I enjoy the end of the year recaps - seeing what books I read, what songs I listened to most, what goals I reached, and what God did in my life and others. But to me, New Year's Eve is overrated.
Several years ago, I got together with friend from my bible study. We had planned out games and stuff to do, we were going to say what word we picked for the next year for our lives, and then were going to set off Japanese lanterns in a neighborhood field. WAY more people came than we had planned, so I was overwhelmed by the number of people, and nothing we had planned actually happened. Then for the lanterns, they wouldn't get off the ground, or the wind would pick it up and almost drop it again. I was afraid we were going to catch something - or someone - on fire. Especially when one went towards a bunch of trees and almost hit the top of it. The whole night was stressful to me.
For a few year before that, I had to work nights at Starbucks and didn't get off until around 9, and so by the time I'd get somewhere, games were already in the middle of happening, and the night was short before it was midnight.
But for the last several years, it's been a weird thing where people are all busy / out of town, or want to hang out with other friends and not me. So I've been at home on New Year's Eve for a few years now. And the 4th of July. And my birthday turnouts haven't been what I'd hoped for for the past few years. So when these holidays come around, I get all sad and angry. I have to remind myself that even if people are doing a bunch of things tonight, it doesn't mean they're even enjoying it. (See second paragraph.) It doesn't mean my friends don't like me. I remind myself that it's just another day of the year. I have lots of other days with friends. Yesterday I went to IHOP for lunch after church and then Starbucks, both with my friend Anna. Thursday I went to Starbucks with my friend Katlyn for like 4 hours (and also held her two week old baby). On Christmas Eve I went to Taco Bell after our Christmas Eve service with my friends the Bakers. (Hey! A holiday!) The previous Tuesday I went on a day trip with two friends.
I'm sure it will go in cycles, where I'll have years with friends and parties and things to go do on holidays, and then other years where I won't again. Some years I'll have a blast, and some years I'll be miserable and leave early.
I have to go to bed at 10:00 tonight anyways (or maybe 9:30) because I've been adjusting my sleep schedule for work, and I can't mess it up the day before I start my job. Don't know how much I'll actually sleep though because my neighborhood is ALL about the fireworks, I mean for hours. And days. It's stupid. It's 7 PM right now and they've already started and will go for the next 6 hours. Currently praying for rain. Hahahaha. It's already coming but I hope it comes faster.
So, another overrated night of the year of sitting in my room. Here's to hoping next NYE is a little different.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Friday, December 14, 2018
I have a new job!
Day 161 of not working at Starbucks.
I got a full time job! I will be an administrative assistant at a research center. I start at the beginning of January. I'm so excited, and also glad I get to do all my fun December stuff without having to cancel anything! This job is where I hope to stay for a long time, Lord willing.
"Look here, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.' How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.' Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil." - James 4:13-16
At this time last year I had no intentions of working at my church part time or quitting Starbucks. I had no plans of discipling my two friends Anna and Alice who I've discipled for almost a year now, and I didn't meet Anna until January. 2018 was a fantastic year, and I can't even imagine where I'll be in a year or what will happen in 2019, and I'm excited about it. I'm thankful because God has answered this prayer of having a job, and looking forward to what is next.
I'm sad to leave my job with my church. Some people I won't hardly see at all anymore, and others I will still see at bible study and other things I am doing. But it will obviously be a lot less. It has been the best job I've ever had.
One of my good friends recently got engaged, one graduated college, one had a baby, and two are pregnant and soon to have a baby. So a lot is going on with myself and friends!
There's a little bit of the fear of unknown that comes with all changes, but not too much. I'm excited to meet new people, have a desk and decorate it, be able to pay for things again, not have to deal with the public, still have time for church stuff, not have to work Saturdays, and actually have a job that I enjoy! It's so encouraging to also have friends who will want to hear how things are going and how I'm doing. Having good friends to cheer you on and who you know are always there for you is life changing.
Besides that great news, I've been enjoying time with friends the past few weeks, and more to come!
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Long term discipline
It's hard to do anything every single day. The only things I do every day are things I absolutely have to - brush my teeth, put my contacts in and take them out, eat food, drink water and coffee. I don't wear makeup if I am staying at home all day. I don't take a shower every single day.
