We need constant reminding

Last year for student teaching, I had my own little desk. I put stuff on this desk to make it mine. Then I had my own little office last summer for a summer internship I had, and also put stuff on this even bigger desk. But when that job finished, I stuck it all in a box, and that box has sat in my room for the past year.

I have all this stuff from student teaching as well... supplies and lesson plans and just stuff. It's sat in a bag and a box in my room since last year, because there has been no where to put it. Our basement is full - I do have a giant box of kid books I'd bought over the 5 years in college when I went to yard sales and book fairs. Beside it sit tall chairs that I had at a breakfast bar at the house I rented for 2 years a few years ago. Oh yeah - and all the stuff I had for a house - dishes, kitchen stuff, etc. The rest is packed in my room which leaves me little room to walk.

Tonight I moved the boxes and bags of what has been sitting in my room into my brother's closet. He's in college. I put some winter clothes in there too. About 30 minutes after I did this, around 1 AM, the entire shelf came off the wall, so the clothes and stuff on top of the shelf came down on top of my bags and boxes into this giant mess. It woke my parents and my dad came running out of their room. As we opened the closet doors, some of the stuff came tumbling out onto the floor.

Well that about sums up my thoughts on that part of my life! Ha! I want to keep it. I want to hope that I will use it again some day. I have a whole shelf on my bookshelf with books on how to be a good teacher, and stuff that I would use to teach. I have a filing cabinet with everything I used during student teaching and college and things other teachers gave me. All in nice files, ready to go. Not being used. But all of it... as mess. All of it pushed behind closed doors that I say I will fix later, because I can't do anything about it right now. People ask me if I would move away to teach - not unless someone went with me, no. I can't just move out into the middle of nowhere by myself, I'm not that kind of person. My friends that did move away to get teaching jobs are married.

Tonight at bible study after we have small groups we break up into girls and guys to pray. We talked about our time in waiting for the "next thing" in life. For those in college they were waiting for a career / job. For those in jobs they didn't like, they wait for better jobs. For those who are single, they wait for a husband. For those who are married, they wait for the right time to have kids. For those who are broke, they wait for more money. We all acknowledged that we are anxiously awaiting something.

At the same time, we talked about verses in the bible that say how a person who is married has as divided heart, but one who is single can put all of their energy towards God and serving Him. (1 Corinthians 7) One girl who is married said she wished she had more of that mindset while she was single, and that it's true - being married, she wants to spend time with her husband and be sure the house is clean when he gets home and stuff... and always has to keep in check that God is coming first.

With God being first in every circumstance and stage in life, there comes a peace in knowing that He is orchastrating everything in His timing.

Now, being human, we need constant reminder.

Last week I had a day where small things in their timing made me remember that God's timing is perfect down to the milisecond. You know those random things you're like, "Ha! Well that is just funny God." One day I was pulling into the dollar store and a lady I knew from several years ago and her two kids were crossing in front of me to go to their car. I didn't stop or roll down my window because of the other cars. Then like an hour later I went to Wal-mart, and the same thing happened - as I was pulling in they were leaving and crossing in front of me! When I parked I was near them and went to say hello. That same day, I was in a store and saw a woman I recognized from a previous job, and remembered her name too, but didn't know her that well so I decided not to say anything. She didn't see me. A few minutes later I was on facebook on my phone and saw that one of my friends had just then become friends with that same woman I was standing near!! Of all times for them to become friends on facebook... just happened to be when I was standing near her.

Two weeks ago I saw two women come into Starbucks, and I knew I recognized them from my home church, but didn't know their names or anything. They ordered and didn't say, "I know you" so I didn't say anything. But then I decided to after they sat down. One lady said, "Oh! Yes I know, you're Bryant's daughter! I just ran into your mom at the grocery store yesterday and was asking if you still baby-sit..." My parents and I haven't seen them in years! So for us both to see them was funny.

I've also been in the middle of a busy shift at Starbucks and I just happened to glance out the front window and see a friend's car go by that I know (and I know it was them by their bumper stickers), more than once! In that random split second I look out the window, their car drives by! I mean really! How random but funny!

I've had times where I've been praying and praying about someone, and suddenly they walk into Starbucks while I'm working or I run into them somewhere! It literally surprises me. "Oh hey, I was just praying for you. And now here you are."

I recently prayed for something specific and had to step back and say, "If God says no, will I be ok?" and I had to write about it because I needed to remind myself that it would be ok because His choice is absolutely, positively, the best. I know I'm like a child asking for bubble gum for dinner sometimes, and God knows I need a real meal that is better.

