When I was in elementary school, I had a best friend named Sara Volkodav. She was my BEST BEST friend, the kind you think will last forever. From 2nd grade to 5th grade we were inseperable. Always partners, always sitting together, writing notes and drawing pictures for each other, going to each other's birthday parties, sleepovers, playing video games and laughing so hard we cried, and watching Brady Bunch at 2 AM right before going to sleep. I didn't even care if I had any other friends, she was the only friend I wanted. Middle school changed that though.
Middle school, for most people including myself, was the worst time in my life so far. But it shaped me. It made me part of who I am today. However I never want to go through something like that again. Sara became more popular and we quickly grew apart. We hardly spoke in high school, and now we don't keep in touch. I wish we could, but something happened. I don't even know what it was. We didn't have a fight, it just ended, and she doesn't want to keep in touch. I wish we could though. Anyways, in middle school I had glasses, frizzy hair, I was a dork, and incredibly shy and awkward. And oh yeah - really insecure. People made fun of me (as all middle schoolers get made fun of, sigh), I had NO friends in school, and I was the one that when the teacher said, "Everybody get with a partner" I was the one without one and the one the last person got stuck with.
Fortunantly, my 6th grade year I met Kelly Newton at church. She was a year older than me, and we quickly became friends. She saved me from going absolutly insane. We became best friends, and it was hard when she went on to high school while I was still in middle school because I suddenly felt a little lost in youth group even though the youth pastor did a great job of trying to do middle and high school stuff together. There was also Garet - one of the youth leaders - who had a HUGE impact on my life. She saw me when nobody else paid attention to me, she talked to me and encouraged me, and probably put up with a bunch of my rediculous middle school quirks. :-) Because of her I knew I wanted to help in youth groups some day. And she also taught me to look for people who need a friend.
In 9th grade I was still REALLY shy, hated high school, and managed my way into youth group with a lousy attitude. At the beginning of 10th grade though, I said, "You know what? I'm tired of this. I want to have friends. I want to talk more. So I'll just pretend and fake that I am that kind of person." So I forced myself to talk to people and my goodness it was hard! I would write down things to say to prompt me. It quickly grew on me, and I made the most amazing friends I could have ever prayed for. Amanda, Ashley, Kayla, Kesley, Kaley, Katelyn. For 3 years in high school we were really close. Kesley moved into my neighborhood as well as went to my church and sang with me on the praise team, so I enjoyed sitting with her at the bus stop, and getting off in the afternoons despite the stupid bus rides. I knew that no matter what happened during the day, I would be able to talk to Kesley if I wanted to and that made things ok. We all sat in the chorus room together in the mornings, we all had classes together, and by golly we were smart, talented and pretty! We were in honors classes, I got most talented for senior suppurlative with a close run with Kaley, Kaley and I both made All-state chorus and sang in competitions in a trio, Katelyn won homecoming queen our senior year. Most of us went to prom together, Kesley went to Kenya with me, and I enjoyed those three years of high school so much because of those amazing girls. I had some great teachers as well that really made me enjoy high school despite the hard work.
During high school, it was easy to be comfortable in my group of friends. But because of my awful middle school experience and the few people who paid attention to me, including some of my teachers, I strove to notice those people who had no friends, who were new, who were shy. I tried so hard to go out of my way and include them or at least say hello to them.
And now, college. My life has taken the up and down pattern thus far, and so I am in the down part now. Maybe it's because I went to the 3rd biggest college in Georgia and every semester I have new people in my classes. Maybe it's because life is busier now. I don't really know. But I haven't had many real friends in college. Kelly Newton and I were friends in high school but grew apart, but now she goes to another college about 2 hours away and we keep in touch more than I do with any of my high school friends. We don't get to see each other that often because of our schedules and distance and paying for gas, but I am beyond thankful to know that we can be honest with each other and will be there for each other. I wish though that I had friends here, to hang out with on the weekends, to talk to several times a week. For the past 4 years I haven't had that, and it's really hard. I don't just want somebody to call to hang out with, I want somebody to want to hang out with ME. To call me when they're excited about something or worried about something. And left and right people are getting boyfriends, fiances, husbands, and those people are their WORLD. They come first. Which, I get it, I'll probably be that way, but helloooo please make time for some other people!
It's so weird going from 3 years of having really close friends, and then to having 4-5 years of no friends. I'm hoping that when I become a teacher, I will be friends with the other teachers I work with over a longer period of time if we all stick around. Anyways, I really struggle with not having really close friends, and I'm hoping this drought of good friends will only last one more year. And maybe in another 10 years this will just be another part of my story, another part of what changed me. However, I'm in it now and it's not cool!
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