Things I like about my current season of life (working 10 hours a week, broke, job searching, single):
-Extra time with friends
-I love my church job
-Staying up late, waking up late. I function best late at night.
-Not having anxiety attacks / panic attacks that I was having at Starbucks
-Being able to be flexible and do spur of the moment things
-Extra time with God and praying more
-Extra time to read
-Extra time to play games
-Did I say extra time?
-Not having to cook much since I'm just eating for me
-Going on mission trips and youth trips is easier than if I had kids
-I don't have to homeschool or put my kid in public school
-It's quiet. My room is quiet, my house is quiet, it's good.
-I can sit in my room for hours and do things on my time, alone, and peacefully
-I love taking pictures even when I don't get paid for it
-I don't feel bad for napping, but really I get enough sleep each night now and don't need to nap much
-When I'm sick I don't have to be around other people or call out from work
-When I have bad cramps once a month I don't have to be standing and running around the place like at Starbucks, I can do everything in my room sitting or laying down
-I can eat whenever the heck I want instead of asking for a break at work when I'm starving! And I can eat healthier really because I have more options of food at home instead of only being able to bring certain food to work
All that being said, I'm still ready for a full time job that I love, still want to move out, and still want a husband. All of the above does not diminish my desire for those things, I just want to enjoy where I'm currently at because this is where God has me. I hope that I can always see the good in where God has me.
Friday, August 10, 2018
Saturday, July 14, 2018
My 1:45 AM random thoughts
My 1:45 AM random thoughts.
Why did God make our hearts to be so much stronger than our brain sometimes? I mean I get that it's good for our heart to be full of love and patience and all the good stuff, and those things should be strong. But why does He allow our heart to make the decisions on other things too, and so quickly override? Brain says make better boundaries, heart says no I don't want to. Brain says eat better, heart says eat sweets. Brain says save money, heart says I want to buy coffee. Brain says things are going to be fine, heart says PANIC!
Next thought. I am reading / looking at The Bible Project book, one book of the bible a day. Today I read and looked at Numbers. It called the wilderness the desert of Paran, and I have never ever noticed that before, or ever considered that the wilderness had a name. I looked up the Hebrew meaning for Paran, and it means to glorify or beautify. The opposite of the wildreness!! The Israelites complained the whole time, and then they all died before getting to the Promised Land - only their children got in - so it didn't beautify them, and I mean the only way I could see that it glorified God is that He kept is covenant promise that they would get in, but only their kids. But I want to look more into that later.
Third thought. I hate when I read Christian non-fiction that sounds like a good idea, but then I read it and it's so common sense and dull. Like someone wrote whole books on what could have been one page. But then other books I read I'm underlining tons of stuff and it's so impactful. For example, all of the books I've read by Priscilla Shirer have been amazing! And so powerful. Right now though I'm reading a book that had good reviews but it's just so watered down that I'm trying to skim it to finish it.
Why did God make our hearts to be so much stronger than our brain sometimes? I mean I get that it's good for our heart to be full of love and patience and all the good stuff, and those things should be strong. But why does He allow our heart to make the decisions on other things too, and so quickly override? Brain says make better boundaries, heart says no I don't want to. Brain says eat better, heart says eat sweets. Brain says save money, heart says I want to buy coffee. Brain says things are going to be fine, heart says PANIC!
Next thought. I am reading / looking at The Bible Project book, one book of the bible a day. Today I read and looked at Numbers. It called the wilderness the desert of Paran, and I have never ever noticed that before, or ever considered that the wilderness had a name. I looked up the Hebrew meaning for Paran, and it means to glorify or beautify. The opposite of the wildreness!! The Israelites complained the whole time, and then they all died before getting to the Promised Land - only their children got in - so it didn't beautify them, and I mean the only way I could see that it glorified God is that He kept is covenant promise that they would get in, but only their kids. But I want to look more into that later.
