Love

Will the people around me know that I am a Christian even when they don't see my facebook, instagram, twitter, or blog? And how will my life reflect Jesus, not just my social media?

Jesus said, "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:35) Wow. That's heavy... my love for people will prove to the world that I follow Jesus. So does it? I hope and pray so. That includes my coworkers. That includes people who hurt me deeply, over and over. How will my love look different than someone who isn't a Christian but is a loving person as well? I know that love has to be selfless. It has to be thinking of others, helping others, doing things for others that they don't want to do or that is hard. It's communicating well instead of being passive aggressive, or getting revenge (even in small ways). It's listening to someone's problems or worries, even when I'm busy.

Let me tell you how people have not received my love well and have straight up told me.... they take it as being nosy, intrusive, giving someone too much attention, creepy, awkward, too persistent. Yes, sometimes romantic love, but also just love as a friend. And in those moments I panic - maybe I should stop loving with all of my heart, or at all. Maybe I should just keep to myself, love less, and only love if the person seems receptive. I suddenly have to check with other people to see if those things people have said is true, or figure out how I am supposed to fix it. How do you love people who don't want to be loved, or who have walls up, or just flat out don't like me? Sometimes, the only thing to do, is move on. But sometimes, it just means to back off and give them space. I don't always know the right thing to do, and it's different for different people. Sometimes people say that because they've never had someone love them with the kind of love that is demonstrated in Jesus' life, they are only used to people loving them artificially or temporarily or selfishly, so when I don't do that they are defensive and confused. But if "loving too much" is one of my flaws, then I'm ok with that. Because the bible says a million times to love. God is love, and God is in me. One thing I know that God won't say to me when I get to heaven is, "Jennifer, you should have loved a little less."

There's a song that says, "Break my heart for what breaks yours..." and when I think about how much God loves, I think about how much his heart must break. When I was in Kenya, my heart was bursting for love with the people there and the kids and the orphans... and at the same time it was broken because I wanted them to have better lives, better living conditions, and adults to take care of them and love them instead of living on the streets or being raised by a teenage sibling. And my heart broke because I wanted them to know that Jesus was the way to heaven, and that there was a God who loves them no matter what circumstances they go through.

Giving is part of loving, and I have grown to love giving. I don't have much money, but I love that I can give money every month to a little girl in Kenya that gives her food and clothes and more. I want to sponsor more kids some day. I also give money to my friend Joy who is in Bosnia, starting her second year, and I love knowing that her presence there is spreading the word of God in a place that needs Him. I love giving my friends random gifts. I love giving of my time to people who need help, or watching babies while the parents can be in bible study.

I hope that my life, my love, my giving, and my words reflect Jesus more than just the average person. I hope that my life brings Him glory. I hope that somehow, my life makes people realize that God exists and that they want to have the hope, joy, and peace that I have because of Him. I hope that my life brings people to heaven, even if I never meet someone while I'm on earth that tells me that. I hope that my life is well spent, so that I will hear God say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."