Things I am thankful for
-I'm going to Slovakia!
-I have a job
-My job allows me to have most Sundays and Thursdays off for bible study, church, meetings, etc.
-I can ask off for certain days at work for events or other things without too much trouble
-I like some of the people I work with
-I get free Starbucks every day (which also saves me money)
-I get to see friends when they come in to Starbucks while I work
-Time to pray while I wash dishes
-Working nights allows me to stay up late and sleep in
-Parents who still financially support me since I don't make enough yet
-A college degree that I will use one day
-During my free time I no longer have to do homework, I can actually have fun
-The entertainment things in my life such as great books, tv shows, computer games, iphone games, etc
-My friends. I've got some amazing ones that are absolutely answers to prayer.
-Thursday night bible study
-The beach trip I went on
-Chocolate.
-My friends who get the chance to go on long term mission trips this summer to Slovakia, Bosnia, and more
-My friend Leslie's chemo going pretty well/working
-Several of my friends getting married and having kids
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Red lights
The air conditioner in my car stops when I'm at red lights. The air still comes out, but it's not at all cold. So in the summer I hate red lights more than normal. Well let me tell you about my red lights today.
On my way to church this morning I sat at a red light waiting to turn left. It skipped me. A car pulled up behind me so I thought it would go. It skipped us again. I was sweating buckets and getting mad. I was trying to decide if I would run the red light and wondered if I'd get pulled. There was no break in traffic for me to run it anyways, even if I decided to. I'm not sure how many times I got skipped, but it only turned to green when the cars pulled up and trippd the sensor across from us, going the opposite direction.
Later I was coming out of Target and wanted to turn right on red, and could have because of the lack of cars coming, but the car in front of me decided not to pull all the way up to the line, therefore blocking my way. I inched up close behind the car to get them to move forward, but they didn't. Again, my air stopped and I'm sweating and mad that the car wouldn't scoot up because it had plenty of room! Come on people!
Red lights mean stop. They don't mean you're going the wrong way. That's a totally different ball game.
But man, as I sat at that first red light this morning, being skipped, I thought, "Well, this is me. This is my life. I feel like I'm getting skipped, that I'm metaphorically sweating and frustrated, that I'm waiting for the green light and it's just not happening." But when it turned green and I made it to church on time, I thought about how sometimes it's the same way in life... when you're skipped, stuck, mad, unconfortable, and not even sure if you are going the right way, it could just be that God wants you to "go" at a certain time. It definitely could be a "no" that God is sending my way in many things, but then again in my frustration I have to remember that sometimes it just means wait.
Driving home after Target I thought, "How can I get home with the least amount of red lights possible?" So I took all back roads. Mars Hill road, County Line, Old Stilesboro... Even at a slower speed limit, I was still moving so my air was working. Again, thinking on the way home, that is also SO how I am in life. Of course I like to be on faster paced roads going 60mph or highter on interstates because it gets me where I'm supposed to be faster. But if I'm on 41 hitting every single red light, there's no good in going 60 mph. I would rather go 40mph on back roads because I am constantly moving forward. I often want to see progress and moving forward in everything I do, even if it's at a slow pace. So man...those red lights... in driving I don't turn around and go home because of red lights, but in life I sometimes do. I'm like, "Ok fine, I quit. This red light means no. So I'm not going to sit around and wait for it to turn green because maybe it's broken! And I do not want to just sit and sit and sit and sit when I could be going on some other roads that actually work!"
One month til Slovakia. As we've discussed before, spiritual warfare steps up a notch when you're doing what God wants you to. Lately some of my prayers have been more complaining to God and asking for things I want. And today I heard God say, "You're focus is a little off. Why did you go to church today? What have you prayed for in regards to Slovakia? What have you prayed for in your job?" My focus has been on other things and other people instead of on God himself, and how I can bring Him glory. If God has use for me in my job that will bring others to Him some day, my frustations are worth it. If God has me stipped down of all comforts and wants when I go to Slovakia but others come to know Him, then it is all worth it. If God says no to things I want the most because He has different plans that bring Him glory, then it is worth it.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." - Psalm 139: 23-24
"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:14-20
On my way to church this morning I sat at a red light waiting to turn left. It skipped me. A car pulled up behind me so I thought it would go. It skipped us again. I was sweating buckets and getting mad. I was trying to decide if I would run the red light and wondered if I'd get pulled. There was no break in traffic for me to run it anyways, even if I decided to. I'm not sure how many times I got skipped, but it only turned to green when the cars pulled up and trippd the sensor across from us, going the opposite direction.
Later I was coming out of Target and wanted to turn right on red, and could have because of the lack of cars coming, but the car in front of me decided not to pull all the way up to the line, therefore blocking my way. I inched up close behind the car to get them to move forward, but they didn't. Again, my air stopped and I'm sweating and mad that the car wouldn't scoot up because it had plenty of room! Come on people!
Red lights mean stop. They don't mean you're going the wrong way. That's a totally different ball game.
But man, as I sat at that first red light this morning, being skipped, I thought, "Well, this is me. This is my life. I feel like I'm getting skipped, that I'm metaphorically sweating and frustrated, that I'm waiting for the green light and it's just not happening." But when it turned green and I made it to church on time, I thought about how sometimes it's the same way in life... when you're skipped, stuck, mad, unconfortable, and not even sure if you are going the right way, it could just be that God wants you to "go" at a certain time. It definitely could be a "no" that God is sending my way in many things, but then again in my frustration I have to remember that sometimes it just means wait.
