This is the least I've written on here all year in 10 years. Not because a lot hasn't been going on. So here are some of my random, end of the year thoughts.
Next week I'll have been at my *new* job for a year! For the first few months I just wasn't sure about it... I couldn't say it was bad but I couldn't say I liked it. I don't know when it switched but I like it. I am deeply grateful for it. Even at the end of a long and busy week, I am thankful for the people I work with, the flexible schedule, the ability to still do planning meetings with my church each week, decorating my office, and more. I have this whole week off for Christmas - yet another blessing!
A close friend of mine, Alice, and her husband of almost 5 months, are moving to Slovakia in a few weeks. It's the last bible study, last church service, last Christmas with her here. And it's not quite sunk in yet. And so I thought, at least she knows when it's the last for her. I mean, we don't get that chance a lot. I don't know if this will be my last Christmas being single. (Lord I hope so.) I don't know if this will be the last Christmas in my parents house. I don't know if this will be my last New Year's Eve without plans. I don't know who else will be moving. I don't know who else will leave the church. We only get a few chances to know if it's the last of things.
I didn't get to travel any this year. Which hurts my traveling heart. BUT I hope in 2020 to go visit friends other places since I can't get my friends here to travel with me. I have temporary plans and places in mind.
I have read 40 books this year, and am currently reading 3. (One fiction, one Christian non-fiction about prayer by Spurgeon, and one is a big devotional book.) I don't watch many movies because when I don't like them I feel like I wasted so much time. I have taken a lot of pictures this year! Which has been so different than before, because I used to have more time to edit pictures. Now it takes me about a week to get it done since I can't edit most week nights. I am thankful for the opportunities to take pictures. I have been careful with my time this year, and tried my best not to burn out. I haven't been very careful with my love though, and have been hurt and frustrated more than I wanted to be.
Overall 2019 has been a great year.
Monday, December 23, 2019
Saturday, July 13, 2019
Slow down
Recently I was in downtown Atlanta helping out at a conference for work. I went on an elevator to the 6th floor with a friend, and she got a phone call as we stepped out of the elevator, so we stopped in the lobby there for her to talk. The lobby was a tiny room with big windows on one side, overlooking the sky scrapers of Atlanta, and on the opposite side were glass doors that were closed.
I'm not sure how long my friend was on the phone, maybe 15 minutes, but I began to notice every detail about the tiny lobby, and all of the things out the window. I took pictures out the window with different perspectives. I read all the signs in the lobby, ones that people probably walked by all of the time and had never read. I wondered why there was braille on one that was an emergency sign, because in an emergency how would a blind person know where to feel for the sign? I read a sign with a word I didn't know on it and googled it to see what it meant. "Egress" means exit. Why couldn't they just have said exit? I opened the drawers to a little side table that was there - there was nothing in it. I noticed how hot it felt in the lobby and wondered if the air flow wasn't good there. I watched the people come in and out of the elevators, wondering if they wondered why we were there or who we were.
If we had just walked past this space, none of those thoughts would have occurred. But when I was forced to stop and stay in this tiny space, I did all of those things. We rush through so much of life and don't stop to think sometimes. Sometimes you can even ask a person to close their eyes and ask them what they are wearing right then and they don't even know. We don't stop to wonder, to ponder, to question, to notice, to observe, to appreciate... at top speed, we hurtle through the spaces that don't look impressive, these seasons of life that are painful, and past these people that we just don't have time or emotion for. I hope you stop. I hope you pause and take notice. I hope you literally sit down, look around you, think without being on your phone, talk to people without an ending time, and engage.
I know your excuses. I've heard them. And some of them are mine too. I still think it's so important to slow down sometimes. (Or often!) You might have no idea what you are missing. You might not notice it until it's gone, or something is damaged.
Saturday, April 20, 2019
The tiny things that are the big things
I have an adapter that allows me to play Spotify in the car now that allows me to listen to good music and podcasts on my hour drive to and from work.
My office is like a hotel room you go back to and that is your space - it's not like a home, but like a place that is still temporarily yours. I like to see the pictures up, have snacks in my drawer, and have peppermint mocha creamer in my bright blue mini-fridge.
There are times when I go say hello to others in their offices, or say hello as we warm up our lunches in the kitchen. There are days I go to lunch or coffee with someone from work during the middle of the day.
The compliments at work that seem to mean the most are that I'm very helpful and that I'm very fast. Of course I want to do a good job at whatever I do, but I felt like at Starbucks I just never was that good at it. I could never be amazing at it even when I tried. With this, I can be amazing.
I have the sweetest of friends (outside of work) who make my days good. Even if we're just standing in the lobby for 10 minutes talking about our lives, it is good. All the hugs and all of the quality time.
I left a bible study 3 years ago that I thought I'd never go back to, and have been back at it for a year now. It's a blessing to have more time there, even though the people are all 99% different than what was 3 years ago.
My office is like a hotel room you go back to and that is your space - it's not like a home, but like a place that is still temporarily yours. I like to see the pictures up, have snacks in my drawer, and have peppermint mocha creamer in my bright blue mini-fridge.
