No job.

No counties around me are hiring substitute teachers. Nor do I want to be one. The supply teaching positions (where teachers are out for 2 months or so because of illness or having a baby) are scarce and everybody is applying to those too. There are no parapro jobs, media specialist, or office jobs in schools. No, I will not teach in the Atlanta schools where people got fired for cheating. NO I DON'T WANT TO TEACH PRESCHOOL. 22 four year olds in one class. No. I love to play with that age and baby-sit that age, but not teach twenty two of them. No Christian Schools, Charter Schools, or Private Schools are hiring. I didn't expect a teaching job this year so I'm not surprised at all of this. Yet when people talk to me they act as if I didn't try to get a job, or if I just keep trying I'll still get one. Yes, I know a principal who has tried for me so knowing the right people doesn't always help. Everyone keeps saying to just "get my foot in the door" any way I can, and there's no door open! And a million FEET are in the door! With the ridiculousness of all of this, I'm thinking you'd have to be pretty amazing to stand out amongst all those "feet."

I've sent my resume to many nonprofit places all over the place. I've looked for church jobs, although those are hard to actually find since it's usually an internal thing. I've looked on baby-sitting websites and people are kind of crazy... some want to charge $2, $5 per hour for like 40 hours in a week. Really people? Minimum wage is like $7.50 or something. And some have detailed requirements like, "We want a nanny who is fluent in Spanish so they can teach our child." I applied for several baby-sitting jobs and none of them replied! I applied at Sylvan Learning Centers and other things similar to that.

I'm out of options. Done. Today I applied for Target, Books-A-Million, Khols wasn't hiring, and Publix said you had to go in to their store kiosk to apply, so I will do that tomorrow to all the stupid Publix's in my area. Really? I went 5  years of college to get a part time job that I hate? Fantastic. Even those aren't guarentees. Target and BAM both took 45 minutes to fill out applications because they have all these personality and scenario questions. Those are nerve wracking because it seems like any of the answers could be right sometimes, it depends on the person reading it.

To add to the frustration are all the people who constantly say, "Oh don't worry, you'll get a job!" People who don't even know me and people who do know me all say the same thing, whether it be that God will provide or that their positive attitude just knows what's best. Or they just mean well. I know they all mean well, but it really makes me mad. Yes, it's possible that I could get a fantastic job any day now. But I could also be stuck in a part time job for the next 5 years. So yes, I'M WORRIED. And people telling me not to are just saying things. I feel like we don't want to be realistic sometimes because who wants to hear, "Wow, I'm sorry, you may not get a good job for a really long time!" Well sometimes I just want someone to be real and not sugar coat things.

A job as a means to an end vs. a job you love. Right now I need a job for money. I want to start paying off my loans that start in Novembber and not have to defer them. I want to go to Kenya next summer because I love it and haven't been in 3 years. And I know my car is dying, not to mention I'm 23 and need to start paying for my own car insurance, cell phone bill, groceries, etc. And I'd like to move out again at some point. But that will probably be a while. I don't even know, there is no date for that one.

I feel like the longer I'm not working, which has only been 6 and a half weeks, I'm becoming lazier and lazier. Sleeping 12-14 hours a night and day (4 hr naps), watching TV for like 5 hours at a time, not walking on the treadmill at all (and no excuse because there's time), not wanting to do quiet times (again, no excuses), just laying around. Sometimes reading for hours or days which is always nice but still. Unproductive. I try to think, "Wow, I'm really lucky to have all this free time! Take in it! Live it up!" But oh, in my room? Yeah. Because I don't want to spend gas ($) or buy stuff ($) or do much entertainment wise like the movies ($).

And when people see me at bible study each week and ask how I am, I feel like a big downer if I'm honest and say, "Well my week sucked. I've done nothing and feel like I'm going nowhere" every week. I'm thankful for the friends who do things with me when they have time so that keeps me sane.

I'm looking around my room. Maybe I can sell things on ebay. Maybe I won't actually read all those books again. That's about the only thing worth selling.