Third thought. I hate when I read Christian non-fiction that sounds like a good idea, but then I read it and it's so common sense and dull. Like someone wrote whole books on what could have been one page. But then other books I read I'm underlining tons of stuff and it's so impactful. For example, all of the books I've read by Priscilla Shirer have been amazing! And so powerful. Right now though I'm reading a book that had good reviews but it's just so watered down that I'm trying to skim it to finish it.
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Day four. Places to go, people to see, things to do... jobs to apply to.
Day 4 of my freedom from Starbucks.
In the past 4 days I have had Panera with a friend,
gotten Krispy Kreme donuts, held a sleeping baby in the nursery, had pizza with
a friend, went to friends' house to catch up and play games, walked some trails
with a friend, took pictures of a mom and her 8 month old in a field of
sunflowers, read books, and spent time with God.
Last week I applied to 8 places, emailed 6 places to see
if they were hiring, and up 4 email alerts if their company posted a new job
that matched what I was looking for. Just yesterday and today I applied to 3
places, emailed 1 place, and have 6 companies set to email me or to check back
on. I'm not job searching on Sundays.
In a few days, several of my close friends come back from
Slovakia, and I haven't seen them in three weeks. And then two others I haven't
seen in 6-9 weeks. It's stupid how much I miss them. I'm serious. It's stupid.
There have been moments where I didn't feel like doing
anything. Like I literally just sat there and did nothing for a solid 15
minutes. And then I had to make myself get up and do something.
One of the jobs I applied to said, "860 other people
have applied to this job" and I do not want to know that!!!
Saturday, July 7, 2018
Day one. Two thumbs up!
Day one of my freedom from Starbucks:
I got Starbucks (I know, ironic, but I still like coffee and I did not go to MY Starbucks) on my way to Panera Bread 45 minutes away near Atlanta. There I had lunch with one of my best friends Kaylene for several hours. I have not seen her since Christmas, although we text a lot. On my way home I stopped at Krispy Kreme and The Daily Grind to get more coffee, since it was around 4:00 by then. I job searched a bit before dinner. I was online for a while after dinner, and then read some.
Tomorrow is church and small group / bible study. A new pizza place just opened up right next to our church, so I'm going there for lunch. I'm looking forward to a bunch of my friends coming home this week from 3 weeks in Slovakia - a some that have been there even longer. I have 14 paid vacation hours to put in for Starbucks this week too.
Saturdays were my least favorite days at Starbucks because they were some of the busiest, and often understaffed because of the amount of labor Starbucks allowed us to have. So thankful that today was far better than all my other Saturdays working!
I got Starbucks (I know, ironic, but I still like coffee and I did not go to MY Starbucks) on my way to Panera Bread 45 minutes away near Atlanta. There I had lunch with one of my best friends Kaylene for several hours. I have not seen her since Christmas, although we text a lot. On my way home I stopped at Krispy Kreme and The Daily Grind to get more coffee, since it was around 4:00 by then. I job searched a bit before dinner. I was online for a while after dinner, and then read some.
Tomorrow is church and small group / bible study. A new pizza place just opened up right next to our church, so I'm going there for lunch. I'm looking forward to a bunch of my friends coming home this week from 3 weeks in Slovakia - a some that have been there even longer. I have 14 paid vacation hours to put in for Starbucks this week too.
Saturdays were my least favorite days at Starbucks because they were some of the busiest, and often understaffed because of the amount of labor Starbucks allowed us to have. So thankful that today was far better than all my other Saturdays working!
Thursday, July 5, 2018
It's coming
Tomorrow - TOMORROW! - is my last day at Starbucks. Six years and eight months.
This week I have applied for and sent emails inquiring about jobs to 14 places (and I also worked 11 hours at Starbucks, and 6 and a half hours tomorrow). Today alone I job searched for 3 hours split between doing other things.
Intermixed with my job searching, I'm so glad I will have friends to hang out with, books to read, my church job and meetings, and more.