Driving home after Target I thought, "How can I get home with the least amount of red lights possible?" So I took all back roads. Mars Hill road, County Line, Old Stilesboro... Even at a slower speed limit, I was still moving so my air was working. Again, thinking on the way home, that is also SO how I am in life. Of course I like to be on faster paced roads going 60mph or highter on interstates because it gets me where I'm supposed to be faster. But if I'm on 41 hitting every single red light, there's no good in going 60 mph. I would rather go 40mph on back roads because I am constantly moving forward. I often want to see progress and moving forward in everything I do, even if it's at a slow pace. So man...those red lights... in driving I don't turn around and go home because of red lights, but in life I sometimes do. I'm like, "Ok fine, I quit. This red light means no. So I'm not going to sit around and wait for it to turn green because maybe it's broken! And I do not want to just sit and sit and sit and sit when I could be going on some other roads that actually work!"
One month til Slovakia. As we've discussed before, spiritual warfare steps up a notch when you're doing what God wants you to. Lately some of my prayers have been more complaining to God and asking for things I want. And today I heard God say, "You're focus is a little off. Why did you go to church today? What have you prayed for in regards to Slovakia? What have you prayed for in your job?" My focus has been on other things and other people instead of on God himself, and how I can bring Him glory. If God has use for me in my job that will bring others to Him some day, my frustations are worth it. If God has me stipped down of all comforts and wants when I go to Slovakia but others come to know Him, then it is all worth it. If God says no to things I want the most because He has different plans that bring Him glory, then it is worth it.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." - Psalm 139: 23-24
"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3:14-20
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Beautiful
Today was just one of those days.
The morning planning english lessons for Slovakia went well, but shortly after I started working I ran into someone I don't know well and haven't seen in quite a while. She's an older lady at my church. Although I was polite, I needed to keep working because we were kind of busy.... plus I knew the direction of her questioning. But she wouldn't have it at just saying hello. As with all of these conversations go.... "Have you graduated yet? Oh, and what was your degree in? You couldn't find a job in teaching?" And then proceeds the conversation of the other person feeling the need to tell me what to do to fix the problem. And if I even bring up that I'm not sure I still want to teach, well this just throws off the conversation any more. So after she left and a few more irritating customers and events happened, I began to feel frustration take over like it hasn't in quite some time. I paid for 5 years of college for a degree, and now I work minimum wage listening to people complain about petty things and can't be financially independent. On top of that, while I job search for other jobs, I don't really know what I'm looking for if I don't teach. The "key words" on search engines stump me. (How dare they ask me that question!)
As I struggled to regain my composure, it was hard because my brain had to focus on work instead of praying.
Besides work, other things happen that make me think, "Really? Is this how it's going to be?" Worrying does no good. I know. But stopping the worry and those thoughts are tough when it's an issue that's important to you. I know that God has me where I am for a purpose. I know that He will work in ways that only He can, and not me. My God moves mountains and it is by no help from me. When I am weak, He is strong. Perhaps my work or worry just hinders Him. Letting go is the most difficult thing because while I may feel like I let it go, it may still pop up in my head, or be heavy in my heart. I've seen times when God protected me from things that I thought would be good but weren't. I'm thankful that God cares about the smallest details of my life as well as the big ones.
I came across a verse in Colossians that said someone was wrestling for someone else in prayer. That word jumped off the page to me. I have wrestled in prayer for others when it was for important things and bigger issues. I've also wrestled in prayer for things for myself. Wrestling is tiring and hard work. Not all prayer is easy and simple and black and white. Sometimes the big prayers we pray with huge faith, God still says no to.
Lastly, I know that beautiful things take time to develop. Flowers take time to be planted and grow and bloom. Giant cakes take time to mix and bake and decorate. It takes 9 months for a baby to grow before being born. Butterflies are ugly catepillars and are in cacoons before becoming butterflies. Good books are written, edited, sent in to publishers, and who knows what else before hitting the shelves. Sunsets don't just pop up in the sky, it takes time for the sun to go down and the clouds to sit around the sky in the right way. God didn't create the earth in one snap of the fingers, he took 6 "days" to create the world (however long each day was it was still passing of time, not one big moment where it all happened at once). Rocks don't go from jagged to smooth in an instant, it is after water has run over it repeatedly. And so, I am waiting for God to make something beautiful out of my life and the things I pray for. I know right now there are already beautiful things in my life, such as my friends and family, the places I am able to go, the mission trips I go on, my Thursday night bible study, etc. But there is still more God can do. And I will wait for something that is beautiful. I will wait on the Lord through that. His hand alone determines what is best for me. I am praying that His peace and joy floods my life. Everything on earth is temporary. When we look at our lives with a heavenly perspective we remember how short life is, and how unimportant some things are. Some day we will live in heaven with all things beautiful and be in a great fellowship with the Lord and other believers. Man, that will be the best thing ever! No matter what happens here in this life on this earth, I already know there's a happy ending. I already read the end of the book, the last chapter.... the part that says God wins and His love covers it all.
