend A: I prayed that her marraige would be strong and based on Him, that her job would go SO great, that her wedding would be stresss-free. Friend B: I prayed for her to have peace and joy that only comes from Him no matter what her circumstance are or soon will be. Friend C: I prayed her new job would be amazing, that her classes would not be stressfull, and that she would find direction from Him in everything. I prayed for SO many more people, the list just went on and on and on. I thanked Him for each and every one of them, and remembered how 2-4 years ago I had hardly any of these friends and lacked close friends. I reminded myself how my contentment and joy and peace and self-worth does not come from the people I love, but from Him alone. I can't make decisions in life based on these people, but on what God leads me to do.

And I sat in silence for a while...that is so hard to do. I didn't hear God directly say anything, but as I sat, I asked Him to let me see my life through His eyes in the bigger picture. Peace washed over me. I imagined my grandma who is 85 talking about a problem she had when she was 24. Well it probably wouldn't matter any more! I imagined looking back and adding Starbucks to the list of jobs I've had and that's about it...having it in the list of things I've done. Life is short. Life is about telling others about God. Life is about knowing God better and deeper. Life is about serving and loving others. Life is about keeping your eyes on God in spite of the attacks and the fears and the worry. Satan will shoot arrows and even use people we know and love to help shoot them at us too, but GOD is bigger. He is greater than all of my emotions and worries. I am so thankful for a God who made the universe, counting every star and every hair on my head. His love is more than we can comprehend and more than we will ever know until we reach heaven. That day when we reach heaven....that will be the most amazing thing ever, that will far surpass all earthly trials we go through.

Discerning the Voice of God

I just started a book last night called, "Discerning the Voice of God," by Priscilla Shirer.

"Do you really think He loved you enough to die for you, but not enough to talk to you?" Of course we know He wants to talk to us...but sometimes I feel a disconect in hearing Him. I feel like a pray a lot and want to hear God, but don't that much. Sometimes it's on specific issues that I need to make decisions in like jobs / careers, what opportunities to take or not take (Kenya vs Slovakia), which place to serve or worship, etc. Other times it's not in things I can personally make deicions in, that only God can make happen, but I don't know how to pray for the right things or if it's in His will or if I'm just praying for selfish things. I've heard of people who said they immediately felt the need to pray for somone or something, and found out later they had been in a car accident or about to drown or something, and a miracle happened where God saved them. Or stories where someone prayed and big things happened, or they felt clarity about something. Do we not tap into the power of prayer more often because we don't know how?

Chapter one of this book is called, "If You're Listening."

"As you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouth shut... After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few." - Ecclesiastes 5:1-2

"The enemy wins a victory every time we let our jam-packed schedules invade the sanctuary of our quiet time with God." I work. I hang out with friends. I read books, watch an TV show or two per week on my computer, I'm on facebook, and I do church stuff. Nothing wrong with any of that. But often times it prevents me from having a real "quiet time." It becomes scattered or random or unplanned. I pray throuhout the day, but I don't pause to listen.

"Reading a verse, saying a prayer, or singing a song may help you feel better about checking 'quiet time' off your to-do-list, but these alone won't help you get what you're after - knowing Him more intimately, uniting with His heart, and receiving His direction for your life."

"Once I'm finished bringing my prepackaged matters to God's attention, instead of ending things there - as though I've dutifully delivered my report to Him and can now go on about my business as usual - I don't. I resist the urge to jump to my feet just because, 'I'm done.' Sure, I might be done, but ... what if God's not? I've gotten a chance to talk - to share with Him what is on my mind. Why should I not at least allow Him the same courtesy?"

Outline for my life story that I will someday write

1988: born in Charolotte, NC.
1989: Uhhh, I turned 1.
1990: My parents and I moved to Columbus, GA where my dad pastored at a church called Morning Side Presbyterian Church
1991: I turned 3 and started going to a private Christian school called Westminster Christian School. My K-3 teacher's name was Mrs. Howard.
1992: My brother Chris was born. My K-4 teacher's name was Mrs. Daniels.
1993: I was in Kindergarten and I remember so much about it! Probably more than most people and I have no idea why I remember SO much detail about my life.

1994: I changed schools and started first grade at Dobule Churches Elementary school. I didn't really make any friends and remember that we had two teachers and one was really mean.