I finished a book called, "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire" today, a book about prayer, and it was good. I know that praying for the right job is bigger than my job searching, because only God can get me a job. I am of course supposed to job search and do my part, but I know that it's all in God's hands as to which job I get (and don't get).
I got The Bible Project giant book, where it has drawings of each book of the bible, and the text about the explanation of it all too, like a commentary without too much confusing stuff. I'm going to read one each day, so 66 days worth. Today I read the Genesis one.
Someone asked me how I was going to celebrate ending my job, and I'm not doing anything tomorrow night, but Saturday I'm going to have lunch with my friend Kaylene who I only get to see twice a year, so that's a celebration! And then since we're meeting halfway, and it's 45 minutes from me, I'm also going to get Krispy Kreme donuts on the way home since it is near where we are meeting. That's a great celebration day for me! :-)
This week I have applied for and sent emails inquiring about jobs to 14 places (and I also worked 11 hours at Starbucks, and 6 and a half hours tomorrow). Today alone I job searched for 3 hours split between doing other things.
Intermixed with my job searching, I'm so glad I will have friends to hang out with, books to read, my church job and meetings, and more.
I finished a book called, "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire" today, a book about prayer, and it was good. I know that praying for the right job is bigger than my job searching, because only God can get me a job. I am of course supposed to job search and do my part, but I know that it's all in God's hands as to which job I get (and don't get).
I got The Bible Project giant book, where it has drawings of each book of the bible, and the text about the explanation of it all too, like a commentary without too much confusing stuff. I'm going to read one each day, so 66 days worth. Today I read the Genesis one.
Someone asked me how I was going to celebrate ending my job, and I'm not doing anything tomorrow night, but Saturday I'm going to have lunch with my friend Kaylene who I only get to see twice a year, so that's a celebration! And then since we're meeting halfway, and it's 45 minutes from me, I'm also going to get Krispy Kreme donuts on the way home since it is near where we are meeting. That's a great celebration day for me! :-)
Thursday, June 28, 2018
My layover in life
In 2012, on my way to Slovakia, we had a layover in London. We missed our flight because our plane was late getting in, and I thought we would have to sleep in the airport and stay 24 hours. But two of our people flew out pretty shortly after, and the airport paid for the rest of us to stay in a hotel, paid for dinner, and we got to go see London for an entire day! It was the best layover of my life! London was never somewhere I thought I would get to see. I was so excited to get on the upstairs part of the double decker bus, and just be in a foreign city that I wasn't expecting to see.
On top of that, that night at the hotel I was put in a room with a girl named Katie, who I didn't know very well, and that night was when our friendship really started. She woke me up by talking in her sleep in the middle of the night and I didn't know she was sleeping so I responded, which woke her up, and then we ended up talking for a few hours. And our lifelong friendship began. I remember thinking that night that I really wanted to be friends with this girl, and I had missed that realization before.
So when I pray for people in their traveling, I usually pray that they catch their flights at the right time, but that if they don't, that God would make their layover a great one. It has also been such a cool metaphor in my life in that we always want to catch our flight and get to the places we want to go in a timely manner and not hate the way there. But what if on the way there your layover is NOT where you're stuck in an airport for 24 hours, but getting to go sightseeing and making a best friend?
What if this "layover" in between jobs for me is not to be seen as a punishment or a terrible time, but somehow something good will happen? Maybe I won't get a job right away, but maybe God will have a purpose for the in-between time, and later I will say it was the best in-between time I could have had. It doesn't mean I won't still look hard for a job. It doesn't mean I'll be lazy. It doesn't mean I'll just read books for 10 hours a day. But in this time, I want to be attune to what God is doing, what He is teaching me, what He is saying, and where He wants me to go.
