Laughter, worship, and prayer

Last night we had our young adults' worship service with NorthStar. I sang along with 8 others - three played guitar, two switched out playing keyboard, and a few people jumped on one of those box drums called Cajon. We have done this once a month for a long time, but this "band" has been together since March.

We started off praying in the little kitchen. Who knows how we get on the topics we get on when we talk, but out of that I started saying, "bee-do, bee-do, bee-do" from the minions on Despicable Me 2. We noted that four of us had on green or greenish blue shirts on and were standing next to each other and it looked like the sea with the arrays of green and blues. And then one girl, Christina, had on a bright pink and orange skirt on and so she said she was a salmon in the sea. :-) Ah, yes, our funny conversations. We finally stood and held hands and prayed.

When we got on stage, Katie started off singing, "Oceans" by Hillsong, which is one of my favorite songs. And she rocked it. The next song was, "God's Great Dance Floor," by Chris Tomlin. Juraj led this song and played guitar. He is from Slovakia and is here for 6 weeks, and has an awesome voice! I saw smiles when we started the song and Juraj said, "It is hard to introduce a song in English so... welcome to God's Great Dance Floor." Tiffany led, "One Thing Remains" and played guitar as well during all of the songs and it was great! David led, "Beautiful Things," by Gungor, and at the end Katie and I sang the girl harmony section and when everybody joined in on their parts it was loud and beautiful, but I had to keep looking back to see if Katie and I were on the same beat/words because I couldn't hear her!

For the next song, I led, "Revelation Song," and for some reason as Juraj was playing the chords leading up to me starting, I couldn't hear the note I was supposed to start on! That has never happened for me! I started in a key that was way too low. After the first verse, I stopped and tried to listen again. Juraj almost stopped playing so I nodded and made the hand gesture for him to keep going. Finally I heard it right, and started in again. When I close my eyes to sing, I imagine that I am standing right in front of the Lord singing, and that takes away any nervousness or frustration at messing up. And then I just sing.

After communion, Bryan had us pray for Joy and Catherine who are leaving in a few weeks to go out of the country for a year. We all came around them and put hands on them and those around them. I hadn't expected to cry.... or sob for that matter. Then to turn right around and have to go back up on stage was a little tough! Mat'a led, "How Great is our God," and did an awesome job! She is also from Slovakia. She and Juraj sang part of the end in Slovak while we sang it in English. Beautiful.

Katie led, "At the Cross," and it was another great song. Christina led, "Jesus, Son of God," and her sweet voice made me proud. Right at the end of that song I realized I needed water and had left it against the wall off stage, so I put the mic down at the end and ran to get my water. I couldn't sing the next song without water! Katie and I sang verses for, "How He Loves," and that song had to be last because it wore me out!

We finished by praying for Aaron who is going to Indiana for 4 years. As we went to lay hands on him as well, we joked that we ran out of places to put hands on him. When Bryan prayed, at one point he said, "Help Aaron to find a good community where he going and to find great friends there too," and a ton of people said, "yes" or "uh-huh" or "mmm-hmmm" all at once and it was so funny that we all started laughing and then David threw in, "I echo that. I'm echoing your echo," which is from this funny video where they say all the things that Christians say and ham it up a bit. I think someone also yelled out, "Amen!" and then Bryan continued. In that moment where we were all laughing in the middle of prayer I just pictured God smiling on us too. Laughter and prayer was a beautiful thing.

After lots of hugs and conversations, some of us headed to Steak-n-Shake. When the waitress brought us waters, only a few of us had arrived to order them and more had then come. "Oh, I'm not sure who just got here... who needs a drink?" Brad D. said, "It's ok, we can share until more come." Everyone stopped and looked at him like he was crazy. We were like, "Um, no. We aren't sharing waters." Haha. Brad told us about the mugs and birdhouses he has made out of clay and sells, and how he's made mugs in blue, black, and another color that was kind of neutral but I forget which color. He said he wants them to be soothing and calm colors. I said, "Will you make me one in hot pink?!" So, we'll see about that. :-) It's ok, I don't need to be calm while I drink coffee. We talked about heaven and Brad joked that he wanted his own room. AJ wondered if we will have brains and I said probably not. We talked about the trinity, about bible verses, and things going on in our lives. Brad lost 50 cents to a cheap claw machine while trying to win a stuffed animal. Joy told us how almost all of her money has been raised to go to Bosnia and that she will be sending out monthly updates to us.

I write all of this to remember it.

I'm so glad God said no

I used to pray that I could go to Georgia College and State University. God said no. I only lived out of my parents house for 2 years, but in those 2 years and having to pull out loans for college, I realized I would have been in much more debt if I went to GCSU instead of KSU and living at home 3 out of 5 of those years. I also would have missed out on meeting the people who are at NorthStar now because I would have been somewhere else, and I don't know where I would have gone on my own after college since someone invited me to the NorthStar young adults' bible study. I'm so glad God said no to going to GCSU.

