Job, summer, being single, Kenya

One thing I have NOT liked about my life in the past 5 years is the constant change. It probably has to do with the fact that I've lived in the same house for 16 years, went to the same schools with the same people (and they were relatively small), and went to the same church for 12 years and still visit it. But in college I had a new set of classes / people/teachers every 6 months or more, lots of new jobs, etc. Now I'm done with college and I want a stable, long-term job and for things to just settle down in the change department!!!

My summer job has been going well. I am easily excited about things such as decorating my office, getting to have coffee or sodas whenever I want, I bought some popsicles that sit in the freezer and I can eat them whenever, I'm able to listen to Pandora or my ipod (on my iphone) while I work, I can sit crosslegged in my chair and take my shoes off, and I like the people I work with. I like checking things off the list and getting tasks done with visible progress. I like that each day is different and it varies from doing more sitting at my desk (my awesome desk with fun stuff on it), or going to the store to buy things for training, or just whatever. However, a lot of what I do is more clerical stuff. Printing, editing, formatting things on publisher, checking to see if internet links are working on the website, matching learning standards to lesson plans, etc. I wouldn't even mind staying a year here because I am comfortable, it's not super hard, and I can't find a teaching job. I can't move up to any other position without teaching however.

So my application is in with the nearby counties and now I sit in the database with probbaly over 2,000 people or more. I went to 2 christian schools today to drop off my application / resume. As it is the end of June, there are still possibilities to hire more teachers as the summer drags on,  but I have NO idea if it will actually happen. I'm pretty sure it won't. People try to be optimistic and nice to me saying "Oh you'll get a job" or "don't worry, there has to be some school hiring" and stuff, but I just want people to be real. There is a chance of getting a job, but not much. I saw a Christian school today that I would LOVE to work at, but what are the chances of that?? So now I wait. I can't even be very proactive about it since the public school post their job openings online and there are none.

In other news, a group from my home church is in Kenya right now. They call me to update what's going on so I can post it on the blog / website for everyone to see. When they talk to their friends and family they e-mail me to post it. Since I've been twice I can see everything in my head and understand their explanations. This is year two of not going to a place that I think about every day, and while it's tough I also see many reasons God had me not go this year, so I'm ok with it. I plan on going next year though.

One thing I've loved about this summer job is the fact that I can leave work and be done with it. I don't have to take anything home so my nights and weekends are free! I've had a blast with my freetime! I've hung out with a LOT of friends through lunch, dinner, coffee, going to the lake, girls night watching a movie, and more. For 5 years of college I was very lonely, not having a ton of friends, and now I have friends again and it is a HUGE answer to prayer. I have also loved playing games on my iphone, reading books, and trying to write / complie a book.

I'm trying to eat better and it's HARD.

I'm struggling in the "being single" area of life and soooooo many of my friends have close girlfriends/ boyfriends, are engaged, are married, and/or are having/had kids. This past weekend two friends I grew up with in the church, my age, have been married for a few years now and just had a baby boy. I held him - he was 6 pounds -and thought, "God...I've never had a boyfriend yet...I am far from holding my own baby. I don't even want a baby yet, I just want a boyfriend. I want to be moving in that direction....I'm not trying to jump the gun, I'd just like to be progressing in that area." Sometimes I feel like it is a selfish prayer, but I am reminded that God put that desire in me and that he knew Adam needed Eve. There are so many love stories in the bible, so my wanting a husband is not a crazy one. I also feel like it is an empty prayer. I feel like I'm going to be single until I'm 35. I feel like it's just not going to happen for a long time and it's frustrating. I read recently in a book called, Emotional Purity, when the author directed this to guys, "You need to understand that when you ask a girl out for coffee, she could be planning your wedding, naming your kids, and designing your beautiful vacation home. I am not joking. This is really how women think. I have been guilty of this, and the guy had not idea how adorable our kids would be. Please note that this doesn't neccessarily mean the girl is stark-raving desperate. She is just being an emotional women, the way God created her."

Well, as the summer goes on, I am trying to stay calm in the job hunting situation and enjoy my free time. The unknown is frustrating beyond belief, but God's already there.

Work and such

I dislike coffee in general.... the taste of it I mean. There's a Kruieg (sp?) at my work - a machine where you put in a different flavor cup, push a button, and it pours out one cup of coffee of your flavor. But they all taste the same to me! For real! I've tried with with sugar, cream, half and half, whatever, and it's all just gross. The best I can do is pouring a hot chocoalte mix into it. At Starbucks I always get a peppermint mocha - hot or iced - and it tastes way better. Not much coffee in it though so it probably doesn't give me as much energy. Speaking of energy, Mountain Dew does pretty well on those days where I'm sitting at my desk at 4:30 and my eyes can barely stay open. But, as all doctors say, don't drink caffine because it mesess with your sleep. My sleep has ALWAYS been messed up, caffine or no caffine, so I say well then heck, I'm drinking caffine!

With my job I now work 9-5 generally, with some weeks being 7:45 - 5:30 when we train people. I get an hour for lunch except during training weeks. Sometimes I take the whole hour, go somewhere out to eat, and read a book the rest of the time which is fantabulous. Other times I eat and then go back to work since I'm hourly right now. Anyways, before I always had breaks to look forward to like Spring Break, summer, Christmas break, etc. but with this, a real job, there's no break. It's weird. It's like loooking down a long hallway and not seeing the end of it. But, in contrast to a teaching position, I have nights and weekends to do as I please instead of lesson plans and grading papers, so that is where the free time goes. BUT (again, yes) some days I get home and I'm just flat out tired and take a two to three hour nap. Then I'm mad because I wasted my free time. Sigh.

I like my iPhone 4, it's pretty great.

I wanted to go to the beach this summer from a Thursday through a Sun but nobody can go with me which I'm pretty bumbed about. Other people are getting to go to the beach but had already had plans. I haven't been in 5 years! Sometimes it's frustrating because I see people going fun places and traveling and I've been to Kenya but that's about it. I've been on some youth trips as well, but as far as going fun places on vacation or with friends, it hasn't happened. Everybody is busy or short on money or whatever. It's frustrating.

I got an office at my work! Got a desk with drawers that lock, a bulletin board with pictures, a white erase board for things I need to get done, and some paintings on the wall. Hopefully my bookshelf will come in soon. It's pretty exciting to have my own office! I like to sit at my desk although I don't get to much beause I'm up making copies, setting thigns up for training, at the store to get things for them, etc.  But I might be more when we don't have training weeks. Although next week we have a lot of big meetings as a staff / corporate and have to get everything ready for back to school in August.