1995: We moved in February of my first grade year to Acworth, GA where we currently live. My dad became the pastor at Mars Hill Presbyterian Church. I started at Shelton Elementary and loved it! Since I was the new kid, everybody wanted to show me around and be my friend. I still keep in touch with people from elementary school. 2nd grade started and I got in trouble a lot for talking too much. I met my best friend Sara Volkodav in 2nd grade, the kind of friend where we spent all birthdays together, spent the night at each other's houses, bought the same clothes to wear on the same day, and more. I discovered my love for writing during 2nd grade through writing in a journal at school and typing stories on the computer.

1996: I got the chicken pox for my 8th birthday, and gave it to my dad who was 36 and brother who was 4. I continued to love everything about elementary school! I still keep in touch with my 3rd grade teacher - I helped out in her class during college and have had lunch with her several times. I got glasses this year.

1997: 4th grade - great year. I loved my teacher, my friends, and family.

1998: In February of 4th grade, I helped out in a 2nd grade class while my class went on a field trip I didn't want to go to (Fernbank Museum) because I'd been before. I was the teacher's helper and LOVED it! That is when I decided to be a teacher. I wasn't taken seriously about it until high school when I planned out my 4 years with classes geared for teaching. As I started 5th grade, Chris started Kindergarten. I loved 5th grade as well.

1999: I cried so much at the end of 5th grade! I was sad to leave my teachers and all that elementary school was! 6th grade started and I became incredibly shy and quiet... and insanely dorky. And I mean the definition of dorky - in my looks, my clothes, and all that I did. My best friend Sara and I began to drift and that was sad. I started going to middle school youth group, and that was my favorite part about life.

2000: Who knew middle school could be so scaring? In all 3 years of middle school I got made fun of so much, I had no friends at school, and I'm pretty sure I had depression. I was always sad, overdramatic, and socially awkward. I'm so thankful to two of my 7th grade teachers who were beautiful and all the students loved them, because they were both Christians and encouraged me and loved me despite how weird I was! I've also kept in touch with them since then and have lunch with them about once a year and talk on facebook. Youth group was great still, and one of the youth leaders, Garet, was my role model and meant the world to me. She was 28 at the time. I stuck to her like glue. She took me out places and invited me to play games at her house. I got contacts this year. I started singing in the adult praise team this year.

2001: 8th grade proved to be just as bad as the other two years. However, I droped band after two years of playing the clarinet and started chorus. Although I still had no friends at school, my 8th grade chorus teacher was so great and encouraging and I also still keep in touch with her. She actually made my cupcakes for my college graduation party because she makes such cool cupcakes!

2002: I dreaded high school simply because the last change had been so bad and high school just  seemed scary. But 9th grade started without my permission! I was still painfully shy and quiet. I hated 9th grade because PE was hard, my spanish teacher was mean and I didn't like spanish, I was failing Algebra so I had to get a tutor, and although I liked honors lit it was also hard and based on a lot of conversations in class... where I was too shy to participate in. I still had no friends at school, and youth group had a lot of drama in it. I skipped over Beginners Chorus (because my 8th grade chorus teacher told her to push me ahead) and went to a women's chorus, so being the only freshman was actually fun.

2003: At the end of 9th grade, Garet and her husband David moved an hour and a half away, but stopped coming to our church and I stopped seeing her. I cried so much! When 10th grade started, I decided I had to get over being shy. I literally wrote down lists of things to say to people around me and forced conversations. I met a group of girls amongst my classes who became my best friends from 10th-12th grade. Most of them were strong Christian girls and most of us were in the same chorus class. I got an amazing set of teachers that could not have been any better. FCA was great and many of them were so nice to me. I still wasn't a fan of youth group, so I went to other youth groups that my friends went to, which was controverisal since my dad was the pastor.

2004: I made All-State chorus at the end of my 10th grade year where I was the only one in the school to make it and go to Savannah, GA with my chorus teacher. My chorus teacher, Michelle Lokhorst, was an amazing person for my 4 years of high school. She was a Christian as well, and I baby-sat her two sweet kids starting in 10th grade. I had a blast hanging out with her in Savannah. I got my driver's licence in May since I turned 16. My youth pastor from 6th grade up until that point took a job as a chaplin in the air force to travel the world. I was devistated along with the rest of our youth group. He made such a huge impact on us all. I still didn't want to go to youth group because of the people in it. 11th grade started and I had three of the same teachers from 10th grade! I was stoked! I went to a million 16th birthday parties and loved all my friends.

