I taught a 6th grade girls small group for 2 years, then a high school girls' group for a year, and then stopped because they were no longer doing small groups and I was starting my year of student teaching. For about a year (Aug 2010-Dec 2011) I helped plan and serve with a young adults' worship service on Sunday nights at my church. It only lasted for the year of 2011 though - we couldn't get enough people to come. I think being 30 minutes away from any college hinders the location and it just wouldn't get off the ground. I also did nursrey once a month for several years. So since January I haven't been serving in the church, and it may have been the first time ever that I haven't been actively serving or doing something in the church. Partly because I was between two churches, but also because I didn't know what I wanted to do or where to serve and felt no direction.
When I came back from Slovakia, part of my frustration was, "What am I doing here?? Nothing!!" I put prayer into high gear and decided to switch churches to Northstar, and asked our young adults' pastor, Bryan, "Where do you need me?" He said to help with the youth since they are starting small groups soon. I said I'd like high school girls but didn't care which grade, so he will be letting me know which grade. I'm so excited! From what I know I will be with one other woman so that we can co-teach and when one of us is sick or out of town the other can teach. I'm so excited to start! I know that youth ministry is also challenging but am ready to do this again. I am already praying hard for the girls that I will meet and that will be in my group. I am stoked.
Also, last Sunday morning I woke up to a facebook message from the guy at Northstar who takes pictures and videos, who also went to Slovakia with us, named Chris. He asked if I would help take pictures at the church picnic that night since he would be doing video and others would be taking some pictures and videos too. I was excited and was like, "Yeah! I'd love to!" and even though I felt a little uncomfortable because I didn't know that many people overall, I still loved it. Talking to my parents that night, they said, "Well, we know that sometimes when a job you have isn't enjoyable or where you want to be, you can always find other things outside of your job to enjoy. Since you like taking pictures, maybe you could see if Chris needs any help." I thought he probably wouldn't because Northstar is such a big church that he would have a million people wanting to help out. It's like when people want to sing on stage in a big church... well they only pick the best people or who they know because probably 100 people think they want to sing on stage. But I thought about it and thought that even if they didn't need "help," I'd still like to learn stuff. I called Chris at the office Tuesday and left a message, and didn't hear back. I called again Thursday and he wasn't in the office. Thursday I talked to Bryan and asked when Chris was in the office and how I thought about asking him if he needed help with anything. He laughed and said, "It's funny you say that... we had a staff meeting and we were thinking of some specific stuff we need done, and we brought up your name!" I thought it may have been because I called Tuesday even though I didn't say why I was calling, but when I told Chris I called he said, "Oh, the light on my phone is broken so I never know if I have voice mails! I didn't know you called." For now I'll go in maybe once a week in the morning and we'll go from there and see what areas he needs help in! I'm so excited about this as well!
Without having a place to serve in the church, it just added to my feeling like a fish out of the water. Step one: find a place to serve in the church. Done. Step two: find a job that pays more and that is more enjoyable for me. I have no idea what that is right now. I wish I did, and I wish I could just send in my picture to a website and they could scan my face and say, "Your perfect job would be...." I don't really know what God has planned for me as far as a career or how I get past minimum wage, but maybe God has been waiting for me to get plugged back in to serving before finding a new job. When people ask me, "Well what do you like doing that you could do for a job?" I just get frustrated because I know they mean well, but trust me, I have been on all the search engines typing in key words to look for jobs that I don't know exist, or what I would like to do. I like to read, write, sing, play piano, take pictures, work with kids, teach, work with middle and high schoolers, go on mission trips, travel, go new places, and be on computer related things (facebook, youtube, blogs, pinterest). As the saying goes, "I do many things well, none of which generate income." I think I'd like a church job, but those are hard to get. I still like working with kids, but I don't what else to do with my degree that is not in a classroom setting. Still searching. I've been looking for full time baby-sitting jobs recently, but it's not happening so far. It's ok though. God's got it.
I read 1 Samuel the other day. Yep, almost the entire book in one sitting. I just opened up the bible and saw a verse at the beginning of that book that caught my eye, and started reading. I read like I have never read it before. I have, but I don't remember it for some reason. It came to a funny part to me - Saul's dad sent him out to find his lost donkeys. Meanwhile God told Samuel, "I'm sending you a guy who will be king I have chosen, you'll see him tomorrow morning." When Saul can't find the donkeys, the guy with him says, "Well I've heard this guy Samuel is a Seer and might know where your donkeys are." So they go to Samuel and Samuel says, "Yep, I know where your donkeys are, I'll have my men hold them for you down the road on your way home, but I'm also here to tell you that you're going to be king." Saul gets the donkeys, goes home, and doesn't tell anybody. Probably because he thinks it's crazy. Nobody has been king of that area up until that point anyways. Then when ALL these people get together to hear who the king will be, Samuel says it will be Saul and they can't find Saul. Samuel asks God where he is and God says, "He's hiding in the baggage." I seriously laughed out loud at that! And yep, he was hiding!
God used lost donkeys to lead Saul to another land where he would become king. Something so minor became the leading to something so much bigger. I know that the bible is FULL of stories like that, showing how God orchestrates so many things together and weaves details together that mere humans could not, in order to accomplish His will. It is so encouraging for me to know that although my life sometimes feels like a mishmash of random stuff, He is putting all of those details together to put me where He wants me!
There are still more things that I am praying about that I need to hear from the Lord that have been on my heart. I recently thought... if something is so important to me but I feel like I'm not hearing God or that I'm not at peace about something that is constantly on my mind and heart, why would I spend hours in my day listening to music, being on facebook, and reading books when I could be sitting listening to the Lord and praying about it? If it's so important, why am I not praying more? So I am praying not only for myself and guidance in many areas, but also for many of my friends and family. It is such a joy to pray for others when you truly do it. It's true - sometimes when the only thing you can do is pray it feels frustrating, but that just means that God is doing all the work and all that could come out of it would be all from God. I have such a difficult time knowing when to act or when to wait, as I would much rather act. But there are some things where it has to come from God or God has to work in other people to bring things about.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, listened to me, given advice, and encouraged me for the past year!
I am so excited to see what God has planned over this upcoming year. I know that He is the writer of the bible, and the write of my life, which means that throughout that ups and downs and long periods of waiting and unseen reasons, God has a beautiful story to write.
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