A beautiful creation

Anyone who creates something is very aware of their flaws. If they play a musical instrument or sing, they'll know when they hit the wrong note or messed up the rhythm, when other people may not have heard it at all. If they take a picture, they'll see where the lines aren't straight or a random thing in the background looks out of place, or something isn't as in focus as they wanted. If they paint or draw, they'll see where something is proportionate or not quite the right color. If they write something, they'll see the sentences that don't make sense or the grammar that's wrong or the synonyms they could have used to make their writing more interesting.

While others may see or hear this person's creation as beautiful, the person who created it may just be too focused on the flaws. Likewise, we might have that same perception about our lives. Instead of seeing the beauty in life or the blessings God has given us, we may be too focused on our flaws or the bad things or the unfair things, and miss out on the bigger picture.

That's been me the past few weeks and I realized it as I was writing in my journal. I was writing about how I was sad that my coworkers hang out and they never ask me to hang out, and even when I try to ask them they aren't able to. I was jealous of people who got to go cool places on vacation or are moving to cool places. I was writing how I was frustrated with certain people in my life and my bad days at work and my lack of money.

On my birthday every year, it's my "life inventory" check up. Time to look back at my new year's goals and see how that's going. Time to ask myself the hard questions about my life. Time to make new goals, change bad habits, and reflect on the past 5 months. Last night I made a list of all the good and exciting things coming up from now until August. There was a lot! I made a list of all the people that I call friends, who I enjoy hanging out with or have good conversations with. There were a lot! I made a list of things I'm thankful for that weren't on those other two lists. Again, a lot! I wrote down truth that I know from reading the bible and from what God has done in my life, on how God has a purpose for me and where I am in life, how He can use me to reach others by loving them unconditionally and with choosing to love them, and more. I have been so distracted by negative things in my life that I haven't stepped back to see the bigger picture - the creation that God has made!!

I don't have to hang out with my coworkers outside of work - I have other friends that God has blessed me with! I don't have to go on cool vacations or move cool places - I might later in life, and I have before, but right now I'm in a place where I love my church, bible study, leadership, and family, and I have fun with the people in my life or jut reading books in my room. There might be a season in my life when I have kids and am home with them for a few years and not working, but right now I'm in a season where I am working and interacting with a  mission field that is just as important as going to Kenya. Where I am might only be planting seeds and not seeing much result, but somebody has to be the one to plant the seeds and start the process. Maybe while everybody is having a bad day, people will see that my response to it, as well as my response to frustrating people, is different and that is what will make them ask me why.

I will forever be making lists of things I am thankful for and things that make me happy because it is a constant reminder that He is good, and He is blessing me and I don't want to miss that. Sometimes I need the outside perspective of other people to point things out in my life, and sometimes I can do that myself or through praying. It's really hard not to feel something - to feel sad, to feel jealous, to feel mad - but when I'm reading the bible a lot, praying, and writing about good things, those negative feelings start to go away and are replaced by the good feelings.