2005: 11th grade was also an amazing year of high school. Chorus was a major part of my time in high school. I sang the National Anthem all 4 years at graduation, even though it was usually just for seniors to sing. I was in a trio that competed in the region from 10th-12th grade. I a song or two on the piano for our chorus concerts. I sang in the talent shows each May. My 12th grade year I had extra electives available, so I chose to help in the freshman chorus class! I got to teach them along side Michelle, and played piano for their concerts or directed. I had great teachers in 12th grade too. I got my first car that summer so that I could drive to school for my 12th grade year which was so great because I hated the bus! We had adults step in to help out with youth group from 2004-2005, but in May of 2005 we got a new youth pastor named Michael. He had never been a youth pastor before, so when he started he was full of energy, new ideas, and everyone was so excited about the changes. I worked at Firehouse Subs -loved the food, hated the job.

2006: Youth group was so important to me my 12th grade year. I learned so much and grew so much. I was on the youth leader team and helped plan things and reach out to the others in youth group. I went to every event we had, and all the trips we had. Finishing high school was so hard because I loved the teachers and friends I had, and had become so content with youth group. I didn't get into the college I wanted to, so went to Kennesaw State instead. I lived at home and drove 30 minutes to and from each day. I didn't particularly like college. There was no young adults group at church and I was too old for youth group, and I didn't fit in with my mom's sunday school, so I looked for a new church. What a terrible process that is! I quit Firehouse in May and decided to not work the first semester of college. I stopped singing in the adult praise team at church. I played piano that Christmas for money at my high school chorus concert since I was out of high school.

2007: I went to Northwest Christian Church in January of that year just because it was down the road from my house and the music was good. The young adults group was small but at least there was one. I continuted looking for a church, but decided to go every other week to this church, and in May decided that's where I'd go. I asked the youth pastor if I could help out and he gave me a small group of 6th grade girls that met on Sunday nights after the main part of youth group. College...? It's all a blur, but I know that I hated homework, wasn't interested in any of the core classes, and made surface level friends in each class, but no deep friendships. I worked as a receptionist at a security company off Delk Road for 6 months but hated driving home at 5 PM each night in rush hour traffic for an hour. I went to Kenya for the first time that summer with my home church, Mars Hill, and LOVED IT! It changed my life. I started working as a teacher's assitant at the Sylvan Learning Center that fall. I played piano for my first wedding that year.

2008: I was lacking in friends again. After each class each semester, I just didn't see them anymore. In the summer of that year, I moved out and rented a 3 bedroom house with one other girl from church. She was 3 years older than me and in her 2nd year of teaching 2nd grade. It was expensive. But it was such a cute little house and I loved living on my own! I quit Sylan in May because it wasn't enough hours / money. I baby-sat full time that summer, as I had other summers. I started working at Lifeway Christian bookstore in August of that year. The young adults group at church was ok. The leader, Todd, was so great, but it was just a mishmash of people in it that I didn't really connect with. I helped with 6th grade girls again starting in the fall.

2009: I went to Kenya again that summer and loved it just as much as the first time. I don't know when I started education classes, but somewhere around this time. It was harder than you'd think. I quit Lifeway in October and began baby-sitting full time. I still loved my house. Still no deep friendships. I taught high school girls (all 4 ages) starting that year.

2010: My roomate got engaged in March and they got married in July, so we finished renting the house and I moved home because I was broke as all getout, and I knew that I wouldn't have a job for the next year due to student teaching. I should have graduated that May, but long story short, I didn't. I started part time student teaching plus classes that fall and it was time consuming. During that summer I had lunch with Travis who I worked with at Lifeway and he told me about his first mission trip to Slovakia. He said he loved the bible study he went to through Northstar and invited me to come. I started going- we met at the Bartons' house, a family who leads it. There's about 40 young adults from 18-35 and that was what I'd been searching for for 4 years. It was such an answer to prayer. I continued going to the bible study at Northwest though, so I went to two. I stopped helping with the youth because of my busy schedule.

2011: Student teaching wore me out in every aspect!! I had great teachers helping me, but I felt so stressed and frustrated and inadaquate. I did not enjoy it overall. I graduted college (finally) at the same time Chris graduated high school. I got a summer internship with Primrose Corporate over the summer, the first time I worked 40+ hours with a good hourly pay. I couldn't find a teaching job and Primrose couldn't afford to keep me at the end of the summer, nor could I ever move up in the company without teaching first. I looked for a new job for 4 months before finding Starbucks. I felt so defeated and mad that I was back to minimum wage after graduating college, and no where near my degree. Another year of going to two bible studies but conneting more with Northstar's bible study. Lots of hang outs, deep conversations, and laughter. I sang in my friend's wedding, my first wedding I sang in.

