Update: I am on page 107 in writing my book, which is 79,291 words. I started my book in the year 2003 of my journals, and I'm at September of 2007. Since the Word Document pages are obviously a full size sheet of paper, I'm thinking that each page will be more like two in a book format, so I guess it's like 214 pages in a book format. It's a crazy thing to be reading back through conversations, fears, hopes, excitements, jobs, and where I was in my struggles with God. It's interesting seeing where my growth has been over the years, as well as the people who helped shaped me over time. There were people I was so close to at certain times of my life like in high school, college, at Mars Hill Church, at Northwest Christian Church, and at my different jobs, and a lot of them I don't really keep in touch with. It's a sad thing to read back through the great times I had with certain people who I now haven't talked to in years or hardly ever see. It reminds me to really appreciate the people who are in my life now, because in a few years they may not be in my life anymore. I'm not saying that to make myself sad or paranoid or negative, I'm just saying that's reality. It's rare to have someone in your life for a long amount of time. I do have some of those people who I get together with two or three times a year that I've known for a long time, but it's rare.
One thing I LOVE about reading through my old journals is what I wrote about first impressions and descriptions of people. Not just in what they look like, but in what I think of them or what I know of them up front. Like, "She seems ok, but I don't think we'll be close" and then we end up super close. Or watching how people grew on me over time, where it wasn't an immediate, "Oh, we will be super good friends," but finally coming to a point where I AM really close with people and thinking, "Wait, when did this happen?"
Someone asked me about a month ago, "Why are you writing this book? Why do you want to self-publish it? For money?" I laughed and said, "No, probably not for money. I doubt I'll even make $100 on it, even if all the people I write about in my book buy it." I am writing this for many reasons. I think it's cool to read about someone's life and what they think and what they go through. If any of my friends wrote an autobiography straight from their journals, and especially if I was in it, I'd love to read it! I also know that there are so many memories that I have because I wrote them down, that other people have forgotten because they didn't. I want them to have those memories too. I want them to remember more specifics. I also think it's interesting for people to see what I've gone through and done through being a pastor's daughter, going through wanting to be an elementary teacher and then suddenly not anymore, going through so many jobs, going to Kenya twice, going to Slovakia once, and more. If anyone reads it that isn't a christian or isn't a strong christian, they will also be able to see what God has done in my life, how He has answered prayer, my thoughts and process of growing in a relationship with God, and more.
Things I am not putting in my book include stupid things other people have done that I know they wouldn't want the world to know about, other people's failures or mess ups, etc. I'm totally aware that even in changing every person's name in my book, people will know who they are in my story. Other people will know who other people are in my story. So I'm not going to write out things that people will be ticked off about that I wrote about. I'm also not writing about any of the guys I've been interested in along the way. I write about them, but not that I have any feelings for them. Sure, guess all you want, but you could be totally wrong. I will recap some awkward first dates of guys I never saw again, or in general what I'm looking for as I go along in life and how that changes, but I'm not putting in specifics about anybody.
I keep getting in spurts where I don't write my book for several weeks, and then I do write for several weeks. It's taking a long time to do this. But it's still fun, and I can't wait til the day when people can read it. And I hope that people will want to ask me questions about things or say that something changed their perspective on something, or have feedback for me. That will be cool.
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