There are times when I go say hello to others in their offices, or say hello as we warm up our lunches in the kitchen. There are days I go to lunch or coffee with someone from work during the middle of the day.
The compliments at work that seem to mean the most are that I'm very helpful and that I'm very fast. Of course I want to do a good job at whatever I do, but I felt like at Starbucks I just never was that good at it. I could never be amazing at it even when I tried. With this, I can be amazing.
I have the sweetest of friends (outside of work) who make my days good. Even if we're just standing in the lobby for 10 minutes talking about our lives, it is good. All the hugs and all of the quality time.
I left a bible study 3 years ago that I thought I'd never go back to, and have been back at it for a year now. It's a blessing to have more time there, even though the people are all 99% different than what was 3 years ago.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
My God is working through the night
A doughnut without the yeast
A video game without a controller
A wrestling match with no referee
A book with chapters torn out
Incomplete.
Like paper cuts so small but painful
Like memories that flash before your eyes
Like the desire to hug someone who isn’t there
Like the phone that never rings
Missing.
You left in the middle of the movie and never came back
You threw away a present before you finished opening it
You invested in years of piano lessons and then lit the
piano on fire
You planted a garden and then left it to rot
Discarded.
Silence.
Anger.
But peace from the Lord.
Anguish.
But hope for the future.
Confusion.
But forgiveness.
Exhaustion.
But when I am weak, He is strong.
Impatient.
But trusting that God is a Promise Keeper.
In the middle of the night,
Wars were won (Judges 7:19-22)
Thousands crossed the Red Sea (Exodus 14:20-27)
Jacob wrestled with the Lord (Genesis 32:22-24)
The prayers of Paul and Silas brought earthquakes to free
them from jail (Acts 16:25-34)
And so I know my God is working through my night!
Friday, January 25, 2019
No perfect thing except the Lord
When the Israelites entered the Promised Land, the first thing they did was have to march around the walls of Jericho for days to knock it down. It's too bad they couldn't have setup camp and celebrated first. No, they went straight into battle, and continued for a long time to claim this land they finally arrived in.
On top of that, nothing in this life is perfect. No person, no job, no place, no circumstance. Duly noted. And actually it's a GOOD thing that none of those things are perfect because then we would be tempted to put our peace and trust in that instead of God. Even still we let the good things become idols sometimes, or distract us or use them to try to satisfy us. So even if something was pretty close to perfect, that would be a bad thing because we might rely too heavily upon it. The only perfect thing is God.
"He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." - Ecclesiastes 3:11. So of course we have this desire for things to always be good, and for something to be as close to perfect as possible. There's always this moment of disappointment that comes when something bad/sad/hard happens in a good thing because you were hoping it just wouldn't happen. Or that maybe your expectations were just too high. Other times it's the enemy trying to bring you down and not appreciate what God did for you, or not allow your joy to infiltrate those around you. Even if the circumstances are good, satan tries to attack at your peace, filling you with fear or anxiety over things that are hypothetical or temporary or meaningless. Or sometimes they actually are important things, but you have to stand your ground and allow God to be what drives your heart and emotions and nothing else.
I have only listened to a few podcast in the car because sometimes I just want to listen to music, sometimes I've stopped podcasts halfway through because I don't like them, etc. But one I listened to this week that I really liked talked about how Jesus got in the boat with the disciples knowing in advance that it was going to storm and that He was going to stop the storm. And then, the second time around, Jesus sent them on in the storm alone, and He walked on water to them. But both times He knew that there would be a storm. It seems like the second time the disciples would have been better at it right? But no, they weren't. There are so many times when God has calmed my storms, and yet when the next one comes up I panic again.
Or when I'm on a metaphorical boat, knowing the destination but it's nowhere in sight, and God's even the one DRIVING the boat... I'm that kid saying, "Are we there yet? Why can't I see the land? Why have we stopped to fish - really? Ew, worms - I don't like this, can you just do it and not me?Can't we just keep going? Can we just GET THERE ALREADY??" "Jesus responded, 'Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!'" (Matthew 8:26) I don't have little faith that He knows where we're going, but moreso on the timing of it. The impatience. The fear of what's between now and then. The years that go by. But I will continue to attack the doubts and fears and lies with the Sword of the Truth. I will continue to combat the impatience and anxiety with continually writing down what I'm thankful for, how He has answered my prayer before, and how He will answer them for my whole life. I will continue to throw off the old self and put on the new.
On top of that, nothing in this life is perfect. No person, no job, no place, no circumstance. Duly noted. And actually it's a GOOD thing that none of those things are perfect because then we would be tempted to put our peace and trust in that instead of God. Even still we let the good things become idols sometimes, or distract us or use them to try to satisfy us. So even if something was pretty close to perfect, that would be a bad thing because we might rely too heavily upon it. The only perfect thing is God.
