Words

Words I still remember that hurt a lot:

- "You only got that solo because you're the pastor's daughter." -middle school church choir
- "You're a cry baby." - middle school
- "You're a goody-goody." - middle and high school
- "Since everybody else has a partner I guess I have to be partners with you." - 8th grade
- "We're not best friends. We used to be, but we're not anymore. I thought you knew that." - high school
- "You have a butt part. When your hair is parted down the middle it's a butt part and it looks weird." -high school

After high school....
- "I didn't miss you while I was gone."
- "We aren't going to be friends anymore. Don't speak to me."
- "I know someone invited you to go to the movies with us, but I'm uninviting you because I think it'd be best if we weren't around each other."
- "You're just holier than thou."
- "I think it's fine if we joke about sex while we're at work... we're all adults here. Except for Jennifer."
- "I don't know why you're telling me that story. I don't really care."
- "I don't like you as more than a friend."
- "You could stand to lose some weight, especially in your stomach."
- "You're close-minded."



Words I still remember that were nice:

- "You don't speak a lot, but when you do, you project really well." - one of my 7th grade teachers
- "You sing amazing! I love your voice." - a bunch of people over time
- "You are my best friend and I can tell you anything." - middle school
- "You write really well." - a bunch of people over time
- "You're the only freshman that I like." - a senior in high school
- "You're the only person we've let baby-sit our daughter because we trust you." - high school

After high school....
- "You were the first person who was nice to me and made me feel accepted here."
- "You take great pictures!"
- "You handled that very maturely."
- "I look up to you."
- "You are beautiful."
- "I love you."
- "You were one of my favorite students."
- "I want to be friends with you again. I want to be close friends with you again."
- "You have a great work ethic and determination."
- "You have a way of seeing beauty in things that others don't."
- "I like talking to you. Stay."
- "You have such a great heart."
- "You're younger than me and have more discipline than me in reading the bible. I look up to you even though I'm older than you! And that encourages me to read it more! "
- "Thank you for not being passive aggressive and just talking about something that is bothering you with someone."
- "You have a good way of describing the way you feel and expressing that."
- "Remember when I was mad at you for something that you thought you were doing that was best for me a few years ago? You were right. And I'm so glad you did that, even when I was mad at you at the time."
- "Look what you went through before and look where you are now. You have come so far and I know that you can make it through this too."

Coincidences? Or not?

This post has been a long time coming. So here we go.

A lot of Christians (or most?) say that there are no such things as coincidences. I have asked God to open my eyes to the small things that he does in life, or even, "Where should I go eat lunch today so that I run into someone you want me to see and talk to?" Time and time again, He has brought me places to see people I needed to see or that they needed to see me. I remember the most distinct one was I had just gotten my free coffee at my Starbucks, and on the way home, as I passed by another Starbucks, I had this sudden huge urge to get another one. Why? I would have to pay for this second cup of coffee after I just finished my free one. But it was this urgency. Go. When I got there, there was a girl I hadn't seen in months and had no way to contact, who I had prayed for recently and didn't know how to reach out to her. Other times I have specifically prayed to see someone, and there they were! I don't usually say, "Woah, I just prayed about you, that I would see you, and here you are!!!" But sometimes I do.

Sometimes, I pray NOT to see someone. And then I see them anyways. Or all the time, in places I would not have normally seen them. And I think, why? Is it for a purpose, or is it not? Am I supposed to be learning something here? Or is the other person supposed to be learning something and I am just part of the process?

I have had situations where, although small, I thought God had made things happen for a specific reason, and then it turned out not to be what I thought it would be. And I was mad, wondering why God would let all those small things roll into a million things, misguiding me. I'm sure there are ways to make something out of nothing... and look into things and choose what you think it should mean.

There are times in life when I stomp my foot and say, "There ARE coincidences!! Sometimes when we think it's God, it's just not. It's just life happening."

But I haven't fully made up my mind yet.

Prayers

I have a friend who went to India at the beginning of April. One story he told me from his trip was about a girl who was about seven years old. The mission team that went to India worked with an orphanage and when they asked the kids what they were thankful for, one girl said she was thankful that God protected her on her journey to that home. It was a simple thing to be thankful for on the outside... but later my friend learned the real story, and the depth of that thankfulness.

This girl's mother was a prostitute and had aids, so the pimp wanted to take her daughter. She said no, and they said they would either kill her or take her. She left with her daughter and her baby boy in the middle of the night and stared walking along the road. Since she was weak, the girl had to carry her brother a lot. They were barefoot, walking along the road for a HUGE distance - I forget how long - but weeks I think. At any moment the pimp could have pulled up in a car and gotten them, or they simply could not have survived. But they made it. That little girl prayed that God would protect them from death and evil and He did.

We pray to that same God, yet our prayers are often so much more shallow - asking for less traffic and more green lights so we aren't late, asking for a good day, that we get rid of our headaches or sinus problems, and that have patience with difficult people around us.

While I don't think that these are BAD things to pray for and nothing is too small to pray for, I think we overlook the big things unless there are bad things we're praying for to change. Or maybe we still don't pray for it then, because we don't believe He will change anything. Maybe you've prayed for something for ten years and still God has done nothing, so you stopped praying for it. Maybe you prayed big and God said no. And when we hear that "nothing is impossible for God," it sounds distant, as if it could happen occasionally, in someone else's life, but not ours. We fall into dull routines of daily monotony while there is an underlying ache and pain of this unanswered prayer or this unfulfilled desire. You try to rejoice with others who are receiving what you've been praying for, but sometimes it brings tears anyways.

I'm praying for two things right now that are so important to me, that I have no control over, that only God can do something with. And I'm afraid He's just going to say no again. I don't feel like telling any of my friends what those two things are, because I'm tired of telling them how God said no, and I feel embarrassed somehow, that I would ask God for something so important to me. It doesn't make much sense, but it's how I feel. There are so many scriptures about being persistent in prayer, being bold in prayer, and many other qualities that I'm just lacking because I'm worn out. Maybe everybody has these things in life, so close to their heart that they just can't share it with anyone, and God is the only they tell because it sounds too ridiculous to tell anyone else.

I'm sure we've all prayed for some big things. I know I have! And sometimes He has said yes and done amazing things.

Life. Crazy right?