The morning planning english lessons for Slovakia went well, but shortly after I started working I ran into someone I don't know well and haven't seen in quite a while. She's an older lady at my church. Although I was polite, I needed to keep working because we were kind of busy.... plus I knew the direction of her questioning. But she wouldn't have it at just saying hello. As with all of these conversations go.... "Have you graduated yet? Oh, and what was your degree in? You couldn't find a job in teaching?" And then proceeds the conversation of the other person feeling the need to tell me what to do to fix the problem. And if I even bring up that I'm not sure I still want to teach, well this just throws off the conversation any more. So after she left and a few more irritating customers and events happened, I began to feel frustration take over like it hasn't in quite some time. I paid for 5 years of college for a degree, and now I work minimum wage listening to people complain about petty things and can't be financially independent. On top of that, while I job search for other jobs, I don't really know what I'm looking for if I don't teach. The "key words" on search engines stump me. (How dare they ask me that question!)
As I struggled to regain my composure, it was hard because my brain had to focus on work instead of praying.
Besides work, other things happen that make me think, "Really? Is this how it's going to be?" Worrying does no good. I know. But stopping the worry and those thoughts are tough when it's an issue that's important to you. I know that God has me where I am for a purpose. I know that He will work in ways that only He can, and not me. My God moves mountains and it is by no help from me. When I am weak, He is strong. Perhaps my work or worry just hinders Him. Letting go is the most difficult thing because while I may feel like I let it go, it may still pop up in my head, or be heavy in my heart. I've seen times when God protected me from things that I thought would be good but weren't. I'm thankful that God cares about the smallest details of my life as well as the big ones.
I came across a verse in Colossians that said someone was wrestling for someone else in prayer. That word jumped off the page to me. I have wrestled in prayer for others when it was for important things and bigger issues. I've also wrestled in prayer for things for myself. Wrestling is tiring and hard work. Not all prayer is easy and simple and black and white. Sometimes the big prayers we pray with huge faith, God still says no to.
Lastly, I know that beautiful things take time to develop. Flowers take time to be planted and grow and bloom. Giant cakes take time to mix and bake and decorate. It takes 9 months for a baby to grow before being born. Butterflies are ugly catepillars and are in cacoons before becoming butterflies. Good books are written, edited, sent in to publishers, and who knows what else before hitting the shelves. Sunsets don't just pop up in the sky, it takes time for the sun to go down and the clouds to sit around the sky in the right way. God didn't create the earth in one snap of the fingers, he took 6 "days" to create the world (however long each day was it was still passing of time, not one big moment where it all happened at once). Rocks don't go from jagged to smooth in an instant, it is after water has run over it repeatedly. And so, I am waiting for God to make something beautiful out of my life and the things I pray for. I know right now there are already beautiful things in my life, such as my friends and family, the places I am able to go, the mission trips I go on, my Thursday night bible study, etc. But there is still more God can do. And I will wait for something that is beautiful. I will wait on the Lord through that. His hand alone determines what is best for me. I am praying that His peace and joy floods my life. Everything on earth is temporary. When we look at our lives with a heavenly perspective we remember how short life is, and how unimportant some things are. Some day we will live in heaven with all things beautiful and be in a great fellowship with the Lord and other believers. Man, that will be the best thing ever! No matter what happens here in this life on this earth, I already know there's a happy ending. I already read the end of the book, the last chapter.... the part that says God wins and His love covers it all.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Beach
The beach trip was great!! There were 9 of us who went. Our friends Megan and Grady got engaged on the trip. We laughed a lot. The house we stayed in was gorgeous. I liked the bright colored walls and decorations. There was a spiral staircase to the roof where you could see the ocean! It was cloudy some days and sunny other days. I didn't go far out into the ocean because the waves were strong and I didn't want my face covered with saltwater, but I stood and let the waves come in and out and liked that. I got to read some as I covered myself with sunscreen every hour. We went to the pool some which was nice to get all the way in, and lounged on a boogy board which was nice to float on. For girls night out and guys night in, the girls went to a seafood restaurant and after we saw a playground of a pirate ship so we took pictures on it with our dresses and nice clothes on, haha. Never too old for the playground in my opinion. (As long as there aren't any other little kids on there.) We went to some cool shops and some weird shops. We watched some movies, played cards, and at lots of food. Sometimes we just sat around and talked and laughed. I took a ton of pictures. We went to an area of the beach that had lots of huge rocks and watched the sun set twice. Once it started to rain and I had to run as hard as I could and as fast as I could back to the car so my camera wouldn't get wet - I haven't run in 2 years so I hurt all over and got a headache from it.
My birthday was during the trip and it was the best way to spend a birthday! We went to some shops in the morning where I got some gelato. We went to the beach and the pool, and played cards at night. We went to big rocks and saw the sunset and took silly pictures.They all gave me a birthday card and we had brownies and ice cream.
Since my friend Tiffany and I were in the same room for the trip, we talked a lot and it was nice to have some honest conversations and share what's going on in life. Sometimes we all get so busy or don't take the time to get deep with someone, and so the deeper stuff gets passed on by. Not on purpose, it just happens.
I had some time to pray during the trip while staring out at the waves crashing around. I was thankful for the uninterrupted time.
I deleted a few verses out of this section since it's kinda long, but when looking up verses on biblegateway about the ocean, this is a section that came up talking about wisdom. I like it.
Job 28
12 “But do people know where to find wisdom?
Where can they find understanding?
13 No one knows where to find it,
for it is not found among the living.
