I went to Lifeway Christian Bookstore the other day, and usually I end up having to stop looking because I can't buy any more, and if I look anymore then I will just buy more. I didn't go in looking for anything specific, but as I began to look, I was really unsatisfied with everything I saw. I also read Kyle Idleman's newest book called, "The End of Me" about the sermon on the mount, how everything the world says is the opposite of what Jesus says we should be. But I struggled to finish it, because it was predictable for me. As I looked at the books in Lifeway, I could look at most of the titles and know what they were about. How to not be too busy. How important it is to rest on the sabbath. How to manage your money in a Godly way. How to be a good mom/ wife. The importance of loving people. The importance of church. The importance of reading the bible. It's like... I get it, I know how I'm supposed to live and what I'm supposed to do, it's just the matter of doing it. And I'm tired of reading books about it.
I was somewhat sad, because how do you find books that are good then, if you don't want to read predictable Christian non-fiction? I walked over to the "Classics" section, which is really tiny, and the books are mostly facing out because that takes up more space than having them all lined up by the spine. There was a huge, ugly, brown book sitting there, but I know I've heard the name Andrew Murray before, so I picked it up. First I checked the price - only $30 - and it was 7 books in one. It said, "Collected Works on Prayer," on it. The books were titled "Abide in Christ, The Prayer Life, Waiting on God, With Christ in the School of Prayer, The Ministry of Intercession, The Secret of Intercession, and Prayer Guide." 925 pages.
Listen, I've read all the Harry Potter books, Twlight, Hunger Games, and Divergent books. Some of them were HUGE, especially the later Harry Potter books, so 925 pages sounds long, but if I can read all those other books, then this is not too big.
Anyways, when I read those titles I was like, "YES. THIS ONE." Because I have thought, "What does it really mean to abide in Christ?" And I don't know much about intercessory prayer, or what that really means. The cashier joked, "Oh, doing some light reading?" So now I have this big, ugly book sitting on my bookshelf, and I'm stoked to read it.
I've started reading it. But you know what else has happened since I got it? I've fallen asleep when I could have been reading it. I've wasted too much time on the internet. The other night I was looking at something on imdb and decided I wanted to rate every movie and tv show I have ever watched that I could ever remember. It took me a few hours, and then I wasn't finished but I had to go to bed. What the heck. It's my flesh fighting against my desire for the Lord. It's annoying. What is it about humans that makes us want the Lord, but let ourselves be so distracted as well?
It's a vicious cycle - to have the fruit of the spirit, which includes patience and self-control, you have to be actively IN the spirit. So when you want it but don't have it, you have to have it to go get more of it. Or something.
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