The deepest of love, and of letting go

Maybe it's just girls who run through scenarios and conversations in their heads that will never happen, but maybe guys do it too and just do it less. Either way, sometimes those imaginary conversations of "what if" help me to realize things and see things differently. And maybe God works through that to give clarity and realizations that hadn't come before.

Tonight as I ran through a series of events in my head - what I would do and say and how this other person would probably react - it was one of those "worst case scenario" moments where I just didn't see a good ending to it if I actually said and did those things. Bummer. However, this is what I thought after that...

If someone is on a diet, and it's a struggle for them not to eat chocolate, then I won't eat chocolate in front of them. If someone is an alcoholic, trying to stop drinking all together, then I won't drink in front of them. (I rarely drink, but just giving an example.) When you care for someone, you sometimes make sacrifices or change things while you're around them because it would be selfish otherwise, and that is the last thing that Jesus was. So if someone says their life is better off without me in it... even when I don't understand why, and it hurts, then I'm out. It's the weirdest thing to want someone else to be happy even when their happiness means your sadness. It's the kind of love that far exceeds a romantic love, but a love that wants the other person to have what they want and have a beautiful life even if it means it's sad for the other person. For example, one of my best friends, Joy, is in Bosnia for a year. I miss her SOOO MUCH!! But I know that she is happy and excited to be there, so I pray for her and help support her over there. That's not the situation I'm referring to, but it's an example of it.

Also, I think letting go of things isn't a one time thing. It's a constant thing.

I had a friend from 12 years old to 20 years old that I went to school and church with, lived in my neighborhood, we sang duets together, went to Kenya together... I thought she was a friend I would be friends with forever. We grew apart. I don't even know exactly when because it was slow. And then she deleted her facebook, and life got carried away. Later she found me on Instgram and I saw that she was engaged, and her wedding is this Saturday. I haven't talked to her since they even started dating, and I always thought I would be going to her wedding. Yet here comes this monumental day and I'm not invited. I'm not even sure if she has the same phone number anymore to reach her. Sometimes I think about her and pray for her and then let it go. Other times I'm overcome by sadness. I think it's just a process in life of letting things go.