My recent favorites of pictures I've taken with my new camera! You can click on the picture to see it bigger.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Katie
I don't remember when I first met Katie, but it was at bible study, and I don't remember if we ever officially said, "Hi, my name is Jennifer," "Hi, my name is Katie," or if we just eventually spoke to each other. I think it was in the fall of 2011 when I met her. I found out in January 2012 that we were both going to Slovakia for the first time. I didn't think much of it, and just thought we were really different people. I thought that I was much quieter than her and she was much louder than me, and that everybody liked her so she would steal the spotlight and nobody would pay any attention to me or be my friend because they would all like Katie better.
Never ever count somebody out and think you won't be friends with them.
Fast forward. On our way to Slovakia we stayed in London for the night. When we got to the hotel and wrote down our passport numbers at the front desk, the guy said he just put us in rooms by the order of what we wrote down, and Katie and I were assigned a room together. Truthfully I was sad because there were other girls I wanted to be in a room with, and I thought she'd be loud and that I wouldn't be able to sleep. We went to sleep quickly that night. We had to be up around 4:30 AM to get going to get our plane. Around 3 AM I awoke to Katie saying something.
"What," I asked.
"What? Did I say something?"
"Yeah but I don't know what," I said.
She laughed and said, "Oh! I talk in my sleep sometimes."
For some reason though, we started talking. And then we talked for an hour and a half. I thought, alright I like this girl. She's cool. We were in different cities in Slovakia, so I didn't see her much during our time there.
August 2012, we were put together to lead 9th and 10th grade girls at church together, along with another lady. Here we go again, another false assumption from my brain: I thought that all the girls would like her so much more than me, that she would talk the whole time and not let me talk, that she would not take things seriously. I just thought... "we are not going to lead well together." This was absolutely false. Of course some girls liked her better than me because they thought she was so funny and cool. But other girls thought the same of me. While she could relate to the cheerleaders, the outgoing, the funny, and the "cool" girls, I could relate to the quieter ones, the aspiring photographers, the artsy girls, and the bookworms.
While we grew in our friendship, I still struggled with jealousy towards her - she had the boyfriend she was so excited about, she got the paid internship at church that I had hoped for, and a lot of my friends were good friends with her. She could make everybody in the room laugh. In April of 2013, a night came when she needed a ride home from bible study, and I drove her home. We started talking, and I opened up to her about something that was a burden to me, that was heavy on my heart and that I hadn't shared with hardly anybody else. In turn, she did too, and we sat in her driveway talking for a long time.
We started going to lunch sometimes and talked more often and rode together in the car more often, and I lost all sense of jealousy towards her. When she went to Slovakia again, I missed her SO MUCH! When she got home and I was at the church to meet everybody there, I almost cried. After a week or two of her being back home I asked if she wanted to meet with me every week to talk about the bible. She said yes, so I started going to her house every week in August, and we read the bible and talked about it, and caught up from what was going on in our lives. We began to see that we are a LOT alike! We like the same music, we don't care about dressing up all fancy, we think the same, we have the same feelings and emotions and reactions to things, we underline the same things in books and scripture a lot of times, and more. What started out as a girl I wasn't sure I'd even be friends with became my best friend.
Never ever count somebody out and think you won't be friends with them.
Fast forward. On our way to Slovakia we stayed in London for the night. When we got to the hotel and wrote down our passport numbers at the front desk, the guy said he just put us in rooms by the order of what we wrote down, and Katie and I were assigned a room together. Truthfully I was sad because there were other girls I wanted to be in a room with, and I thought she'd be loud and that I wouldn't be able to sleep. We went to sleep quickly that night. We had to be up around 4:30 AM to get going to get our plane. Around 3 AM I awoke to Katie saying something.
"What," I asked.
"What? Did I say something?"
"Yeah but I don't know what," I said.
She laughed and said, "Oh! I talk in my sleep sometimes."
For some reason though, we started talking. And then we talked for an hour and a half. I thought, alright I like this girl. She's cool. We were in different cities in Slovakia, so I didn't see her much during our time there.