I used to pray that certain guys would like me or that God would let me date certain guys. God said no. Some of them I realized later that we wouldn't match up on certain things and it would probably be a problem if we dated. Some of them I realized didn't really fall under what I was looking for, I was just following my emotions and "attraction" and saw that I was blinded. Some of them I realized later that they weren't ready to be in a relationship, and maybe I wasn't either at certain times. Some of them I realized just fit better with other girls than me. I'm so glad God said no. I still pray for a husband, but I try to pray less for specific guys because obviously I've been wrong every time.

I used to pray to get a job at Books-A-Million. God said no. After working at Lifeway Christian Bookstore, a few years later I got an interview with BAM and found out there was a lot of stuff I would hate about working at BAM. I'm so glad God said no.

I used to pray that I could sing for the young adults' service at my previous church. God said no. The other college students in the band said I wasn't needed, or only wanted me to sing one tiny bit of one song and stand there the rest of the time. Later I realized that I would have hated it even if they let me sing with them because we didn't get along, and when I started singing once a month at my current church for the young adults' service I realized how full of LOVE and selflessness there is. I'm so glad God said no to singing at my previous church.

I used to pray that all my close friends would stay here, and live life with me. God said no. He has called them to other places, other countries, other cities, other places, to further His kingdom. To go and make disciples of all nations. To tell others the good news and some day be in heaven. I'm so glad God said no.

#blessed

These people that God has brought into my life over the past year, and some longer, fuel me every week, inspire me, and spur me on to be a better person. They hold me accountable, they pray for me, they love me, and they speak truth into my life. Going from 4 years of very little friends to 3 years of deep friendships has been an overflowing well of water that just gushes. Words don't even describe it. It's a true picture of love amongst Christians that I want for my entire life. I hardly know how to show them my appreciation, but I try every time I'm around them to fully grasp the blessing so as not to take them for granted, ever.

# blessed

HA!

Funny happenings.

One coworker made a caramel Frappuccino and in the process of handing it to my other coworker, they managed to drop it straight into the trashcan. He had to make it again, and wasn't thrilled, but it struck me as hilarious. Better the trashcan than the floor!

For my entire life I've said that the nursery rhyme was, "Cheater cheater pumpkin eater," but I said that at work about something and my coworkers said, "What? It's Peter Peter pumpkin eater." I said, "But he had a wife and couldn't keep her, so I thought he was a cheater??" "No..." they said. I googled it and they were right. HA! Wow.

One of my coworkers said to me, "You looked like you were going to jump that guy. I would have been ok with that even though I'd have to get on to you." I said, "You'd be clapping and applauding me at the same time as saying, 'Stop it! Stop!'" Obviously I'd never actually jump somebody. But it was funny.

Tonight at Firehouse Subs I went to sit down. I pulled out the chair but somehow my foot pushed/kicked one of the legs and I lost my balance as the chair slid out from under me, but I grabbed on to the chair and finally sat down. Whew. Who knew sitting could be so awkward?

Words

Words I still remember that hurt a lot:

- "You only got that solo because you're the pastor's daughter." -middle school church choir
- "You're a cry baby." - middle school
- "You're a goody-goody." - middle and high school
- "Since everybody else has a partner I guess I have to be partners with you." - 8th grade
- "We're not best friends. We used to be, but we're not anymore. I thought you knew that." - high school
- "You have a butt part. When your hair is parted down the middle it's a butt part and it looks weird." -high school

After high school....
- "I didn't miss you while I was gone."
- "We aren't going to be friends anymore. Don't speak to me."
- "I know someone invited you to go to the movies with us, but I'm uninviting you because I think it'd be best if we weren't around each other."
- "You're just holier than thou."
- "I think it's fine if we joke about sex while we're at work... we're all adults here. Except for Jennifer."
- "I don't know why you're telling me that story. I don't really care."
- "I don't like you as more than a friend."
- "You could stand to lose some weight, especially in your stomach."
- "You're close-minded."



