What a week.

It's such a weird phenomenon how you want something to change in your life, but then don't start the steps of getting to that change. It might be that there are 500 steps in between and that just seems too daunting. It might be that you don't even know what the first step is. It might be that you don't have enough self-control to do it. It might be that there are 15 areas of life that you want to change, and that seems like too much, so you don't do any of it.

For example, I want to lose weight. Which means I should eat better, and probably work out. But I don't have enough money to go to the gym. So I could walk on the treadmill at my house. But I haven't. And I should stop eating so much sweet stuff, and fast food at work - I should bring healthy foods from home. But I haven't.

I want to use my time better, so that I get more things done that need to be done, including things I WANT to do. So I should stop being on the internet so much, and stop taking random naps when I don't really need them. I should make lists of things that need to get done and put them on certain days so that I actually do them, instead of running out of clean socks or letting my oil change get 1,000 miles overdue. But I haven't. I should go to bed at a decent time every night so I get enough sleep, and that might help me not want to take naps, as well as get up easier in the mornings. But I don't. I should plan my days off better - do the things that need to be done on those days, and not waste them. I do that pretty well, but not always.

Not to mention spiritual disciplines! I do pretty well with prayer, decent with scripture but could improve, pretty good with serving and tithing, etc. And then I want to have someone mentoring me, and for me to be mentoring someone else. As well as keep up friendships, time with them, and doing things for them.

Work has been a dramatic reality TV show recently. People have been lazy, picking favorites, angry, playing the blame game on things that didn't even happen, gossiping... It's tiring. On top of having to treat every customer like a ticking time bomb, expecting them all to explode at any moment, having to be over the top nice to them because they're all angry at the world which means they get all angry at us.

And oh, the matters of the heart! How to diminish sin, how to control your anger, how to gain self-control, how to speak carefully, how to let go of what God has said no to, how to ignore a desire that is deeply burning within you every single day with no end in sight!

There are so many facets of life to juggle, so many factors that play into the grand scheme of things, and sometimes when one Christmas light goes out, the rest of them go out because they're all connected. Suddenly you're a tangled mess of burned out Christmas lights. And you're like, "I'm pretty sure everybody is a burned out, tangled mess. There's no way anybody can have their life all together."

Yes, I'm ending this post on a depressing note. Because I have to go to bible study now. Part two later.