August 2012, we were put together to lead 9th and 10th grade girls at church together, along with another lady. Here we go again, another false assumption from my brain: I thought that all the girls would like her so much more than me, that she would talk the whole time and not let me talk, that she would not take things seriously. I just thought... "we are not going to lead well together." This was absolutely false. Of course some girls liked her better than me because they thought she was so funny and cool. But other girls thought the same of me. While she could relate to the cheerleaders, the outgoing, the funny, and the "cool" girls, I could relate to the quieter ones, the aspiring photographers, the artsy girls, and the bookworms.
While we grew in our friendship, I still struggled with jealousy towards her - she had the boyfriend she was so excited about, she got the paid internship at church that I had hoped for, and a lot of my friends were good friends with her. She could make everybody in the room laugh. In April of 2013, a night came when she needed a ride home from bible study, and I drove her home. We started talking, and I opened up to her about something that was a burden to me, that was heavy on my heart and that I hadn't shared with hardly anybody else. In turn, she did too, and we sat in her driveway talking for a long time.
We started going to lunch sometimes and talked more often and rode together in the car more often, and I lost all sense of jealousy towards her. When she went to Slovakia again, I missed her SO MUCH! When she got home and I was at the church to meet everybody there, I almost cried. After a week or two of her being back home I asked if she wanted to meet with me every week to talk about the bible. She said yes, so I started going to her house every week in August, and we read the bible and talked about it, and caught up from what was going on in our lives. We began to see that we are a LOT alike! We like the same music, we don't care about dressing up all fancy, we think the same, we have the same feelings and emotions and reactions to things, we underline the same things in books and scripture a lot of times, and more. What started out as a girl I wasn't sure I'd even be friends with became my best friend.
Monday, March 17, 2014
When I am weak, He is strong
Don't you hate when you think it's been "x" amount of time, but when you actually count / look back, it's been a lot shorter?! You think, "Oh, good for me, I haven't done _____ in x amount of weeks," and then realize it hasn't been all that long. Sigh.
Self-control is a fruit of the spirit. I've heard people say, "It's not about mustering up enough self-control, as if you produce it yourself, it comes from God." So then what, when you fail, He didn't give you enough self-control?
So when I sit in the moment before doing something I said I wouldn't, I keep thinking, "why why why why why why why??? Why am I doing this? Why should I not? Why would I regret this later? Why would I come back to this?" Sometimes it's big stuff, and sometimes it's small stuff.
Sometimes just thinking through things isn't enough, I have to write about it. To see my thoughts written down makes it more concrete, more glaringly obviously.
Other times I think, "What will the repercussions of this be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year?" Sometimes that isn't that great to ask though because there aren't any major ones that I know of, so... that question only works sometimes.
It takes refocusing a lot, switching my mind in a totally different direction. Sometimes it's productive, like learning more about photoshop right now, picture stuff, etc. Reading the bible. Reading a book. Other times it's mindless - watching tv (on my laptop), going to sleep, going to random websites. Sometimes it's revisiting the reasons in the past that have proven that my choices had negative consequences, or the words and advice of friends, mentors, and loved ones that spoke truth over me. It empowers me.
When I am weak, He is strong.
Self-control is a fruit of the spirit. I've heard people say, "It's not about mustering up enough self-control, as if you produce it yourself, it comes from God." So then what, when you fail, He didn't give you enough self-control?
So when I sit in the moment before doing something I said I wouldn't, I keep thinking, "why why why why why why why??? Why am I doing this? Why should I not? Why would I regret this later? Why would I come back to this?" Sometimes it's big stuff, and sometimes it's small stuff.
Sometimes just thinking through things isn't enough, I have to write about it. To see my thoughts written down makes it more concrete, more glaringly obviously.
Other times I think, "What will the repercussions of this be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year?" Sometimes that isn't that great to ask though because there aren't any major ones that I know of, so... that question only works sometimes.
It takes refocusing a lot, switching my mind in a totally different direction. Sometimes it's productive, like learning more about photoshop right now, picture stuff, etc. Reading the bible. Reading a book. Other times it's mindless - watching tv (on my laptop), going to sleep, going to random websites. Sometimes it's revisiting the reasons in the past that have proven that my choices had negative consequences, or the words and advice of friends, mentors, and loved ones that spoke truth over me. It empowers me.
When I am weak, He is strong.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Whew, I am drained.
