Cyber junkies

I read a book back in 2010 called, "Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap," by Kevin Roberts. I'm going to guess there are even more books similar to this now, because at the time I had a hard time finding a book like this. I thought of this book today because of the Pokemon Go game. Now it seems like a normal thing that everybody is addicted to gaming and the internet and their phone and social media. Suddenly almost everybody is a cyber junkie. I wanted to look back now at what I underlined from the book and put some of that on here...

"Many people write off cyber junkies as unproductive losers and perhaps even brand us stupid. Quite the contrary, we are creative and imaginary souls. However, we fail to uncover ways to productively channel our gifts and form the human connections we crave. We dream of dynamic, purposeful, contact-filled, and exciting lives, but we just do not put together the steps needed to fulfill our vision. If you could peer into our minds, you would discover them bubbling over with insights and ideas."

"To keep from returning to games, we must find an adventure in the real world that is worthy of our skills. Our goal must be not to simply get these folks to stop their obsessive behavior, but rather assist them in channeling their enormous potential into exciting and worthwhile pursuits."

I agree with this to some degree, and I think it would work better for some people better than others. Even when I'm busy taking pictures, editing them, going places, spending time with friends, etc. I still have a hard time with being on the internet / phone / games.

The next part of the book goes into addiction itself. It says that the brain looks the same under a scan when someone is addicted to a game or the internet as it is to drugs or alcohol. It literally changes your brain. It's said that you sometimes get this in your DNA too, if you have family members who have been addicted to things. The chemicals in your brain are different.

It talks about how it's difficult when you use the internet for your job or you have a phone constantly in your pocket, and that even when you get one urge under control, such as not being on Facebook, chances are another will take it's place. I've definitely had that happen to me.

I remember a website called, "StumbleUpon" where you choose your interests and things you like to see, and then click the button and it takes you to a random website based on what your interests are, and you can give it a thumbs up or thumbs down kind of like Pandora, and it starts to learn what you like and don't like. It literally is a stumbling block. You find games and beautiful pictures and interesting facts and things that make you laugh and crazy things on google maps, and the list goes on and on. I can't remember the last time I went to that website because time escaped when I did that. It's similar with Pinterest though - you think of a board that you want to add to, and you scour the internet to add more and more things to your board. It's crazy.

I think that it's a weirdly interesting phenomenon the way the brain kicks into addiction mode. The book mentions that you have a wiring of survival mode, that if you don't get food you'll obviously die, or if you're under water too long your body forces you back to the surface to get air. Somewhere in that thought process addiction comes in to play, where it confuses an addiction with a survival mode - that if you don't play a game or get on the internet, you will die. Although that literal thought doesn't go through your head, it is the same feelings and chemicals in your brain.

I am going to see if there are more books out there soon about this. I'm sure more have been written in the past 6 years, as the rise of iphones came about around the year 2010.

You post it, people will see it.

If you post something on facebook (pictures, status', etc), it is for your friends to see. And if you post something as public, anybody can look at it. Therefore when someone you know comments about what you posted on facebook, you can't say, "That's creepy." STOP. Stop saying that. Same with instagram. Facebook is set up so that you can find people even if you only know their first name and one other thing about them - their search engine has increased a lot - so it's easy to find most people. It's not like you sit and look through every person named Katie who lives in Georgia if you're looking for someone. And oh, did you forget that every thing you ever posted on facebook is available to your friends? All the way back to whenever you got a facebook, like 2006? Every person you dated who wrote on your wall, all the status' you posted, all the pictures you posted... it can all be retrieved by whoever you are "friends" with... those 500+ people you've met in life. Yes, it's silly to have someone go back through it, but you know, some people are bored or like looking at old pictures you've posted or whatever... or maybe they're just interested in your life... they have access to that because you put it on there. So get over it, or start deleting more stuff and filtering what you post. The internet is full of everything you've posted so quit acting surprised when someone sees it.

Who do you think you are?

Day number 500 of my job search. I don't know what key words to use. I can hardly find jobs that don't require a specific degree - that I don't have. I feel like actually getting a job with photography is a joke when I can't even find a decent office job or something that pays more than $9 an hour. There come moments when I think, "GOD! You are the God of the impossible, You can do all things and I need your help! Why are you not helping me?!" The thought of ever making enough money to live on my own is unfathomable. The thought of driving a car that is newer than 15 years old is absurd.

Amongst my prayers for myself, I have friends who also need God to come through in a big way. And days go by.

I feel like when I pray about things that matter to me or job search, this deep sadness comes over me. This hopeless feeling that I don't want to deal with, so I just stop job searching and let more time pass. And the same goes for prayers that I don't see an answer to, or is a flat out no. Sometimes I feel like if I just don't pray about it, and try not to think about it, then I can get by without hurting so much.

Is that what life is about? Just getting by? When you catch up with a friend after months and your reply to, "What's new?" is "Oh, you know, just working," you think to yourself, "Oh God, what am I doing with my life?"