Words I still remember that were nice:

- "You don't speak a lot, but when you do, you project really well." - one of my 7th grade teachers
- "You sing amazing! I love your voice." - a bunch of people over time
- "You are my best friend and I can tell you anything." - middle school
- "You write really well." - a bunch of people over time
- "You're the only freshman that I like." - a senior in high school
- "You're the only person we've let baby-sit our daughter because we trust you." - high school

After high school....
- "You were the first person who was nice to me and made me feel accepted here."
- "You take great pictures!"
- "You handled that very maturely."
- "I look up to you."
- "You are beautiful."
- "I love you."
- "You were one of my favorite students."
- "I want to be friends with you again. I want to be close friends with you again."
- "You have a great work ethic and determination."
- "You have a way of seeing beauty in things that others don't."
- "I like talking to you. Stay."
- "You have such a great heart."
- "You're younger than me and have more discipline than me in reading the bible. I look up to you even though I'm older than you! And that encourages me to read it more! "
- "Thank you for not being passive aggressive and just talking about something that is bothering you with someone."
- "You have a good way of describing the way you feel and expressing that."
- "Remember when I was mad at you for something that you thought you were doing that was best for me a few years ago? You were right. And I'm so glad you did that, even when I was mad at you at the time."
- "Look what you went through before and look where you are now. You have come so far and I know that you can make it through this too."

Coincidences? Or not?

This post has been a long time coming. So here we go.

A lot of Christians (or most?) say that there are no such things as coincidences. I have asked God to open my eyes to the small things that he does in life, or even, "Where should I go eat lunch today so that I run into someone you want me to see and talk to?" Time and time again, He has brought me places to see people I needed to see or that they needed to see me. I remember the most distinct one was I had just gotten my free coffee at my Starbucks, and on the way home, as I passed by another Starbucks, I had this sudden huge urge to get another one. Why? I would have to pay for this second cup of coffee after I just finished my free one. But it was this urgency. Go. When I got there, there was a girl I hadn't seen in months and had no way to contact, who I had prayed for recently and didn't know how to reach out to her. Other times I have specifically prayed to see someone, and there they were! I don't usually say, "Woah, I just prayed about you, that I would see you, and here you are!!!" But sometimes I do.

Sometimes, I pray NOT to see someone. And then I see them anyways. Or all the time, in places I would not have normally seen them. And I think, why? Is it for a purpose, or is it not? Am I supposed to be learning something here? Or is the other person supposed to be learning something and I am just part of the process?

I have had situations where, although small, I thought God had made things happen for a specific reason, and then it turned out not to be what I thought it would be. And I was mad, wondering why God would let all those small things roll into a million things, misguiding me. I'm sure there are ways to make something out of nothing... and look into things and choose what you think it should mean.

There are times in life when I stomp my foot and say, "There ARE coincidences!! Sometimes when we think it's God, it's just not. It's just life happening."

But I haven't fully made up my mind yet.

Prayers

I have a friend who went to India at the beginning of April. One story he told me from his trip was about a girl who was about seven years old. The mission team that went to India worked with an orphanage and when they asked the kids what they were thankful for, one girl said she was thankful that God protected her on her journey to that home. It was a simple thing to be thankful for on the outside... but later my friend learned the real story, and the depth of that thankfulness.

This girl's mother was a prostitute and had aids, so the pimp wanted to take her daughter. She said no, and they said they would either kill her or take her. She left with her daughter and her baby boy in the middle of the night and stared walking along the road. Since she was weak, the girl had to carry her brother a lot. They were barefoot, walking along the road for a HUGE distance - I forget how long - but weeks I think. At any moment the pimp could have pulled up in a car and gotten them, or they simply could not have survived. But they made it. That little girl prayed that God would protect them from death and evil and He did.

We pray to that same God, yet our prayers are often so much more shallow - asking for less traffic and more green lights so we aren't late, asking for a good day, that we get rid of our headaches or sinus problems, and that have patience with difficult people around us.

While I don't think that these are BAD things to pray for and nothing is too small to pray for, I think we overlook the big things unless there are bad things we're praying for to change. Or maybe we still don't pray for it then, because we don't believe He will change anything. Maybe you've prayed for something for ten years and still God has done nothing, so you stopped praying for it. Maybe you prayed big and God said no. And when we hear that "nothing is impossible for God," it sounds distant, as if it could happen occasionally, in someone else's life, but not ours. We fall into dull routines of daily monotony while there is an underlying ache and pain of this unanswered prayer or this unfulfilled desire. You try to rejoice with others who are receiving what you've been praying for, but sometimes it brings tears anyways.

I'm praying for two things right now that are so important to me, that I have no control over, that only God can do something with. And I'm afraid He's just going to say no again. I don't feel like telling any of my friends what those two things are, because I'm tired of telling them how God said no, and I feel embarrassed somehow, that I would ask God for something so important to me. It doesn't make much sense, but it's how I feel. There are so many scriptures about being persistent in prayer, being bold in prayer, and many other qualities that I'm just lacking because I'm worn out. Maybe everybody has these things in life, so close to their heart that they just can't share it with anyone, and God is the only they tell because it sounds too ridiculous to tell anyone else.

I'm sure we've all prayed for some big things. I know I have! And sometimes He has said yes and done amazing things.

Life. Crazy right?

No... because I love you.