I'm not very good at remembering someone's order in drivethru if I'm not standing at the computer typing it in. I'm not great at making whip creams sometimes. I'm not good at remembering more than two tasks that need to be done, I have to be reminded because I completely forget. I'm not good at doing anything that involves muscle/strength to be involved because I'm not strong. I can't do mental math, so if something is messed up money wise, I have to pull out my phone to use a calculator.
Sometimes I'm not fast enough, not good enough, not "cool" enough.
On top of feeling inadequate at work sometimes, I am often reminded of that by my coworkers. Yes, because some of them are mean. But also because that's the way a lot of the world functions.
Being told for 37 hours a week that you kind of suck at your job is disheartening. It begins to pull you down and make you forget what you ARE good at.
I am not going to sit here and list off what I'm good at or where I feel I'm better in life than others, but it's something I will write in my journal and let my friends remind me of.
What begins to happen in turn, with my coworkers saying things that are negative to me, is that I join in when they say it to or about others. Because sometimes it's flat out true - sometimes people are annoying, but I am too. Sometimes they are careless or distracted, but I am too. Sometimes they are weird and awkward, but I am too. Sometimes they are just having a bad day and need people to cut them some slack, and I am too. Instead we get caught up in drama, micromanaging, getting stressed about stupid things, and criticizing each other.
My prayer must constantly be, "God, give me eyes to see people as You do. Give me a love for them like you love them. Give me patience with them and forgive them. Show me how to not get trapped in the destruction, but to be caring and encouraging."
I am emotionally drained at work sometimes, and feel like staying positive is like fighting against the ocean undertow. Sometimes I accidently mentally check out and start thinking about other things than being at work, but then I mess things up, so that's not always good. Words are powerful and yet we use them flippantly and carelessly. I will also pray that God gives me a HUGE awareness of the words that are coming out of my mouth, along with the ability to not let others' words at work negatively affect me.
Sometimes I'm not fast enough, not good enough, not "cool" enough.
On top of feeling inadequate at work sometimes, I am often reminded of that by my coworkers. Yes, because some of them are mean. But also because that's the way a lot of the world functions.
Being told for 37 hours a week that you kind of suck at your job is disheartening. It begins to pull you down and make you forget what you ARE good at.
I am not going to sit here and list off what I'm good at or where I feel I'm better in life than others, but it's something I will write in my journal and let my friends remind me of.
What begins to happen in turn, with my coworkers saying things that are negative to me, is that I join in when they say it to or about others. Because sometimes it's flat out true - sometimes people are annoying, but I am too. Sometimes they are careless or distracted, but I am too. Sometimes they are weird and awkward, but I am too. Sometimes they are just having a bad day and need people to cut them some slack, and I am too. Instead we get caught up in drama, micromanaging, getting stressed about stupid things, and criticizing each other.
My prayer must constantly be, "God, give me eyes to see people as You do. Give me a love for them like you love them. Give me patience with them and forgive them. Show me how to not get trapped in the destruction, but to be caring and encouraging."
I am emotionally drained at work sometimes, and feel like staying positive is like fighting against the ocean undertow. Sometimes I accidently mentally check out and start thinking about other things than being at work, but then I mess things up, so that's not always good. Words are powerful and yet we use them flippantly and carelessly. I will also pray that God gives me a HUGE awareness of the words that are coming out of my mouth, along with the ability to not let others' words at work negatively affect me.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Aaaaaaand freeze.
While there isn't a pause button in life, there is the option to write things down (or take a picture) that freezes those memories and feelings. So here we go.
Little Red 1 and 2 run by with pj's on, running laps around the house. Little Red 3 is 13 months old and fascinated by the 2nd baby in the house who is 3 months old (they aren't related) and gives him hugs which we all laugh and say how cute she is for hugging him. I mean, who doesn't think babies hugging babies is cute? 2nd baby gets changed into his tuxedo onesie pajamas.
People slowly trickle in and give hugs and high fives and bring in some food. Strange food. Such as pickled okra. Cookie dough oreos. And other cookies, homemade and store bought. We decide to rate the food on a scale from 1-10. I end up eating some gum so that I stop eating cookies. We drink coffee, water, sodas, and koolaid. Because we're kool like that.
