Wrestling

Two years ago, I picked a "word for the year" because it was something we were doing in bible study. I picked extravagant love and yes it's two words - because I wanted to love more than just normal love. I wanted to go over and above. Last January I decided not to do the word of the year thing. And a few weeks ago someone asked if there was a word that summed up my year and I realized yes... God had picked a word for me. Extravagant love had been about me and other people. But this year God picked the word "wrestle" for me, and it was all about me and God. 

This included fasting, praying more than I ever have, listening more than I ever have, really looking at the scriptures I didn't understand or see to be true in my life and figuring out what they meant, and more. It meant continually coming back to God and saying, "I know this is the 365th day this year that I've brought this to you, but here I am again!" 

I started off the year reading about Jacob wrestling with the Lord. And not surprisingly, it was in just about every book I read this year, lots of articles, lots of podcasts, etc. And every time I read about it or heard about it again, I learned something new or saw things differently or saw it reflected in my own life. 

Most recently I had the realization that God is a persistent God. More than a child, more than a stubborn person, more than me... And I'm so thankful for that. He has been persistent in showing me this story all year, and in many other ways in life. 

Also recently, in the Beth Moore bible study, "The Quest" she said that the word wrestle is only one letter off in Hebrew from the word embrace. Only one letter is added to the beginning. That's fascinating to me! 

I've realized that Jacob was alone when he wrestled with God, and that a lot of "God-moments" in the bible happened when the person was alone. 

There was a day when I prayed, "God, can I just rest in the waiting? It says you've come to bring rest and that your burden is light so..." I immediately heard back, "No. You've been 'resting' for years. There is a difference between resting and not being bold in prayer, active in listening, and active in obedience." And I remembered the well-quoted verse, "Hold still for the the Lord will fight for you," and how it's followed up with God saying, "Why are you still crying out to me? Get moving!" but nobody talks about that part. The Israelites could not have sat down at the edge of the Red Sea and waited - they needed to part the waters and go through it.