When I was younger, I struggled with the concept of wanting to be - or at least appearing to be - perfect. I was a preacher's daughter, under close inspection. I was a baby-sitter, I helped with the student ministry, I wanted to become a teacher... I didn't want to be fired from jobs, didn't want shame to be brought to my family, didn't want people to talk bad about me or look down upon me.
My "perfect" lifestyle was broken by a series of events that I eventually told my close friends. They loved me, prayed with me, and walked me through stuff multiple times. There I was, broken, and still loved. Not that I felt free to sin more, but I felt free to be honest more. As it should be in the church.
I'm in a job where it's obvious when someone makes a mistake -no point in hiding it - through emails that are forwarded quickly, math that is shown to be incorrect when multiple people review it, or if I forgot something then it is brought to my attention. I've learned to apologize when I made the mistake, but literally everybody makes them, so most of the time we all have grace for each other, and I don't feel like a terrible person for making those mistakes. So when someone else replies all to 300 people, I just shrug and move on with my life, because there's a chance I might reply all one day too. You know?
But there are the few people in life who are still trying to live their perfect image and reach perfection, and if you have anything to do with them, they critique you and are mad that you aren't perfect too. How DARE you mess up. How DARE you have typos. How DARE you do something that might offend one person (but probably not). You might as well do nothing and let them do everything. And the fear creeps in in even the smallest of things. Will this person be mad again? Will this person tell me I messed up again? Will this person get mad that I put 6:00 instead of 7:00? Will this person only see my flaws and nothing else? Will I have to sit through another lecture or another rant? The younger me who fought to be perfect shows up again saying yes, you have to be perfect, see? If you aren't, serious consequences are coming. It's not even about impressing people or wanting them to like me, it's about avoiding their anger and scolding and disappointment and judgement. And as much as it sounds like you just shouldn't have anything to do with people like that, life just doesn't work that easily. Those are people you can't avoid. It's just a matter of how you respond. I would say it's not likely that they will change, but I changed. But, I just don't think I'm the one to change some people. I won't be heard or understood. Some people take constructive criticism really well, and some just don't at all.
Seemingly reaching perfection is boasting about yourself and your abilities. You want people's focus to be on how great you are, not how great God is. Yes, you want to do all things to the best of your ability because we are to work as if we are working for God and not for man. But when it looks like you have no flaws, those with flaws don't want to come near you with theirs. When you are honest and show your imperfection, it allows others to come near and say, "Me too. I thought I was the only one." Again, it's not the allowance for laziness or carelessness or purposefully sinning. It's the ability to give yourself grace instead of beating yourself up and having low self-esteem. It's the ability to give others grace instead of being angry that they aren't meeting your standard. It's the freedom to go about your life without the fear of everyone being angry at you.
