One thing I have NOT liked about my life in the past 5 years is the constant change. It probably has to do with the fact that I've lived in the same house for 16 years, went to the same schools with the same people (and they were relatively small), and went to the same church for 12 years and still visit it. But in college I had a new set of classes / people/teachers every 6 months or more, lots of new jobs, etc. Now I'm done with college and I want a stable, long-term job and for things to just settle down in the change department!!!
My summer job has been going well. I am easily excited about things such as decorating my office, getting to have coffee or sodas whenever I want, I bought some popsicles that sit in the freezer and I can eat them whenever, I'm able to listen to Pandora or my ipod (on my iphone) while I work, I can sit crosslegged in my chair and take my shoes off, and I like the people I work with. I like checking things off the list and getting tasks done with visible progress. I like that each day is different and it varies from doing more sitting at my desk (my awesome desk with fun stuff on it), or going to the store to buy things for training, or just whatever. However, a lot of what I do is more clerical stuff. Printing, editing, formatting things on publisher, checking to see if internet links are working on the website, matching learning standards to lesson plans, etc. I wouldn't even mind staying a year here because I am comfortable, it's not super hard, and I can't find a teaching job. I can't move up to any other position without teaching however.
So my application is in with the nearby counties and now I sit in the database with probbaly over 2,000 people or more. I went to 2 christian schools today to drop off my application / resume. As it is the end of June, there are still possibilities to hire more teachers as the summer drags on, but I have NO idea if it will actually happen. I'm pretty sure it won't. People try to be optimistic and nice to me saying "Oh you'll get a job" or "don't worry, there has to be some school hiring" and stuff, but I just want people to be real. There is a chance of getting a job, but not much. I saw a Christian school today that I would LOVE to work at, but what are the chances of that?? So now I wait. I can't even be very proactive about it since the public school post their job openings online and there are none.
In other news, a group from my home church is in Kenya right now. They call me to update what's going on so I can post it on the blog / website for everyone to see. When they talk to their friends and family they e-mail me to post it. Since I've been twice I can see everything in my head and understand their explanations. This is year two of not going to a place that I think about every day, and while it's tough I also see many reasons God had me not go this year, so I'm ok with it. I plan on going next year though.
One thing I've loved about this summer job is the fact that I can leave work and be done with it. I don't have to take anything home so my nights and weekends are free! I've had a blast with my freetime! I've hung out with a LOT of friends through lunch, dinner, coffee, going to the lake, girls night watching a movie, and more. For 5 years of college I was very lonely, not having a ton of friends, and now I have friends again and it is a HUGE answer to prayer. I have also loved playing games on my iphone, reading books, and trying to write / complie a book.
I'm trying to eat better and it's HARD.
I'm struggling in the "being single" area of life and soooooo many of my friends have close girlfriends/ boyfriends, are engaged, are married, and/or are having/had kids. This past weekend two friends I grew up with in the church, my age, have been married for a few years now and just had a baby boy. I held him - he was 6 pounds -and thought, "God...I've never had a boyfriend yet...I am far from holding my own baby. I don't even want a baby yet, I just want a boyfriend. I want to be moving in that direction....I'm not trying to jump the gun, I'd just like to be progressing in that area." Sometimes I feel like it is a selfish prayer, but I am reminded that God put that desire in me and that he knew Adam needed Eve. There are so many love stories in the bible, so my wanting a husband is not a crazy one. I also feel like it is an empty prayer. I feel like I'm going to be single until I'm 35. I feel like it's just not going to happen for a long time and it's frustrating. I read recently in a book called, Emotional Purity, when the author directed this to guys, "You need to understand that when you ask a girl out for coffee, she could be planning your wedding, naming your kids, and designing your beautiful vacation home. I am not joking. This is really how women think. I have been guilty of this, and the guy had not idea how adorable our kids would be. Please note that this doesn't neccessarily mean the girl is stark-raving desperate. She is just being an emotional women, the way God created her."
Well, as the summer goes on, I am trying to stay calm in the job hunting situation and enjoy my free time. The unknown is frustrating beyond belief, but God's already there.
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