Letting go and holding on

Perhaps some people are better at letting go of things than others.

I hold on tightly to memories, things that remind me of good things, and people.

I write in my journal often, not in fear of forgetting things, but in the intense need to write. I take a lot of pictures because I just love to do that. So from those two things alone, I have vivid memories preserved from most of my life. Yes, I had a plastic camera from 2nd-5th grade where the back opened and you put in film, advancing the film after each picture, and getting them two-day developed at the store. I also starting writing in a journal when I was 7. I have saved all the good letters people have written me since I was 9 and they are in shoeboxes in my closet.

I have a lot of random things in my room that are useless but meaningful to me. I have a board game in my closet that I may never play again, but it reminds me of all the times I played it with one of my friends that I never see anymore. I have a teddy bear that sits on my bookshelf from Build-a-Bear that reminds me of all my close high school friends because we took a day our senior year to draw names and make a bear for that person as a graduation gift since we couldn't all buy each other things. I have a ceramic piano that fits in my hand that my high school chorus teacher gave me in high school and she was one of my favorite teachers. I have a little bottle of sand and bright colored sea shells in the bottle with "A Little Bit O' Florida" on it because I bought it in middle school on the first mission trip I went to in Florida. I have a straw purse I will never use that sits on top of my bookshelf that women in Kenya made me in 2007 and 2009 while I was there.

Facebook allows me to somewhat keep up with or keep in touch with virtually everyone from my whole life that I want to keep up with. The farthest person back that I'm friends with on facebook is a girl from my kindergarten class in Columbus, GA. I hadn't seen her since Kindergarten because I moved, and after we found each other on facebook she transferred to KSU and we hung out some. I'm also friends with at least 10 teachers off the top of my head that I've had, probably more, all the way back to 3rd grade.

Most of the time when you're required to "let go" of someone, it is because one of you are moving, changing jobs, changing churches, changing schools, or however you normally see them you will no longer see them anymore. You either abruptly stop seeing them, or you gradually stop seeing them. Sometimes God allows you to cross paths again later in life at random times and it is such a blessing.

But normally, I'll be honest, I am terrible at letting people go, even when I'm the one going! High school graduation time, I was a wreck. When my friends over the years have moved, I hate it. When I leave a job, I'm usually sad because I don't really keep in touch with people I worked with before. It's only happened with a few people. In most situations, it's not possible or not easy to see people again once the "leaving" has happened.

So there it is. I'm not good at letting go. I've heard some people say, "Oh, sorry for not keeping in touch... if I don't see someone on a regular basis it's hard for me to keep in touch with them. I wish I were better at it." And yet I come from the opposite side saying that it's a pain to feel the need to keep in touch with everybody you ever loved and cared for. Of course it changes and lessens but random times will come where I just feel the need to see or write someone, even if it's been a year or two.