I sit on the sofa and we start our bible study. I read the bible on my iPhone and highlight verses I like as they are read. Parts of Ephesians 1 and 2 are taught. After the main message, we are counted off into small groups. I'm in the group downstairs in the basement / man cave. 8 of us make for a good conversation. Faith. Spiritual warfare. Accountability. Prayer. Heaven. Knowing God vs. just believing He exists. Doubts. Questions. Honesty. Verses and stories we've read in the bible. Distractions in life.
Back upstairs. More hugs, more talking, more laughing.
A friend came that I haven't seen in months, and it was so great to talk to her, hear about her life, and tell her about mine. I stay late and sit on the sofa with others and talk, and then some of the guys go downstairs to watch a TV show while the girls stay upstairs and talk.
These weeks sometimes run together, sometimes blur into a sunset of colors that are beautiful but lost as time goes on. I write about them in my journal sometimes. But other times I forget to fully appreciate the people and the love that is shared at the awesome house with the awesome family who lives there.
It's hard sometimes, when my closest friends at bible study move away, have to work on Thursday nights, or just stop coming. It doesn't make sense to me for those who just stop coming, because why would you want to leave such a beautiful thing?
Truthfully it is hard sometimes to stop what I'm doing and recognize the new people or those who aren't talking to someone. We try to point it out to each other sometimes though. And it's easier to connect to someone who is new if they're in your small group. Also, there are a lot of people so I don't talk to all the same people every single week, and as someone leaves I think, "Aw man, I didn't get to speak to them tonight!" But it's ok, I'll talk to them the next week.
Little Red 1 and 2 run by with pj's on, running laps around the house. Little Red 3 is 13 months old and fascinated by the 2nd baby in the house who is 3 months old (they aren't related) and gives him hugs which we all laugh and say how cute she is for hugging him. I mean, who doesn't think babies hugging babies is cute? 2nd baby gets changed into his tuxedo onesie pajamas.
People slowly trickle in and give hugs and high fives and bring in some food. Strange food. Such as pickled okra. Cookie dough oreos. And other cookies, homemade and store bought. We decide to rate the food on a scale from 1-10. I end up eating some gum so that I stop eating cookies. We drink coffee, water, sodas, and koolaid. Because we're kool like that.
I sit on the sofa and we start our bible study. I read the bible on my iPhone and highlight verses I like as they are read. Parts of Ephesians 1 and 2 are taught. After the main message, we are counted off into small groups. I'm in the group downstairs in the basement / man cave. 8 of us make for a good conversation. Faith. Spiritual warfare. Accountability. Prayer. Heaven. Knowing God vs. just believing He exists. Doubts. Questions. Honesty. Verses and stories we've read in the bible. Distractions in life.
Back upstairs. More hugs, more talking, more laughing.
A friend came that I haven't seen in months, and it was so great to talk to her, hear about her life, and tell her about mine. I stay late and sit on the sofa with others and talk, and then some of the guys go downstairs to watch a TV show while the girls stay upstairs and talk.
These weeks sometimes run together, sometimes blur into a sunset of colors that are beautiful but lost as time goes on. I write about them in my journal sometimes. But other times I forget to fully appreciate the people and the love that is shared at the awesome house with the awesome family who lives there.
It's hard sometimes, when my closest friends at bible study move away, have to work on Thursday nights, or just stop coming. It doesn't make sense to me for those who just stop coming, because why would you want to leave such a beautiful thing?
Truthfully it is hard sometimes to stop what I'm doing and recognize the new people or those who aren't talking to someone. We try to point it out to each other sometimes though. And it's easier to connect to someone who is new if they're in your small group. Also, there are a lot of people so I don't talk to all the same people every single week, and as someone leaves I think, "Aw man, I didn't get to speak to them tonight!" But it's ok, I'll talk to them the next week.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Yes!
I have a coworker who loves cleaning. Which boggles me. I hate the process of cleaning. Don't get me wrong, I don't like dirty or messy things, but the end result of it being clean doesn't make me feel any different than it did when it was messy. I'm like... whatever. But my coworker finds joy when it's clean. She cleans things no one else does, she points is out proudly, "Guys, look how CLEAN this is! It's shiny! It's brighter! It smells good," and I nod and try to fake enthusiasm for her. I'm glad she is there to clean though, because I'd rather her do it than me.