And sometimes God taps me on the shoulder and says, "You have a roof over your head, parents who love you, running water in your house, heat and air, a car that runs, and a job that allows you to reach the unreached people. You are not living in a mud hut in Africa with family members dying from the common cold. You are not living in a land where you are persecuted and put in jail and beaten for worshiping me. You are not living in jail with a life sentence. And you're complaining why?" As Job complained and called out to God, His response was not reasons why Job was going through his trials, but chapters of God saying, "Who do you think you are? I am GOD, who created everything, and love you with more love than you can imagine! I gave you life! I give and I take away! Your circumstances do not change my love for you, and I know what I am doing!" Ultimately, Job went through what he did so that the rest of all mankind for as long as earth is around, could read about His life, and God's response. Wow! That alone would be a good enough reason, but Job was never given a reason. I may never be given reasons for things in life. But God is still faithful.

Tonight I tried to search some more for jobs, and ended up crying again. But not just because of that, but because there are things even bigger than that that I wish God would work on in my life and in the lives of people I love. I leaned back against the wall and thought about taking another nap, despite it being 10:30 PM, but as I listened to some Christmas music with facebook staring at me from the computer screen, I thought: What if I prayed and listened to God more than I spent time on facebook? In lines when I'm waiting, on breaks at work, when I'm bored or awkwardly waiting for something out in public, when I'm at home... Do you think that I would see God more if I spent more time in His presence? Is He saying to me, "Jennifer, I want to answer your prayers, but You're not listening. I can't guide You in a direction or change the desires of your heart to match mine because You are too busy filling it with unimportant things." Is He waiting for me to turn to Him with urgency and pray with my heart for the things I truly want in my life and others so that He can see that I trust Him more than just a half-hearted prayer? Is His answer, "Not yet" because I don't expect His power to come through in situations?

Can you imagine standing in heaven and God saying, "Alright, your total time of watching TV is ____ years. Your total time of being on the internet is _____ years. Your total time of playing games is _____years. My child, do you know what more could have been done for My Kingdom if those years of time had been spent seeking me and then responding to me, going out and using what I gave you to glorify me and tell the world about me? Instead you chose these idols, these distractions from satan, to waste your time on. Why would I have entrusted you with more if you I couldn't trust you with little?"

I started off this post to vent and wrestle with what is going on in my heart. And as I wrote, God reminded me of all of the rest of what I wrote. I am thankful He helps me process and think through writing because it is a reminder to come back to on days when I get off track again. It's time that things change. It's time that I run after God with all that I am. I haven't been running away, but merely sitting still and lazy. Like exercise, if you don't do it for a while and then start up again, it will be hard and painful and tiring. But nothing else in all eternity is more important than running towards God despite the pain of hearing God say no sometimes, or asking Him why He has not come through on something.

OCD

Once upon a time I was on the internet way too much and it made me not get as much homework done, or then have to stay up late because I still had homework to do after being online for too long. Now that I haven't had "homework" or student teaching work since last May, it has been nice to not feel bad about being online so much....except that I feel bad because there are books I want to read, I still stay up too late, and things don't get done that should like cleaning my room or other random tasks. Recent studies show that internet addiction causes brain changes similar to cocain or alcohol. Huh!

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/internet-addiction-harms-brain-cocaine-050244123.html
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/01/12/internet-addiction-causes-brain-changes-similar-to-alcohol-and-drugs-study/

Well I knew that because I read a book on it last year. But still. It's kind of ridiculous really. I believe it though.

I also wonder if ocd has any part in that? The need to check your phone or facebook or e-mail over and over all the time...maybe it creates some kind of ocd. I just bought a book (3 minutes ago!) on my kindle about OCD because I'm interested in learning more about it. I know there are some EXTREME cases where people wash their hands until they're bleeding or have to walk in and out of a doorway 7 times before going through it and stuff like that. But are their minor characteristcis? Surely there are. For example, I feel like I have OCD when I look at my split ends on my hair. I see a small section of my hair that has split ends and then proceed to cut them all off just above where it's split, but when I look up I realize I've done it for way too long and it's stupid. But I still do it again the next day. Or when I'm playing games on facebook or my iPhone like Bejeweled Blitz or tetris. I feel the need to win, yes, but more than that I just get stuck on it and keep playing forever. Does that count as ocd?

And other random tasks that require focus and repition - once I get into it, I'm stuck and I have to continue / finish. I remember in high school when I worked at Firehouse Subs, one day I was asked to portion meat - we put a handful of ham / turkey/ etc. onto a scale and it had to measure out to some exact number, then we'd roll it up and stick it in a bin, 3 wide by 5 high or something like that, so when they stuck the bin into the fridge part, the workers just pulled it out to make the sandwhich. Well one day I started and just kept going. Someone said, "Want to switch for a while?" "No, I'm good," I said, and did it for like 4 hours or something crazy. Same with labeling stickers on books when I worked at a bookstore. And when a new person makes a facebook, I like going through all my pictures to tag them in my pictures - it takes forever, but I feel like I have to do it and like to do it.

Ocd? Or not ocd? It's helpful in jobs, but not helpful in general life stuff.