We are too satisfied with mud when God is trying to offer us an ocean.

For Good Friday I went to a bible study for 6 hours through simulcast at someone's house. David Platt was the speaker - he wrote the book "Radical." The bible study we went through was the one he has done with people in underground churches around the world and with the persecuted church. The whole night required  alot of focus because we were filling in blanks on notes, but it was so good.

One of the things he said was that when we think our ways are better than God's, that is sinning. That is not trusting God.

In my life there have been things I thought were best for me. A certain college I wanted to go to. Different jobs I really wanted. Certain guys I wanted to date. People I wanted to keep in touch with. And yet time and time again God shows me that I just can't have everything I want. Another thing David Platt said was that we are often so content to play in the mud and it satisifies us, when God is offering us an ocean of water. We are too easily satifisfied. We reject the ocean because we are so focused on what we think we want, and it's really mud.

In times when I have no control over what I get, God takes over. He had me go to another college than the one I wanted. He gave me some jobs I wanted and some I didn't. He has taken away lots of guys I liked. He has taken away lots of people who I wanted to keep in touch with. He's told me no when I want to go to Kenya more often. But perhaps it's because all those things which I thought were so good was actually mud. Maybe that college I wanted to go to wasn't as great as I thought. Maybe God put me in the jobs I had so that I could meet the people I did. Maybe He has saved me from lots of broken hearts and carrying around baggage from relationships that wouldn't work out. Maybe I don't go to Kenya more often because He wants to use me here to serve Him. God saying no to one thing cold mean He says yes to something so much better.

Several years ago when I prayed for something specific, I imagined I was standing at a counter as if to buy something, holding a beautiful vase and telling God,"I want this one." "I'll let you know when it's time." "Ok, but will it be this one?" "I'll give you one that is the best for you." I hesitated in my thoughts. I thought, "I don't want the best one, I want THIS one." Because in my mind that WAS the best one! But over time God has shown me that wasn't the best one. He said no.

Who am I to know what is best for me! It's like a child asking for a peice of gum for desert now, as you're baking this amazing cake that isn't ready yet, and you tell the child the cake will be so much better than a piece of gum. But the child pitches a fit because she thinks gum is the best. Sometimes we snatch the gum and run. But sometimes God doesn't let us do that. He makes us hold out until He gives us something much better.

In times of frustrating waiting, in times of confusion, in times of thinking I know what is best for me, in times I think what I want is for the best....those are times to trust God with all that I have. Tears may come and I may stumble and fall, but it's not a time to sit around and mope because I didn't get my way. There may even be times when what's "best" for me STINKS in my mind because it's something that actually brings HIM glory or makes a big impact on someone else in the advancement of the kingdom.

Got a new job!

I have a new job! I got the job last Wednesday but it was "official" today. I start May 10! I am an "Education Intern" at Primrose Schools on the educational team who creates curriculum, asessments, games, trains teachers, and working with technology. I will be helping out whoever needs it. I am VERY excited about the job and can't wait to start! It will be my first full time job. I had baby-siting jobs during the summer that was full time (over full time really....) but sometimes I had summer classes to take along with that, and it only lasted 2 months or so. If I don't have a teaching job in August this could be a job I stay at!

The semester is coming to a close!

Spring break was good! I got together with many friends who I am SOOOOOO thankful for. I slept too much (and by too much I mean 10-14 hours a night). I went to a friend's wedding shower, took a walk around my neighborhood and took pictures of pretty flowers (mostly tulips), baby-sat, watched some DVD shows of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," had game night at bible study, went to a surprise birthday party for my friend who turned 30 at a tea house where we dressed up and had a bunch of little food I didn't know what it was, update my drivers licence, and wrote lesson plans for this week. However, MUCH is to be done this week! Job hunting for the summer and fall, finishing up a major paper to turn in to my college for student teaching along with uploading a whole bunch of stuff on an online portfoilo, and more.

Why is it so hard for me to go to bed at a decent time? I mean really. I know I need more sleep but I just do other things and don't want to go to bed!

Allergies are KILLING me! About to be 2 weeks of stuffy / runny nose and now 4 days of a bad cough.

My student teaching is coming to a close soon. I have 3 and a half more weeks! Soon I will observe a whole day in each grade, just to get a feel for different classes and grades. I will of course be taking lots of notes because all classes have things to take away from them. I'm having a graduation party soon and that should be fun!

I have lots of other stuff going on....personal stuff though. Lots of struggles, emotions, etc.

My list of things to do this summer has begun and it's looking good. :-)