14 ‘It is not here,’ says the ocean.
‘Nor is it here,’ says the sea.
15 It cannot be bought with gold.
It cannot be purchased with silver.
17 Wisdom is more valuable than gold and crystal.
It cannot be purchased with jewels mounted in fine gold.
23 “God alone understands the way to wisdom;
he knows where it can be found,
24 for he looks throughout the whole earth
and sees everything under the heavens.
25 He decided how hard the winds should blow
and how much rain should fall.
26 He made the laws for the rain
and laid out a path for the lightning.
27 Then he saw wisdom and evaluated it.
He set it in place and examined it thoroughly.
28 And this is what he says to all humanity:
‘The fear of the Lord is true wisdom;
to forsake evil is real understanding.’”
My birthday was during the trip and it was the best way to spend a birthday! We went to some shops in the morning where I got some gelato. We went to the beach and the pool, and played cards at night. We went to big rocks and saw the sunset and took silly pictures.They all gave me a birthday card and we had brownies and ice cream.
Since my friend Tiffany and I were in the same room for the trip, we talked a lot and it was nice to have some honest conversations and share what's going on in life. Sometimes we all get so busy or don't take the time to get deep with someone, and so the deeper stuff gets passed on by. Not on purpose, it just happens.
I had some time to pray during the trip while staring out at the waves crashing around. I was thankful for the uninterrupted time.
I deleted a few verses out of this section since it's kinda long, but when looking up verses on biblegateway about the ocean, this is a section that came up talking about wisdom. I like it.
Job 28
12 “But do people know where to find wisdom?
Where can they find understanding?
13 No one knows where to find it,
for it is not found among the living.
14 ‘It is not here,’ says the ocean.
‘Nor is it here,’ says the sea.
15 It cannot be bought with gold.
It cannot be purchased with silver.
17 Wisdom is more valuable than gold and crystal.
It cannot be purchased with jewels mounted in fine gold.
20 “But do people know where to find wisdom?
Where can they find understanding?
21 It is hidden from the eyes of all humanity.
Even the sharp-eyed birds in the sky cannot discover it.
22 Destruction and Death say,
‘We’ve heard only rumors of where wisdom can be found.’
Where can they find understanding?
21 It is hidden from the eyes of all humanity.
Even the sharp-eyed birds in the sky cannot discover it.
22 Destruction and Death say,
‘We’ve heard only rumors of where wisdom can be found.’
he knows where it can be found,
24 for he looks throughout the whole earth
and sees everything under the heavens.
25 He decided how hard the winds should blow
and how much rain should fall.
26 He made the laws for the rain
and laid out a path for the lightning.
27 Then he saw wisdom and evaluated it.
He set it in place and examined it thoroughly.
28 And this is what he says to all humanity:
‘The fear of the Lord is true wisdom;
to forsake evil is real understanding.’”
Friday, May 11, 2012
Stay still
Well my brain is just full and has been for the past week. Hold on a second - maybe I can get some of it decluttered: sdlfkjxckfjslijrweijapoijqlkjclijdfl dlkfjs dlkje iqproi jdfksdl;miopwje rfjskdlfkmx kofpsejf sldkfmcklw jeips dkflwpefois jdfkwope fjsdklvncxghopeirt jiwkfnsdoifj w;eot.
Eh, that only made it slightly better. Made me laugh anyways.
My beautiful friend Marissa said to me last night, "God provided a job for you to save up money for Slovakia." So yes, even though I didn't raise a ton, God still provided.
Tonight at bible study Matt talked about Joseph's story in Genesis. Through the ups and downs of his life and his story (13 years in jail for something he didn't do!), God was still with him and still rose him to a powerful position that would help tons of people out through a famine. Sometimes what we go through may not be specifically for us, but for someone else too. While Joseph was in a powerful position, he was also helping a lot of people. And as Genesis said, what they meant for harm, God used for good.
We also ended up talking about praying for others during our small group time. I hate hate hate washing dishes for 2-4 hours at Starbucks on some days. The heat of the washing machine pours out into the room, my rubber gloves keep my hands clean but I have to take them off to scratch my face or whatever, and overall it is boring and frustrating. But in those times I've tried to pray. Not just for myself, but for others. Sometimes for an entire hour. While it's easy to pray for those I love and my friends and family, it is more difficult to pray for people who make me mad or hurt me. But I do it.
Something that has helped me immensely over the past year is to constantly write or think in my head about what I'm thankful for. When times are good, I thank God for it and remember not to take it for granted. And when things are going bad, thinking / writing what I'm thankful for reminds me that there is still good in a bad situation and that we are still to praise Him through it.
I'm leaving for the beach on Saturday - going to St. George Island, FL. It will be a 7 hour drive. :-( But it will be a great trip!
Today I went to Blue Ridge, GA with my friend Joy. We went to shops, had lunch, etc. It was a fun day trip. There is so much to do in life... why always go to the same places or stay in the same area? I don't want to pay a ton to do expensive stuff, but it is fun to go different places. Joy is my friend who goes on adventures with me. Although I'd go with other people too. Sometimes it's just hard to match up schedules with people.
Slovakia has obviously been on my mind a lot. I don't want to go in with expectations. I want to go in with an open mind and an open heart.
