Yes!

I have a coworker who loves cleaning. Which boggles me. I hate the process of cleaning. Don't get me wrong, I don't like dirty or messy things, but the end result of it being clean doesn't make me feel any different than it did when it was messy. I'm like... whatever. But my coworker finds joy when it's clean. She cleans things no one else does, she points is out proudly, "Guys, look how CLEAN this is! It's shiny! It's brighter! It smells good," and I nod and try to fake enthusiasm for her. I'm glad she is there to clean though, because I'd rather her do it than me.

But that sense of, "Yes!" comes to me in a different way and I just thought about it tonight. That same feeling comes to me when I'm doing the right thing, I've done good things, or things get checked off my list. For example - today I got new work clothes (because the others ripped or are too stained), did laundry, took a nap, went to a baby shower, and ran more scans on my dying laptop. I've been washing my face every single night now for a week so far in hopes to make my skin better. I have been keeping up with my loans and things I have on credit. I bought healthy food today, and bought grocery store food instead of fast food for lunch. Yes!

Where this becomes a problem is when my list of things to do grows too long and feel overwhelmed by the things I have to do, when I mess up and eat bad / forget to wash my face, have a lazy day, or break a goal / resolve. It's the opposite affect. It's, "NOOOOOOOOOOO." Or when it becomes this determination not to sin at all, ever, period. As if I'm inhuman, and capable of being good enough if I try hard enough.

OR the justification of, "Well I usually do what's right / good, and a lot of people don't, so if I purposely mess up /do the wrong thing once or twice, it's really not a big deal." Ah, comparison. False reasoning. Lies. Weighing life on earthly scales and not heavenly ones. At no point is it ok to say, "Whatever, God will forgive me anyways, I can do this." But it crosses our minds. It sits like a weight sometimes. The whole, "but I'm human and I'm going to mess up!" and "I'm not perfect so it's not like I should stress about it." Just writing all this makes me think in circles. I know those bible verses saying that we should not go on sinning just to receive more grace. But the ones that say we are all sinners.