Middle school: the terrible years

(Things in bold are my comments now.)


April 2001 - 7th grade

In 5 years from now…

I’ll be 17, almost 18. I’ll be in my last year of High School. I will be driving and hopefully have my own car. I will be looking for a college. I will have dated a lot, and kissed some. (Nope, neither by 18.) Chris will be 13. Hopefully I’ll still be friends with Sara Volkodav. (We were best friends from 2nd -9th grade, but were only acquaintances by 18.) I will enjoy everything at home and with my family, and at church and at youth group. Because if I go to a college where I live there, I’d never live at home again, (Well, I'm living at home now.) and never do goofy games and fun activities in youth group.

In 10 years from now…

I’ll be 22, almost 23. I’ll probably be almost getting my bachelor’s degree in collage. I’ll be close to becoming a teacher. (Yes... but then not teach.) Chris will be 18, and will be in his last year of high school. Mom and Dad will be 50. (Ha, ha, ha!) I’ll be maybe thinking about someone to marry – but then again as slow as I am now with stuff like that, I may not even be close. (Well. Called that one.)

In 15 years from now…

I’ll be 27, and be finished with school. I’ll have my own house in Georgia, (Nope) where I can still go to Mars Hill Presbyterian Church. (Thankfully no) Chris will be 23, and in college hopefully. (He was, but not anymore.) Mom and Dad will be 55. I will be a 2nd or 3rd grade teacher, (I'm not) and I’ll have a great group of kids, and be having lots of fun. I’ll be getting close to getting married if I haven’t already. (I'm not married. Not close either.)

In 20 years from now…

I’ll be 32! I’ll be married, and possibly have one kid. (I really hope it’s a cute girl.) I’ll still be teaching. (I won't be.)  Hopefully I’ll still be living in Georgia. (I don't really care if I am or not.) Chris will be 28, probably married, maybe almost with a kid. Mom and Dad will be 60 and probably grandparents. Dave and Dad will do my wedding and I’ll have a cute little flower girl. (Lol, Dave was my youth pastor who ended up going into the military. He won't be doing my wedding.) I will read back at this when I’m 17, 23, and 27 and laugh probably at how different it is. (Yep, got that right.) Oh, and here’s how I want my house: with 2 stories, and bright painted walls. Well, whatever I do, and wherever I am in 20 years, I know the Lord will be in control. (That He is!)

March 2002 - 8th grade

Only Me

“Get with partners,
No more than three.”
But I have no partner
It’s only me.
 
They sit there and talk
About everything they own
And everything in the world
While I sit alone.
 
I’m invisible,
All day
Unnoticed.
Not a single word I say.
 
Sometimes I feel
Like I’m watching TV,
I watch and listen
But I don’t act I just see.
 
I’m running out of patience
There’s something I want to be
Something different, but
It’s only me.
 

 
Invisible

Sometimes I look in the mirror

To make sure I’m still there
Sometimes I feel invisible
It’s not fair.
 
Someday I want to be important
Be known and be seen
And not have to be known for something like
Dying my hair green.
 
I wonder what it’s like to be
Someone who’s always “there.”
I am always invisible
It’s not fair.
 
Do you have any idea
How much it can hurt?
Of course you don’t,
You’re not treated like dirt.
 
How long will this go on?
Maybe 100 years.
I wonder if by then
I will run out of tears.