Me

Wrote this a year ago...
I read something that someone wrote that was describing them, and it was just interesting to me. So I wanted to do something similar.

You know those overachievers who people talk bad about, because it’s obnoxious or because it makes everybody else look bad? Well sometimes I am one of those people. I over-aim, try my best, and seek perfection. However, I am not a perfectionist. I don’t care if I cut a piece of paper and the lines aren’t straight, or if I don’t fold a piece of paper in half to the exact line. My room is messy, but I know where everything is. I have too much stuff. I have more clothes than will fit in my drawers and hang in my normal sized closet. I have more books than fit on my bookshelves, so they end up piling on the floor and I lay some books horizontally on top of the books already on the shelf.

I’m a sentimental person, so I keep letters people give me (unless it’s like a generic birthday card) and have kept them since I was 9. So I have shoeboxes full of letters from tons of different people. I have things all over my room from other people that remind me of people: a seashell, a tiny figurine, a build-a-bear, a small plastic piano, gel pens that no longer work, a prom picture from 2006, and necklaces from Kenya that hang on my wall.

I like to plan ahead, but it rarely happens the way I plan it. I have big goals and dreams and always have. I’ve felt like I’ve always been anxious to grow up. I always wanted to move out of the house, travel, be a teacher, be a wife, be a mom… I have lists of things I want to do in life. I like lists. I like checking things off lists too if it is that type of list. I’m early most of the time, unless it is early in the morning. I’m a night owl. I’m on the computer too much. I like helping people with computer stuff though when they're confused about something. I’m bad at goodbyes and try not to be. I’m even worse at letting people go.

Ironically, in all my rush to grow up, I plan on spending my life working with kids. I enjoy doing “kid” things – coloring, swinging, watching kid movies, playing video games, and am easily amused by many things. I’ve been told I notice things that most people don’t, whether it be something interesting in stores, on the ceiling, in movies, etc. I like bright colors, but I also like black and white designs on clothes, purses, my laptop cover, etc.

I think I am the absolute mix of a follower and a leader. I’m great at both (in my opinion). Sometimes I really like to “follow,” copy someone else, not be in control. But in other ways I like being the leader. It really depends. I also think I’m right in the middle of being an introvert vs. extrovert, but slightly more introverted. I’m quieter to begin with or if you don’t know me well, but if I’m around people I already know then I’m not like that. I’ve learned the hard lesson (many times) that you don’t choose who you fall in love with, and you can’t just decide not to like someone anymore, no matter how much time passes or how far away you live. I hardly ever watch TV. I hate scary movies/horror movies – I will not watch them.

I want to go on a cruise some day. I want to go back to Islands of Adventure and Disney World. I also want to visit other countries some day. I’ve watched as the negative traits about me when I was a child develop over the years, but the root problem is the same. I always want to look like I have it all together. I don’t like to cry in front of other people. I love hugs. Although I think it’d be nice to get Lasik done so I didn’t have to wear contacts or glasses, it scares me! So I don’t know if I’ll ever actually do it. I remember names and faces like you would not believe!

I often wish that my everyday life was lived more for God. I feel like weeks go by where I’m too busy, too distracted, and too tired to serve God or be a witness, and sometimes it’s frustrating. I love to sing. I got “most talented” for a senior superlative 5 years ago. Sometimes I have huge discipline and self-control in certain areas, and then pretty much none in other areas. I kind of go to 2 churches. Plus another (third) church's bible study (I go to two). :-) Long story. My trips to Kenya are something I literally think about almost every day, and sometimes have to remind myself not to talk about it all the time to everybody else.

Missing things

There are some things in life that just flip some switch in my brain that makes me miss the past.

There are people in my life that I sometimes think about and miss and ache for. But even if we tried to be friends now, it wouldn't work. Thanks to facebook I can "keep in touch" with a lot of people from my past, but some don't have facebook. I remember before facebook, myspace, and xanga, we would write real e-mails. E-mails about your life. And before that (and during that time), we wrote letters, even when we saw each other every day.

I miss my middle and high school years in youth group where everybody else's parents were also your own, we spent every holiday and free day off of school together, and went on trips that gave you that emotional high on God. I miss my high school girl friends, sitting in the chorus room before school every morning, going to prom together, and sharing lockers even when we weren't supposed to. I miss my high school teachers who cared as much as they taught, and when I found the teachers who were Christians I looked to them for wisdom and guidance.

