Once upon a time I was walking down the road and I saw a candy store. I used to go there a long time ago, but left because clearly too much candy isn't good for you. But this particular day one of the workers' stepped out onto the sidewalk and said, "Hey! What happened - we used to see you in here all the time! Come try our new candy and the old stuff you used to like too. We even have free samples." I hesitated and said, "But I don't want to be stuck in there again." After internal debating, I finally went in. I was quickly drawn back in to the sweetness, the way it made me happy, the sugar high, the taste. But I knew I was not being healthy. I snuck out the door when the guy wasn't looking. But, he saw me. "Wait! Come back!" I gave in.
After a while though, the employee guy said, "Alright look, you've had too many free samples and it looks like you're getting sick from all this junk food. Maybe you should take a break." I agreed. Isn't that what I'd tried to do before? Confused but knowing he was right, I left. Since my house was right next door, I just went home. To go anywhere though, I had to keep passing by that candy shop. The next time I went by, he invited me back in. "We got new candy today. It's the best. You have to try it. Seriously, it's better than everything else." I gave in. Again. I mean, how can you turn down this amazing candy? I ate til I was sick this time. It was stupid. This kept on going on, me leaving or him kicking me out, but him asking me back in or me coming back. This candy store needed more than just candy for me to stick around - it needed all types of food to make it well balanced and healthy. I asked the guy, "Hey, look, I like all this candy, but are you going to have any healthy food coming in? Any fruits and vegies? I can't keep doing this." The guy got mad. "No. This is a candy store. Not a grocery store. You should leave."
I resolved to just not go back to the candy store. He not only kicked me out, but made me feel stupid for asking if there would be more than just the sweet stuff. I should have had more self-control, yes, and I should have left earlier. But the way he kept coming out to see me on the road to show me all the new and good looking food, that was so hard to turn down!
I was strong. I passed by that candy store with my head held high but my brain screaming, "Just go back in and eat less candy next time. Just go get one bite. Just a little bit." No. I kept going. Weeks later, just when I thought I was going to explode out of not eating this candy, that candy store employee dude walked right out that door when he saw me coming. "Well, I know it's been a while. But maybe this time will be better." I was relieved, confused, worried... I could do this right?
Wrong. It's like every time was worse than before. More of me eating too much candy. More of him telling me to leave. Sugar highs and sugar crashes. I finally went to my friend and said, "Listen. I can't do this anymore. I want to be healthy. I want a balanced food diet. I love this candy store and all that is in it, but it is bad for me, and I don't think they're going to carry more than just candy for me. So, I can't do this by myself. I need you to help me." With love, my friend helped me stop going to this candy store, and the candy store guy told me not to come back.
I still live next to the candy store. I still pass it all the time. I still see the good stuff in it. I still remember that it tasted good. But I also remember how sick it made me. Weeks are turning into months. I still want to go back in. It still makes me sad that it doesn't carry more than just candy. Sometimes I almost go back in and I stand at the window, yelling inside my head, "NOOOOOO. WALK AWAY." Other times I'm totally ok and shrug and say, "I don't care." Other times I say, "Ha! You suck candy store. You and your stupid candy."
Did I learn a million things through this process? Yep. Would I take it back? Nope. Do I feel like an idiot? Yes. Do I hope this candy store one day starts carrying healthy food too? Well... yeah. Do I expect it to? 50/50, split straight down the middle. My friend said she didn't think it would, but I shook my head and said no, I can't lean one way or another even when I try; for now and who knows how long I'll just be 50/50. Maybe it's because my brain and heart are 50/50? Brain: hey, you should have hightailed it out of there a heck of a lot earlier. You and that candy store employee were both stupid. You need to keep on walkin' until you find a grocery store that is fully stocked with everything. No candy stores. Heart: I still like candy! I still want it! I still want to eat healthy and hope it has healthy food so I can go return! Brain: Shut up. Heart: You shut up!!
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