I'll probably be blogging / writing a little more during this time, and I hope that somehow it will be encouraging to others, and that it will bring glory to God and to what He is doing. I have heard other people telling their stories of what God has done and is doing in their life, and sometimes it's just amazing to hear, and so I hope I can do the same. My sweet friend Anna tells me all the time to write a book because of the things God has done in my life, and I told her I might some day, but it'll probably be a few years. :-)
On top of that, that night at the hotel I was put in a room with a girl named Katie, who I didn't know very well, and that night was when our friendship really started. She woke me up by talking in her sleep in the middle of the night and I didn't know she was sleeping so I responded, which woke her up, and then we ended up talking for a few hours. And our lifelong friendship began. I remember thinking that night that I really wanted to be friends with this girl, and I had missed that realization before.
So when I pray for people in their traveling, I usually pray that they catch their flights at the right time, but that if they don't, that God would make their layover a great one. It has also been such a cool metaphor in my life in that we always want to catch our flight and get to the places we want to go in a timely manner and not hate the way there. But what if on the way there your layover is NOT where you're stuck in an airport for 24 hours, but getting to go sightseeing and making a best friend?
What if this "layover" in between jobs for me is not to be seen as a punishment or a terrible time, but somehow something good will happen? Maybe I won't get a job right away, but maybe God will have a purpose for the in-between time, and later I will say it was the best in-between time I could have had. It doesn't mean I won't still look hard for a job. It doesn't mean I'll be lazy. It doesn't mean I'll just read books for 10 hours a day. But in this time, I want to be attune to what God is doing, what He is teaching me, what He is saying, and where He wants me to go.
I'll probably be blogging / writing a little more during this time, and I hope that somehow it will be encouraging to others, and that it will bring glory to God and to what He is doing. I have heard other people telling their stories of what God has done and is doing in their life, and sometimes it's just amazing to hear, and so I hope I can do the same. My sweet friend Anna tells me all the time to write a book because of the things God has done in my life, and I told her I might some day, but it'll probably be a few years. :-)
Friday, June 22, 2018
My scattered thoughts on quitting my job today: Finally!
Today I put my two weeks notice in for Starbucks after almost 7 years. I'll be living off of a 10 hour a week job at my church, and my savings. I'll be job searching extra hard. And praying even harder.
Of course the fears come in. How long can I be without a job? How long can I slowly go through my savings? How long can I keep paying my student loans? How long can I go without insurance?
Is there even a way to ENJOY being without a job (minus my church job)? Is there any way I can even view this as a journey or an adventure? How do I listen to what the Lord is saying and know where the Lord is guiding me? Is there a way to receive peace from Him in this time?
Someone from my church that I don't even know all that well sent me a message about something else, and then saw that I quit my job and said, "Congratulations! I'm sure that was a big decision. But it's amazing the opportunities that God provides when we're not busy doing the stuff we don't need to be doing." WOW! What a perspective switch! I know that God has wanted me at Starbucks and I have planted lots of seeds there, but maybe there came a time when my season of fruitfulness there was over and I just stayed because I didn't have another job. Who knows.
There are so many rude, annoying, and angry customers that I'm glad I'll never have to see again. There are so many unrealistic, stupid, petty rules I'll never have to follow again.
I'll have to exercise more since I won't be on my feet 8 hours a day. I'll save money in gas from not driving 20 minutes to and from work each day. I'll have to cut back on drinking coffee because I won't be able to afford it, but maybe it'll be good for my body anyways.
Maybe I'll only be off for 2 weeks, and then get a job, and then this time in-between jobs will be shorter than I imagined.
Things I'm Thankful For:
-Friends that are praying for me, going to keep me accountable to job searching, are encouraging, and who make my life so beautiful
-My church
-Church job that I love
-Parents
-I already have books to read so I don't need to buy any more
-God has been answering other prayers in my life and other people's lives and it has been great to see!
Of course the fears come in. How long can I be without a job? How long can I slowly go through my savings? How long can I keep paying my student loans? How long can I go without insurance?