2012: I had wanted to go back to Kenya this year but after praying about it I decided in January to go to Slovakia! I started going to Northstar on the Sundays we had meetings and loved going. Soon I was between two churches, and not serving at either. I finally decided to go to Northstar and will start teaching one of the high school girl group on Sunday mornings starting some time in August! I went to Slovakia and it was great, but also look forward to going back to Kenya when God allows me to. I am so thankful for the friends he's given me in my life for the past two years. I wish I could move out, but need to save money until I have a better paying job. I'm still looking for a "real" job, and couldn't find a teaching job for this fall either. I miss singing since I haven't done much of it for the past 5 years and it was such a BIG part of my life for a while.

Slovakia: Love, Beauty, All-Encompasing, and A Reminder

Ah, Slovakia.

I shared this with my bible study group last night in my brief recap of the trip. Before going on the mission trip, our group leader Brad asked our smaller team what love language we best recieved and best gave out. While I knew I best recieved quality time and phsyical touch, I sat and thought about what I best gave out. Then I realized it was all of them, all the time! And that made sense right then, how that is too much for some people and some people don't like it or don't get it! It's not forced from me, it's just how I've always been. If we're good friends, then I am going to hug you, buy you things, do things for you, write you notes / on facebook, and want to spend time with you. So even when that begins to come across to people who aren't Christians, they start to kind of back away or be confused.

Well on this trip, as with any mission trips, you're both giving and recieving all 5 love languages ALL THE TIME! The camp is set up so that you can write each other notes to put in envelopes, you spend lots of time together, you talk about things, you share your food, buy each other ice cream, give each other things you made in crafts or bracelets, and more. It's tons and tons of love! Then you come home, and it all stops. Sometimes I don't know how to love the difficult people in my life, or the everyday people in my life. And obviously it's different when you're not able to recieve as much as you give out sometimes. There you give of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, as much as you can and it's a mix between hard and great. Back home while it's less of all of that, it's still hard because you know you're supposed to be more like that in order to love the way we're supposed to.

I had four 15 year old girls in my room for the week of camp, and a 19 year old Slovak leader, Mat'a, who also spoke fluent english. They were such awesome girls. They are currently my facebook cover. :-) It was hard sometimes when we couldn't communicate well. It was also hard to listen to them at night speaking fluent Slovak for 30 minutes to an hour, especially when they would all laugh or cry and I didn't know why and wanted to give them words of encouragement or advice. But during that time I prayed for Mat'a to have the right words to say, and that was all I could do. I did have some great conversations with some of the girls in the camp, in my room or not in my room, and while I didn't personally see any big changes or desicions, I hope that God uses our conversations to plant seeds in their hearts.

The other 5 people on my team who were from America were awesome too. Such a blessing in my life, and just the best people I could have gone with. I am so thankful to see them here, some every week.

The trip in a brief summary: We missed our layover in London because our plane was late, so we got a day to look around London. It's a place I never thought I'd see! It was stressful with 21 of us though. We had a day in Prague which was also beautiful and stressful at the same time. There were tons of trains, subways and buses in all our traveling. I've never sweat as much in my entire life as I did on this trip! Sometimes our camping backpack was on our backs and my book bag on my front, and it was heavy as we walked! At camp we had English classes - my class was great, so well  behaved, so ready to learn. We played games, had crafts, had speakers who told the story of the Prodigal son and some shared their testimonies, there were discussion groups, and each night was a different theme. On night was had one of their foods over the camp fire (sausage, bacon, and onion on a stick over the fire, then put on bread), smores, casino night, mexican night, and a night of worship. Traveling home was 31 hours straight of a bus and planes and cars, and I slept on and off the entire time, throwing off my sleeping schedule!

One of the girls in my room asked me one night why I came to Slovakia. I told her it was because God is the most important thing to me, and Jesus said to go into all the nations and tell others about Him and to love others and serve others, and that I would go wherever I could to do that. Coming back from this trip reminds me that it was a beautiful two weeks, but I am also called to do all of that here in my life now and every day. God is still here as much as He is there. There are people here who need to know God as much as in Slovakia or in Kenya. I just don't know what that looks like. It's a process. I know that the pain of coming back can't be quenched by being busy, reading good books, watching tv, or sleeping. It is only by bringing my heart to God and letting Him bring me peace that I will be able to feel ok again and find ways to serve with as much joy here as I did there.

Last night one of the girls in our group, Hannah Bickers, said that she wants to find something here that she can find just as much connection with and longing for. I totally agree. So whether you went to Slovakia or any other mission trip this summer or not, you still have the great opportunity to live out that same mission here.