One thing I am hearing God say is, "STAY STILL." There are definite times in life when I feel the need to do something because I feel like I'm tired of waiting. I either run away or run forward. In high school I was one of the youth leaders who helped make decisions and plan things, in 12th grade I helped teach and direct the freshman chorus class in school, I taught middle and high school girls at church when I was in college, I have a degree to be a teacher, and through all of that I have been taught how to be a leader. So sometimes when I feel the need to lead but I know God is telling me not to, I don't want to just sit still, I get frustrated and want to just say, "Never mind God. Just forget it. I don't to wait or deal with it, I just want to forget about it and ignore it." But I hear God saying, "No, I'm not asking you to run the other way. I'm asking you to just wait for Me to act. It's just not time yet. Don't stress, I got it." Ok. Waiting. Staying put. I hope God has some cool elevator music to play while I'm waiting. :-)
Eh, that only made it slightly better. Made me laugh anyways.
My beautiful friend Marissa said to me last night, "God provided a job for you to save up money for Slovakia." So yes, even though I didn't raise a ton, God still provided.
Tonight at bible study Matt talked about Joseph's story in Genesis. Through the ups and downs of his life and his story (13 years in jail for something he didn't do!), God was still with him and still rose him to a powerful position that would help tons of people out through a famine. Sometimes what we go through may not be specifically for us, but for someone else too. While Joseph was in a powerful position, he was also helping a lot of people. And as Genesis said, what they meant for harm, God used for good.
We also ended up talking about praying for others during our small group time. I hate hate hate washing dishes for 2-4 hours at Starbucks on some days. The heat of the washing machine pours out into the room, my rubber gloves keep my hands clean but I have to take them off to scratch my face or whatever, and overall it is boring and frustrating. But in those times I've tried to pray. Not just for myself, but for others. Sometimes for an entire hour. While it's easy to pray for those I love and my friends and family, it is more difficult to pray for people who make me mad or hurt me. But I do it.
Something that has helped me immensely over the past year is to constantly write or think in my head about what I'm thankful for. When times are good, I thank God for it and remember not to take it for granted. And when things are going bad, thinking / writing what I'm thankful for reminds me that there is still good in a bad situation and that we are still to praise Him through it.
I'm leaving for the beach on Saturday - going to St. George Island, FL. It will be a 7 hour drive. :-( But it will be a great trip!
Today I went to Blue Ridge, GA with my friend Joy. We went to shops, had lunch, etc. It was a fun day trip. There is so much to do in life... why always go to the same places or stay in the same area? I don't want to pay a ton to do expensive stuff, but it is fun to go different places. Joy is my friend who goes on adventures with me. Although I'd go with other people too. Sometimes it's just hard to match up schedules with people.
Slovakia has obviously been on my mind a lot. I don't want to go in with expectations. I want to go in with an open mind and an open heart.
One thing I am hearing God say is, "STAY STILL." There are definite times in life when I feel the need to do something because I feel like I'm tired of waiting. I either run away or run forward. In high school I was one of the youth leaders who helped make decisions and plan things, in 12th grade I helped teach and direct the freshman chorus class in school, I taught middle and high school girls at church when I was in college, I have a degree to be a teacher, and through all of that I have been taught how to be a leader. So sometimes when I feel the need to lead but I know God is telling me not to, I don't want to just sit still, I get frustrated and want to just say, "Never mind God. Just forget it. I don't to wait or deal with it, I just want to forget about it and ignore it." But I hear God saying, "No, I'm not asking you to run the other way. I'm asking you to just wait for Me to act. It's just not time yet. Don't stress, I got it." Ok. Waiting. Staying put. I hope God has some cool elevator music to play while I'm waiting. :-)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations..."
Days pass on by. They turn into months. Those turn into years.
On my two mission trips to Kenya, although exahusting in every area, I felt like that was exactly what life is supposed to be about. Serving, loving, giving, and spreading the truth that God is real and that He loves you. As I head on to a totally different type of mission trip in a month and a half, I'm excited to get back on the mission field and put all of me into that.
Let's be real: going on a mission trip is fantastic and admirable and what we're called to do in the sense that God says to go to all the nations. I hugely applaud those who move to other countries or go for a summer to spread the gospel. But it's two weeks out of a year. (Or two months, whichever you go on.) Going overseas does not make the trip or the time more important, even though it does make you focus all your time, energy, and money on going. The thing is, we LIVE on a mission field, daily. And oh, what a challege that is. More so than going on mission trips almost. Even if you go on a mission trip every summer, if you don't live that lifestyle out the rest of the year, then you may just be wasting your life away. I can't imagine God asking me, "So how much time did you spend telling others about me?" "Oh well, you know, two weeks every year! I went all the way across the world to do that!" "What about the rest of the year? Where I placed you?"
When I finally got a job at Starbucks almost 6 months ago, (6 months ago?? Yep, it's that time flying by again. Sneaky time.) I wasn't thrilled. I was happy to get a job because I needed money, but that was it. But I asked God to use me where I am, and have continued to do so. And so my mission field is my daily life in those I work with. I work with all non-christians, or people who think they are because they believe God exists or they go to church on Christmas and Easter. I like most of the people I work with. I'm friends with some of them. I love some of them and am thankful for them. But if I could get one thing across to them in my time with working with them, it is that there is only ONE God, that Jesus is real and He died for our sins, and that the Bible is REAL. Not just a rule book, not a tool to judge people with. I've had a few conversations with them, but not much. And they simply think, "Oh, well cool for you. And this is what I believe..." I listen to some of them and think, "Well they will never find God. There's just no way. They don't believe He exists. They believe that all religions are good. They believe in reincarnation. They believe that there is no bad - everything in the whole wide world is ok." I act in a way that shows I am a Christian. I love in a way that shows I am a Christian. And at the end of the day I feel like every day is wasted because no progress is made, and it's the same thing every day.
