Beautiful

Today was just one of those days.

The morning planning english lessons for Slovakia went well, but shortly after I started working I ran into someone I don't know well and haven't seen in quite a while. She's an older lady at my church. Although I was polite, I needed to keep working because we were kind of busy.... plus I knew the direction of her questioning. But she wouldn't have it at just saying hello. As with all of these conversations go.... "Have you graduated yet? Oh, and what was your degree in? You couldn't find a job in teaching?" And then proceeds the conversation of the other person feeling the need to tell me what to do to fix the problem. And if I even bring up that I'm not sure I still want to teach, well this just throws off the conversation any more. So after she left and a few more irritating customers and events happened, I began to feel frustration take over like it hasn't in quite some time. I paid for 5 years of college for a degree, and now I work minimum wage listening to people complain about petty things and can't be financially independent. On top of that, while I job search for other jobs, I don't really know what I'm looking for if I don't teach. The "key words" on search engines stump me. (How dare they ask me that question!)

As I struggled to regain my composure, it was hard because my brain had to focus on work instead of praying.

Besides work, other things happen that make me think, "Really? Is this how it's going to be?" Worrying does no good. I know. But stopping the worry and those thoughts are tough when it's an issue that's important to you. I know that God has me where I am for a purpose. I know that He will work in ways that only He can, and not me. My God moves mountains and it is by no help from me. When I am weak, He is strong. Perhaps my work or worry just hinders Him. Letting go is the most difficult thing because while I may feel like I let it go, it may still pop up in my head, or be heavy in my heart. I've seen times when God protected me from things that I thought would be good but weren't. I'm thankful that God cares about the smallest details of my life as well as the big ones.

I came across a verse in Colossians that said someone was wrestling for someone else in prayer. That word jumped off the page to me. I have wrestled in prayer for others when it was for important things and bigger issues. I've also wrestled in prayer for things for myself. Wrestling is tiring and hard work. Not all prayer is easy and simple and black and white. Sometimes the big prayers we pray with huge faith, God still says no to.

Lastly, I know that beautiful things take time to develop. Flowers take time to be planted and grow and bloom. Giant cakes take time to mix and bake and decorate. It takes 9 months for a baby to grow before being born. Butterflies are ugly catepillars and are in cacoons before becoming butterflies. Good books are written, edited, sent in to publishers, and who knows what else before hitting the shelves. Sunsets don't just pop up in the sky, it takes time for the sun to go down and the clouds to sit around the sky in the right way. God didn't create the earth in one snap of the fingers, he took 6 "days" to create the world (however long each day was it was still passing of time, not one big moment where it all happened at once). Rocks don't go from jagged to smooth in an instant, it is after water has run over it repeatedly. And so, I am waiting for God to make something beautiful out of my life and the things I pray for. I know right now there are already beautiful things in my life, such as my friends and family, the places I am able to go, the mission trips I go on, my Thursday night bible study, etc. But there is still more God can do. And I will wait for something that is beautiful. I will wait on the Lord through that. His hand alone determines what is best for me. I am praying that His peace and joy floods my life. Everything on earth is temporary. When we look at our lives with a heavenly perspective we remember how short life is, and how unimportant some things are. Some day we will live in heaven with all things beautiful and be in a great fellowship with the Lord and other believers. Man, that will be the best thing ever! No matter what happens here in this life on this earth, I already know there's a happy ending. I already read the end of the book, the last chapter.... the part that says God wins and His love covers it all.