Jesus Christ is my clarity

You know that song...


"If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?" - Clarity, Zedd


Well this morning in church we sang this:


"Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity. Sweet Jesus Christ, my clarity." - Mystery, Charlie Hall


To say my face broke out into a grin would be only the outward sign of what I felt. Not only was it the same words, but it was the same order. Of course! When things are insane, no matter what it is, GOD is the sanity, the clarity, that no other person or thing can bring. What a silly world we live in that turns away from God and expects to find clarity amongst the chaos and noise, as if trying harder is going to work, and searching where things are already crazy will it be any less crazy. I totally understand that feeling, but it's a false sense of clarity. God is the only one who can bring that clarity and peace and joy and fix things that are messed up or broken.


Beautiful.

I got in to Portfolio Center!

I got accepted into Portfolio Center yesterday, a school in Atlanta, where I will study photography for two years and have a certificate at the end of it! My orientation and first day is March 31. It's on the quarter system. 11 weeks of classes, then two weeks off. That sounds so cool compared to semesters, but it will be weird going straight through for 2 years without a major break. I will be working part time at Starbucks, but I don't know how many days / hours yet because I don't know what my schedule will be, and I don't know how hard the work load will be. The people at Portfolio Center say 20 hours is the most people work while in the school, but I know a lot of people who work full time and go to college, so we'll see.


I hope to make great new friends there. I hope that I love every single bit of the classes, the work, taking pictures, etc. I hope that I rise to the top and do work that is so amazing and that I get a great job shortly after finishing there. I think it will be nice sometimes too to sit in Starbucks and edit pictures, and doing whatever "homework" type of stuff there is. To talk to people and friends when I need a break.


It's weird to think I'll be at Starbucks another two years... 4 years total... but it will be a blessing because I'll have insurance, 401k, a flexible schedule to change every quarter, and of course, free and/or discounted coffee!!


Being that God gave me this talent and dream and ability to go to Portfoilo Center, I want to take pictures that also glorify God. I want to take pictures that make people think, and inspire them to seek God. I'm not sure what that will look like or how I will do that, but I want to try.


I'm guessing there will be quarters where I have class on Thursday night, so I won't be able to go to bible study. :-( But it's only for a season. And if I end class at 9:00, then maybe I can still stop by the bible study at 10:00 when there will still be a few people there and say hello on my way home.


Some of my friends are calling all of this an adventure and one of my friends said they look forward to seeing me grow. It really is that - an adventure. Besides learning a lot and doing a lot, I want to write about what it's like to be in class, what it's like to take pictures, and about the people I meet. It will be good for networking and helping each other get jobs in the future since there are other programs there besides just photography, but also, for me, it's another set of people that will be a mission field, where I will get the chance to show more people who Jesus is. What a joy! I hope to meet other Christians that become close friends, but also I hope to connect with those who aren't so that I can love them and show them that God is real and loves them.

You post it, people will see it.

If you post something on facebook (pictures, status', etc), it is for your friends to see. And if you post something as public, anybody can look at it. Therefore when someone you know comments about what you posted on facebook, you can't say, "That's creepy." STOP. Stop saying that. Same with instagram. Facebook is set up so that you can find people even if you only know their first name and one other thing about them - their search engine has increased a lot - so it's easy to find most people. It's not like you sit and look through every person named Katie who lives in Georgia if you're looking for someone. And oh, did you forget that every thing you ever posted on facebook is available to your friends? All the way back to whenever you got a facebook, like 2006? Every person you dated who wrote on your wall, all the status' you posted, all the pictures you posted... it can all be retrieved by whoever you are "friends" with... those 500+ people you've met in life. Yes, it's silly to have someone go back through it, but you know, some people are bored or like looking at old pictures you've posted or whatever... or maybe they're just interested in your life... they have access to that because you put it on there. So get over it, or start deleting more stuff and filtering what you post. The internet is full of everything you've posted so quit acting surprised when someone sees it.

Celebration of Discipline

I read a book once called, "Celebration of Discipline," by Richard J. Foster, because a friend recommended it, and it's been a few years since I read it. At church and bible study we've been talking about discipline as well. So, I'm looking back at the book to see what I underlined and am writing some of it here. There's a lot more than written below, these are just my favorites.

"Superficiality is the curse of our age. Doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people."

"Joy is the keynote of all the disciplines. The purpose of disciplines is liberation from the stifling slavery to self-interest and fear."