Even doing something every single week is challenging. Especially if it has more than one step and/or it depends on other people too. Every Monday since February 1 I have written an email to the parents of youth at church. I first type up a draft and send it to the youth pastors the day before to add or change anything, and after they reply then I send it out every Monday night. I have not missed a single week. But I've come close and sent it out at like 2 AM before because I realized it right before going to bed.
From May to December of 2017 I lost 25 pounds. I did great at keeping it off through July of this year... but then when I quit Starbucks I wasn't on my feet for 8 hours a day, and being at home means more time around the kitchen, more time to want snacks, etc. And less motivation to exercise. As well as all of the holiday food that I love, and I don't just have a sweet tooth, all of my teeth are sweet teeth!! Eggnog, peppermint chocolate chip milkshakes from Chick-fil-a, chocolate covered cherries, Reese's, York peppermint patties.... I have gained 10 pounds back since July. So, I'm in a battle to do better. But on one hand it's annoying because I'm supposed to do well for the rest of my life? Are you serious? That's a long time to battle not eating sweets! And of course carbs like bread and pasta!
This brings me to spiritual disciplines, but not specific ones, I just mean your walk with the Lord in general. There are big chunks of time where I spend a long time with God every single day. And it's great! And then there are other times when I struggle to do it. I would say it's weird, but it's not. It's normal. It's sad, but normal. I remember many years ago, one of my friends said about another of our friends, "Man, it's like he's just drinking from a fire hydrant. He just can't get enough." Our friend couldn't get enough of studying and reading the Bible, of praying, of being involved in the church - it was so good to see. But that exact phrase and mental image has stuck with me all these years. I want to be that person who can't get enough. I don't mean that God isn't enough, I mean that I want to always be learning, growing, praying, serving, and loving. I want to always be pursuing the Lord, not in a casual way, but in a way that is gushing with Living Water.
"For He knows how weak we are; He remembers that we are only dust." - Psalms 103:14
It's easy to beat myself up when I can't be as consistent as I want to be, and I even think I'm even more consistent than a lot of people. But God remembers we are weak. He sees our hearts and our desires to do well and our desires to pursue Him, even when we fail. And He also sees our lack of desires of Him, but still how that saddens us. And we just keep going. We just keep taking one step at a time. We keep trekking this journey.
Even doing something every single week is challenging. Especially if it has more than one step and/or it depends on other people too. Every Monday since February 1 I have written an email to the parents of youth at church. I first type up a draft and send it to the youth pastors the day before to add or change anything, and after they reply then I send it out every Monday night. I have not missed a single week. But I've come close and sent it out at like 2 AM before because I realized it right before going to bed.
From May to December of 2017 I lost 25 pounds. I did great at keeping it off through July of this year... but then when I quit Starbucks I wasn't on my feet for 8 hours a day, and being at home means more time around the kitchen, more time to want snacks, etc. And less motivation to exercise. As well as all of the holiday food that I love, and I don't just have a sweet tooth, all of my teeth are sweet teeth!! Eggnog, peppermint chocolate chip milkshakes from Chick-fil-a, chocolate covered cherries, Reese's, York peppermint patties.... I have gained 10 pounds back since July. So, I'm in a battle to do better. But on one hand it's annoying because I'm supposed to do well for the rest of my life? Are you serious? That's a long time to battle not eating sweets! And of course carbs like bread and pasta!
This brings me to spiritual disciplines, but not specific ones, I just mean your walk with the Lord in general. There are big chunks of time where I spend a long time with God every single day. And it's great! And then there are other times when I struggle to do it. I would say it's weird, but it's not. It's normal. It's sad, but normal. I remember many years ago, one of my friends said about another of our friends, "Man, it's like he's just drinking from a fire hydrant. He just can't get enough." Our friend couldn't get enough of studying and reading the Bible, of praying, of being involved in the church - it was so good to see. But that exact phrase and mental image has stuck with me all these years. I want to be that person who can't get enough. I don't mean that God isn't enough, I mean that I want to always be learning, growing, praying, serving, and loving. I want to always be pursuing the Lord, not in a casual way, but in a way that is gushing with Living Water.
"For He knows how weak we are; He remembers that we are only dust." - Psalms 103:14
It's easy to beat myself up when I can't be as consistent as I want to be, and I even think I'm even more consistent than a lot of people. But God remembers we are weak. He sees our hearts and our desires to do well and our desires to pursue Him, even when we fail. And He also sees our lack of desires of Him, but still how that saddens us. And we just keep going. We just keep taking one step at a time. We keep trekking this journey.
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