How long?

Let me tell you my vague and crazy story.

In January 2017 I began to pray for God to answer. Not answer a prayer the way I wanted it, but an answer to what HE wanted. I wanted to know a clear yes or no. That would determine my prayers and my actions - to walk left if God said no, and walk right if he said yes type of thing. Go big or go home. By the end of May 2017, He had told me yes 34 times. It was then I believed Him. But my circumstances didn't reflect it.

I continued to pray - not for more yes answers, but for specific things I needed to do in obedience, for encouragement, and for His promise to come to fulfillment. By January of 2018, I was more sure than ever that I had heard God and seen amazing things, with His answers and whispers to me being more complex than the beginning, weaving in a lot more details to make things a lot more beautiful. My circumstances still didn't reflect it.

Last week was number 50 of what God has spoken to me about it. I have typed them all up, taken pictures of things if they went along with it, and they are my rocks of remembrance to look back upon when I start to question God because of the time that has passed and the unchanged circumstances. I am so thankful for His continuing persistence with me, His continual voice, and His peace that keeps me steady. But I can't even describe how much I wish it was time for the promise to actually happen. For some reason it's just not ready. God's not going to give me a cake when it's not done, or a peach that isn't ripe yet, or a book with pages missing. I get that it's still in progress. But I wish He would hurry up and finish it. :-)

Truths: I know that His timing is perfect and detailed, I know that He is working when I cannot see it, I know that He has spoken, I know that He doesn't break His promises, I know that I have been so persistent in my prayers, and I know it all depends on God to bring this about and not me. These are the things I hold onto when satan asks me, "Did He really say that?" just like he asked Eve. Those truths, plus scripture to back it up, are what become my sword of truth against my fears and doubts.

If you type in, "how long," into the bible app, there are endless amounts of that question!