"Stop trying to impress people with your clothes and impress them with your life."

(BAM!)

"How do you discern an addiction? Very simply, you watch for undisciplined compulsions."

Fear

Fear.


Fear of commitment
Fear of regret
Fear of choosing the wrong person
Fear of loving the wrong person
Fear of losing someone
Fear of messing up
Fear of death
Fear of letting people down
Fear of failure
Fear of being wrong
Fear of being exposed
Fear of the truth
Fear of rejection
Fear of being lied to
Fear of being ignored
Fear of being mediocre
Fear of being in debt
Fear of losing your job
Fear of exhaustion
Fear of friends growing apart
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of abuse
Fear of the past
Fear of the present
Fear of the future
Fear of a deep desire never being fulfilled
Fear of God saying no
Fear of satan
Fear of spiritual warfare
Fear of wasting life away
Fear of leading
Fear of being an example
Fear of divorce
Fear of sickness
Fear of loneliness


There are plenty of things to be feared in this world. And rightly so. But God is above that all. He is in it all. Yes, some of those things happen to us or we act fearful at times in life, but I think your reaction to that fear is what makes a difference. It takes trusting God, turning to Him for peace, giving things up to Him, constantly searching for ways to be thankful, and not letting fear paralyze us. There is freedom in the Lord. He breaks every chain. Nothing is impossible for Him. He has conquered death. He has created everything, and therefore has a say over everything. What a mighty God we serve.

To write or not to write, that is the question

Sometimes I sit down to write what is heavy on my heart and think, "Do I really want to write this down? Because do I want to remember this a year from now, 5 years from now, in detail? With the words that hurt or the feelings flooding back? Maybe not, but I have to write about it. I have to process and get it out." And no, I can't just type something up and toss it out. Ah, the inner debate of a writer. To not journal about something important is almost impossible for me. But sometimes I want those memories to blur like the way you think back to your kindergarten days, and you can only remember certain things and certain people, and then one day you're not sure if what you remember is even accurate anymore. Sometimes I want things in life to just blur away.

When I was in middle school I wrote in my journal about how much I hated life, how sad I was, the people that made fun of me, etc. A few years ago I pulled them out and read through them and literally threw away huge amounts of my journals from those years because I didn't want to carry those around with me through life anymore. It's long gone, and I am a different person now. I don't miss those pages. I don't miss the vivid descriptions of how it felt to not speak to a single person all day and have people complain that there was no one else to be partners with in class so they had to be partners with me.

So when I write things down now, will I read them back in 10 years and throw away pages because I want them gone? Or should I just not write them down at all?

Because some day, the very things that hurt might be the reminders of God protecting you or changing you or doing something in your life. It might be what makes you stop and be thankful that God said no to your prayers because He had a different timeline in mind, different plans, different things.

Also, I would like to take a moment to view life from a heavenly perspective.

"For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
-2 Corinthians 4:17-18

We fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen - God. Jesus. The Holy Spirit. Focusing on Him and letting Him fill us up with joy and peace is what pushes me on in life, and reminds me that nothing is out of his control, and that His plan is so intricate down to seconds of time, a single sentence that is spoken, a single day in life. I am so thankful for that! So as my story continues on, I will "focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (Philippians 3:13-14)

2013

I changed churches. I helped with high school girls. We put my dog Rolli down. My car stopped working after having it 7 years. One of my best friends left for Bosnia for a year. I decided to apply for a photography school in Atlanta  and will hear back soon hopefully. I made new friends and lost others. I worked at Starbucks, making it two years there in November. I got an upgrade for my phone from an iPhone 4 to an iPhone 5c. I had a weekend in Blue Ridge in a cabin with a friend from high school. I turned 25. I went to a few weddings, baby showers, and a bachelorette party. I spent time with Slovak interns. I sang with some of my closest friends at several worship services for young adults and loved the times we practiced and the times we sang. I started meeting with a friend almost every week to read the bible and catch up. I was emotionally broken at times, and I saw people close to me emotionally broken as well. I discovered what it looks like when my focus rests on a person instead of God, and how unstable that is. I took pictures for fundraisers, events, a website, and more. I messed up sometimes. I fought spiritual battles and giants that were big in life. I held tiny babies and brought dinners to the new parents.

Goodbye 2013. I will not miss you, because there are greater things ahead. Pictures were taken and I wrote in my journal and blog, so this year is well documented, but I really think 2014 will be an awesome year.