Is there even a way to ENJOY being without a job (minus my church job)? Is there any way I can even view this as a journey or an adventure? How do I listen to what the Lord is saying and know where the Lord is guiding me? Is there a way to receive peace from Him in this time?
Someone from my church that I don't even know all that well sent me a message about something else, and then saw that I quit my job and said, "Congratulations! I'm sure that was a big decision. But it's amazing the opportunities that God provides when we're not busy doing the stuff we don't need to be doing." WOW! What a perspective switch! I know that God has wanted me at Starbucks and I have planted lots of seeds there, but maybe there came a time when my season of fruitfulness there was over and I just stayed because I didn't have another job. Who knows.
There are so many rude, annoying, and angry customers that I'm glad I'll never have to see again. There are so many unrealistic, stupid, petty rules I'll never have to follow again.
I'll have to exercise more since I won't be on my feet 8 hours a day. I'll save money in gas from not driving 20 minutes to and from work each day. I'll have to cut back on drinking coffee because I won't be able to afford it, but maybe it'll be good for my body anyways.
Maybe I'll only be off for 2 weeks, and then get a job, and then this time in-between jobs will be shorter than I imagined.
Things I'm Thankful For:
-Friends that are praying for me, going to keep me accountable to job searching, are encouraging, and who make my life so beautiful
-My church
-Church job that I love
-Parents
-I already have books to read so I don't need to buy any more
-God has been answering other prayers in my life and other people's lives and it has been great to see!
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
On Jordan's stormy banks I stand
It's the end of the wilderness. I can see the other side. So hold on now, I'm going in. I'm wading into the river, praying the Lord holds up the water where I can't even see it, allowing me to pass through. May this all bring Him glory. May the stories that led up to this time point people to Him, and may the fulfillment of His promises show others that He is indeed real.
I have stacks of rocks behind me, of moments He spoke, of moments He encouraged me, and I glance at them often to remember what amazing things He did to lead up to this. But of course I battle the doubts, because it's all in what I have heard Him say and nothing in the circumstances that I can see. Perhaps if even one small thing were reflecting what I've heard...but no, I haven't seen it yet. I have only heard. I can only trust. I trust the One who has spoken, and I believe the Lord will do what He says.
The spiritual attacks have been an onslaught over the past few months. Things have stepped up a notch. As if satan thinks any attack would thwart God's plan. Ha! No. Because I know all of this, all of what He has promised, is not of MY doing, but of His. Sure, He has asked me to do specific things, and I have been obedient to the best of my human abilities. But it is not all dependent on me. So I fight the attacks. I pray the big things. I push and push and push and push. I march around the walls of Jericho over and over, waiting for the day when it crumbles down in an instant.
As I pondered this the other day, the imagery of standing at the brink of the Promised Land, of the fulfillment of what God has promised, I was scrolling through Facebook and Crowder posted a line on his facebook that said, "I'm longing for the Promise Land. Are you with me?" with a link to a video of him singing a song that I had never heard before, from a few years ago. Some of the lyrics are, "On Jordan's stormy banks I stand, I'm longing for the promised land... I believe something is coming, there's no way I can move unless You choose to do something." Yes! What great timing to read that and hear that song for the first time, as I had just been thinking about that.
I have stacks of rocks behind me, of moments He spoke, of moments He encouraged me, and I glance at them often to remember what amazing things He did to lead up to this. But of course I battle the doubts, because it's all in what I have heard Him say and nothing in the circumstances that I can see. Perhaps if even one small thing were reflecting what I've heard...but no, I haven't seen it yet. I have only heard. I can only trust. I trust the One who has spoken, and I believe the Lord will do what He says.
The spiritual attacks have been an onslaught over the past few months. Things have stepped up a notch. As if satan thinks any attack would thwart God's plan. Ha! No. Because I know all of this, all of what He has promised, is not of MY doing, but of His. Sure, He has asked me to do specific things, and I have been obedient to the best of my human abilities. But it is not all dependent on me. So I fight the attacks. I pray the big things. I push and push and push and push. I march around the walls of Jericho over and over, waiting for the day when it crumbles down in an instant.