Sometimes God says no because what we're asking for is stupid or would hurt us.
"Can I touch the fire?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because He has something better for us.
"Can I have some dirt for dinner?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because He has things for us to learn or He would get more glory from it, or others would come to know Him because of it.
"Can I live in a cave and never speak to anyone?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because it's not time yet or something isn't finished yet, and it will be later.
"Can I eat this uncooked hamburger?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because something else will fit better than what we're asking for.
"Can I move to China and be a ballerina there?" "No." "Can I marry Zach Effron?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because what we're asking for is sinful or wrong.
"Can you help me rob this bank?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because it's not about you, it's about someone else and God knows what's best for them too.
"Can you help my friend win the lottery?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because what we're asking for is selfish.
"Can I have more money so I can go on more vacations instead of giving it to the church or missions?" "No."

Sometimes God says no because we are suffering from consequences that WE messed up on, and He doesn't just fix everything every time we mess up.
"Can you get rid of this DUI I just got and make the police somehow lose my record?" "No."

And sometimes....maybe a lot of the times... God says no because He has a plan or a reason that we don't understand. Maybe we'll see the reason later in life, or maybe we won't know until heaven. He might say no to something that is reasonable, unselfish, and would bring Him glory, but He has different plans. It's not that He is unable, because with God nothing is impossible, and sometimes He says yes.
"Can I go on this mission trip?" "No." "Can you heal my friend and let her live?" "No." "Can you stop the tornado from killing people?" "No." "Can you tell me what my career path should be so that I can best tell others about you and glorify you?" "No."

Sometimes it seems like all God says is no. And we pitch fits, we cry, we get mad, we hurt, we doubt, we question.... not realizing that those "no's" are out of love. So turn around and look at all that God has said yes to, but also look at what He said no to that you're SO THANKFUL FOR now!!

When I was younger I wanted to work at a bookstore. When I was 17 I applied to Books-A-Million, the closest bookstore to my house, and didn't get it. Every time I changed jobs I applied there. I was so mad that I couldn't work there! When I finally got a job at Lifeway Christian Bookstore, it was not the "dream job" that I thought it'd be. There were still difficult people to deal with - both people I worked with and customers, as with all jobs! There were still unpleasant tasks and frustrating days. A year and a half ago when I was job hunting once again, I finally got an interview with BAM, and I thought since I had previous experience in a bookstore that they would for sure hire me. I got an interview, and after the lady asked me questions, I asked her questions. Come to find out, they got their pay rises depending on how well they sold magazine subscriptions (which it seems like nobody buys), there was only 2 people working at once generally (so people had to wait forever and nothing could get done), and many other things that I knew I would hate. I turned down the job. Even when I go there now, I love going in there and getting books and stuff, but watching the workers and how stressful it looks, I am so glad I didn't get a job there. God knew.

So many other situations have happened like that. So in the midst of sitting in a cloud, feeling directionless and hearing all no's, I know that God is still there. I know He still has everything under control. Praise the Lord.

Fragile

We are china dolls living in glass houses. The smallest of things can break us. Even paper cuts us. Our hearts are made of clay, constantly changing and easily squished. We drive in bubbles that can burst at the slightest impact, and us with it. Yet some people drive as if we were invincible. We collect things that rust and disintegrate, we value the numbers on tests and money in the bank, and we search for temporary solutions to monumental problems. Our lives are wisps in the wind, a dot on a line, a millisecond in comparison to 1,000 years.

Vaguebooking

VAGUEBOOKING!

I'm terribly against it - it drives me crazy. I try my best not to do it, although I do sometimes. But for this post I am dedicating the entire thing to vaguebooking. And yes, I mean every bit of it. And no, you won't have a clue what I'm talking about. Cheers!



I can't believe that happened. To me.

Really? Are we 12? Let's all act our age. Stop being so immature.

Quit whining. It's like drenching a flower in soda, you're killing the happiness.

I just want to quit. I feel so trapped.

I have run away from problems, but that doesn't solve them.

I have 500,000 things to tell you and yet I can't even tell you one of them.

Even through some bad experiences in life I have learned so much, and use it to not make the same mistakes again.

I care so much that it hurts.

There are still moments when I'm thrown off guard and my heart stops for a second. I feel like as long as I'm mentally prepared ahead of time, I'm ok, but when I'm unprepared it still throws me.

I was getting burned because I was standing in the fire. At first when I stepped out of it I was still hurting from the burn that was caused, and in my confusion I thought I was freezing to death from the lack of the fire. But God opened my eyes to the reality of the situation and I praised Him for delivering me, I thanked Him for getting me out.

I hate the phrase, "He's not good enough for you" or "You can do better than him." No, and I wouldn't want someone to say that about me. While there are cases that it's actually true, it's not the norm. It's just that God has someone better fit for me than that person.