"He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." - Ecclesiastes 3:11. So of course we have this desire for things to always be good, and for something to be as close to perfect as possible. There's always this moment of disappointment that comes when something bad/sad/hard happens in a good thing because you were hoping it just wouldn't happen. Or that maybe your expectations were just too high. Other times it's the enemy trying to bring you down and not appreciate what God did for you, or not allow your joy to infiltrate those around you. Even if the circumstances are good, satan tries to attack at your peace, filling you with fear or anxiety over things that are hypothetical or temporary or meaningless. Or sometimes they actually are important things, but you have to stand your ground and allow God to be what drives your heart and emotions and nothing else.
I have only listened to a few podcast in the car because sometimes I just want to listen to music, sometimes I've stopped podcasts halfway through because I don't like them, etc. But one I listened to this week that I really liked talked about how Jesus got in the boat with the disciples knowing in advance that it was going to storm and that He was going to stop the storm. And then, the second time around, Jesus sent them on in the storm alone, and He walked on water to them. But both times He knew that there would be a storm. It seems like the second time the disciples would have been better at it right? But no, they weren't. There are so many times when God has calmed my storms, and yet when the next one comes up I panic again.
Or when I'm on a metaphorical boat, knowing the destination but it's nowhere in sight, and God's even the one DRIVING the boat... I'm that kid saying, "Are we there yet? Why can't I see the land? Why have we stopped to fish - really? Ew, worms - I don't like this, can you just do it and not me?Can't we just keep going? Can we just GET THERE ALREADY??" "Jesus responded, 'Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!'" (Matthew 8:26) I don't have little faith that He knows where we're going, but moreso on the timing of it. The impatience. The fear of what's between now and then. The years that go by. But I will continue to attack the doubts and fears and lies with the Sword of the Truth. I will continue to combat the impatience and anxiety with continually writing down what I'm thankful for, how He has answered my prayer before, and how He will answer them for my whole life. I will continue to throw off the old self and put on the new.
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
First week
One week is under my belt at my new job! I have already met some really nice people, but have also met a TON of people and not a lot of time to talk to them. That's ok. It's literally only been a week. I started making my office look awesome and it makes me so happy. My bright blue mini-fridge is coming in Friday and I can't wait to put it in my office! I also look forward to being able to do my job without being trained / having to watch other people do it. I know every job comes with a learning curve, I just enjoy when that learning curve is over. :-) But don't we all. Most of the time it's SO quiet, and you can hear everything. It's weird, but nice. I like not having to work with the public.
Yesterday I went to lunch with other admins, and it was good to talk to some of them, and Friday I'm going to a coffee shop with one of them for lunch because I know we will be friends.
I like my french press to make coffee, having two giant computer screens, the water bottle filler in the hallways, the decorations I've brought in, being able to eat lunch and snacks when I want, being able to go to the bathroom as much as I need to without feeling guilty like at Starbucks, the flexible times to come in and to leave as long as I meet 40 hours in a week, and my cool mouse pad and wrist pad that are both beach themed and gel. I look forward to the first paycheck because man, it's time.
I can't say it's been easy to leave my church job still. I miss what I did, and I miss the people. It's a homesick feeling, like they're far away and I have moved. I know that I will eventually get used to it, but currently it's sad.
I think (knock on wood) I will have more emotional and mental capacity to focus on church, serving, ministry, etc. with this job more than I did with Starbucks. With Starbucks, I was so stressed and frustrated all of the time. I'm pretty sure this job will be different.
I'm going to bed around 10 PM, getting up around 5:45 AM, leaving the house around 6:40 AM, and getting to work around 7:45 AM. It's been a HUGE change from going to bed at 2:30-3 AM and getting up at noon for the past 6 months. My inner night owl is protesting against my new sleep schedule!!
Overall, so good so far, and I am very VERY thankful for this answered prayer.
Yesterday I went to lunch with other admins, and it was good to talk to some of them, and Friday I'm going to a coffee shop with one of them for lunch because I know we will be friends.
I like my french press to make coffee, having two giant computer screens, the water bottle filler in the hallways, the decorations I've brought in, being able to eat lunch and snacks when I want, being able to go to the bathroom as much as I need to without feeling guilty like at Starbucks, the flexible times to come in and to leave as long as I meet 40 hours in a week, and my cool mouse pad and wrist pad that are both beach themed and gel. I look forward to the first paycheck because man, it's time.
I can't say it's been easy to leave my church job still. I miss what I did, and I miss the people. It's a homesick feeling, like they're far away and I have moved. I know that I will eventually get used to it, but currently it's sad.
I think (knock on wood) I will have more emotional and mental capacity to focus on church, serving, ministry, etc. with this job more than I did with Starbucks. With Starbucks, I was so stressed and frustrated all of the time. I'm pretty sure this job will be different.
I'm going to bed around 10 PM, getting up around 5:45 AM, leaving the house around 6:40 AM, and getting to work around 7:45 AM. It's been a HUGE change from going to bed at 2:30-3 AM and getting up at noon for the past 6 months. My inner night owl is protesting against my new sleep schedule!!
Overall, so good so far, and I am very VERY thankful for this answered prayer.
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