We need constant reminding

Last year for student teaching, I had my own little desk. I put stuff on this desk to make it mine. Then I had my own little office last summer for a summer internship I had, and also put stuff on this even bigger desk. But when that job finished, I stuck it all in a box, and that box has sat in my room for the past year.

I have all this stuff from student teaching as well... supplies and lesson plans and just stuff. It's sat in a bag and a box in my room since last year, because there has been no where to put it. Our basement is full - I do have a giant box of kid books I'd bought over the 5 years in college when I went to yard sales and book fairs. Beside it sit tall chairs that I had at a breakfast bar at the house I rented for 2 years a few years ago. Oh yeah - and all the stuff I had for a house - dishes, kitchen stuff, etc. The rest is packed in my room which leaves me little room to walk.

Tonight I moved the boxes and bags of what has been sitting in my room into my brother's closet. He's in college. I put some winter clothes in there too. About 30 minutes after I did this, around 1 AM, the entire shelf came off the wall, so the clothes and stuff on top of the shelf came down on top of my bags and boxes into this giant mess. It woke my parents and my dad came running out of their room. As we opened the closet doors, some of the stuff came tumbling out onto the floor.

Well that about sums up my thoughts on that part of my life! Ha! I want to keep it. I want to hope that I will use it again some day. I have a whole shelf on my bookshelf with books on how to be a good teacher, and stuff that I would use to teach. I have a filing cabinet with everything I used during student teaching and college and things other teachers gave me. All in nice files, ready to go. Not being used. But all of it... as mess. All of it pushed behind closed doors that I say I will fix later, because I can't do anything about it right now. People ask me if I would move away to teach - not unless someone went with me, no. I can't just move out into the middle of nowhere by myself, I'm not that kind of person. My friends that did move away to get teaching jobs are married.

Tonight at bible study after we have small groups we break up into girls and guys to pray. We talked about our time in waiting for the "next thing" in life. For those in college they were waiting for a career / job. For those in jobs they didn't like, they wait for better jobs. For those who are single, they wait for a husband. For those who are married, they wait for the right time to have kids. For those who are broke, they wait for more money. We all acknowledged that we are anxiously awaiting something.

At the same time, we talked about verses in the bible that say how a person who is married has as divided heart, but one who is single can put all of their energy towards God and serving Him. (1 Corinthians 7) One girl who is married said she wished she had more of that mindset while she was single, and that it's true - being married, she wants to spend time with her husband and be sure the house is clean when he gets home and stuff... and always has to keep in check that God is coming first.

With God being first in every circumstance and stage in life, there comes a peace in knowing that He is orchastrating everything in His timing.

Now, being human, we need constant reminder.

Last week I had a day where small things in their timing made me remember that God's timing is perfect down to the milisecond. You know those random things you're like, "Ha! Well that is just funny God." One day I was pulling into the dollar store and a lady I knew from several years ago and her two kids were crossing in front of me to go to their car. I didn't stop or roll down my window because of the other cars. Then like an hour later I went to Wal-mart, and the same thing happened - as I was pulling in they were leaving and crossing in front of me! When I parked I was near them and went to say hello. That same day, I was in a store and saw a woman I recognized from a previous job, and remembered her name too, but didn't know her that well so I decided not to say anything. She didn't see me. A few minutes later I was on facebook on my phone and saw that one of my friends had just then become friends with that same woman I was standing near!! Of all times for them to become friends on facebook... just happened to be when I was standing near her.

Two weeks ago I saw two women come into Starbucks, and I knew I recognized them from my home church, but didn't know their names or anything. They ordered and didn't say, "I know you" so I didn't say anything. But then I decided to after they sat down. One lady said, "Oh! Yes I know, you're Bryant's daughter! I just ran into your mom at the grocery store yesterday and was asking if you still baby-sit..." My parents and I haven't seen them in years! So for us both to see them was funny.

I've also been in the middle of a busy shift at Starbucks and I just happened to glance out the front window and see a friend's car go by that I know (and I know it was them by their bumper stickers), more than once! In that random split second I look out the window, their car drives by! I mean really! How random but funny!

I've had times where I've been praying and praying about someone, and suddenly they walk into Starbucks while I'm working or I run into them somewhere! It literally surprises me. "Oh hey, I was just praying for you. And now here you are."

I recently prayed for something specific and had to step back and say, "If God says no, will I be ok?" and I had to write about it because I needed to remind myself that it would be ok because His choice is absolutely, positively, the best. I know I'm like a child asking for bubble gum for dinner sometimes, and God knows I need a real meal that is better.