And oh, those times in Kenya. The kids who could hardly speak english still managed to ask why I had "spots" on me (freckles), and ran their hands through my hair in confusion because they either shaved their heads to keep clean or had corse hair. The pure joy on their face when we handed them a backpack with simple school and home items can't be described in words or pictures. The videos I took do some justice. Their eagerness to sing to us and give us warm soda and hold our hands stick in my mind. And of course the adults we worked with over there were so welcoming and warm.

I miss baby-sitting kids who are too old to be baby-sat now, and some who have moved away. I miss sleepovers, because even when you were tired you still laid in bed and talked to each other for another 30 minutes about the most important stuff of the whole night simply because the darkness seems to seem safer when the conversations are more important. I miss long conversations at Starbucks, church offices, fast food restaurants, and other random places with people who changed my perspective on life. I miss my extended family in Washington state with their lifestyle so different than mine but still in a beautiful way.

The funny thing is... sometimes I can realize what I will miss some day about what I'm living through right now. Thursday night bible studies, certain friends, Slovakia, and more. It's hard sometimes to fully take in what is good in your life at the moment without taking it for granted. But... I try.

Bringing Him glory no matter what life brings

Down the bumpy dirt road, past the trees and rocks, and behind a bobwire fence with a large metal gate is an orphanage made of cement bricks and red windows. On all sides of the property is tall corn stalks. There is a home made chicken coop and rabit cage. There are outdoor bathrooms with tile around the hole in the ground and four walls surrounding it with an open window in the back of it, but there are also two toilets inside with bright green doors and brown and white tiles on the floor. Inside this little orphanage lives two women they call Mamma and Aunt Pauline, and 17 kids. The baby has grown from 1 years old to 6 years old. There are multiple bunk beds in a room with bookshelves as dressers, and one huge table in the middle of the home where they all eat their food.

All of the kids walk 2 miles to school and back every day, coming home for lunch as well. The mamma and the aunt wash tons of clothes, cook three meals a day for 19 mouths, and change lots of bed sheets. There is electricity, but not always. There's a stove and running water. The water comes from a tank that catches the rain water on the side of their house. No rain, no water.

The mamma and aunt are strong women with lots of love. The kids all smile and laugh and run around with hugs for everyone. They take care of each other. They sing together. They praise the Lord together, because they have been rescued from the streets or from starvation or from abuse, and some even from death. Praise God for this home that will raise them to know the Lord.

Isn't it weird to think that there are people living in such a different way than us that we can't really fathom it? Not just different cultures, but having people die from the lack of basic needs? And yet God is there. He is evident.

I will never forget saying to a man in Kenya with all honesty and sincerity, "It makes us sad to see you all living in this condition. You don't have much and you struggle to get the basic of things. I wish I could help everybody here." He said to me, "We also feel sad for you because you have too much. You are constantly distracted with things like your cell phone and media and the tv and things to do. You have too much money to spend on food that makes you fat. You don't need to rely on the Lord because you think you have enough." Wow. What a totally different perspective! What truth! Some people in Kenya were so willing to cling to a God who can save them, whereas here there is so much "good" that they don't think God would save them, but make their life worse.

Knowing this is one thing. Living it out is another. On the trip to the beach a guy asked what we would grab if we could only grab three things if our house was on fire. I hated that question and didn't want to answer it. To think of all my books, clothes, electronics, and memories (journals, pictures, letters) all gone is a terrible thing. Does that make me "the rich" that the bible talks about? Maybe I don't hold on too tightly to posessions though... what about my time? I work, and then during my free time I read, watch tv, go places with friends, and do stuff on my computer. I serve some and mentor someone, but is it enough? Or am I wasting time making myself happy? Have I seen hungry people and fed them? Have I visited the sick? Have I reached out to those in need? Because that's Jesus that is sick and hungry and in need. He said so.

Do I bring Him glory in everything I do?

I hope so. And I hope that in my future I will bring Him even more glory with my marriage, with my career, with my kids, and with my retirement. But it doesn't start at any of those points, it is ongoing.

And why does God deserve all the glory, besides the fact that He made everything? We were made to worship. Everybody. Some people worship and idolize celebrities, entertainment, sports, electronics, other people, ourselves, etc. So instead of the glory going to something imperfect, it should go to the only thing that is perfect. God's the rock and all else is sinking sand.