It's tiring really. I don't want to think that none of them will ever know Him - what a depressing thought. I know it is all about God softening hearts, not my works that will bring them to Him. I know that I am simply one of those people planting seeds that I will never see the results from. I don't know how long God wants me in this place, but it is more difficult to show them God than it is when I go on a mission trip.
"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage - with great PATIENCE and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all of the duties of your ministry." -2 Timothy 4:2-5
YES.
And besides where I work, what about my free time? Oooooh I love my free time. I know that I am all about enjoying it and am never bored. Going somewhere with friends, reading books, watching tv shows on my computer, facebook, pinterest, etc. So while my free time flies on by with the days too, I sometimes think... what if I spent more time doing something for Him? What though? Something more.
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tounge but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." -1 John 3:18 -20
On another note... I only raised $450 for Slovakia. My parents helped pay some on top of that, and I got some from the two fundrasiers we did, but I will have to pay $1,500 of the trip. Raising money for mission trips is so frustrating because some people raise all of their money and act like God will do that for everybody if you just believe or pray enough, but He doesn't. And it's not something that we will know the answer to why. I really hope the rest of my team can go... some are close to not going because they literally don't have the money. I have had some set aside for the trip - last summer I thought I was going to Kenya for this summer, so I started saving up over the past year, and then it turned into Slovakia money. So, I am for sure going.
On my two mission trips to Kenya, although exahusting in every area, I felt like that was exactly what life is supposed to be about. Serving, loving, giving, and spreading the truth that God is real and that He loves you. As I head on to a totally different type of mission trip in a month and a half, I'm excited to get back on the mission field and put all of me into that.
Let's be real: going on a mission trip is fantastic and admirable and what we're called to do in the sense that God says to go to all the nations. I hugely applaud those who move to other countries or go for a summer to spread the gospel. But it's two weeks out of a year. (Or two months, whichever you go on.) Going overseas does not make the trip or the time more important, even though it does make you focus all your time, energy, and money on going. The thing is, we LIVE on a mission field, daily. And oh, what a challege that is. More so than going on mission trips almost. Even if you go on a mission trip every summer, if you don't live that lifestyle out the rest of the year, then you may just be wasting your life away. I can't imagine God asking me, "So how much time did you spend telling others about me?" "Oh well, you know, two weeks every year! I went all the way across the world to do that!" "What about the rest of the year? Where I placed you?"
When I finally got a job at Starbucks almost 6 months ago, (6 months ago?? Yep, it's that time flying by again. Sneaky time.) I wasn't thrilled. I was happy to get a job because I needed money, but that was it. But I asked God to use me where I am, and have continued to do so. And so my mission field is my daily life in those I work with. I work with all non-christians, or people who think they are because they believe God exists or they go to church on Christmas and Easter. I like most of the people I work with. I'm friends with some of them. I love some of them and am thankful for them. But if I could get one thing across to them in my time with working with them, it is that there is only ONE God, that Jesus is real and He died for our sins, and that the Bible is REAL. Not just a rule book, not a tool to judge people with. I've had a few conversations with them, but not much. And they simply think, "Oh, well cool for you. And this is what I believe..." I listen to some of them and think, "Well they will never find God. There's just no way. They don't believe He exists. They believe that all religions are good. They believe in reincarnation. They believe that there is no bad - everything in the whole wide world is ok." I act in a way that shows I am a Christian. I love in a way that shows I am a Christian. And at the end of the day I feel like every day is wasted because no progress is made, and it's the same thing every day.
It's tiring really. I don't want to think that none of them will ever know Him - what a depressing thought. I know it is all about God softening hearts, not my works that will bring them to Him. I know that I am simply one of those people planting seeds that I will never see the results from. I don't know how long God wants me in this place, but it is more difficult to show them God than it is when I go on a mission trip.
"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage - with great PATIENCE and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all of the duties of your ministry." -2 Timothy 4:2-5
YES.
And besides where I work, what about my free time? Oooooh I love my free time. I know that I am all about enjoying it and am never bored. Going somewhere with friends, reading books, watching tv shows on my computer, facebook, pinterest, etc. So while my free time flies on by with the days too, I sometimes think... what if I spent more time doing something for Him? What though? Something more.
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tounge but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." -1 John 3:18 -20
On another note... I only raised $450 for Slovakia. My parents helped pay some on top of that, and I got some from the two fundrasiers we did, but I will have to pay $1,500 of the trip. Raising money for mission trips is so frustrating because some people raise all of their money and act like God will do that for everybody if you just believe or pray enough, but He doesn't. And it's not something that we will know the answer to why. I really hope the rest of my team can go... some are close to not going because they literally don't have the money. I have had some set aside for the trip - last summer I thought I was going to Kenya for this summer, so I started saving up over the past year, and then it turned into Slovakia money. So, I am for sure going.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Ha ha ha ha. Slovakia yard sale.