But that sense of, "Yes!" comes to me in a different way and I just thought about it tonight. That same feeling comes to me when I'm doing the right thing, I've done good things, or things get checked off my list. For example - today I got new work clothes (because the others ripped or are too stained), did laundry, took a nap, went to a baby shower, and ran more scans on my dying laptop. I've been washing my face every single night now for a week so far in hopes to make my skin better. I have been keeping up with my loans and things I have on credit. I bought healthy food today, and bought grocery store food instead of fast food for lunch. Yes!
Where this becomes a problem is when my list of things to do grows too long and feel overwhelmed by the things I have to do, when I mess up and eat bad / forget to wash my face, have a lazy day, or break a goal / resolve. It's the opposite affect. It's, "NOOOOOOOOOOO." Or when it becomes this determination not to sin at all, ever, period. As if I'm inhuman, and capable of being good enough if I try hard enough.
OR the justification of, "Well I usually do what's right / good, and a lot of people don't, so if I purposely mess up /do the wrong thing once or twice, it's really not a big deal." Ah, comparison. False reasoning. Lies. Weighing life on earthly scales and not heavenly ones. At no point is it ok to say, "Whatever, God will forgive me anyways, I can do this." But it crosses our minds. It sits like a weight sometimes. The whole, "but I'm human and I'm going to mess up!" and "I'm not perfect so it's not like I should stress about it." Just writing all this makes me think in circles. I know those bible verses saying that we should not go on sinning just to receive more grace. But the ones that say we are all sinners.
But that sense of, "Yes!" comes to me in a different way and I just thought about it tonight. That same feeling comes to me when I'm doing the right thing, I've done good things, or things get checked off my list. For example - today I got new work clothes (because the others ripped or are too stained), did laundry, took a nap, went to a baby shower, and ran more scans on my dying laptop. I've been washing my face every single night now for a week so far in hopes to make my skin better. I have been keeping up with my loans and things I have on credit. I bought healthy food today, and bought grocery store food instead of fast food for lunch. Yes!
Where this becomes a problem is when my list of things to do grows too long and feel overwhelmed by the things I have to do, when I mess up and eat bad / forget to wash my face, have a lazy day, or break a goal / resolve. It's the opposite affect. It's, "NOOOOOOOOOOO." Or when it becomes this determination not to sin at all, ever, period. As if I'm inhuman, and capable of being good enough if I try hard enough.
OR the justification of, "Well I usually do what's right / good, and a lot of people don't, so if I purposely mess up /do the wrong thing once or twice, it's really not a big deal." Ah, comparison. False reasoning. Lies. Weighing life on earthly scales and not heavenly ones. At no point is it ok to say, "Whatever, God will forgive me anyways, I can do this." But it crosses our minds. It sits like a weight sometimes. The whole, "but I'm human and I'm going to mess up!" and "I'm not perfect so it's not like I should stress about it." Just writing all this makes me think in circles. I know those bible verses saying that we should not go on sinning just to receive more grace. But the ones that say we are all sinners.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Good news, bad news... it's usually a mix of both all the time right?
Last Thursday I bought a new camera - a Canon 6D. The people ringing me up said, "We're so jealous that you are getting this!!" I said, "Well I've saved up money to get this for two years so... it's not like I'm rich. It's taken time." So I have this awesome new camera and am learning how to use it, my first DSLR, and it's frustrating because my other camera was a point and shoot and it was so quick and easy, and the pictures were good. Good, but not good enough. So now this camera takes better pictures, but I feel like I'm starting over as far as the learning curve goes and that's a bit frustrating.
I also don't have or know how to use photoshop. Sigh. It's like this big program that is so above my head. I was going to buy this online version of it (the real thing, just "in the cloud" so that you always get the new updates and stuff), but my computer is about to die, so I can't just download it now if I have to buy a new computer. Oh, yeah, my laptop that I've had for 3 or 4 years decided to slow to a halt over the past few days. I've done everything possible to speed it up, and I'm hoping I don't have to buy a new one because that would REALLY cut into my money. Like majorly. I'm just not ready to buy a new laptop yet. :-(
Anyways, on to the fantastic news!!!!
One. I am taking pictures for my sweet friend Alice and her date Josh who are going to prom next Saturday!! I am excited to take some real pictures with my new camera, and of Alice and Josh who are both awesome people, along with Alice's "family," the Bartons. Alice is a foreign exchange student from Slovakia!
