Time

At church on Sunday, our pastor, Brad, said that every January as a church we do a fast for three weeks. He challenges us to do something food related (such as sugar, caffeine, or a specific plan), and something that wastes our time. He also suggested reading as much as the new testament as you could instead of playing games on your phone or wasting time elsewhere, and really seeking God. He said it would start next Monday. I thought, "Oh this sounds great! I'll start tomorrow!" Which was yesterday. I did not start yesterday. Except for in my prayers. I decided to pray what my heart really feels / desires / wants over the next four weeks, without stopping to say, "I would like to have this job, but if you don't want me to, then your will be done. I hope that you can heal so-and-so, but if you don't want to then that's ok." I pray a lot of "your will be done because I don't really know what to pray for" or when I do pray for what I want, God says no.

Today I had the day off from work to get some things done, and I was excited about how much I got done early on in the day. I also got three new Christian non-fiction books which I'm so excited about. So I got home, ready to pray, read the bible, and read these new books. But I got on the internet forever. I ate dinner. I was on the internet forever some more. I fell asleep at 10:30 PM and slept for 30 minutes (which is surprisingly short for me). I've had NO motivation to do any of those things. It's really frustrating. I wasn't even that tired until I sat down to do it.

THIS is part of my spiritual battle. Only part of it, but still, not something to be ignored. Not watching one show on Netflix, but two or three. Not checking Facebook for 15 minutes, but for two hours. Not taking a 30 minute nap, but a 4 hour nap. And I can feel the pull even moreso when I'm amped up about spending more time with God. It's like suddenly everything else has more allure and at the end of the day I think, "What just happened? I had a good amount of time to spend time with God and still do some other things, but I didn't."

I think that the more I am ready to let God use me, and ready to listen to God, the more satan tries to pull me away. Sometimes in major ways, sometimes in minor ways.

"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." - Hebrews 12:1-2