Wait a second - that looks painful! There's like fire coming off of that thing! And I've seen it in real life recently, when there was construction done on our new church building, and it's loud. (I didn't take or make that picture - I found it on google and I love it.)
Who doesn't love having someone encourage them, compliment them, and build them up? It is such an important characteristic in life. But I'm not looking for someone who is my biggest fan. I'm looking for someone who will sharpen me AND encourage me, and vice versa. Sharpen, not criticize. Constructive criticism, yes. I don't want someone who agrees with me on every single thing I say, or tries to like every movie and book and CD and article I've ever liked. I want someone who can say, "You know, I don't quite agree with that article -have you ever thought of _____?" or "That's not really my style of music. But if I hear of any other similar artists, I will send them your way!" or even, "I don't think you should be watching that TV show -it has a lot of bad stuff in it." I want someone to say, "So you said you weren't going to play any computer games / video games because they are too addicting and cut into your time with God - how is that going? Have you failed any? How can I pray for you in that?" It means listening to what's hard in someone's life, and then trying to help them through it, or see it with a different perspective. A person can give you a different perspective that totally changes your own, but if they were just to agree with you on everything, you'd miss that.
I once said to a friend, "I realized that whenever I'm around __________, I start talking bad about people, and join in her negativity without realizing it, until later I look back at the conversation and think about how bad it actually was. If you see us talking, and have the chance, will you come over and join in for a minute and see if I'm still doing that? Now that I've told you, I will be aware of what I'm saying when you come over." Holding someone accountable always sounds like a good idea, until you try to practice it, and then it is usually really challenging. Because what if my friend was busy? Or thought, "I don't have time to go monitor their conversation." But she did come over when she saw us talking for more than a few minutes.
It's challenging. It's difficult. I once asked a friend, "What do you see in my that I should change?" and she told me. I knew it was true, and I worked on it. It was hard. Can I say it any other way? It pushed against my selfishness, my pride, my sin. And it changed me. It's like sculpting - you chisel away at a piece of stone or marble, sculpting yourself or allowing others to help - and it's painful, and then it's beautiful. Suddenly you're this smoothed out, awesome looking sculpture, that could only have been achieved by that chiseling away. Of course we are never "complete" until we die, because we always have things to work on.
Now I can't just walk up to anybody and ask them to sharpen me. I can't just hand anybody a chisel and say, "Have at it," because if I don't trust their judgement or feel like they're just saying things to be rude, then they'll actually do more damage than good. Suddenly I'll question what is true, or feel paranoid about things for a few years. Allowing someone's wrong opinion about you to sink in is like letting a few drops of poison into your blood, where the heart pumps it out to the rest of your body.
"Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works." - Hebrews 10:24
"If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise." - Proverbs 15:31
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