Two. I am going to be taking pictures for a friend's website who sells rugs. I will take the rugs to people's houses to take pictures of them, and he's looking for about 50 photos. I will get PAID for this one, and more than I was expecting which is so awesome! And, he said the photos would also go in a sears catalog?? I'm not sure of the details of what that means but it's cool nonetheless!
Three. I work with a guy named Sean who does videos for websites, business, and just fun stuff too. He's shooting a video with the Atlanta Gymnastic Academy to advertise for them in April, and I'm going to take pictures with him! No pay, just for fun and experience. So I'll take pictures of people doing gymnastics as well as Sean and his team shooting videos. I'm pumped about it because it's so unique and different - and right up my alley of different opportunities that I've been looking for because I'm not aiming for weddings, baby pictures, family pictures, etc. I'm looking for totally different things to build up my portfolio, something that stands out and makes a magazine or company hire me, and so many people take pictures of weddings or portraits.
I'm going to make a website soon, an official one not just a facebook page, and order business cards to hand out all over the place!!!
I have photography books I want to read and videos and tutorials to watch and you know what gets in the way? (Besides work.) Things like my work pants that just ripped at work yesterday so I have to go hunt down cheap work pants. My computer dying so I have to sit here and constantly run things like scans and defragmenters to see if I can speed it up. Doing laundry. Sigh. Life stuff. But, despite the things that are slowing me down, I'm excited for all the cool things going on. I'm thankful for my friends who are excited for me. I'm thankful that when I'm having a bad day, there are friends who hug me and pray for me as I cry. I'm thankful for laughter and silliness, mixed with the depth of conversations that carry me through the week.
God is good.
I also don't have or know how to use photoshop. Sigh. It's like this big program that is so above my head. I was going to buy this online version of it (the real thing, just "in the cloud" so that you always get the new updates and stuff), but my computer is about to die, so I can't just download it now if I have to buy a new computer. Oh, yeah, my laptop that I've had for 3 or 4 years decided to slow to a halt over the past few days. I've done everything possible to speed it up, and I'm hoping I don't have to buy a new one because that would REALLY cut into my money. Like majorly. I'm just not ready to buy a new laptop yet. :-(
Anyways, on to the fantastic news!!!!
One. I am taking pictures for my sweet friend Alice and her date Josh who are going to prom next Saturday!! I am excited to take some real pictures with my new camera, and of Alice and Josh who are both awesome people, along with Alice's "family," the Bartons. Alice is a foreign exchange student from Slovakia!
Two. I am going to be taking pictures for a friend's website who sells rugs. I will take the rugs to people's houses to take pictures of them, and he's looking for about 50 photos. I will get PAID for this one, and more than I was expecting which is so awesome! And, he said the photos would also go in a sears catalog?? I'm not sure of the details of what that means but it's cool nonetheless!
Three. I work with a guy named Sean who does videos for websites, business, and just fun stuff too. He's shooting a video with the Atlanta Gymnastic Academy to advertise for them in April, and I'm going to take pictures with him! No pay, just for fun and experience. So I'll take pictures of people doing gymnastics as well as Sean and his team shooting videos. I'm pumped about it because it's so unique and different - and right up my alley of different opportunities that I've been looking for because I'm not aiming for weddings, baby pictures, family pictures, etc. I'm looking for totally different things to build up my portfolio, something that stands out and makes a magazine or company hire me, and so many people take pictures of weddings or portraits.
I'm going to make a website soon, an official one not just a facebook page, and order business cards to hand out all over the place!!!
I have photography books I want to read and videos and tutorials to watch and you know what gets in the way? (Besides work.) Things like my work pants that just ripped at work yesterday so I have to go hunt down cheap work pants. My computer dying so I have to sit here and constantly run things like scans and defragmenters to see if I can speed it up. Doing laundry. Sigh. Life stuff. But, despite the things that are slowing me down, I'm excited for all the cool things going on. I'm thankful for my friends who are excited for me. I'm thankful that when I'm having a bad day, there are friends who hug me and pray for me as I cry. I'm thankful for laughter and silliness, mixed with the depth of conversations that carry me through the week.
God is good.
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