As I pondered this the other day, the imagery of standing at the brink of the Promised Land, of the fulfillment of what God has promised, I was scrolling through Facebook and Crowder posted a line on his facebook that said, "I'm longing for the Promise Land. Are you with me?" with a link to a video of him singing a song that I had never heard before, from a few years ago. Some of the lyrics are, "On Jordan's stormy banks I stand, I'm longing for the promised land... I believe something is coming, there's no way I can move unless You choose to do something." Yes! What great timing to read that and hear that song for the first time, as I had just been thinking about that.
Sunday, May 20, 2018
The fire
I felt like I heard a spark, and when I turned around, there was a giant fire ablaze. To make it worse, the wind picked it up, coursing through the flames to strengthen it. On one hand, the warmth and beauty is stunning. On the other hand, it burns quickly toward destruction. Trying to put out the fire is a daunting task because I feel so unequipped and unable to pull myself together and actually do it. I feel like if I could just get the fire under control, it would be a nice bonfire instead of a forest fire. But I have no idea what to do or what is going to happen. When hearts and sin an flesh is involved, there's an uncontrollable force behind it. Of course the Holy Spirit is greater than all fires, and I pray He calms the fire just like Jesus calmed the sea.
Celebrate in the waiting
Times that I'm good with waiting:
-When I'm waiting on someone who is late and I have a book to read or I have other things I need to catch up on, or when I'm actively doing something fun while I wait
-When I have someone I enjoy to wait with me
-When I need to process or think about something, and waiting gives me the opportunity to do that
-When I see the steps along the way that are leading up to an end result, or there is a specific end time (that isn't a ridiculous amount of time)
-When God gives me supernatural peace and patience
-When there are things to take pictures of while I wait
I do not celebrate the waiting itself, I celebrate IN the waiting. Same thing with the scripture about being thankful IN all circumstances, not FOR all circumstances.
There's a song called, "While I'm Waiting," by John Waller, and it's good... part of the chorus says, "While I'm waiting, I will serve You. While I'm waiting, I will worship." While I'm waiting I will be about the Lord's business, doing my best to run the race well, be obedient, and continue spreading the Good News. While I'm waiting I will use the gifts the Lord gave me, I will serve others, I will live life with friends, and I will write down all that God does so I can go back and remember it.
I know that God has great plans! And I know His timing is perfect. Scripture trumps feelings, and truth prevails through trials and attacks. His grace covers all my weaknesses and sins, and He still chooses to use a broken vessel (myself) to reach others.
-When I'm waiting on someone who is late and I have a book to read or I have other things I need to catch up on, or when I'm actively doing something fun while I wait
-When I have someone I enjoy to wait with me
-When I need to process or think about something, and waiting gives me the opportunity to do that
-When I see the steps along the way that are leading up to an end result, or there is a specific end time (that isn't a ridiculous amount of time)
-When God gives me supernatural peace and patience
-When there are things to take pictures of while I wait
I do not celebrate the waiting itself, I celebrate IN the waiting. Same thing with the scripture about being thankful IN all circumstances, not FOR all circumstances.
There's a song called, "While I'm Waiting," by John Waller, and it's good... part of the chorus says, "While I'm waiting, I will serve You. While I'm waiting, I will worship." While I'm waiting I will be about the Lord's business, doing my best to run the race well, be obedient, and continue spreading the Good News. While I'm waiting I will use the gifts the Lord gave me, I will serve others, I will live life with friends, and I will write down all that God does so I can go back and remember it.
I know that God has great plans! And I know His timing is perfect. Scripture trumps feelings, and truth prevails through trials and attacks. His grace covers all my weaknesses and sins, and He still chooses to use a broken vessel (myself) to reach others.
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