Praying

I was thinking back to what I was praying for fiercely last year at this time... and some of it is exactly the same thing I'm praying for fiercely now. And I thought, well what good was that? I didn't see any results from that time last year, or from praying about it during all of 2015. But it's hard to say that a time of prayer is unfruitful, because it could have just been fruit I didn't see. It could have been something that God did in my own heart that changed, or even in other people's hearts that I didn't see. It could have protected me from bad situations or circumstances or choices. It could have helped things go smoothly or beautifully or peacefully, that I was unaware that those things were the outcomes of my prayers.

And so, round two. Or three. Or ten. I heard the bell ding, sounding off for the fight to begin, and I just want to sit down and stop for a breath. And by that I mean I want to not turn on my phone or computer for a week, not go to work, and stay in my room for a week, with nothing to do but read Christian non-fiction, read the bible, and pray. Because my goodness, there's a war out there. Between me, my friends, and my family, there's some craziness going on that needs some serious prayer. On top of that, there's some craziness going on in my heart and head that also needs some serious prayer. My room is like a bomb shelter, and I just want to stay here. But I also feel like praying has been a fight. I come day after day to pray, to listen, to let go. But I feel like I can't pray enough. I'm saying the same things over and over again, and saying, "God! This is so important! How can I say it in a different way? It's heavy on my heart. It's weighing on my mind. It's deep in my bones. It's constantly in my thoughts. It's consistently fighting to dominate my emotions. Please, do something."

I have two things that I've prayed for as long a I can remember, and that I will pray for the rest of my life until God answers it or takes away that desire completely. But recently two more have arose. And they have equally become something I want to pray for until God answers, even if that means the next 10 years.

I imagine God sitting on this huge, golden, sparkling throne, with Jesus sitting at the one on His right hand side, and I'm all like, "Hey! Mind if I pull up my camping chair?" So I awkwardly unfold a chair that looks like it has been overused and might be slightly off balance where you can shift your weight and the chairs moves back and forth, and plop down to have a conversation. And I tell Him what's on my heart, and wait for a response. And sometimes I imagine someone I'm praying for walking up with their camping chair and putting it next to mine and saying, "Hey! What's up! What are you praying about?" "You!" and then having them join in with me to talk to God about the same thing.