Friday and Saturday we had a big yard sale with TONS of people's stuff donated to sell, and all the money went towards us going to Slovakia. It was a busy two days pulling stuff out of the garage, putting it in some type of organized fashion, pricing things, haggling with people, putting it all back in the garage for the next day, and repeat. SO THANKFUL that it did not rain - it sprinkled, but not full on rain. Lots of prayer went into that. We had a team meeting on Saturday night to discuss more of the trip which was good, and then some of us went to Waffle House Fri night and then spent the night at the house we did the yard sale at. On Saturday after being up since 6 AM, I had to work 2-10 PM and was so tired. I got 11 hours of sleep last night which was must needed before working 2:30-10 today.
Amongst the hard work, sore arms and legs, and little sleep, there was a lot of laughing, bonding, and good times. After several years of praying for close friends again, I'm so glad to have found them and meet many over the past two years.
I would like to share some of the funny things that have happened recently simply because they were funny.
One older lady (probably in her 70's?) came to the yard sale and bought two bike helments for $1.50 for both. She said they were for her husband for the tornado. She needed two because his head was big, so she needed the straps from one to put on the other to make it longer. Apparently some people need helmets when a tornado comes? Now I know this sounds practical, but I can't imagine sitting in my house with a helmet on every time there is a tornado warning.
The people's house we had the yard sale at and have bible study at their house, Bryan and Lee Ann, have a 17 month old named Eva. She can't talk but says very few words. When babies or kids her age came to the yard sale, she was facinated by them. She would wave at them and want to look at them. One lady had this boy Eva's age in a stroller and Eva came up with her hand stretched out, and he was unsure what to do with that, so they just grabbed each other's hand like, "I can't speak to you, but I want to greet you somehow...." Then Eva proceeded to stroke the boy's cheeks, and then run her hand all over this mouth, nose, eyes, etc. before Lee Ann told her to stop. He didn't flinch or move or anything, he just seemed like, "Eh, whatever, I've got my toy dino, I'm good to go."
At Waffle House I joked with my friend Marissa, "It would be funny if the first food that waitress brings you say, 'That's mine' even if it's not and that person would think, 'Oh, we both got the same thing!' and then you would do that for the next food too and just take everybodys. Haha." After some of the food came out Marissa took a bite of her eggs and said, "Aw man, they forgot the cheese in it." She kept eating it though, and the next round of food that came out the lady called out the same thing but with cheese in it. Marissa said, "Oh.... that's mine....so whose is this?" One of the other guys, David, said, "Oh then I guess that's mine!" So he only got half of his eggs!
There was a golfball in a snowglobe looking thing, and you had to get the ball to sit on the golf tee, but since there was water in it nobody could do it. Everybody tried it and I didn't like it because it got on my nerves. One of the guys Travis continued trying and got it in a pretty good amount of time. Pictures were taken to prove he actually got it, and Travis said he was the only one who could do it. Others tried after him but couldn't. Then another guy dropped the ball on the driveway and the glass shattered. Turns out Travis really was the only one who would get it, ever again!
Amongst the hard work, sore arms and legs, and little sleep, there was a lot of laughing, bonding, and good times. After several years of praying for close friends again, I'm so glad to have found them and meet many over the past two years.
I would like to share some of the funny things that have happened recently simply because they were funny.
One older lady (probably in her 70's?) came to the yard sale and bought two bike helments for $1.50 for both. She said they were for her husband for the tornado. She needed two because his head was big, so she needed the straps from one to put on the other to make it longer. Apparently some people need helmets when a tornado comes? Now I know this sounds practical, but I can't imagine sitting in my house with a helmet on every time there is a tornado warning.
The people's house we had the yard sale at and have bible study at their house, Bryan and Lee Ann, have a 17 month old named Eva. She can't talk but says very few words. When babies or kids her age came to the yard sale, she was facinated by them. She would wave at them and want to look at them. One lady had this boy Eva's age in a stroller and Eva came up with her hand stretched out, and he was unsure what to do with that, so they just grabbed each other's hand like, "I can't speak to you, but I want to greet you somehow...." Then Eva proceeded to stroke the boy's cheeks, and then run her hand all over this mouth, nose, eyes, etc. before Lee Ann told her to stop. He didn't flinch or move or anything, he just seemed like, "Eh, whatever, I've got my toy dino, I'm good to go."
At Waffle House I joked with my friend Marissa, "It would be funny if the first food that waitress brings you say, 'That's mine' even if it's not and that person would think, 'Oh, we both got the same thing!' and then you would do that for the next food too and just take everybodys. Haha." After some of the food came out Marissa took a bite of her eggs and said, "Aw man, they forgot the cheese in it." She kept eating it though, and the next round of food that came out the lady called out the same thing but with cheese in it. Marissa said, "Oh.... that's mine....so whose is this?" One of the other guys, David, said, "Oh then I guess that's mine!" So he only got half of his eggs!
There was a golfball in a snowglobe looking thing, and you had to get the ball to sit on the golf tee, but since there was water in it nobody could do it. Everybody tried it and I didn't like it because it got on my nerves. One of the guys Travis continued trying and got it in a pretty good amount of time. Pictures were taken to prove he actually got it, and Travis said he was the only one who could do it. Others tried after him but couldn't. Then another guy dropped the ball on the driveway and the glass shattered. Turns out Travis really was the only one who would get it, ever again!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Am I ________ enough? Am I too _______?
Cautiously walking on a tightrope, afraid to fall to a disaster, but hoping to end up in a beautiful situation on the other side.
If you were to flip a coin and have it land on tails 100 times, wouldn't you expect number 101 to be tails too? I'm not a pessimist, I'm not doubting God, but when all past evidence shows one thing, I expect it again. Whenever it does land on heads I will be thouroughly astonished. It makes me hesitant to flip the coin though. It makes me hesitant to walk the tightrope, knowing I might get hurt from it. I know that God wants me to get the desired result eventually, but it might to be for another 100 flips of the coin or ten more falls from a tightrope.
Hesitant. Exciting. Scary. Uncertain. Frustrated. Impatient. Cautious. Gaurded but ungaurded.
I wish I had the ability to change my want for something.
A beautiful mess. Like walking on a fence, I will either fall to one side that could turn out to be a beautiful work of art that God created specifically with my hopes in mind, or I will fall to the side that is painful and frustrating and confusing that could turn out to be a mess. I have both hopes and no expectations all at the same time, which barely makes any sense.
Am I ________ enough? Am I too _______?
Beyond anything that I am or am not, God has the final say. Am I pretty enough? Am I funny enough? Am I passionate enough? Am I strong enough? Am I deep enough? Am I patient enough? Am I too honest? Am I too forward? Am I too quiet or loud? Am I too quirky? Am I too negative? Am I too young?
Am I not enough? Am I too much?
I always aim to improve myself, in all areas of life. However that doesn't mean I will fit / match what I think is right for me. In my prayers I may pray for the wrong thing that would not suit who I am. And in that I struggle with looking through a giant pile of puzzle pieces that are all exactly the same color, looking for the one piece that fits mine. The pile of un-matched pieces grows in stacks. It doesn't mean they are bad pieces, they're just not the ones that will fit mine. And in that process I grow to expect that every piece I try mine with will be wrong. Not out of low self-esteem, but out of seeing my past and expecting it to continue into the future.
God breaks rules though. He gave sight to people who lived their lives blind, expecting to live every day blind. He gives healing to people whose doctors told them they only had a limit amount of time to live. He restores marriages on the brink of divorce and restores relationships with family members that were onced severed. Nothing confines His power - especially not the past.
I am always hesitant to get my hopes up for something because I know it could grow into so much more than a passing hope but a deep desire that occupies my mind daily or weekly. And sometimes as that passing hope suddenly becomes more I say, "Really God? Really? You want me to ask you for that? But why? BUT WHY?" In the case that the outcome is good, then obviously God wanted me to ask because He wanted to give it to me! But when the outcome is bad then I don't understand it.
So I pray for wisdom, discernment, guidance, peace, patience, thankfulness, direction, and joy through it all.
If you were to flip a coin and have it land on tails 100 times, wouldn't you expect number 101 to be tails too? I'm not a pessimist, I'm not doubting God, but when all past evidence shows one thing, I expect it again. Whenever it does land on heads I will be thouroughly astonished. It makes me hesitant to flip the coin though. It makes me hesitant to walk the tightrope, knowing I might get hurt from it. I know that God wants me to get the desired result eventually, but it might to be for another 100 flips of the coin or ten more falls from a tightrope.
Hesitant. Exciting. Scary. Uncertain. Frustrated. Impatient. Cautious. Gaurded but ungaurded.
I wish I had the ability to change my want for something.
A beautiful mess. Like walking on a fence, I will either fall to one side that could turn out to be a beautiful work of art that God created specifically with my hopes in mind, or I will fall to the side that is painful and frustrating and confusing that could turn out to be a mess. I have both hopes and no expectations all at the same time, which barely makes any sense.
Am I ________ enough? Am I too _______?
Beyond anything that I am or am not, God has the final say. Am I pretty enough? Am I funny enough? Am I passionate enough? Am I strong enough? Am I deep enough? Am I patient enough? Am I too honest? Am I too forward? Am I too quiet or loud? Am I too quirky? Am I too negative? Am I too young?
Am I not enough? Am I too much?
I always aim to improve myself, in all areas of life. However that doesn't mean I will fit / match what I think is right for me. In my prayers I may pray for the wrong thing that would not suit who I am. And in that I struggle with looking through a giant pile of puzzle pieces that are all exactly the same color, looking for the one piece that fits mine. The pile of un-matched pieces grows in stacks. It doesn't mean they are bad pieces, they're just not the ones that will fit mine. And in that process I grow to expect that every piece I try mine with will be wrong. Not out of low self-esteem, but out of seeing my past and expecting it to continue into the future.
God breaks rules though. He gave sight to people who lived their lives blind, expecting to live every day blind. He gives healing to people whose doctors told them they only had a limit amount of time to live. He restores marriages on the brink of divorce and restores relationships with family members that were onced severed. Nothing confines His power - especially not the past.
I am always hesitant to get my hopes up for something because I know it could grow into so much more than a passing hope but a deep desire that occupies my mind daily or weekly. And sometimes as that passing hope suddenly becomes more I say, "Really God? Really? You want me to ask you for that? But why? BUT WHY?" In the case that the outcome is good, then obviously God wanted me to ask because He wanted to give it to me! But when the outcome is bad then I don't understand it.
So I pray for wisdom, discernment, guidance, peace, patience, thankfulness, direction, and joy through it all.
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